My Brother, Bill

“But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother . . . .”
~ Proverbs 18:24b (NKJV)

You are my brother, you are my family
And it seems like only yesterday,
we were running wild and free
Down the corner buying candy,
or messin' 'round in the neighborhood
Hanging out with you night and day,
it was good, so good . . .

My Brother, My Brother ~ recorded by Aaron Neville

This week I’d like to write about my younger brother, Bill, who will be celebrating his 46th birthday on November 10th.

Bill and I are only sixteen months apart, even though we are the seventh and eighth children out of nine. I don’t know how our dear mother managed to keep her sanity having all those kids so close together. (Maybe she lost it by the time we were born, which would explain a lot.) At any rate, Bill and I go way back.



Rumor has it that I thought I was the boss of Bill from the time he was born. Mom said that when he started crawling, I followed him around everywhere he went. Poor kid. We even have a family picture with all of us kids lined up in a row. I was probably about two and Bill would have been about eight or nine months old. There we were at the end of the line, and I had my arm around Bill’s neck, holding him in a headlock.

Our favorite Bill story is about how he made up a song when he was only about seven years old. He would sing the chorus over and over as he strummed on his little ukulele: “Oh my baby, Oh my baby, Oh my baby, Oh my baby, Oh my baby, Oh my baby, Oh my baby, Oh my baby.” Then someone asked him, “What’s the name of your song, Billy?” In total exasperation, he replied, “Oh my BABY!”

My siblings and I used to torment Bill by singing this song called, Billy Boy. It went like this: “Oh where have you been, Billy Boy, Billy Boy? Oh where have you been, charming Billy? I have been to seek a wife, she’s the joy of my life; she’s a young thing and cannot leave her mother. Did she ask you to come in, Billy Boy, Billy Boy? Did she ask you to come in, charming Billy? Yes, she asked me to come in, there’s a dimple on her chin; she’s a young thing and cannot leave her mother.”

It should come as no surprise that Bill and I fought like cats and dogs when we were younger. (And I mean that literally.) But thankfully, we grew up, and I’m happy to report that now he is one of my dearest friends.

Bill is the business head in our family, and he graciously shares his ideas and wisdom with anyone willing to listen. It doesn’t matter how busy he is with his own family and business, he always makes time for his siblings. In an earlier column, I shared an example of how we benefited from Bill’s insights. It was about the time we were trying to sell our business in 1998 so Keen could go to college, and the guy we offered it to never returned Keen’s calls. Well, Bill became absolutely indignant about that and practically chastised us for wasting our time. “Call one of those big trash companies!” he exclaimed. So we took his advice and by 5:00 that night Keen had received a return telephone call from Waste Management. Within three months we closed the deal and Keen enrolled at Kansas State.

Recently I made the mistake of telling Bill that I was in the process of having business cards made up for Keen’s new law practice. Well, let me tell you, he was all over that! (I guess the tables have turned and now he thinks he’s the boss of me!) To make a long story short, after it was all said and done, Bill had dragged me kicking and screaming into the latest “must have” for the business world: a web page and a domain name. He said, “The whole idea behind a business card is to include as much contact information as possible.” He convinced me that now was the time to implement these changes – even though I had neither the time nor the desire to cooperate.

Then a couple of weeks ago I was feeling anxious about my book and decided to send out a preliminary query letter to the agent in New York who had expressed interest in my project several years ago. I was just going to send a letter, but Bill thought I should send the manuscript with the letter. I kept trying to explain why I simply wanted to ask her if she was still interested, but he kept insisting that I should wait. In one of his many e-mails he wrote: “I am thinking that you should send this letter with the manuscript, not asking permission to send it. Don’t leave her room to say no. (Old salesman’s trick.)” Nevertheless, I stuck to my guns and put the freshly composed letter in the mailbox. When I returned to my computer, I found yet another email from Bill asking if I’d sent the letter yet! I was tempted to tell him to back off, but instead I conceded and retrieved the letter before the mailman arrived. What can I say? I had to reluctantly admit that I did have a very slight, nagging doubt about it, and since he’s been right every other time, I was afraid not to listen to him!

“The godly give good advice . . . .” ~ Proverbs 10:21a (NLT)

I’ll say one thing, he sure is persistent! But seriously, Bill has a heart of gold and genuinely cares about everyone in his family.

"We need someone to believe in us - if we do well, we want our work commended, our faith corroborated. The individual who thinks well of you, who keeps his mind on your good qualities, and does not look for flaws, is your friend. Who is my brother? I'll tell you; he is one who recognizes the good in me." ~ Elbert Hubbard

Bill and his wife, Connie, have been married for over twenty years and together they are wonderful parents to their four children: Luke, Kyle, Joey and Callie.



Bill, Connie & kids with our father at Josh & Lisa's wedding in 2003

Whenever we visit their house it’s like Grand Central Station with friends constantly calling or coming over. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago Keen and I were in Olathe and we decided to drop by for a short visit. When we arrived, their house was swarming with teenagers who had gathered to celebrate Callie’s 13th birthday. There were pizza boxes galore and pop cans everywhere, and Connie was sitting on the floor organizing some games for the partygoers. If that wasn’t enough excitement for one night, they allowed their son Joey to invite four or five of his friends over, too! Yes, Bill and Connie are two of the most hands-on parents I know. They always attend their children’s’ various sporting events, even when that means traveling back and forth from one end of town to the other every Saturday and Sunday.

I might also add that Connie and I have two things in common: we both kept detailed journals of the funny things our kids said and did while growing up, and we both like to write poems. In fact, this Christmas I’d like to share a humorous poem/newsletter Connie wrote several years ago (with her permission, of course).

Lastly, I’d like to write about the way Bill and I seem to share the same warped sense of humor. Sometimes we can get pretty silly. For example, once we got off on a goofy tangent during an exchange of emails. It started with Bill saying: “If you need a proof reader, I could do it, for a fee.” Then later he sent me a picture that his son Kyle took at Josh and Lisa’s wedding, and he wrote: “I must copyright the photo Kyle took before it goes too far. I could ask him to sign your copies, for a fee.” But the straw that broke the camel’s back was when, in a more serious e-mail, I asked him to say some prayers for us. Believe it or not, he replied that he would be happy to, “for a fee.”

That’s what instigated me to write the following ditty:

What's all this about a fee?
We should charge you!
You little turkey!

And I don't think God
Would be very pleased
To hear that you’re charging
For petitions and pleas!

And besides, I thought blood
Was thicker than water
Are you forgetting,
I'm your mother's daughter?

So for your sake
I'll pretend you never said it
And I suggest you drop your suggestion
Or else you're gonna get it!

Your loving sister, Eileen

But Bill still got in the last word with this response: “I'll drop it, for a fee.”

So I guess I’ll wish my little brother a Happy Birthday ... “for a fee!”
I love you, bro!

Standing Tall

“For the Lord God helps me; therefore have I not been ashamed or confounded; therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame. He is near Who declares me in the right; who will contend with me? Let us stand forth together. Who is my adversary? Let him come near to me. Behold, the Lord God will help me; who is he who will condemn me?” ~ Isaiah 50:4,7,9

One of America’s greatest heroes, Rosa Parks, was laid to rest this week. Surely she is in Heaven, strolling along those streets of gold and enjoying her just reward.

When Rosa Parks, a 42-year-old black seamstress, stood up for her fundamental right of equality by refusing to relinquish her seat on the bus to a white man, I seriously doubt that she ever imagined her actions would have such far-reaching effects. Besides the 13-month boycott of the bus service, blacks in Montgomery went on to wage a successful Supreme Court challenge to the Jim Crow law which treated them as second-class citizens. Today Rosa Parks is eulogized as the mother of the civil rights movement.

