Giving Credit Where It's Due

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” ~ Joshua 1:8 (NKJV)

The man who decides what he wants to achieve
And works till his dreams all come true
The man who will alter his course when he must
And bravely begin something new

The man who’s determined to make his world better
Who’s willing to learn and to lead
The man who keeps trying and doing his best
Is the man who knows how to succeed.

~ Hallmark card Keen received for his graduation

For the past several weeks the primary focus of my column has been the hurricane and the impact it had on our son’s family. My sister Connie predicted that I would make a four-part series out of it – and she was pretty close to being right. She also commented on how I never seem to have any shortage of material for my column as the day-to-day events of our life provide more than enough!

This week I’d like to shift my focus to a more joyful event that happened while we were “weathering the storm.” On September 1st, when Keen and Kirk were still down in Texas, I received a call from one of Keen’s law school colleagues who wanted to let us know that the results of the bar exam had been released. She also wanted to report the good news that she had passed.

After I hung up the phone, my stomach started doing flip-flops, my hands started shaking and my knees started knocking. So I called Keen on his cell phone and spoke slowly and clearly so he could understand me. “The bar results are out,” I said. “What?” he asked. I repeated: “The bar results are out.” Well, I guess my voice sounded so serious that he thought the news was bad. Dejected, he asked, “Did I fail?” “Oh, no, honey!” I quickly replied. “I have no idea. I’m just calling to tell you that the results were released. We need that yellow card to look it up on the internet.” One problem. Keen couldn’t remember what he did with the all-important yellow card which contained his all-important confidential examinee number. Now I was really getting nervous.

“W-h-a-a-a-a-t do you mean you don’t know where the yellow card is?” I asked, my voice quivering. After wracking his brain for several minutes, Keen asked if by chance I had saved any mementos from his bar exam. (He knows I’m a sentimental packrat when it comes to things like that.) Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head and I remembered that I had saved the papers he brought home from the test!

After locating the yellow card with his exam number, I set out to look up the information on the web page. With shaky fingers, I typed in www.kscourts.org, scrolled down to “Attorney Admissions,” and clicked on “July 2005 Results.” Then I frantically scrolled through the list of 338 numbers in search of number 161 – hoping beyond hope that I would see the word “Pass” and not “Fail.”

All of this happened while Keen was waiting anxiously on the other end of the phone. I was petrified to look, but I knew we didn’t have any other choice. It was kind of like getting ready to take your first parachute jump out of an airplane; you’ve worked hard and prepared well to get to this point, but there is still great trepidation about whether or not everything will go as planned.

Finally, I located the 150’s. 156, 157, 158 . . . and there it was! 161 – PASS! I immediately broke down crying and announced the good news to Keen, who promptly went into shock and handed the phone to our oldest son, Jared. Jared didn’t know why his dad handed him the phone, and I didn’t realize he had handed Jared the phone, so when I heard a new voice on the other end of the line, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. “Who is this?” I asked through sobs of joy. “It’s me, Jared. Mom, are you all right?” “Yes, please put your father back on the line!” It was the moment Keen and I had waited so long for and I wanted to savor every second with him – even if it was over the phone long distance!

Of course, Keen was absolutely exhilarated. “We did it, honey! You, me, God, the kids – everybody. We did it!” We’ve been pinching ourselves ever since and it still hasn’t completely sunk in that he passed. I told Keen that I don’t think I cried that hard when the kids were born. He replied, “That’s because you weren’t pregnant for seven years!”

Back when Keen was hauling trash for a living, he prayed this simple prayer: “Lord, if You want me to be a trash man for the rest of my life, then I’ll accept that. But if possible, and if it’s Your will, I pray that one day I can make money using my mind instead of my back.”

Keen and I give thanks and glory to God that on September 30th, when he is sworn in, that prayer from so long ago will finally be answered.

“For consider your call, brethren; not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth; but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong, God chose what is low and despised in the world . . . so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus . . . therefore, as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts, boast of the Lord.’” ~ I Corinthians 1:26-31 (RSV)

One time when I was having a conversation with my father, I made the comment, “Praise the Lord,” and my dad responded, “Praise the Lord? Praise that hardworking husband of yours!” Yes, it’s true that Keen has worked very hard to achieve his goal, and I am so very proud of him for that. But without God’s help, guidance, wisdom and provision, none of this would have been possible. As the Bible says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13) That’s why it’s very important to us that we “give credit where it’s due.”

In addition, although we have made many financial sacrifices to make Keen’s dream a reality, God has been faithful to provide for our every need. Like the Israelites who wandered in the desert for forty years, we have “lacked nothing.” (Nehemiah 9:21) And now that we are trusting God to bless Keen’s law practice, we want to give Him the glory in advance for any financial success we may enjoy in the future, for we remain ever mindful of the fact that “every good and perfect gift is from Above.” (James 1:7)

“Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments . . . lest when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; then you say in your heart, 'My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.'And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth.” ~ Deuteronomy 8:11-13;17,18


Keen & Eileen outside of Washburn University School of Law on graduation day


Keen's diploma from Washburn University School of Law

In Search of the Silver Lining

“As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.”

~ Psalms 55:16,17 (KJV)

Several years ago, Keen and I appeared on a television show in Hollywood called “Judge for Yourself.” (The topic was abstinence.) During the taping of the show, we had the privilege of meeting an extremely talented Christian singing artist by the name of Steve Gooden. Steve gave us a compact disc of his original songs titled “From the Heart” – and these past couple of weeks I’ve been listening to one particular song over and over. It’s about finding a silver lining behind the clouds when everything around you seems to be falling apart. Here are some of the words to the song:

All the people say,
Soon the rain will go away.
So know within your heart,
There’s gonna be a brighter day.
Because the sun will surely shine –
So find your silver lining.

During times of crisis, it isn’t always easy to find the silver lining. But because of our faith in God, we believe that all things will work together for good. (Romans 8:28)

Shortly after we learned that Jared and Erin had lost everything in the hurricane (and no, they didn’t have insurance), I flipped open my Bible in search of inspiration and my eyes fell on the following verse from Job 42:10:

"And the Lord turned the captivity of Job and restored his fortunes. . . also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before."

That is my prayer for Jared and Erin – that they will end up better off than they were before – not worse off.

“And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” ~ Matthew 7:25 (KJV)

Friends and family have been a great source of encouragement to Jared and Erin during this difficult time. Erin’s parents got the ball rolling by donating a cash amount, followed by Keen and I who gave the same amount (our first income from Keen’s law practice), and Josh and Lisa, who matched the same amount without even knowing how much anyone else had given.

Keen’s parents and siblings have been a Godsend by opening their hearts and homes as well as offering to donate all the necessary household items whenever Jared and Erin are able to relocate to a new apartment. Several of my siblings have also shared monetarily, as well as sending special gifts for Asher and Gabe, who just celebrated their birthdays. (Gabe turned 3 last Saturday the 17th, and Asher turned 6 on Wednesday the 21st.) On Sunday, Keen’s Aunt Helen also dropped off two blankets that she made for the boys.

I found the perfect plaque titled “Our Family” at a store in the Manhattan Mall called The Front Porch. I bought one for Keen’s folks and another for Jared and Erin.

Our Family is a circle of strength and love.
With every birth and every union the circle grows.
Every joy shared adds more love.
Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.
~ Author Unknown

Other encouragement has come from words of wisdom and comfort shared. One example is a letter I received from my high school friend, Scott, who recalled a lesson he learned from our former Bible study youth group leader in Singapore, Keith Lindaman:

“Keith used to say that our life on earth was temporary, like going camping and living in a tent. He said none of us would think about spending money to upgrade a tent with air conditioning, carpet, etc., and that we should have the same attitude toward this earthly life. We shouldn't wear ourselves out trying to build up THIS life as if it is eternal because we can lose everything . . . in the blink of an eye. Instead, we must concentrate on things above and know that THAT is where our hearts are and where our TRUE LIFE is. While Jared and Erin are surely heartbroken, and will face a lot of economic stress as a result of this storm, the memory of accumulation and loss of ‘things’ will fade over time. And when we begin our REAL lives, in heaven, we'll see that what went before truly was nothing to be concerned about.”