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something; and what I can do, that I ought to do; and what I ought to do, by the grace of God I shall do." Edward Everett Hale

Due to my deep admiration for Rosa Parks, I decided that it would be worth the money to purchase the right to share this Associated Press photograph of her mug shot, which was taken on that fateful day nearly fifty years ago. I also obtained permission to post the picture on my blog/web page located at www.reflections-eileen.blogspot.com.


AP/Wide World Photos

To me, this picture vividly illustrates the extreme price Rosa Parks paid for following her convictions. She was arrested, fingerprinted, and ultimately convicted and fined for violating the segregation laws. But Mrs. Parks believed that she had as much right as anyone else to take a seat on that bus. Come what may, she could not bear the injustice or humiliation one more day.

In Dr. Martin Luther King’s book, “Stride Toward Freedom,” he wrote, “Actually no one can understand the action of Mrs. Parks unless he realizes that eventually the cup of endurance runs over, and the human personality cries out, 'I can take it no longer.'”

There’s a similar situation being played out right now in Manhattan, Kansas. The Manhattan Mercury (www.themercury.com) has reported on it extensively. The case involves a convicted felon who served about six years in prison for an armed robbery he committed when he was a teenager. However, this individual is currently employed fulltime, married, and attempting to live a law-abiding life.

While some may question my comparison of the two cases, I firmly believe that there is little difference. To make a long story short, one day back in August this man was walking out of an area bank when he was approached by a sheriff’s deputy who demanded that he turn over the hat he was wearing. The hat bore the initials “RCPD” on the front (Riley County Police Department, Manhattan, Kansas), and had been given to him by his mother-in-law, who apparently received it as a gift from the widow of a former Riley County Commissioner. After being threatened with arrest, the man reluctantly forfeited his hat.

Although it is still unclear exactly why the deputy demanded the hat, I personally surmise that he felt there was something improper or sacrilegious about an ex-felon wearing an RCPD cap.

At any rate, six weeks later the man attended a meeting of the Law Board and requested the return of his hat. He also asked them to show him what authority they had to continue to withhold it. While no answer was forthcoming, the chairman of the Law Board did offer to pay him $20.00 for the hat. The gentleman declined because he didn’t want the twenty dollars, he wanted his hat back. (He has a collection of over 100 hats.)

According to published reports, it seems the Riley County Police Department was concerned that someone in the community might mistakenly identify this individual as a member of their department. But we have all seen people wearing NYPD or FBI apparel without restrictions. In fact, our son Kirk visited the FBI headquarters several years ago and purchased an FBI sweatshirt for our grandson, Asher.

The point I’m trying to make is that Rosa Parks had a constitutional right to refuse to give up her seat on that bus, and this individual had a constitutional right not to be forced to forfeit his personal property, regardless of his past mistakes. There are laws in society which restrain the citizenry, and there are laws contained in the Constitution which limit the activities of police officers and/or government officials. When a citizen breaks the law, for example, they are charged, prosecuted and punished severely – and rightfully so. Someone who is caught shoplifting cannot simply agree to return the stolen merchandise and expect that “all will be forgiven.” Even though the stolen item might only be worth $16.99, the criminal will spend much more than that in fines and legal fees, and he may even be forced to spend some time in jail. Truly, crime doesn’t pay.

In the Manhattan case, however, it was the police officer who stepped over the line and violated a citizen’s right. Although the hat has since been returned to its rightful owner, the issue of damages is still being determined. For those who think that a twenty dollar hat is worth exactly $20.00, I would argue that it is not the hat itself he must be compensated for, but rather the violation of his First Amendment right of free expression, his Fourth Amendment right to be free from unreasonable search and seizure, and his Fourteenth Amendment right not to be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law.

I remember when we were involved in litigation with the Wabaunsee County Commissioners, we had a meeting with our lawyers about this very subject. They wanted us to agree to settle the case for far less than we felt it was worth; they said that we were being unreasonable. We explained that our First Amendment rights were not for sale. It was like asking us to put a price on one of our children. Keen said, “Put yourself in our shoes. For example, what is it worth to you not to have the government violate your Fourth Amendment right by breaking into your home and rifling through your personal papers?”

Since we couldn’t agree with our lawyers on what a “reasonable” settlement amount would be, the case went forward and the rest, as they say, is history.

Yet, our decision to stand up for our right of free speech also came at a high price. Case in point: after we finally reached an out-of-court settlement, Keen was blamed for the increased insurance rates for Wabaunsee County. We felt the blame belonged to the commissioners who had abused their power by carrying out their personal vendetta against Keen. After all, it was their actions which were ruled unlawful by the United States Supreme Court.

“In some people’s eyes, standing up for your rights qualifies you as a troublemaker instead of as a person with strong principles and convictions.” ~ Keen A. Umbehr

Whenever my book gets published, it will show that it is only by the grace and mercy of God that we managed to survive every attack upon our business, including two sabotage attempts – one that would have caused damage to our truck when someone drained the oil out of it, and the other which could have caused serious physical harm to Keen when someone removed the lug nuts from the rear tire of his smaller trash truck. All I can say is: “There is a God.” That’s the only explanation for why we were not destroyed many times over.

"It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out or more doubtful of success, nor dangerous to handle, than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer has enemies...and only lukewarm defenders." ~ The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli

STANDING TALL
By Eileen Umbehr

When right is wrong
And wrong is right
Do you run and hide,
Or embark on a fight?

If you run, you avoid
A prolonged struggle
No conflict, no worries
No lawyer bills to juggle.

But change doesn't happen
When your head's in the sand
It takes courage and commitment
To take a stand.

What would have happened
If Rosa Parks had backed down?
Would we all be equal,
Black, white & brown?

Sticking your neck out
Indeed, has its price
It is rarely popular
And involves sacrifice.

Your critics will be many
Your supporters few
But hold on to your dreams
And one day they'll come true.

Breaking Free

“In that wonderful day when the Lord gives his people rest from sorrow and fear, from slavery and chains . . . You will say, ‘The mighty man has been destroyed. Yes, your insolence is ended.  For the Lord has crushed your wicked power and broken your evil rule. You persecuted the people with unceasing blows of rage and held the nations in your angry grip. Your tyranny was unrestrained.’ But at last the land is at rest and is quiet. Finally it can sing again!  Even the trees of the forest . . . sing out this joyous song: Your power is broken! No one will come to cut us down now!” ~ Isaiah 14:3-8 (NLT)

     Last week I shared a letter I had written to a friend of mine who was struggling with her decision to file for divorce after her husband had an adulterous affair.  This is a copy of her response to my letter:

Dear Friend,

You have been a faithful woman of God and a faithful friend to me, Eileen.  Your letter, I know was penned from the heart of God.  He’s taking me to a new place of freedom and has helped me to release any hope of [my former husband] returning.  I’m grateful – only He could have done it.  The book was a wonderful, encouraging blessing.  It was good to hear the heart of someone else caught in similar experiences.  It brought comfort and reassurance to me, and it came at exactly the appointed time. I left the next day for a nine-day vacation and read it then.

You know how God helps us take steps by sending just the right words thru people & books & letters.  He’s done that again, and I think He bound me to your heart because He wanted to use you to walk me all the way thru this to the final freedom.

Writing this to you is the first time I’ve expressed that it’s finally over and I feel free.

Thank you, faithful friend.

************************************************************************

I know it isn’t easy to break free – especially when there are children involved.  One person I know put it this way: “You just don’t want to be a statistic.”  But your peace of mind is worth it. Your physical safety is worth it. Your emotional well being is worth it.  And your health is worth it.  Stress is known to be a major contributor to physical ailments, and living with someone who abuses you day in and day out will eventually take a toll on your health.  Not only that, but it is detrimental to your children to be raised in a war zone full of constant yelling and strife.