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” ~ Matthew 6:19-21 (NKJV)

Here is another thoughtful note I received from one of my new Circle of Friends in Seattle, Caroline:

“Eileen, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. There are so many mysteries in life--to include Mother Nature and why she would take one path and not another. I have to remind myself that in the midst of mortal, earthly chaos (which can take many forms), that there is a Design that I don't have to understand. I just have to let go and trust in God. Not always easy, but life is such that we all get lots of practice! Oh, my, the Mysteries . . .”

“For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” ~ I Corinthians 13:12,13

Support has also graciously been offered from total strangers. I have shared Jared and Erin’s story with countless store clerks, simply because it has been such a huge event in our lives and I feel the need to talk about it. I can’t tell you how many of them have expressed heartfelt compassion with tear-filled eyes.

In one case I struck up a conversation with a couple in Wal-Mart and they ended up offering Erin and the boys some meat from a hog they butchered. Their last name is Stutzman and she teaches at St. John’s Lutheran School in Alma. Her husband said, “I’m serious. I don’t make idle offers. Just call ahead before you come and we’ll load them up with some of the biggest pork chops you’ve ever seen.”

Another total stranger from Cox Cable in Manhattan offered to donate some clothes for Erin. She said that her 22-year old daughter (who happens to be Erin’s size), just moved to New York and left behind lots of clothes. So we have all felt incredibly blessed by the enormous outpouring of love and support.

I’d like to close with this short story from the book titled Heart Throbs: The Old Scrapbook by Joe Mitchell Chapple:

Gratitude to God
By Orville Dewey

Notwithstanding all that I have suffered, notwithstanding all the pain and weariness and anxiety and sorrow that necessarily enter into life, and the inward errings that are worse than all, I would end my record with a devout thanksgiving to the great Author of my being. For more and more am I unwilling to make my gratitude to Him what is commonly called ‘a thanksgiving for mercies,’ – for any benefits or blessings that are peculiar to myself, or my friends, or indeed to any man. Instead of this, I would have it to be gratitude for all that belongs to my life and being, – for joy and sorrow, for health and sickness, for success and disappointment, for virtue and for temptation, for life and death; because I believe that all is meant for good.

“We are hedged in (pressed) on every side – troubled and oppressed in every way; but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair;We are (persecuted and hard-driven,) pursued, but not deserted – to stand alone; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed . . .

Therefore we do not become discouraged – utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear. Though our outer man is (progressively) decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being (progressively) renewed day after day . . .Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.”

~ II Corinthians 4:8,9,16,18 (AMP)


Umbehr Family Reunion after Katrina (Back row - Keen, Eileen, Erin, Jared & Gabe on Jared's shoulders. Front row - Josh, Lisa, Asher, Keen II and Kirk Van)


Family Picture with Keen II's girlfriend, Emily. (Notice Josh is caught in the act of trying to give Asher bunny ears!)


Welcome Home! (Asher, Erin, Gabe & Jared)


Masked Party-goers at Chuck E. Cheese - where a kid (and adults) can be a kid! (Keen II, Emily, Asher, Gabe, Erin & Kirk)


Erin, Asher & Gabe with Asher's "Dragon Ball-Z cake"


Twins? (five years apart) Jared & Keen II


Mom with all four of her boys (Left to right - Kirk, 16; Keen II, 21; Eileen; Jared, 26; Josh, 24)

Fallen Heroes

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” ~ John 15:13 (KJV)

“A hero is a man who does what he can.” ~ Roman Rollard

Today is September 11th, 2005, the anniversary of another horrific event in American history; a time to reflect on all the fallen heroes who have given their lives to save another.

Therefore, this week I’d like to share a column from my fellow writer and friend, Tom Parker. Tom and his wife Lori live in Blue Rapids, Kansas, where they own and operate the Blue Rapids Mercantile. Tom also writes a weekly column titled “The Way Home,” which is published in the Washington County News in Washington, Kansas. A collection of Tom’s better columns will soon be published in a book titled “Dispatches from Kansas.”

On August 18, 2005, Tom’s cousin, Officer Richard (Ricky) Smith, a 25-year veteran of the Albuquerque Police Department, was shot and killed in the line of duty. According to the Officer Down Memorial Page web site (www.odmp.org), Ricky and his partner, Officer Michael King (a 22-year veteran of the department), were shot and killed while attempting to take a man into custody for a mental health evaluation.

When the officers located the man near an intersection, they were ambushed in his front yard and immediately fired upon. They were unaware that the patient had already killed three other innocent people. Officer King was shot first. Ricky was behind him and was able to draw and fire one round before calling for assistance and succumbing to his wounds.

The suspect fled the scene on a motorcycle, but was located approximately two hours later and taken into custody. He has been charged with murdering Officer Smith and Officer King. He was also charged with two murders that had been committed earlier in the evening at a local motorcycle store, as well as the murder of a New Mexico Department of Transportation worker which had occurred that morning.

Tom Parker wrote two columns in honor of his cousin’s memory. In the first article he shared about the many condolences that were pouring in from around the nation. Justin Marquis of the Sutherlin, Oregon Police Department, left this message on the Officer Down web page: “Rest now, brother, after a job well done. We’ll take it from here.”

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to the friends, families and colleagues of Officers Richard Smith and Michael King.

Now, with Tom Parker’s kind permission, I would like to share the text of his second column:

Go with me, my good angels, to my end;
And, as the long divorce of steel falls on me,
Make of your prayers one sweet sacrifice,
And lift my soul to heaven.

– Shakespeare, Henry VIII

If there is any immortality to be had on this earth it is through the selfless sacrifice of a life lost in the service of others. Twenty-five years to the day that he joined the Albuquerque Police Department, Officer Richard Smith’s bullet-riddled body was laid to rest. His perdurable legacy is this: over two thousand people crowding the church, a police procession stretching for eight long miles under a cloudless New Mexican sky, and hundreds of common citizens lining the roadways for this, his last watch.

The immediate family rode in five gleaming white limousines, but in a sense every man, woman and child there were part of the family. For the police there was the camaraderie of brothers in arms, the thin blue line which had been sundered in a muzzle flash and just as quickly reformed and solidified and strengthened by indomitable will and courage. For the family there was a deep hole that seemed bottomless and yet was already filling with remembrances and memories and the consoling realization that he was our own and he was the best and that his presence would forever be part of us, stronger than bone, deeper than blood, closer than the soul. For the strangers beside the road he was a symbol crafted of flesh and blood and his blood had been spilled to keep them safe, and their presence was an act of thanksgiving and respect.

Around the time the motorcade cleared Tijeras Canyon and began its descent into the city, I stood bewildered in a field wet with rain. Dark storm clouds rolled off to the east, dragging rain and lightning in their wake like an unruly and tempestuous child. Overhead the sky was roiling, light and dark clouds seething and writhing and shredding apart to reveal tattered shades of blue. Not for the first time I wondered if I had done my cousin a disservice by remaining in Kansas, if the distance separating me from my family and the cordon of uniformed men and women somehow lessened my placement in their ranks.

Nor did my surroundings diminish the sensation of disjointedness. Even as I imagined the city unfolding before the convoy, I watched four white-spotted fawns bound away in pursuit of their mothers. No sound of traffic nor any other thing than the low rumble of the grain elevator and the song of a cardinal and my own shallow breathing. Rather than vehicles and a violent cityscape and the incessant wail of sirens, I presided over nodding goldenrod and brome gone to seed and rainpools shining silver in the morning light.