"A home, a family should be a place of support, should be a peaceful place – not a place of cruelty and brutality.”  ~ President George W. Bush

Patricia Evans has written two excellent books that I’d like to recommend: “The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond,” and “Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery. In her second book, Patricia shares some quotes from women who have been verbally abused by their husbands:
     
“I thought it was one of his ‘moods.’  Now I’ve put the pieces together and understand his ‘moods’ were verbal abuse.”
     “I thought that I was a terrible wife for saying the wrong things or voicing my opinions.  Now I realize I don’t deserve to be pushed out of the way so he can walk through.”
     “I thought that if he really knew I loved him he would love me enough to hear me.  Now I know he will never change.”

I remember the saddest thing I ever heard my sister say was that she had given up on the hope that her husband would ever truly love her. “I thought if he couldn’t love me,” she explained, “then maybe he could at least learn to tolerate me.”  This is a woman who spent her life trying to please her husband. For example, one day she cleaned the house from top to bottom to make him happy (since he was a neat freak), and when he got home all he said was, “Hmmmm. You’ve been cleaning.”  Then he promptly walked over to the air conditioning vent in the hallway and gave it the white glove test.  Of course he immediately voiced his disapproval and assured my sister that she had sadly come up short once again, despite her best efforts to win his approval.  I don’t know how she put up with him for all those years.  Looking back, she wonders herself.

Unfortunately, husbands like this are not a rarity.  I heard about one guy who yelled at his wife for throwing a tissue in the waste basket that he had just emptied.  Another husband on the Dr. Phil Show criticized how his wife loaded the dishwasher, the way she organized her cupboards and how she dressed.  Even though his wife was a busy stay-at-home mom with three small children, he wanted her to wear tight shirts and spandex pants around the house all day.  In fact, he said his fantasy was to have his wife greet him at the door in a French maid outfit.  Dr. Phil responded by saying, “Buddy, you couldn’t dig a bigger hole for yourself if I brought you a backhoe!”

Dr. Phil told one woman that what she had was not a marriage – it was an abusive situation. He stated, “I would rather be healthy alone being my own best friend, than sick and living in a controlling situation with someone else.”  The woman said that her husband “thinks he’s justified because it’s his house and his life and he should be able to do it his way. Period.”  Dr. Phil replied, “Well, he certainly can.  But by the grace and strength of God, he would do it without me, if I were you.”

I’d like to close with the following excerpts from a sermon delivered by T.D. Jakes:


There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this. When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean – hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said: “For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.” [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person.  It just means that their part in the story is over. You've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful …. I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat, then I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then LET IT GO!If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ….LET IT GO!If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth ….LET THEM GO! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ...LET IT GO! If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level …. LET IT GO!If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship ....LET IT GO! If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves ...LET IT GO!If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then ... LET IT GO!Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for you! So LET IT GO!

“Do not [earnestly] remember the former things, neither consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it, and will you not give heed to it?  I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”   ~  Isaiah 43:18,19






Mount Princeton Hot Springs Resort ~ Nathrop, Colorado

Taking Control

      “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted ox and hatred with it.”  ~ Proverbs 15:17

As most of you know, I have a passion for abused women.  I desperately want them to know that they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. With October being National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I’d like to take the opportunity to address this topic once again.

After witnessing the devastating effects of abuse on my sister throughout her twenty-five year marriage, I decided to form a non-profit organization called “Sisters Are We, Inc.”  The idea was born out of a desire to help Mary and others like her who needed emotional and financial support during the divorce process.  Statistically, the primary obstacle to women desiring to leave an abusive relationship is their concern about finances and how they will make ends meet.  When my sister went through her divorce, I took a temporary office job for three months to earn the money to help her out.  Our son, Keen II, my sister, Peggy, and our friends, Greg and Karen Barron, also made contributions to “Sisters Are We.”  Unfortunately, I haven’t done much with the organization since then, but one day I hope to develop a clearinghouse for abused women.  I’d like to be able to match them up with a volunteer “sister” who could provide a shoulder to cry on, an ear for listening, and a little help with the daily stresses of life. In the meantime, if there is anyone who needs encouragement in this area, please feel free to email me at AskEileen@aol.com.

“…you shall receive your sisters, both your elder and your younger….”  ~ Ezekiel 16:61

Abuse comes in many forms – verbal, physical, emotional and mental – and each one leaves lifelong scars on the victim.  According to a report from the Department of Justice, there were almost 700,000 incidents of domestic violence in 2001, and nearly 1,200 women were murdered by their current or former spouse or partner during that same year.

"I understand that marriage is a life commitment. I understand that people think it’s a covenant with God. [But] there are deal-breakers in my opinion, and physical abuse is one of those deal-breakers."   ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

Although the Bible does say that God hates divorce, I don’t believe He wants or expects women to stay with men who abuse them or their children.  In her book titled: Keeping the Faith: Guidance for Christian Women Facing Abuse, Marie Fortune points out that bringing violence into a marriage is another form of unfaithfulness. Like adultery, violence destroys trust. Marie goes on to explain that when God says He hates divorce, He is “acknowledging the pain that we all feel when a situation reaches the point where a divorce is necessary, when the brokenness is so great that it cannot be repaired between two people.  God does not say, ‘Thou shalt not divorce.’  But God grieves that unfaithfulness of any kind results in divorce.”

The operative word in any abusive relationship is CONTROL. The abuser generally attempts to exert control over your money, your time, your friends, and even your thoughts. A recent guest on the Dr. Phil Show was so controlling that he told his wife when it was “her day” to take a shower.  

If you are in an abusive, controlling relationship, I urge you to reach out for help.  Life is short, and ignoring the problem will not make it go away. (A good book on that subject is: I Closed My Eyes: Revelations of a Battered Woman by Michele Weldon.) You can’t keep it all in and expect your relationship to magically improve. You have to confront the issue and take control. Now I realize that’s a whole lot easier said than done, but if you've already wasted precious years in a dead-end marriage with a spouse who shows no signs of being willing to change, then maybe you need to see the situation for what it really is, and not for what you want it to be. If it's sick, take it to the doctor; if it's dead – bury it.

In closing, I would like to share a letter I wrote several years ago to a friend of mine who divorced her husband after learning that he had an affair and his mistress was pregnant. Even after the divorce, she steadfastly held on to the hope that they would be reunited.

Dear Friend,

You are always in my heart and never far from my thoughts – but especially lately.  The other day I was watching the 700 Club and there was a woman by the name of Bonnie Keen on the show talking about her book: Blessed are the Desperate, for they will find Hope. Bonnie was a Christian singer with two small children when she found out that her husband was having an affair.  When they got divorced, she felt like it invalidated everything she’d ever done.  She also felt like she had a scarlet D on her forehead.

I have one other thing that is on my heart to say. Since we haven’t talked in a long time, I’m not exactly sure where you stand with your feelings about the divorce.  But the last time we visited you expressed deep regrets. You also said that you were praying for your marriage to be restored one day. All I want to say is this:  You didn’t divorce him – he divorced you the moment he violated your marriage vows with another woman. All you did was accept the reality of his choices. Yes, God hates divorce, but he also hates it when men mistreat the wife of their youth.

“And this you do with double guilt; you cover the alter of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives]…. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.”  ~ Malachi 2:13, 15b

I remember when Keen used to stop by to talk to [your former husband] whenever he brought the trash truck to the landfill.  He would always say, “Man, Keen. This is such wisdom. Where are you getting this stuff?”  After weeks of talking without any change in behavior, Keen concluded that he was like a man who took food offered to him and said, “Mmmmm.  This is really good!”  Although he pretended to chew it, he never actually digested it.  And the minute Keen walked away, he just spit it out.

I also remember how he tried to justify his adultery. One time he asked Keen: “Where is the judgment of God for my sin? I don’t see it.”  It’s like Malachi 3:17 that says:

“You have wearied the Lord with your words.  Yet you say, In what way have we wearied Him? You do it when by your actions you say, Every one who does evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and He delights in them. Or by asking, Where is the God of justice?”