I had wandered all night through empty streets and alleys, past churches whose doors were barred and nailed shut, down broad greenbelts that faced backyards devoid of any life other than a solitary majestic elk, but what I sought was unknowable and unfound. By dawn I was exhausted, and woke and went to work as always and returned as thunder faded and light grew ascendant, and I kissed my wife as she left for work and then wandered into the field to ask the day for answers. And none were forthcoming.

The literal translation of bewilder is “to lose in pathless places, to confound for want of a plain road.” Such was my state of mind as I thought of my family accompanying Ricky to his end, and me here alone with no idea how to say goodbye without feeling inadequate. As if by my willful exclusion I had abandoned them. What rite, what ceremony, could bridge that distance and set aright this terrible emptiness? Knowing none, I stepped farther into the field. Grass soaked my pants to my knees. Sunlight tore through a rent in the clouds and sparkled on the dew and pinned me in place.

Hundreds of miles away, as the hearse pulled away from the funeral home and began the long slow drive to the graveyard, an alert tone cleared all traffic from police radios. “All units will ten-three,” the dispatcher said, and every officer in the city paused in what they were doing except for the motorcade, and they listened and struggled with the words.

“This is the final dispatch for Officer Richard Smith,” the dispatcher announced. “It is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to you. In life you were a loving husband and a wonderful father. As a police officer and White Striper, you always carried yourself with such class and integrity you were often looked to for guidance. Always smiling and full of life, it’s easy to see why those who met and knew you appreciated and loved you. We will never forget that you gave the ultimate sacrifice.

“Officer Smith, respond now to your final dispatch.”

In all that vast city, on every police radio, in the hearts of all who heard, there was only silence.

And in the silence heard even here I said a short prayer for Ricky’s soul and for his wife and daughter and father and mother and all the rest who were there and not here. And even as I uttered the words I saw first one and then a dozen and then a thousand dragonflies wending their way southward, weaving and skirling through the skies and above the grasses and all about me in an intricate, untraceable pattern, and I raised my arms and cast the prayer off and they took it and made it their own. I imagined in my weariness that my prayer was borne aloft by thousands of glittering restless wings, magnified and translated into an unspoken language which knows death is only another form of migration, and that the end of the journey is home.

Tom Parker
Blue Rapids, Kansas
Tlparker1@sbcglobal.net


Officer Ricky Smith (photo used by permission of www.odmp.org)


Officer Smith with Tom & Lori Parker's oldest son, Joel in the early 1980's. (Photo courtesy of Tom and Lori Parker.)

In the Eye of the Storm

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
~Psalm 46:1-3

“God didn't promise days without pain; laughter without sorrow,or sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”
~ Author Unknown

When I last wrote, we still had not heard anything from our son Jared and his family who were in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi when Hurricane Katrina hit. It would be another twenty-four hours before we would receive any word from them at all. Erin’s mother, Lu and I talked on the phone both days, trying to reassure one another that our children and grandchildren were physically safe.

As I mentioned last week, Jared, Erin, Asher and Gabe, (and their pets, Chance and Snowball), decided to wait out the storm in a shelter located at the naval command post at Stennis Space Center in Mississippi. Jared said it’s like a city unto itself, with a backup generator and water supply. Plus, the building was constructed to sustain a Category 5 hurricane, and thank God it did!

The first phone call from Jared finally came in on Tuesday afternoon. Even though I’d been watching the news, the descriptions that came from my own son made the whole situation seem even more vivid and horrendous. Now it was up close and personal. Too up close and personal.

“We’re safe, Mom, we’re all safe,” he said. “We’re on our way to Grandma and Grandpa’s in Texas right now. It’s unbelievable, Mom. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. It looks like a bomb exploded. We saw a U-Haul hung up on a light pole. Cars became ram rods and were sticking out of the sides of store windows. It’s like a war zone down here!”

Coincidentally, I located a picture of that U-Haul truck on the internet and sent an e-mail to Romy Kettlewell of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, who said that her husband, Don took the picture on Hwy. 90 (also known as Beach Boulevard) in Waveland, Mississippi. Thanks to the Kettlewell’s for giving me permission to share their pictures.


U-Haul on telephone pole in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


Pile of cars on Hwy. 90 in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


K-Mart Shopping Center in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


Daddy O's Seafood Restaurant on Hwy. 90 in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell

Getting back to Jared and Erin, Jared said that it proved to be a real blessing that they took their cars to the Space Center because there wasn’t any flooding there. In addition, the roads nearby were cleared fairly quickly, so they loaded up the kids and headed to their apartment to survey the damage. This is Jared’s account of what they discovered when they arrived:

“The roofs of most of the units had been blown off and windows broken, but the roof over our unit was still in place and none of the windows were broken. So for a brief moment we thought we might have been spared, and I was thinking, ‘Praise God’. But when I opened the door to our apartment it looked like everything we owned had been put in a giant washing machine full of mud and tossed back out. Erin was pulling baby pictures out of the mud. We lost everything, Mom. The neighbor’s floor fell through into our apartment and our refrigerator was up on the counter. The water went up to the ceiling, so if we would have stayed, we’d all be dead.”

“In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33b

Before Erin entered the apartment, Jared tried to inject a little humor into the situation by telling her she better take off her shoes so she wouldn’t track mud on the carpet. Asher’s first reaction to the mess was, “Gross!” Then Jared said, “Look, Asher, our refrigerator is up on the counter.” And Asher replied, “Cool!” I’m really hoping that he isn’t too traumatized by the whole event and that Gabe is too young to remember it.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you . . . I have called you by your name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you . . . ~ Isaiah 43: 1b,2a (Amp)

But the events of the past week have been disturbing for everyone involved, including those of us on the parameters of the tragedy, not to mention our country as a whole. The destruction and devastation of Hurricane Katrina was so massive and so widespread, it’s almost incomprehensible.

When the eye of the storm passed over the Space Center, everyone was told that they could go outside and walk around. Jared said it was like someone turned off a switch. It went from ferocious blowing winds and torrential rains to an eerie stillness and absolute silence. So Jared, Erin and the boys literally walked around in the eye of the storm. That was around midday on Monday, and they didn’t step outside again until about 5:30 that evening after Hurricane Katrina had finished wreaking havoc on several states.

Erin said that when they were driving to and from their apartment, they saw several people wandering around in the streets. She said it made her realize how fortunate they really were.

“God have mercy on them. To some, hope is even a struggle. But when the sun comes out, God breathes new life with hope and joy for tomorrow.” ~ An e-mail from my friend, Mae

Yes, Jared and Erin lost their worldly possessions – and that would be extremely upsetting to any of us – but they are so thankful to God that everyone in their family survived (including their pets), both of their vehicles were spared, and they had a place to go for shelter.

When they finally arrived at Keen’s parents’ home (it took longer than expected because a bridge was knocked out by the storm), they were greeted by hugs from several members of Keen’s family, as well as a delicious steak dinner and corn-on-the-cob.

The next day, Keen decided that he and Kirk should drive down to Texas to be with all the family during this difficult time. Kirk’s principal at Wabaunsee High School, Dr. Larry Anderson, was so kind and understanding. He not only granted Kirk permission to take time off from school, but he wrote a personal letter to Jared and his family expressing his condolences for their loss.

Keen and Kirk drove about twelve hours straight through the night. The next day, life threw everyone another curve ball. What’s that old expression? “If it’s not the hogs, it’s the windmill.” Well, this time it was the well. Without any running water, it was time to find another place to lay their heads. So everyone loaded up their stuff and drove over to Keen’s brother’s house. It might have been more than Kevin and Falethesa bargained for, but you’d never know it by their gracious hospitality. As a matter of fact, they tried to talk them into staying!

The situation is constantly evolving, but as of this writing, everyone is caravanning back to Kansas so Jared, Erin and the boys can move into our house in Manhattan. It has a queen-sized bed, bunk beds, two bathrooms, a washer/dryer and all the necessary kitchen appliances. And I’m so glad I stayed home because it gave me the time and opportunity to get everything ready for them on this end. Now the refrigerator is fully stocked, the air conditioner is on and the boys have some new clothes and a few toys waiting for them when they arrive.

Unfortunately, Jared can’t stay very long as he will have to return to Mississippi to continue his duties with the Navy. Whether he’ll continue to be stationed there or transferred to another part of the country is yet to be seen. So they’ll wait until they know something more definite before making any final decisions. More than anything else, they just want to be a family again. Meanwhile, I guess we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.

"Wherever we are, it is but a stage on the way to somewhere else, and whatever we do, however well we do it, it is only a preparation to do something else that shall be different." ~ Robert Lewis Stevenson (1850-94)

“Fear not; there is nothing to fear for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties; yes, I will help you; yes I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; I, Who say to you, Fear not, I will help you!” ~ Isaiah 41:10,13 (Amp)


Asher and Gabe playing at the beach the week before Hurricane Katrina hit


Erin & boys walking along the beach


Umbrella on beach - such a peaceful scene, but not for long


Gabe at beach


Asher walking along the beach

Circling the Wagons

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.’ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge . . . He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.” ~ Psalm 91:1,2 (NKJV)

Last week I wrote about my trip to Mississippi to visit my daughter-in-law and grandchildren. What a difference a week makes!

As I sit down to write my column, my stomach is churning. We are anxiously awaiting word from Jared and Erin who are in a storm shelter with Asher and Gabe at Stennis Space Center in Mississippi, which is in the direct path of Hurricane Katrina. Jared returned from Kentucky late Friday night, just in time to load his family, their dog and cat, and a few essential belongings into their car and flee to safety.

We haven’t heard from them since last night and we haven’t been able to reach them at all this morning. The news on television has only confirmed the worst, so we have been praying fervently for their safety. When I talked to Erin yesterday, she felt confident that their apartment and all their belongings would be lost. But in spite of that, she said she was trusting God and thankful they were all together. “We’ll get through this,” she said. “Even if we lose everything we own, it will be all right because those things can be replaced.” She said as long as she and Jared and the boys were safe, that was all that really mattered.

Tears filled my eyes this morning after a phone call from Keen’s mother who called to let us know that she talked to Jared & Erin last night and invited them to stay at their house for as long as necessary. Keen’s parents live in Conroe, Texas, which is about six hours from where Jared and Erin live in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. They have separate living quarters all furnished and ready to go right next to their home. (They call it “the annex”.)

In addition, Mom said that if Jared and Erin do end up losing everything, she has beds and bedding that she can give them. “And I’ve wanted a new couch for some time now,” she added. “So they can just take my old one.” Keen’s sister Kihm even offered an entire bedroom suite that she isn’t using. In fact, Mom is visiting Kihm right now in North Carolina and they said they’d be willing to rent a U-Haul and drive the furniture across country if need be. Talk about circling the wagons!

Last night Keen’s brother Kevin called to offer their home to Jared’s family, too. They live in The Woodlands, Texas – just outside of Houston – and they just bought a new house with two spare rooms. “We’d love to have them,” Kevin said.

It’s times like these that remind me how very blessed we are to have people who love us so much that they would drop everything to help us, our children, or our children’s children. Friends may come and go, but family will always be there through thick and thin. And thank God for that!

You Were Always There
By Sheryl Hale Black

No one knows while they are young
Just how strong a parents love can be.
You were always there, I knew no fear
You were always there for me.

Your hand was my guide,
Through all the small storms.
You lead me lovingly, right by my side
You Were Always There For Me.

I love you.

©Copyright of Sheryl Hale Black
(Used by Permission)

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running – to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I’ll be there . . . .

You’ve Got a Friend ~ recorded by James Taylor

They will call on My name,
And I will answer them.
I will say, 'This is My people';
And each one will say, 'The LORD is my God.'"

~ Zechariah 13: 9b (NKJV)


Four generations of Umbehrs: Jared on the left, Keen on the right and Grandpa Jim holding Jared's son, Asher.


Keen & his mom, Jean, after his graduation from law school


The Three K's: Kihm, Keen & Kevin

On the Road Again

Believe it or not, I have another trip to report on this week. A few days after returning from Colorado, my daughter-in-law Erin called and asked me if I would be interested in a free trip to Mississippi to visit/babysit my two grandsons, Asher and Gabe. Since I had really been missing the boys and Erin was starting a new job and needed some help, the two pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit together perfectly for both of us. The next thing I knew, I was “on the road again.”

I had lots of excitement during my trip, starting with a mishap on my way to Kansas City when I got caught in a downpour and decided to pull off the road near a construction area. My right tires went off the shoulder of the road, leaving me high centered. My brother Bill and his son Kyle from Olathe offered to drive to the sight with some chains, but a police officer stopped by and said that it would take a tow truck to lift me up and over the ledge. When he told me that the fee would probably run between $75 and $100, I commented that it was almost as bad as a speeding ticket, except it won’t go on my record. Thankfully, the kind folks from Bulldog Tow in Lawrence had me out in no time, and they only charged me $60.00.

When I called Erin to tell her about the unfortunate event, she said that she hoped it wasn’t any indication of how my week in Mississippi would be. I’m happy to report that it was not.

I so enjoyed spending time with Erin and the boys and getting a chance to see their new apartment and surroundings. Unfortunately, Jared was in Kentucky for training, so I didn’t get the chance to see him. But we had a wonderful week together.




Gramma in her glory with Gabe & Asher








My only complaint was the heat. I have never experienced anything like it in all my life – even in Singapore which is about 100 miles from the Equator and has very high humidity. Within five minutes of being outside, your clothes would be drenched in sweat. Luckily, they have a pool in their apartment complex and they are only five minutes from the beach.

Erin had orientation for her new job all week, so it was my responsibility to see that Asher got on the bus for kindergarten and then meet him when he got off the bus in the afternoon.

Erin & Asher ready for the day

He looked so sharp in his little school uniform. They can mix and match red, navy and white polo shirts with navy or khaki shorts or slacks. Whenever Gabe saw Asher get off the bus he would run to meet him as fast as his little feet could carry him and give his brother a big hug. “I missed you, Ashur!”


Asher waving before he goes to school

The first day I arrived we all went out to Chuck E. Cheese for supper and had a fun time. Asher knows me very well, so he is always very affectionate. He says things like, “Gramma, I just want to tell you something. I love you soooo much.” Gabe hasn’t been around me as much as Asher so he has a tendency to keep his distance at first, but this time he warmed right up to me. It was Gramma this and Gramma that and, “Gramma, watch me!” It was funny though, the next morning when I emerged from my bedroom in my nightgown and glasses and messed up hair with no make-up, he took one look at me and asked, “Gramma? Is that you?”

But the story that seemed to generate the most amount of laughter at my expense had to do with their cat, Snowball (who happens to be jet black in color). One morning I opened up the double doors leading out to their deck when I saw a black cat leap off the edge. I immediately sprang into action and recovered what I assumed to be their runaway cat. Throughout the day, I petted the cat and Gabe enjoyed playing with him. He was very friendly. In fact, Gabe was absolutely giddy with glee over the fact that the cat would even allow him to get within three feet of him, much less pet him. I later learned that the real Snowball runs like a bat out of hell whenever she sees Gabe coming. So I took several pictures and some video footage of Gabe petting the cat and jumping for joy, shouting: “He likes me! He likes me! The kitty likes me now!”

It wasn’t until 2:30 in the afternoon when I noticed one black cat lying on the bed and another black cat walking down the hall. As it turned out, the cat I had “rescued” belonged to someone else! So when Erin returned home, she identified the imposter and put him back outside.

I wish I could say that was the end of the story, but it wasn’t. Apparently, Snowball’s cat feelings were deeply hurt by the intrusion of a stranger on her turf and she wanted everyone in the house to know about it! So when Asher went to pet Snowball, she hissed at him and scratched his nose, drawing blood and causing tears. I felt just terrible, so I later tried to soothe Snowball by petting her and telling her what a good cat she was. She allowed me this privilege for approximately 15 seconds before biting down on my hand with her very sharp teeth. Thankfully, all was forgiven by the next day and Snowball had returned to her normal cat self.