This next verse comes from I Corinthians 7:15, the Living Bible translation:

“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian is eager to leave, it is permitted.  In such cases the Christian husband or wife should not insist that the other stay, for God wants His children to live in peace and harmony.  For, after all, there is no assurance to you wives that your husbands will be converted if they stay; and the same may be said to your husbands concerning your wives.”

There is one thing that neither God nor man can control – that is, the free will of another person.  A marriage is between two people.  It involves their commitment to each other and to God. When one party chooses to break the bond of love and seek the affections of someone outside of their union, then the other person has to face that sad reality and move on. And that’s what you did.  He made the decision to leave you for another woman.  That was his choice, not yours.  But once he made it, your only option was to accept the facts and trust God to lead your life in a new direction.

“See, this is the man who made not God his strength – his stronghold and high tower; but trusted and confidently relied on the abundance of his riches, seeking refuge and security for himself through his wickedness.

But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust and confidently rely on the loving kindness and the mercy of God for ever and ever. I will thank You and confide in You forever, because You have done it [delivered me and kept me safe].  I will wait, hope and expect in Your Name, for it is good….”  ~ Psalm 52:7-9  

You are that green olive tree, my friend.  You have walked with God and revered His laws.  Therefore, you will be richly blessed.  Godliness is profitable (I Timothy 4:8). You are blessed with the peace that comes from obeying God and listening to His voice.

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.”  ~ Psalm 1:1-3

How Do You Spell Success?

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” ~ Mark 8:37 (KJV)

Success is measured by the height of your aspirations,
The breadth of your vision, the depth of your convictions.
Success lies not in how well-known you are, but how well-respected –
Not in your power to take, but your willingness to give.
Success is the small voice you hear within
When you know you have done your best.

~ Hallmark card Keen received

Back in my younger days as a cheerleader, we used to shout out the following cheer: S-U-C-C-E-S-S – that’s the way we spell Success!” This week I’d like to address the question: How do you spell success?

In a recent edition of his column, “On the Run,” my friend Larry Welch eulogized his late father’s full – and successful – life. Larry summed up several lessons he had learned from his father. Lesson number nine struck me the most: “Love unconditionally.” Larry wrote, “I can't think of a nicer lifetime reputation for a person to have than that they loved unconditionally.”

Neither can I, Larry. We are very blessed who have experienced unconditional love from God, our parents, siblings, spouses and/or friends.

Success
Author Unknown

You can use most any measure
When you're speaking of success
You can measure it in fancy homes
Expensive cars or dress
But the measure of your real success
Is the one you cannot spend
It's the way your kids describe you
When they're talking to a friend.

In the same column, Larry shared the following quote from anthropologist and author, Margaret Mead, Ph.D.

"I must admit that I personally measure success in terms of the contributions an individual makes to her or his fellow human beings.”

Remember This
Author Unknown

God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

God won't ask the square footage of your house, but He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, but He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

God won't ask what your salary was, but He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

God won't ask what your job title was, but He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of our ability.

God won't ask how many friends you had, but He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

God won't ask what neighborhood you lived in, but He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin, but He'll ask about the content of your character.

“The Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." ~ I Samuel 16:7b (RSV)

The following poem was left on the windshield of Keen’s car when it was parked at Washburn Law School during the final week of classes:

Has My Life Made A Difference?
Author Unknown

Has my life made a difference?
After I’m gone will anyone say?
I’m really glad I met him
He often brightened my day.

Has my life made a difference?
Was I willing to take a stand?
Did I do the best I could,
To help my fellow man?

Has my life made a difference?
God only knows for sure
I don’t understand it all just yet
But I know God’s Word is pure.

Has my life made a difference?
Perhaps you should ask yourself the same
You see, nothing really matters
If love’s not our greatest aim.

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those who are perishing. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.” ~ Proverbs 31:8,9 (NLT)

Many people characterize success by the number of degrees you hold, and/or by the prestige of the institution where you obtained your degree.

Naomi Patterson, a local columnist, poet and retired clinical psychologist, wrote a very insightful article in a recent edition of The Topeka Capital-Journal. Naomi pointed out a little known fact about ABC news anchor Peter Jennings, who passed away from lung cancer. It seems Peter Jennings never attended college. As a matter of fact, he dropped out of high school. “Instead of pursuing a formal education,” she wrote, “Jennings had pursued his passion, surely having no idea himself of the success he would achieve against all odds.”

Naomi went on to say that many individuals who don’t fit the formal education mold have the “intelligence, heart, creativity and passion to make a meaningful mark in the world . . . without college algebra or knowing the capital of Afghanistan.”
Being one of those individuals who have never attended a day of college, I was especially appreciative of Naomi’s comments. By pursing my passion for writing, I hope to be able to touch lives and “make my mark in the world.”

In my husband’s case, on the other hand, he had to obtain a degree in order to pursue his passion for the law. In the final analysis, it’s up to each of us individually to identify our true passion and to take whatever steps are necessary to ensure that we are fully utilizing our God-given talents.

“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which, he simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he’s always doing both.” ~ James A. Michener (1907-97), Pulitzer Prize-winning author of "Tales of the South Pacific" and other bestselling books

“ . . . and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of [our] faith . . . .” ~ Hebrews 12:1b,2a (KJV)

Keepin' It Real

“Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.” ~ James 1:2-4 (NLT)

Ups and Downs
By Eileen Umbehr

All of life
Is ups and downs
Happy, sad
Smiles, frowns

Fridays, Mondays
Births and deaths
No one escapes
Life’s trials and tests

Victories, defeats
Contentment and sorrow
The joys of today
The heartaches of tomorrow

But come what may
I will not complain
My hope is in God
Both in sunshine and rain.


(Taken after a recent blow-out)

My number one goal in writing my column is to keep it real. By that I mean that I never want to be guilty of only sharing the “up” times in our lives, because that’s just not a true picture of the way things really are. Yes, we have been richly blessed with a happy marriage and family, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have to work very hard at maintaining that status and it doesn’t mean that we don’t face the same struggles that everyone else faces in their lives.

Basically, I am a positive person (although that hasn’t always been the case), so naturally I tend to be positive in my writing. But I would be doing a great disservice to my readers if I gave the impression that our life is always peaches and cream, because it isn’t. We each have our own individual flaws, and we are constantly working on improving ourselves, with God’s help.

I once told my sister Joanne that when I share one of our family pictures with others, I don’t want them to see the image of a “picture-perfect family,” but rather, I want them to see an image of a “picture-perfect example of God’s grace.” In other words, even though we have had our share of ups and downs, the fact remains that God’s grace has seen us through every trial and has helped us overcome every obstacle along the way. That’s what I want people to see when they look at our family picture.

Don’t get me wrong, the majority of the time Keen and I enjoy marital bliss, with only occasional interruptions from an argument where we – okay, I – could be heard by anyone within a three-mile radius. But I must admit that the past couple of months have been some of the most difficult for us, second only to the period of time when we were involved in the lawsuit and awaiting a decision from the Supreme Court.

Even before Hurricane Katrina destroyed Jared and Erin’s apartment, Keen and I were going through one of the most intense periods of this entire academic journey. The amount of preparation he had to devote to the bar exam prevented us from enjoying the quality time we would normally have spent together. So our life was no longer in balance, resulting in numerous misunderstandings and arguments. I tried my best to be understanding, but eventually I started feeling neglected, which always brings out the worst in me. But Keen was under such tremendous stress leading up to the exam that his emotional reserves were on empty, too. That’s when tensions reached a fever pitch at our house.

I’ve often thought it would be so much easier if I was self-sufficient and didn’t have any emotional needs, but that is simply not the case. We all have needs and it is only when our individual needs are met that we are fully equipped to go out into the world and fulfill our God-given destiny.

“Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.”
~ I Corinthians 11:11,12 (NKJV)

In Gary Chapman’s book, Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, he talks about how we all have different ways that communicate love to us. Some people feel loved when they receive gifts. That’s not me, which is probably a good thing, since Keen isn’t much of a gift-giver. However, I quickly identified my “love language” – quality time. There is nothing I enjoy more than spending time with Keen – my high school sweetheart, the love of my life and my best friend. I love walking and talking with him, or just sitting on the couch with a cup of tea. That’s when I feel the most loved. For me, spending time with Keen is like putting gas in my tank; without it, my emotional engine light comes on and eventually I shut down all together.

Even after the bar exam was over, Keen and I seemed to suffer from post-traumatic “test stress.” Then the hurricane hit. In the midst of trying to be supportive to Jared, Erin and the boys, we were busy setting up Keen’s law office in Topeka. This involved buying fax machines and printers and phones (AND filling out those “oh-so-fun” rebate forms), as well as setting up new checking accounts and learning a new system of billing. In addition, Keen has had his hands full with several new clients.

Meanwhile, Jared and Erin’s lives were in a constant state of flux. It’s been painful for us to witness because we’ve been completely helpless to do anything about it. Although Erin had a place to stay in Manhattan and she enrolled Asher in kindergarten, their ultimate goal was to reunite as a family once again. However, when Jared checked into the few apartment complexes’ that were still in operation, he learned that there were 150 people on the waiting list. Then Erin checked into hotel accommodations in the area, but they were booked for the next eighteen months as well. It just seemed like every road they went down led to another dead end.

Then there was a light at the end of the tunnel when the Navy announced that they would be opening up some housing units on base at Pensacola, Florida. Although this would be about two hours away from where Jared worked, the Navy had plans to provide shuttle transportation every weekend. To make a long story short, for reasons beyond anyone’s control, the Pensacola plan fell through at the last minute. Erin said she felt like someone was pushing the buttons of her life like a tape recorder: Stop – Play – Pause. Understandably, the uncertainty and confusion became almost unbearable.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.’” ~ Isaiah 30:21

Finally, in the 11th hour, after they had almost resigned themselves to living apart again, some base housing became available back in Gulfport. Jared’s Chief went to bat for him since Jared has three dependents, and they assigned them a four-bedroom housing unit on base. Now Jared can be home with his family every night and Erin can return to her nursing job at Gulfport Memorial if she wants to. As an added bonus, the babysitter Erin had previously lined up lives right there in Gulfport, too. Although the surrounding area is still in bad shape after Katrina, they can always drive to outlying areas for shopping and recreation. The important thing is that they will finally be together – thank God!

In the midst of all this turmoil, my friend Maggie (from my days at Hudson Junior High), and her husband, Randy, sent some sunshine Jared and Erin’s way by surprising them with a check for five hundred dollars! Randy and Maggie live in Wisconsin and have three sons of their own, but they generously decided to donate money to some hurricane victims that they knew personally. When I called Maggie to thank her, she said, “Just tell them that God guided us to do it and it just felt right.” Thank you, Randy and Maggie, for having such big hearts and for helping our kids get through one of the darkest times of their married life.

“That you may give him the power to hold himself calm in the days of adversity . . . For the Lord will not cast off nor spurn His people, neither will He abandon His heritage. When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, held me up. In the multitude of my (anxious) thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!” ~ Psalms 94:13a,14; 18,19 (Amp)

May God bless everyone for their love, support, encouragement and prayers!

“And I will bless those who bless you . . . .” ~ Genesis 12:3a (NKJV)


A not-so-perfect picture of the Umbehr family from Christmas, 2000

Giving Credit Where It's Due

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” ~ Joshua 1:8 (NKJV)

The man who decides what he wants to achieve
And works till his dreams all come true
The man who will alter his course when he must
And bravely begin something new

The man who’s determined to make his world better
Who’s willing to learn and to lead
The man who keeps trying and doing his best
Is the man who knows how to succeed.

~ Hallmark card Keen received for his graduation

For the past several weeks the primary focus of my column has been the hurricane and the impact it had on our son’s family. My sister Connie predicted that I would make a four-part series out of it – and she was pretty close to being right. She also commented on how I never seem to have any shortage of material for my column as the day-to-day events of our life provide more than enough!

This week I’d like to shift my focus to a more joyful event that happened while we were “weathering the storm.” On September 1st, when Keen and Kirk were still down in Texas, I received a call from one of Keen’s law school colleagues who wanted to let us know that the results of the bar exam had been released. She also wanted to report the good news that she had passed.

After I hung up the phone, my stomach started doing flip-flops, my hands started shaking and my knees started knocking. So I called Keen on his cell phone and spoke slowly and clearly so he could understand me. “The bar results are out,” I said. “What?” he asked. I repeated: “The bar results are out.” Well, I guess my voice sounded so serious that he thought the news was bad. Dejected, he asked, “Did I fail?” “Oh, no, honey!” I quickly replied. “I have no idea. I’m just calling to tell you that the results were released. We need that yellow card to look it up on the internet.” One problem. Keen couldn’t remember what he did with the all-important yellow card which contained his all-important confidential examinee number. Now I was really getting nervous.

“W-h-a-a-a-a-t do you mean you don’t know where the yellow card is?” I asked, my voice quivering. After wracking his brain for several minutes, Keen asked if by chance I had saved any mementos from his bar exam. (He knows I’m a sentimental packrat when it comes to things like that.) Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head and I remembered that I had saved the papers he brought home from the test!

After locating the yellow card with his exam number, I set out to look up the information on the web page. With shaky fingers, I typed in www.kscourts.org, scrolled down to “Attorney Admissions,” and clicked on “July 2005 Results.” Then I frantically scrolled through the list of 338 numbers in search of number 161 – hoping beyond hope that I would see the word “Pass” and not “Fail.”

All of this happened while Keen was waiting anxiously on the other end of the phone. I was petrified to look, but I knew we didn’t have any other choice. It was kind of like getting ready to take your first parachute jump out of an airplane; you’ve worked hard and prepared well to get to this point, but there is still great trepidation about whether or not everything will go as planned.

Finally, I located the 150’s. 156, 157, 158 . . . and there it was! 161 – PASS! I immediately broke down crying and announced the good news to Keen, who promptly went into shock and handed the phone to our oldest son, Jared. Jared didn’t know why his dad handed him the phone, and I didn’t realize he had handed Jared the phone, so when I heard a new voice on the other end of the line, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. “Who is this?” I asked through sobs of joy. “It’s me, Jared. Mom, are you all right?” “Yes, please put your father back on the line!” It was the moment Keen and I had waited so long for and I wanted to savor every second with him – even if it was over the phone long distance!

Of course, Keen was absolutely exhilarated. “We did it, honey! You, me, God, the kids – everybody. We did it!” We’ve been pinching ourselves ever since and it still hasn’t completely sunk in that he passed. I told Keen that I don’t think I cried that hard when the kids were born. He replied, “That’s because you weren’t pregnant for seven years!”

Back when Keen was hauling trash for a living, he prayed this simple prayer: “Lord, if You want me to be a trash man for the rest of my life, then I’ll accept that. But if possible, and if it’s Your will, I pray that one day I can make money using my mind instead of my back.”

Keen and I give thanks and glory to God that on September 30th, when he is sworn in, that prayer from so long ago will finally be answered.

“For consider your call, brethren; not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth; but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong, God chose what is low and despised in the world . . . so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus . . . therefore, as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts, boast of the Lord.’” ~ I Corinthians 1:26-31 (RSV)

One time when I was having a conversation with my father, I made the comment, “Praise the Lord,” and my dad responded, “Praise the Lord? Praise that hardworking husband of yours!” Yes, it’s true that Keen has worked very hard to achieve his goal, and I am so very proud of him for that. But without God’s help, guidance, wisdom and provision, none of this would have been possible. As the Bible says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13) That’s why it’s very important to us that we “give credit where it’s due.”