My only other cat mistake was when I filled Snowball’s food dish with Kibbles ‘N Bits, which is actually for the dog. As a result of this oversight, the cat woke poor Erin up in the middle of the night meowing because she was hungry.

Their dog is a very sweet beagle named Chance that they got from the pound in Manhattan four years ago. I had always liked Chance – that is, until I had to take care of him in that heat. Whenever we went outside, he took his sweet old time sniffing around until he found just the right bush to do his business. And even with double Wal-Mart bags, I could never get used to cleaning up after him.

I’ve never had the patience needed for pets; I guess I used up all my patience on my kids – and I still came up short in that department!

Spending a week with a busy mother of two small boys reminded me of how all-consuming motherhood really is. Erin has really had her hands full with Jared being in the Navy. Shortly after she and the boys moved to Mississippi to be together, Jared was called away for the entire month of August, leaving Erin with the job of unpacking all the boxes and getting settled into their new apartment. On top of that she’s been job hunting and getting Asher ready for kindergarten. Basically, she’s had to be all things to all people.

As I watched Erin read bedtime stories to the boys and lead them in their nightly prayers (“Bless Daddy and everyone we love….”), feed them, bathe them, swim with them and hug them, I felt so much admiration in my heart. She is handling so much so well. And now she is adding a new part time job to the mix.

“She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed . . . .” ~ Proverbs 31:27, 28a (NKJV)

It reminds me of that new song by Jamie O’Neal called Somebody’s Hero. One of the verses goes like this:

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the Cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

I hope Erin knows how very proud we are of everything she has accomplished. Most of all, I hope she knows how blessed we feel to have her in our family and how grateful we are for the greatest gift we could ever receive - our two precious grandsons.

That's something to be proud of
That's a life you can hang your hat on
You don't need to make a million
Just be thankful to be workin'
If you're doing what you're able
And putting food there on the table
And providing for the family that you love
That's something to be proud of

Something To Be Proud Of ~ recorded by Montgomery Gentry


Erin & boys head off to the pool

Been There, Done That

“Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.” ~ Psalm 119:105 (NLT)

“A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” ~ John Steinbeck

There’s an old saying that goes, “If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.” But that wasn’t the case with the journey Keen and I took to the beautiful state of Colorado.

After Keen finished preparing for the bar for what seemed like an eternity, we were in dire need of some time away. But we didn’t want a well-orchestrated, pre-determined list of scheduled events. We just wanted to head out and see what adventures we could discover.

Unfortunately, on the day we were trying to leave it seemed like all the forces of nature were conspiring to prevent us from getting out the door. Keen received several phone calls from individuals in need of legal counsel or representation. Since he’s been granted a temporary law license from the Kansas Supreme Court, he’s able to do a limited amount of legal work. However, that license will expire on September 30th (when the next batch of attorneys will be sworn in), so if he doesn’t pass the bar then he’ll have to go back to the drawing board and start preparing to retake the exam in six months. Of course we’re really hoping that won’t be necessary.

In any event, we encountered numerous delays including a garbage disposal that decided to die right after I poured some week-old goulash down the drain. Despite the late start, we decided to get the heck out of Dodge before one more thing could go wrong.

We drove about four hours before stopping in the town on Wakeeney, Kansas near Cedar Bluff Reservoir. We made last-minute reservations at The Butterfield Trail Bunkhouse. The proprietor, Donna Deines, gave us directions to their family farm and from there we followed her husband William to the bunkhouse.

We thoroughly enjoyed the rustic setting and simplicity of the small hunting lodge tucked into a grove of trees in the middle of a pasture. The following morning we awoke before sunrise and went for a walk on the surrounding land, capturing beautiful pictures of the Kansas prairie. When we returned we were treated to a delicious home-cooked breakfast. It was a very peaceful start to our first ever week-long vacation alone.


Sunrise at The Butterfield Trail Bunkhouse

The next night we landed in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, home to one of the fanciest resorts in Colorado – the Hot Springs Lodge & Pool. They have a 400-foot hot springs pool with varying degrees of temperatures (up to 104), two giant waterslides, and an 18-hole miniature golf course. They were completely booked, but it looked like a terrific vacation spot – and they’re open year-round.

From Glenwood Springs we drove to Grand Junction to spend a couple of days with my stepmother in her new home, which is located right at the base of the magnificent Colorado National Monument. It’s the ideal setting for the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets you’ve ever seen.

We didn’t waste any time touring the spectacular sights surrounding Grand Junction. On the first day, we drove to Moab, Utah to tour the Arches National Park. The drive up the mountains was a bit precarious, but well worth it.


Keen, Eileen & Barbara at Arches National Park in Moab, Utah

The following day we took another drive through the National Monument where once again, the view was simply breathtaking.


Colorado National Monument

After leaving Grand Junction, we decided to return to Kansas via a different route, rather than taking I-70 back through Denver. So we headed south and stopped for lunch in Montrose. While browsing through an antique store, a woman recommended that we visit the town of Ouray, which is also known as the Switzerland of America. Boy, were we ever glad we took her advice. The quaint little village is nestled into the base of the San Juan Mountains, and the majority of the unique shops are the original buildings built in the late 1800’s.


View of Downtown Ouray, Colorado

Keen and I treated ourselves to a night at the historic Beaumont Hotel in Ouray, and enjoyed a delicious meal in their fine restaurant. The next morning we were determined to try out some hot springs located underground in an actual cave. I know why they refer to it as a natural sauna!

From there we followed our noses and landed in Salida for one of the many highlights of our trip – whitewater rafting down Brown’s Canyon on the Arkansas River. Neither of us had ever been whitewater rafting before, so we were really looking forward to it, although I must admit to feeling a bit of trepidation. Our guide, Ted (from Canyon Marine), and a former guide, Brandi, were the only other passengers on our raft. Although it was a level three trip, which is considered moderate in difficulty, it had plenty of excitement and adventure for this Kansas girl. With rapids bearing the names of “The Widowmaker” and “The Toilet Bowl,” I was just thankful to get through it without capsizing!


Whitewater rafting down Brown's Canyon on the Arkansas River

Before leaving the area, we checked out a resort called Mt. Princeton, which is located between Salida and Buena Vista near San Isabel National Forest. They have several hot springs pools, along with a beautiful mountain stream running through the property. They also have horseback riding, hiking, biking and rafting available in the immediate area. We spent about an hour and a half taking pictures of the premises so we could present it to my family as a possible location for a future Van Kirk family reunion. Since Keen and I haven’t sponsored the reunion in over ten years, I’d say it’s high time we step up to the plate and take our turn. (And I’m quite sure my siblings agree!) I don’t think we can go wrong with the beauty of the mountains and all the diverse activities Colorado has to offer. The magnificence of God’s creation is truly a wonder to behold.

“The mountains shall bring peace to the people....” ~ Psalm 72:3 (KJV)


Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort in Nathrop, Colorado

After spending our last night in Limon, Colorado, it was time to make our final trek to “Sweet Home, Alma, Kansas.”

The concept of vacationing is somewhat new to us since we were only able to take two full weeks off in the eighteen years we owned the trash business, but we definitely learned about the numerous benefits of rest and relaxation during this past week. It’s invigorating to change your environment and explore a new part of this beautiful country we are blessed to call home.

“[T]he traveler who has once been from home is wiser than he who has never left his own doorstep . . . .” ~ Margaret Mead

P.U.S.H.

Dear Friends,

Since Keen and I will be on vacation, this week’s column will be a little different. I’d like to share a newsletter from a man named Larry Perry who emails inspiring stories about once or twice a week to 93,000 of his closest friends from 47 different countries. He has given me permission to share any of these stories. If you would like to be added to his list, you may reach him at larryperry@worldnet.att.net.

The main reason for this vacation is just to unwind and spend time together after two months of non-stop studying for the bar exam. I must admit that the time Keen spent preparing for this test was the most difficult stage of the entire process. The pressure and intensity was indescribable. Even though Keen was the one taking the test, I was on pins and needles and didn’t sleep worth a darn that entire week. When he called after the first day of essays he said he felt pretty good about it and I immediately felt half the weight lifted off my shoulders. Day two was more challenging with 200 multiple choice questions. Keen’s described the whole ordeal by saying that when it was over everyone looked like they’d just had a vasectomy. Although he’s not yet ready to do jumping jacks, he is cautiously optimistic about the outcome. (The test results will be released by mid-September.)

A week or two before the bar exam, Keen left the following message on my cell phone:

“I’ve just got overwhelming love for you in my heart right now. I can hardly express it. But I just wanna tell you that I am so in love with you. You’re on my thoughts all the time. And when we get done with this bar we’re gonna take a little trip for you and me. We might go someplace new to a bed and breakfast. We’re gonna do something, just me and you. And then Kirk and I will do something, too, but we’re gonna do something to reward ourselves for this. Okay?”

So we’ve decided to drive to Grand Junction, Colorado to visit my stepmother who just relocated there from Florida. We’re just going to follow our nose and make impromptu stops along the way as the Spirit moves us. We’re really looking forward to the beautiful scenery and to spending time together.

“Jesus departed from there, skirted the Sea of Galilee, and went up on the mountain and sat down there.” ~ Matthew 15:29 (NKJV)

God bless you all ~

Eileen

(Here is the newsletter from Larry Perry.)

Good Monday Morning Everyone:

It is rainy here in East Tennessee but we need the rain for the crops and preparation for the coming fall months so the rain is beautiful in its own way. I hope that things in your part of our great world are just as beautiful.

Here is a good story for you to think about today.

P.U.S.H.

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.

The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all of his might.

Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: “You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't moved.” Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man.

"Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."

And that is what he planned to do, until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it! Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done.
Now I, My friend, will move the rock."

****************************

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but
know that it is still God who moves mountains.

“So Jesus said to them . . . if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”
~ Matthew 17:20 (NKJV)

When everything seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H.!
When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H.!
When people don't react the way you think they should...just P.U.S.H.!
When your money looks "gone"; and the bills are due...just P.U.S.H!
When people just don't understand you ... just P.U.S.H.!

P = Pray
U = Until
S = Something
H = Happens

Unlike the Rest

Keener, Age 4

“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.” ~ Proverbs 22:6 (Amp)

"We should say to each child: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.” ~Pablo Casals (1876-1973) ~ Spanish cellist, composer,conductor, pianist, and humanitarian

With each of our four sons, Keen and I had a distinct sense about their individual characteristics. We described Jared as wise, Josh as strong, Keen as special and Kirk as a combination of “all of the above.”

Our third son, Keen II, just turned twenty-one on July 8th, and to say that he is special is an understatement. Keen is especially talented, especially funny, especially caring and especially tenderhearted – towards God and others. Recently, when one of his coworkers at the Department of Revenue lost his hair due to cancer treatments, Keen and several others in the office decided to shave their heads to show support for their colleague.

Keen is a free spirit who has never been afraid to be different. In fact, he goes out of his way to be “unlike the rest.” When it comes to clothing, he has a style that’s all his own. What might be considered weird for most people somehow looks cool on Keener.

"Follow your own path, and let people talk." ~ Dante

There is so much more to Keen than meets the eye. He is a deep thinker who has a unique gift of writing. When he was in high school he shared some of his poems with me, and I must admit that I was in awe. They left me with the feeling that I had not even scratched the surface of who my son really is.

"Poetry is something to make us wiser and better, by continually revealing those types of beauty and truth, which God has set in all men's souls." ~ James Russell Lowell (1819-1891) ~ American poet, editor and diplomat

Here is an example of one of Keen’s poems:

The Road Less Traveled

Around this globe I wander
Without a sense of direction
Observing the paths that converge and diverge
Without the will of correction
Who are they to say
That I must make a selection?
When it is my life
That will crush the fear of dejection…
Round and round I go
Carefully being sure
To avoid the “flow”
This world doesn’t understand
-They just don’t know-
What it truly means to be a man
Yet, in this world I coexist
With all of the hatred and poverty
That has run amiss
Now I saunter near the “crossroads”
To see what I can see
I’m not shocked to know
That there’s no one here like me
Just the blank stare…
-Monotone voices-
Of people making other peoples choices
Just masses of nothing
Content to be less
Their life was over before it began
I will succeed; To you I confess
The 21st Century?
The century of success?
Ha…fooling ourselves blind
For people have not yet begun to progress
Rather, they’re satisfied to regress
The others have unraveled…
Not I.
I chose the road less traveled.

Keen A. Umbehr II ~ December 25, 2001 (Age 17)

“Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” ~ Matthew 7:13, 14 (RSV)

This is an excerpt from another poem Keen wrote titled Changes:

These tears I’ve wept
Because, have not I, a defense to battle the strife
Where does it end?
Will we let it remain?
Why should I assume my beliefs will be the ones that transcend?
When hate continues to conquer this orb with an eternal reign
What if I were like all of the others and were content to blend
With those who care not for this ever-present pain?
I have not the strength to fight it all
Yet I do not possess the will to let it fall
I’ll fight with all my soul
I’ll stand up
I’ll be bold
For let it be known:
And men be put to shame
On my own if I must
I will be the change.

Keen A. Umbehr II ~ December 24, 2001

“Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Robert Frost

Whereas most of my poems are quite simple, Keen’s writings capture and express his innermost thoughts in a much deeper way. I know he has many more literary works which he has not yet shared, but I am privileged to have been given this rare glimpse into our son’s hidden talent.

Keen has many other gifts as well. Besides being a natural-born athlete, he has an amazing ability to relate to people of all ages and from all walks of life. He is easy going, non-judgmental and full of wisdom. But it’s not enough just to possess wisdom; the true gift is in knowing how to deliver that wisdom with compassion so as not to crush the spirit of the hearer. I myself have been the recipient of this unique gift. I have cried tears as I’ve listened to my own son gently yet firmly tell me how God would want me to handle a particular situation. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn’t I be the one imparting wisdom to my child? But I am humble enough to accept that God often uses other people in our lives to give us guidance in our darkest hours.

I’d like to close by sharing a portion of a card I sent to Keen last fall. The text was written by Ginnie Job:

I just want you to know how glad I am you’re my son
An how lucky I think the world is to have you in it.
You earn respect because you honor commitments,
Work hard, and play fair.
Your generous spirit and good nature make you a fine man
And such a pride to me.
I’ll always treasure a heart full of memories of “my little boy.”
But with every day that passes, my appreciation deepens,
And my admiration grows for the remarkable man you are….
The son I love so much!

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11 (RSV)


Mother and son, Eileen and Keen II on Keen's 21st Birthday

Growing Apart

“Love . . . does not seek its own.” ~ I Corinthians 13:5 (NKJV)

“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping, for only the hand of Life can contain your hearts . . . And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” ~ Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese philosopher and author of The Prophet


Redwoods of California (photo taken by my sister, Mary)

Some people have the notion that true love means never spending a day apart – and I’m not disagreeing – if that’s what works for them. Don’t get me wrong – Keen and I are best friends and we love spending time together. At the end of a busy day we’re always anxious to hear about what new adventures transpired since last we talked. But we also believe in giving each other some space when needed. It’s an interesting dichotomy.

For example, I am writing this column from our Manhattan house where I’ll be spending some time for the next two weeks. My purpose is twofold: 1) to get back to work on my book revisions, and 2) to give Keen the time he needs to concentrate on studying and preparing for the bar exam. In fact, this morning on the phone he thanked me for being so understanding during this stress-filled time. He said that one of his law school colleagues was close to tears over the fact that her husband was angry at her for not being as attentive. On top of that, she said he gave her a long list of errands to run which included taking the car in for a minor repair.