In addition, although we have made many financial sacrifices to make Keen’s dream a reality, God has been faithful to provide for our every need. Like the Israelites who wandered in the desert for forty years, we have “lacked nothing.” (Nehemiah 9:21) And now that we are trusting God to bless Keen’s law practice, we want to give Him the glory in advance for any financial success we may enjoy in the future, for we remain ever mindful of the fact that “every good and perfect gift is from Above.” (James 1:7)

“Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments . . . lest when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; then you say in your heart, 'My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.'And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth.” ~ Deuteronomy 8:11-13;17,18


Keen & Eileen outside of Washburn University School of Law on graduation day


Keen's diploma from Washburn University School of Law

In Search of the Silver Lining

“As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.”

~ Psalms 55:16,17 (KJV)

Several years ago, Keen and I appeared on a television show in Hollywood called “Judge for Yourself.” (The topic was abstinence.) During the taping of the show, we had the privilege of meeting an extremely talented Christian singing artist by the name of Steve Gooden. Steve gave us a compact disc of his original songs titled “From the Heart” – and these past couple of weeks I’ve been listening to one particular song over and over. It’s about finding a silver lining behind the clouds when everything around you seems to be falling apart. Here are some of the words to the song:

All the people say,
Soon the rain will go away.
So know within your heart,
There’s gonna be a brighter day.
Because the sun will surely shine –
So find your silver lining.

During times of crisis, it isn’t always easy to find the silver lining. But because of our faith in God, we believe that all things will work together for good. (Romans 8:28)

Shortly after we learned that Jared and Erin had lost everything in the hurricane (and no, they didn’t have insurance), I flipped open my Bible in search of inspiration and my eyes fell on the following verse from Job 42:10:

"And the Lord turned the captivity of Job and restored his fortunes. . . also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before."

That is my prayer for Jared and Erin – that they will end up better off than they were before – not worse off.

“And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” ~ Matthew 7:25 (KJV)

Friends and family have been a great source of encouragement to Jared and Erin during this difficult time. Erin’s parents got the ball rolling by donating a cash amount, followed by Keen and I who gave the same amount (our first income from Keen’s law practice), and Josh and Lisa, who matched the same amount without even knowing how much anyone else had given.

Keen’s parents and siblings have been a Godsend by opening their hearts and homes as well as offering to donate all the necessary household items whenever Jared and Erin are able to relocate to a new apartment. Several of my siblings have also shared monetarily, as well as sending special gifts for Asher and Gabe, who just celebrated their birthdays. (Gabe turned 3 last Saturday the 17th, and Asher turned 6 on Wednesday the 21st.) On Sunday, Keen’s Aunt Helen also dropped off two blankets that she made for the boys.

I found the perfect plaque titled “Our Family” at a store in the Manhattan Mall called The Front Porch. I bought one for Keen’s folks and another for Jared and Erin.

Our Family is a circle of strength and love.
With every birth and every union the circle grows.
Every joy shared adds more love.
Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.
~ Author Unknown

Other encouragement has come from words of wisdom and comfort shared. One example is a letter I received from my high school friend, Scott, who recalled a lesson he learned from our former Bible study youth group leader in Singapore, Keith Lindaman:

“Keith used to say that our life on earth was temporary, like going camping and living in a tent. He said none of us would think about spending money to upgrade a tent with air conditioning, carpet, etc., and that we should have the same attitude toward this earthly life. We shouldn't wear ourselves out trying to build up THIS life as if it is eternal because we can lose everything . . . in the blink of an eye. Instead, we must concentrate on things above and know that THAT is where our hearts are and where our TRUE LIFE is. While Jared and Erin are surely heartbroken, and will face a lot of economic stress as a result of this storm, the memory of accumulation and loss of ‘things’ will fade over time. And when we begin our REAL lives, in heaven, we'll see that what went before truly was nothing to be concerned about.”

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” ~ Matthew 6:19-21 (NKJV)

Here is another thoughtful note I received from one of my new Circle of Friends in Seattle, Caroline:

“Eileen, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. There are so many mysteries in life--to include Mother Nature and why she would take one path and not another. I have to remind myself that in the midst of mortal, earthly chaos (which can take many forms), that there is a Design that I don't have to understand. I just have to let go and trust in God. Not always easy, but life is such that we all get lots of practice! Oh, my, the Mysteries . . .”

“For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” ~ I Corinthians 13:12,13

Support has also graciously been offered from total strangers. I have shared Jared and Erin’s story with countless store clerks, simply because it has been such a huge event in our lives and I feel the need to talk about it. I can’t tell you how many of them have expressed heartfelt compassion with tear-filled eyes.

In one case I struck up a conversation with a couple in Wal-Mart and they ended up offering Erin and the boys some meat from a hog they butchered. Their last name is Stutzman and she teaches at St. John’s Lutheran School in Alma. Her husband said, “I’m serious. I don’t make idle offers. Just call ahead before you come and we’ll load them up with some of the biggest pork chops you’ve ever seen.”

Another total stranger from Cox Cable in Manhattan offered to donate some clothes for Erin. She said that her 22-year old daughter (who happens to be Erin’s size), just moved to New York and left behind lots of clothes. So we have all felt incredibly blessed by the enormous outpouring of love and support.

I’d like to close with this short story from the book titled Heart Throbs: The Old Scrapbook by Joe Mitchell Chapple:

Gratitude to God
By Orville Dewey

Notwithstanding all that I have suffered, notwithstanding all the pain and weariness and anxiety and sorrow that necessarily enter into life, and the inward errings that are worse than all, I would end my record with a devout thanksgiving to the great Author of my being. For more and more am I unwilling to make my gratitude to Him what is commonly called ‘a thanksgiving for mercies,’ – for any benefits or blessings that are peculiar to myself, or my friends, or indeed to any man. Instead of this, I would have it to be gratitude for all that belongs to my life and being, – for joy and sorrow, for health and sickness, for success and disappointment, for virtue and for temptation, for life and death; because I believe that all is meant for good.

“We are hedged in (pressed) on every side – troubled and oppressed in every way; but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair;We are (persecuted and hard-driven,) pursued, but not deserted – to stand alone; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed . . .

Therefore we do not become discouraged – utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear. Though our outer man is (progressively) decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being (progressively) renewed day after day . . .Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.”

~ II Corinthians 4:8,9,16,18 (AMP)


Umbehr Family Reunion after Katrina (Back row - Keen, Eileen, Erin, Jared & Gabe on Jared's shoulders. Front row - Josh, Lisa, Asher, Keen II and Kirk Van)


Family Picture with Keen II's girlfriend, Emily. (Notice Josh is caught in the act of trying to give Asher bunny ears!)


Welcome Home! (Asher, Erin, Gabe & Jared)


Masked Party-goers at Chuck E. Cheese - where a kid (and adults) can be a kid! (Keen II, Emily, Asher, Gabe, Erin & Kirk)


Erin, Asher & Gabe with Asher's "Dragon Ball-Z cake"


Twins? (five years apart) Jared & Keen II


Mom with all four of her boys (Left to right - Kirk, 16; Keen II, 21; Eileen; Jared, 26; Josh, 24)

Fallen Heroes

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” ~ John 15:13 (KJV)

“A hero is a man who does what he can.” ~ Roman Rollard

Today is September 11th, 2005, the anniversary of another horrific event in American history; a time to reflect on all the fallen heroes who have given their lives to save another.

Therefore, this week I’d like to share a column from my fellow writer and friend, Tom Parker. Tom and his wife Lori live in Blue Rapids, Kansas, where they own and operate the Blue Rapids Mercantile. Tom also writes a weekly column titled “The Way Home,” which is published in the Washington County News in Washington, Kansas. A collection of Tom’s better columns will soon be published in a book titled “Dispatches from Kansas.”