As I mentioned in last week’s column, when Keen was attending Kansas State University, he stayed at our house in Manhattan three to four nights a week. That gave him the much-needed time to focus on his studies – and it was a real blessing not to have to commute back and forth every day.

Now this next statement isn’t going to sound quite right, but Keen’s absence during that time changed the whole dynamic in our home – in a positive way. Whereas normally Keen and I would spend the majority of our time talking to each other, on the nights when he was in Manhattan, I would focus more of my attention on spending quality time with Keen II and Kirk Van. I remember many hour-long conversations with Keener, which was a precious commodity that I didn’t take lightly. My philosophy has always been that if your teenager wants to talk, stop whatever you’re doing, because nothing else is more important. It’s when they stop talking that you should start to worry. As for Kirk and me, we started a new weekly tradition during that time. Every Tuesday he and I would pick out a new recipe and bake a special dessert together. Kirk really looked forward to that one-on-one time with Mom – and vice-versa.

Another positive that resulted from that decision was the unique opportunity Keen and Josh had to be part-time roommates. Keen always talked about how much he cherished the time he spent sharing meals and conversations with his adult son. In fact, KSNT (the NBC affiliate in Topeka) did a news story about father and son attending college together. The report included a humorous story about a role-reversal incident when Keen forgot one of his school books at the house and Josh had to bolt six blocks on foot to bring it to him. “I told him he’s irresponsible,” Josh said with a grin.

Even before we were married, Keen and I spent two years apart. After meeting in Singapore when we were fifteen years old, we dated for a little over a year in high school before my family moved back to Minnesota. Then we only saw each other for one week in between when Keen came out for my graduation from high school. No one thought it would last, but we continued to grow close in heart through our letters (that was before the days of email). I’ve always emphasized the importance of good communication to my boys, because that’s the thing that really makes or breaks a marriage – besides having God at the center of the relationship, of course.

Then there was the time I spent in Nevada writing our story (nearly five months in all, with three weeks off for Christmas). When Keen saw how frustrated I was over the fact that I couldn’t seem to make any significant progress on my book at home, he didn’t just pat my hand and tell me he understood; he suggested that I think about going someplace secluded to write.

“A soul can create only when alone…” ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel

Keen is always so quick to praise me for being supportive of his goals and dreams, but how many men do you know who would not only support such a decision, but suggest it? Greater love hath no man than this!

In any event, my absence during that time also changed the dynamic of our home in a positive way, giving Keen and Kirk the chance to bond by spending more time together while equally dividing the numerous household responsibilities. (By the way – Kirk continues to do his own laundry. Yeah!) As for our relationship, if anything, Keen and I grew even closer during that time. We communicated regularly over the phone, and I wouldn’t have missed those priceless love letters for all the tea in China!

Yes, I believe it is possible to grow apart; that is, to grow together while being physically apart. Giving your partner room to grow and pursue their own individual dreams is one of the greatest gifts you could ever share. Of course, that may not involve anything as drastic as renting an apartment in Nevada, but it might simply mean giving the other person the liberty and time they need to engage in the activities they enjoy, such as: spending time with friends, watching the news or sports on television, puttering around in the garage, writing, reading, fishing, going to the movies, shopping, traveling, golfing, or just spending quiet time alone. (A good book on this subject is “One Minute for Yourself” by Spencer Johnson, M.D.)

"Alone time is just as important as sleep in soothing the spirit and replenishing the body." ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

A guest on The Today Show, Dr. Stephen Treat, had this advice about how to handle the retirement years:
“If one spouse is saying, ‘Oh boy, won't it be great? We'll get to spend 24 hours a day together,’ then all sorts of red flags should be going up. Hold on to your individuality. If you liked tennis or enjoyed your book club, continue to be involved in those activities that make you who you are." Dr. Treat concluded by saying that retirement should be a combination of togetherness and individuality.

After all, love is about freedom, is it not?


Keen & Eileen at Van Kirk reunion in Minnesota, 2004 (Photo taken by my sister Patricia Van Kirk)

A Love So Real

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.” ~ I John 4:18a (NKJV)


I remember how it used to feel
Riding down old two mile hill
Tennis shoes up on the handle bars
Paying no mind to the passing cars
No doubts, no fears, just like when you are here

No chains, no strings, no fences, no wall
No net, just you to catch me when I fall
Look heart, no hands.

Look Heart, No Hands ~ Recorded by Randy Travis

Last week I received another poignant email from my high school friend, Scott Carson, who has such a way with words. After reading my column about Mark & Melissa’s wedding, he wrote:

“It's great to hear (and see) about other people's families as they go through those most significant of life's passages. While the principles in such events are, usually, having the time of their lives and thinking they will never have a day as significant as this, it is more fun, I think, for the "old folks" at such events. Why? Because they (...errr...WE) get to witness and share the joy, AND know that even brighter and more exciting days are ahead. I can still see the wonder-filled face of my little nephew as he watched a bird's nest outside his window as the eggs began to move, to crack, and finally to yield tiny little birds. I supposed if he'd thought about it at the time he would have thought that sight was the most remarkable he would ever see. Now I get to watch him hold his newborn son, and play with his two year old. My nephew probably doesn't remember that day he watched with total awe as the little birds hatched. Sure, he's someone's dad now; he's 30 and taller than me, but I remember the day the eggs hatched. It's an interesting concept to think that as life unfolds for those we love, we get to watch them experience it, almost like God watches us with a wry grin because He knows that today's little miracle will give way to future wonders we cannot at this moment imagine.”

All this talk about weddings inspired me to reflect on the miracle of love God has allowed Keen and me to share. On June 9, the day before our 27th anniversary, I boarded a plane to Ohio to attend my daughter-in-law’s graduation from nursing school. The next day I received a message from Keen telling me that he missed me. Although he probably wouldn’t have remembered our anniversary without a reminder from me, I told my kids that it was the best gift I could ever receive for my husband of 27 years to say that he missed me after only one day!

Back in 2000 when Keen was attending Kansas State University, he would spend several nights a week at our house in Manhattan to allow more time for studying. In August of that year I sent him an email containing this short quote:

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” ~ Winnie the Pooh

Keen wrote back and said: “Winnie the Pooh, being the deep-thinking philosopher that he is, captured the sentiments of my heart, too! Never more than two consecutive minutes pass that I'm not painfully aware that we're apart. I miss you tonight. I'll be home tomorrow. Love, Keen”

I thanked Keen for his note and told him that I felt so secure knowing that he was always thinking of me, even when he was in school or staying in Manhattan. He replied: “When you walk around with a hole in your heart, you never forget it’s there.”

********************

More recently, Keen left a couple of touching messages on my cell phone. This morning I listened to them several times so that I could accurately record what he said and share it with you.

This first excerpt was left on my answering machine about two weeks ago:

“Hi hon, it’s Tuesday morning about 5:15 and I just left. I just wanted to call and tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me and how great a person you are. Sometimes I just marvel that I am so privileged to be married to you. You know, we are such a good team and it’s just a wonderful blessing every day to wake up with you. Thank you so much for loving me. I love you. Have a great day. Your day is blessed. My day is blessed. I feel blessed already. I’m just so in love with you. Thank you so much. I love you. Bye-bye.”

********************

“ . . . a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” ~ Ecclesiastes 4:12b

Keen left this next message on July 1st :

“Hi hon, it’s me. It’s Friday morning, I just left the house a little after 4:30. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much I appreciate you being there and making my lunch and being up so we can see each other a little bit in the morning before I left. I know it’s a hard time, but we’re gonna get through it. A three-fold cord is not easily broken.
I just want you to know that you’re my greatest love, my greatest helpmate, my greatest friend. I want you to have a great day. I’m gonna have a great day. Our day is blessed. We’re just gonna take this day by storm and we’re gonna see the salvation of God in our lives!

Anyway, I just wanted to call and leave you a message. You have a great day. I love you. Bye-bye.”

“Look at my life, I’m floating like mercury around the earth. My footprints shine with stardust. All because I love you. All because you love me.”

~ Maya Angelou

In closing, I would like to thank you, my friends, for giving me the privilege of sharing my life with all of you. I can’t explain this need I have to take the thoughts and feelings of my heart and put them down on paper for all to read. July 3rd marked two years since I started writing my Reflections. In fact, this week’s column is number 100. But I couldn’t have done it without Joann Kahnt’s generosity and willingness to give me space in The Prairie Post each week. Although she’s probably tired of hearing me say it, once again, Joann, I thank you.

Sometimes I wonder how long I can or will keep this weekly column up. But as I look in my “Reflections in Progress” folder on my computer, I see that I still have many, many more topics left to write about. So, as long as the Lord and Joann Kahnt are willing, I will be writing and sharing for some time yet to come.

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”

~ Philippians 1:3 (NKJV)


Keen & Eileen Then (age 16) and Now (25th anniversary, 2003)

Wedded Bliss

“The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voice of those who say, Give thanks to the Lord of hosts, for the Lord is good, for His loving kindness is everlasting..." ~ Jeremiah 33:11 (NASB)

"To get the full value of love, you must have someone to divide it with." ~ Mark Twain

On June 25, I had the pleasure of witnessing the marriage union of my niece Melissa Reese and her soul mate, Mark Wehr.

The wedding, which took place at St. Jude Catholic Church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, was absolutely beautiful in every respect. Mark and Melissa – with the help of their parents – planned out every detail and the entire event went off without a hitch.

Some members of the Van Kirk family arrived on the Thursday before the wedding, so my brother-in-law, Jim, and sister Peggy (Melissa’s dad and stepmom), arranged for everyone to have dinner at Chuck-E-Cheese. The idea behind that particular choice of restaurant was that it would give the younger kids a fun place to play. But as it turned out, the older kids (a/k/a parents) enjoyed the fun and games as much as the little kids. As my sister-in-law Christine said, “There’s a little Chuck E. in all of us!”

Unfortunately, Keen wasn’t able to attend the wedding due to his bar exam preparation courses. When he called Melissa to tell her the bad news, she said that she understood completely. Then she asked if he had any advice for them. Keen replied: “Yes, I do. Just remember that it doesn’t matter what you fight about or how long you fight – the only thing that matters is that you work it out before you go to bed. In fact, Mrs. Umbehr and I had a little hassle in the castle just the other night, but we hung in there until we got everything resolved.” Melissa said that they had received the same advice from several other people and planned to take it to heart.

That reminds me of something I wrote for Jared & Erin on their wedding day six years ago:

Always Remember and Never Forget

Always remember that marriage is a commitment and not an experiment.

Never forget that you're a "we" now and not two "I's."

Always remember not to say or do anything that you wouldn't want said or done to you.

Never forget to discuss all your plans together and try to reach a mutual agreement before making any decisions.

Always remember to avoid sarcasm; it is merely an insult disguised as a joke.

Never forget that problems can't be resolved with the silent treatment; communication is the key.

Always remember to say, "I love you."

Never forget to say, "I'm sorry."

Always remember what the Bible says; "Don't let the sun go down on your anger."

Never forget that you are loved more than life itself.

Always remember that your parents are just a phone call away, and...

Never forget that God is just a prayer away.

**********

Three of our four sons were able to make the trip – Josh, Keen II and Kirk Van. Jared is stationed at the naval base in Mississippi and Erin & the boys were getting ready to move there. (After they moved last weekend, Asher said, “Now nobody is missing from our family!” By the way – Erin did pass her exam so she is officially a board certified registered nurse.) Unfortunately, Josh’s wife Lisa couldn’t get off work, but Keen’s girlfriend Emily and Kirk’s girlfriend Bethany were able to attend the wedding. So we had a “girl’s room” and a “guy’s room” at the hotel.


Emily, Keen II, Eileen, Josh, Bethany & Kirk Van

Speaking of the hotel, when we checked into our rooms we discovered a wonderful gift bag filled with chips, granola bars, candy, gum and a bottle of juice and water. The following poem was attached to the white bags:

“For our family and friends near and far,
Some traveled by plane, some by car.
Thanks for sharing in our special day,
Enjoy these treats as you stay!”

Love, Mark & Melissa

I don’t know how they found the time for that extra special touch. I heard they put fifty bags together in all!

The night before the big day, Jim & Peggy graciously treated about thirty members of the Van Kirk family to dinner at a nearby restaurant, while the members of the wedding party attended the rehearsal dinner at a different location. Keener suggested that we call Jim & Peggy’s cell phone and give them an “Ish-ga-bibble” – which we did. For those of you who may not recall, that is the Van Kirk Family cheer. The original version was, “Ish-ga-bibble, Ish-ga-bah, Daddy Van Kirk, rah, rah, rah!” But you can substitute any name you want – in this case it was “Jim and Peggy, rah, rah, rah!” (As a side note, I was politely informed that Melissa requested no “Ish-ga-bibbles” at the wedding. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why!?)

The food was absolutely delicious and the dinner gave us the perfect chance to talk and laugh together. My great-niece Kelsey (who is almost six) immediately latched on to Josh, who played with her and turned her upside down off and on throughout the night. At one point Kelsey playfully stuck her tongue out and put her thumbs in her ears and wiggled her fingers at him. Then Josh did it right back to Kelsey and said, “Oh, real mature!” He cracks me up. In fact, he gives Lisa a hard time for not laughing at his jokes as hard as I do. (He even claims that she strained a muscle in her eye one time from rolling her eyes at him.)


Josh & Kelsey upside down

The only person who didn’t enjoy the evening was our four-year-old nephew, Ryan, who was quite upset by the fact that his parents (my brother Bob and his wife, Christine), along with his two siblings, Caitlyn and Connor, left him behind while they attended the rehearsal dinner. (Caitlyn was the flower girl and Ryan was the ring bearer.)


Ryan, Caitlyn & Connor

So Ryan spent nearly the entire evening nestled in the arms of his Aunt Mary, repeating his request to see his mommy and daddy “right now!” At one point, Mary told him that he needed to sit in a chair to eat his dinner and Ryan tearfully replied, “I just want to keep my eyes closed. Is that okay?” I guess that was his way of coping with the tragic set of circumstances that had befallen him. Perhaps if he didn’t have to view the cruel world, then it would all become a wee bit more tolerable. Later, when Ryan reluctantly agreed to disembark from Aunt Mary’s lap, he proceeded to eat his dinner – peeking out only periodically from his firmly closed eyes. Bless his heart, he eventually recovered from the traumatic ordeal and walked back to the hotel as happy as a lark – with his eyes wide open!

The wedding mass itself was just lovely. As Mark said at the reception, Melissa was the most beautiful bride – and she looked just as perfect at the end of the evening as she did at the beginning!


Mark & Melissa cutting cake

Their wedding program was special, too, and included several memories about each member of the wedding party. I was particularly touched by the following reference which read:

“A dozen roses have been arranged to remember those who are not with us today. We pray that they continue to watch over us and bless us every day, as we hold their memories close to our hearts. We love you and miss you, and know that you join us today in spirit.”

On the final page, Mark & Melissa shared a note of thanks to their parents:

“We couldn’t begin to express our appreciation for everything you’ve provided us. Thank you for showing us what love is and how to love others unconditionally. That is truly the best gift we’ve ever received. We hope that as we begin our new life together, we continue to embody the same values, encouragement, generosity, and love that you shared with us. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for – in so many ways – making possible a weekend that we will remember and cherish forever.”


Ed & Joan (Melissa's mom & stepdad)


Jim & Peggy (Melissa's dad & stepmom)


Jim & Marna (Mark's parents)

And thank you, Mark & Melissa, for giving us the privilege and joy of knowing you both and sharing in your special day. We love you.

“True life is only love, love only bliss.” ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning


Mark & Melissa on their way to happily ever after ....