On August 18, 2005, Tom’s cousin, Officer Richard (Ricky) Smith, a 25-year veteran of the Albuquerque Police Department, was shot and killed in the line of duty. According to the Officer Down Memorial Page web site (www.odmp.org), Ricky and his partner, Officer Michael King (a 22-year veteran of the department), were shot and killed while attempting to take a man into custody for a mental health evaluation.

When the officers located the man near an intersection, they were ambushed in his front yard and immediately fired upon. They were unaware that the patient had already killed three other innocent people. Officer King was shot first. Ricky was behind him and was able to draw and fire one round before calling for assistance and succumbing to his wounds.

The suspect fled the scene on a motorcycle, but was located approximately two hours later and taken into custody. He has been charged with murdering Officer Smith and Officer King. He was also charged with two murders that had been committed earlier in the evening at a local motorcycle store, as well as the murder of a New Mexico Department of Transportation worker which had occurred that morning.

Tom Parker wrote two columns in honor of his cousin’s memory. In the first article he shared about the many condolences that were pouring in from around the nation. Justin Marquis of the Sutherlin, Oregon Police Department, left this message on the Officer Down web page: “Rest now, brother, after a job well done. We’ll take it from here.”

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to the friends, families and colleagues of Officers Richard Smith and Michael King.

Now, with Tom Parker’s kind permission, I would like to share the text of his second column:

Go with me, my good angels, to my end;
And, as the long divorce of steel falls on me,
Make of your prayers one sweet sacrifice,
And lift my soul to heaven.

– Shakespeare, Henry VIII

If there is any immortality to be had on this earth it is through the selfless sacrifice of a life lost in the service of others. Twenty-five years to the day that he joined the Albuquerque Police Department, Officer Richard Smith’s bullet-riddled body was laid to rest. His perdurable legacy is this: over two thousand people crowding the church, a police procession stretching for eight long miles under a cloudless New Mexican sky, and hundreds of common citizens lining the roadways for this, his last watch.

The immediate family rode in five gleaming white limousines, but in a sense every man, woman and child there were part of the family. For the police there was the camaraderie of brothers in arms, the thin blue line which had been sundered in a muzzle flash and just as quickly reformed and solidified and strengthened by indomitable will and courage. For the family there was a deep hole that seemed bottomless and yet was already filling with remembrances and memories and the consoling realization that he was our own and he was the best and that his presence would forever be part of us, stronger than bone, deeper than blood, closer than the soul. For the strangers beside the road he was a symbol crafted of flesh and blood and his blood had been spilled to keep them safe, and their presence was an act of thanksgiving and respect.

Around the time the motorcade cleared Tijeras Canyon and began its descent into the city, I stood bewildered in a field wet with rain. Dark storm clouds rolled off to the east, dragging rain and lightning in their wake like an unruly and tempestuous child. Overhead the sky was roiling, light and dark clouds seething and writhing and shredding apart to reveal tattered shades of blue. Not for the first time I wondered if I had done my cousin a disservice by remaining in Kansas, if the distance separating me from my family and the cordon of uniformed men and women somehow lessened my placement in their ranks.

Nor did my surroundings diminish the sensation of disjointedness. Even as I imagined the city unfolding before the convoy, I watched four white-spotted fawns bound away in pursuit of their mothers. No sound of traffic nor any other thing than the low rumble of the grain elevator and the song of a cardinal and my own shallow breathing. Rather than vehicles and a violent cityscape and the incessant wail of sirens, I presided over nodding goldenrod and brome gone to seed and rainpools shining silver in the morning light.

I had wandered all night through empty streets and alleys, past churches whose doors were barred and nailed shut, down broad greenbelts that faced backyards devoid of any life other than a solitary majestic elk, but what I sought was unknowable and unfound. By dawn I was exhausted, and woke and went to work as always and returned as thunder faded and light grew ascendant, and I kissed my wife as she left for work and then wandered into the field to ask the day for answers. And none were forthcoming.

The literal translation of bewilder is “to lose in pathless places, to confound for want of a plain road.” Such was my state of mind as I thought of my family accompanying Ricky to his end, and me here alone with no idea how to say goodbye without feeling inadequate. As if by my willful exclusion I had abandoned them. What rite, what ceremony, could bridge that distance and set aright this terrible emptiness? Knowing none, I stepped farther into the field. Grass soaked my pants to my knees. Sunlight tore through a rent in the clouds and sparkled on the dew and pinned me in place.

Hundreds of miles away, as the hearse pulled away from the funeral home and began the long slow drive to the graveyard, an alert tone cleared all traffic from police radios. “All units will ten-three,” the dispatcher said, and every officer in the city paused in what they were doing except for the motorcade, and they listened and struggled with the words.

“This is the final dispatch for Officer Richard Smith,” the dispatcher announced. “It is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to you. In life you were a loving husband and a wonderful father. As a police officer and White Striper, you always carried yourself with such class and integrity you were often looked to for guidance. Always smiling and full of life, it’s easy to see why those who met and knew you appreciated and loved you. We will never forget that you gave the ultimate sacrifice.

“Officer Smith, respond now to your final dispatch.”

In all that vast city, on every police radio, in the hearts of all who heard, there was only silence.

And in the silence heard even here I said a short prayer for Ricky’s soul and for his wife and daughter and father and mother and all the rest who were there and not here. And even as I uttered the words I saw first one and then a dozen and then a thousand dragonflies wending their way southward, weaving and skirling through the skies and above the grasses and all about me in an intricate, untraceable pattern, and I raised my arms and cast the prayer off and they took it and made it their own. I imagined in my weariness that my prayer was borne aloft by thousands of glittering restless wings, magnified and translated into an unspoken language which knows death is only another form of migration, and that the end of the journey is home.

Tom Parker
Blue Rapids, Kansas
Tlparker1@sbcglobal.net


Officer Ricky Smith (photo used by permission of www.odmp.org)


Officer Smith with Tom & Lori Parker's oldest son, Joel in the early 1980's. (Photo courtesy of Tom and Lori Parker.)

In the Eye of the Storm

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
~Psalm 46:1-3

“God didn't promise days without pain; laughter without sorrow,or sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”
~ Author Unknown

When I last wrote, we still had not heard anything from our son Jared and his family who were in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi when Hurricane Katrina hit. It would be another twenty-four hours before we would receive any word from them at all. Erin’s mother, Lu and I talked on the phone both days, trying to reassure one another that our children and grandchildren were physically safe.

As I mentioned last week, Jared, Erin, Asher and Gabe, (and their pets, Chance and Snowball), decided to wait out the storm in a shelter located at the naval command post at Stennis Space Center in Mississippi. Jared said it’s like a city unto itself, with a backup generator and water supply. Plus, the building was constructed to sustain a Category 5 hurricane, and thank God it did!

The first phone call from Jared finally came in on Tuesday afternoon. Even though I’d been watching the news, the descriptions that came from my own son made the whole situation seem even more vivid and horrendous. Now it was up close and personal. Too up close and personal.

“We’re safe, Mom, we’re all safe,” he said. “We’re on our way to Grandma and Grandpa’s in Texas right now. It’s unbelievable, Mom. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. It looks like a bomb exploded. We saw a U-Haul hung up on a light pole. Cars became ram rods and were sticking out of the sides of store windows. It’s like a war zone down here!”

Coincidentally, I located a picture of that U-Haul truck on the internet and sent an e-mail to Romy Kettlewell of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, who said that her husband, Don took the picture on Hwy. 90 (also known as Beach Boulevard) in Waveland, Mississippi. Thanks to the Kettlewell’s for giving me permission to share their pictures.


U-Haul on telephone pole in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


Pile of cars on Hwy. 90 in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


K-Mart Shopping Center in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


Daddy O's Seafood Restaurant on Hwy. 90 in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell

Getting back to Jared and Erin, Jared said that it proved to be a real blessing that they took their cars to the Space Center because there wasn’t any flooding there. In addition, the roads nearby were cleared fairly quickly, so they loaded up the kids and headed to their apartment to survey the damage. This is Jared’s account of what they discovered when they arrived:

“The roofs of most of the units had been blown off and windows broken, but the roof over our unit was still in place and none of the windows were broken. So for a brief moment we thought we might have been spared, and I was thinking, ‘Praise God’. But when I opened the door to our apartment it looked like everything we owned had been put in a giant washing machine full of mud and tossed back out. Erin was pulling baby pictures out of the mud. We lost everything, Mom. The neighbor’s floor fell through into our apartment and our refrigerator was up on the counter. The water went up to the ceiling, so if we would have stayed, we’d all be dead.”

“In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33b

Before Erin entered the apartment, Jared tried to inject a little humor into the situation by telling her she better take off her shoes so she wouldn’t track mud on the carpet. Asher’s first reaction to the mess was, “Gross!” Then Jared said, “Look, Asher, our refrigerator is up on the counter.” And Asher replied, “Cool!” I’m really hoping that he isn’t too traumatized by the whole event and that Gabe is too young to remember it.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you . . . I have called you by your name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you . . . ~ Isaiah 43: 1b,2a (Amp)

But the events of the past week have been disturbing for everyone involved, including those of us on the parameters of the tragedy, not to mention our country as a whole. The destruction and devastation of Hurricane Katrina was so massive and so widespread, it’s almost incomprehensible.

When the eye of the storm passed over the Space Center, everyone was told that they could go outside and walk around. Jared said it was like someone turned off a switch. It went from ferocious blowing winds and torrential rains to an eerie stillness and absolute silence. So Jared, Erin and the boys literally walked around in the eye of the storm. That was around midday on Monday, and they didn’t step outside again until about 5:30 that evening after Hurricane Katrina had finished wreaking havoc on several states.

Erin said that when they were driving to and from their apartment, they saw several people wandering around in the streets. She said it made her realize how fortunate they really were.

“God have mercy on them. To some, hope is even a struggle. But when the sun comes out, God breathes new life with hope and joy for tomorrow.” ~ An e-mail from my friend, Mae

Yes, Jared and Erin lost their worldly possessions – and that would be extremely upsetting to any of us – but they are so thankful to God that everyone in their family survived (including their pets), both of their vehicles were spared, and they had a place to go for shelter.

When they finally arrived at Keen’s parents’ home (it took longer than expected because a bridge was knocked out by the storm), they were greeted by hugs from several members of Keen’s family, as well as a delicious steak dinner and corn-on-the-cob.

The next day, Keen decided that he and Kirk should drive down to Texas to be with all the family during this difficult time. Kirk’s principal at Wabaunsee High School, Dr. Larry Anderson, was so kind and understanding. He not only granted Kirk permission to take time off from school, but he wrote a personal letter to Jared and his family expressing his condolences for their loss.

Keen and Kirk drove about twelve hours straight through the night. The next day, life threw everyone another curve ball. What’s that old expression? “If it’s not the hogs, it’s the windmill.” Well, this time it was the well. Without any running water, it was time to find another place to lay their heads. So everyone loaded up their stuff and drove over to Keen’s brother’s house. It might have been more than Kevin and Falethesa bargained for, but you’d never know it by their gracious hospitality. As a matter of fact, they tried to talk them into staying!

The situation is constantly evolving, but as of this writing, everyone is caravanning back to Kansas so Jared, Erin and the boys can move into our house in Manhattan. It has a queen-sized bed, bunk beds, two bathrooms, a washer/dryer and all the necessary kitchen appliances. And I’m so glad I stayed home because it gave me the time and opportunity to get everything ready for them on this end. Now the refrigerator is fully stocked, the air conditioner is on and the boys have some new clothes and a few toys waiting for them when they arrive.

Unfortunately, Jared can’t stay very long as he will have to return to Mississippi to continue his duties with the Navy. Whether he’ll continue to be stationed there or transferred to another part of the country is yet to be seen. So they’ll wait until they know something more definite before making any final decisions. More than anything else, they just want to be a family again. Meanwhile, I guess we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.

"Wherever we are, it is but a stage on the way to somewhere else, and whatever we do, however well we do it, it is only a preparation to do something else that shall be different." ~ Robert Lewis Stevenson (1850-94)

“Fear not; there is nothing to fear for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties; yes, I will help you; yes I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; I, Who say to you, Fear not, I will help you!” ~ Isaiah 41:10,13 (Amp)


Asher and Gabe playing at the beach the week before Hurricane Katrina hit


Erin & boys walking along the beach


Umbrella on beach - such a peaceful scene, but not for long


Gabe at beach


Asher walking along the beach

Circling the Wagons

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.’ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge . . . He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.” ~ Psalm 91:1,2 (NKJV)

Last week I wrote about my trip to Mississippi to visit my daughter-in-law and grandchildren. What a difference a week makes!

As I sit down to write my column, my stomach is churning. We are anxiously awaiting word from Jared and Erin who are in a storm shelter with Asher and Gabe at Stennis Space Center in Mississippi, which is in the direct path of Hurricane Katrina. Jared returned from Kentucky late Friday night, just in time to load his family, their dog and cat, and a few essential belongings into their car and flee to safety.

We haven’t heard from them since last night and we haven’t been able to reach them at all this morning. The news on television has only confirmed the worst, so we have been praying fervently for their safety. When I talked to Erin yesterday, she felt confident that their apartment and all their belongings would be lost. But in spite of that, she said she was trusting God and thankful they were all together. “We’ll get through this,” she said. “Even if we lose everything we own, it will be all right because those things can be replaced.” She said as long as she and Jared and the boys were safe, that was all that really mattered.

Tears filled my eyes this morning after a phone call from Keen’s mother who called to let us know that she talked to Jared & Erin last night and invited them to stay at their house for as long as necessary. Keen’s parents live in Conroe, Texas, which is about six hours from where Jared and Erin live in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. They have separate living quarters all furnished and ready to go right next to their home. (They call it “the annex”.)

In addition, Mom said that if Jared and Erin do end up losing everything, she has beds and bedding that she can give them. “And I’ve wanted a new couch for some time now,” she added. “So they can just take my old one.” Keen’s sister Kihm even offered an entire bedroom suite that she isn’t using. In fact, Mom is visiting Kihm right now in North Carolina and they said they’d be willing to rent a U-Haul and drive the furniture across country if need be. Talk about circling the wagons!

Last night Keen’s brother Kevin called to offer their home to Jared’s family, too. They live in The Woodlands, Texas – just outside of Houston – and they just bought a new house with two spare rooms. “We’d love to have them,” Kevin said.

It’s times like these that remind me how very blessed we are to have people who love us so much that they would drop everything to help us, our children, or our children’s children. Friends may come and go, but family will always be there through thick and thin. And thank God for that!

You Were Always There
By Sheryl Hale Black

No one knows while they are young
Just how strong a parents love can be.
You were always there, I knew no fear
You were always there for me.

Your hand was my guide,
Through all the small storms.
You lead me lovingly, right by my side
You Were Always There For Me.

I love you.

©Copyright of Sheryl Hale Black
(Used by Permission)

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running – to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I’ll be there . . . .

You’ve Got a Friend ~ recorded by James Taylor

They will call on My name,
And I will answer them.
I will say, 'This is My people';
And each one will say, 'The LORD is my God.'"

~ Zechariah 13: 9b (NKJV)


Four generations of Umbehrs: Jared on the left, Keen on the right and Grandpa Jim holding Jared's son, Asher.


Keen & his mom, Jean, after his graduation from law school


The Three K's: Kihm, Keen & Kevin