A friend of a friend recently lost her husband. The grief seems insurmountable. “I know everyone is worried about me,” she wrote. “They always ask if I’m feeling better. It’s hard for them to understand that as long as I live I will never feel better. I have lost so much.”
Writer, editor and best-selling author Dave Eggers lost both of his parents to cancer when he was just twenty-one years old. He later dropped out of college to become the legal guardian of his 8-year-old brother. Eggers would eventually write a memoir about his parents’ death and the impact it had on his life. The book is titled, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
"On the one hand you are so completely bewildered that something so surreal and incomprehensible could happen. At the same time, suddenly the limitations or hesitations that you might have imposed on yourself fall away. There's a weird, optimistic recklessness . . . . You see that there is a beginning and an end and that you have only a certain amount of time to act. And you want to get started." (The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Kellor, March 12, 2008)
Life after the death of a loved one can be, and is, so very difficult. Much like walking with lead weights strapped to your ankles. Everyday activities that were effortless before, now seem so difficult. Every day becomes another mountain to climb. All the while, you feel so alone. People sympathize, but they don’t really understand – can’t really understand. The funeral is over; sympathy cards are reduced to a trickle. Phone calls become less frequent. Friends and family return to their lives, as they must. But how do those left behind return to their lives.
There is life after death, but it will take time. Don’t rush it, and don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel. It is your process, not theirs. There are no rules.
The following poem was sent to me in an email. It was reportedly written by a woman who was killed in an automobile accident. Her co-workers discovered it in an email when they returned to the office after the funeral.
If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
Author Unknown
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
~ Isaiah 41:10
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
There But for the Grace of God
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.”
~ Acts 20:24
In a recent edition of The Prairie Post, there was a letter to the editor written by a woman whose son had gotten into some trouble. She expressed the deep hurt her family felt upon learning that some people in her community seemed to take pleasure in spreading the news of their unfortunate dilemma.
In the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 18, Jesus used a parable to talk about people who engaged in hypocrisy of the highest form – those who took pride in their own righteousness and looked down upon everyone else. Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee [religious person] and the other a tax collector [so-called sinner]. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14 – NIV)
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”
~ Ephesians 2:8-9
Years ago, Keen and I learned some valuable lessons from an experience we went through as a family. Through that experience, we traded in our idea of having a “picture perfect family” with the more important goal of having a family that exemplifies a “picture-perfect picture” of God’s amazing grace. Now we humbly share our testimony of God’s faithfulness, grace, mercy and guidance. And the smiling faces looking back at you in our family picture are the faces of people who know they are not perfect, just forgiven.
“Forget your perfect offering and ring the bells that can still ring. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”
~Leonard Cohen
No Such Thing
By Eileen Umbehr
I always used to think we had,
The perfect family,
But now I've come to realize
That there's really no such thing.
We did our best to raise our boys,
With values, morals and such,
We always tried to let them know
We loved them oh so much.
Then when our oldest came of age,
We thought he was doing okay,
But now he has a young wife
With a baby on the way.
But even though they seemed to get,
The cart before the horse,
I can think of many things
That could be much worse.
For we still have our son to love,
And now a daughter and baby brand new,
So there's no sense dwelling on the past,
With so much to look forward to!
Plus, we have learned so very much,
From this whole ordeal,
And we've been touched by the compassion of,
Those who know how we feel.
We've learned about the power,
Of forgiveness, faith and love,
And how we can make it through anything,
With help from God above.
So even though we may not have,
The perfect family,
It really doesn't matter,
Because there's really no such thing.
March 19, 1999
“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law . . . For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”
~ Galatians 2:16, 21 (NLT)
~ Acts 20:24
In a recent edition of The Prairie Post, there was a letter to the editor written by a woman whose son had gotten into some trouble. She expressed the deep hurt her family felt upon learning that some people in her community seemed to take pleasure in spreading the news of their unfortunate dilemma.
In the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 18, Jesus used a parable to talk about people who engaged in hypocrisy of the highest form – those who took pride in their own righteousness and looked down upon everyone else. Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee [religious person] and the other a tax collector [so-called sinner]. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14 – NIV)
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”
~ Ephesians 2:8-9
Years ago, Keen and I learned some valuable lessons from an experience we went through as a family. Through that experience, we traded in our idea of having a “picture perfect family” with the more important goal of having a family that exemplifies a “picture-perfect picture” of God’s amazing grace. Now we humbly share our testimony of God’s faithfulness, grace, mercy and guidance. And the smiling faces looking back at you in our family picture are the faces of people who know they are not perfect, just forgiven.
“Forget your perfect offering and ring the bells that can still ring. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”
~Leonard Cohen
No Such Thing
By Eileen Umbehr
I always used to think we had,
The perfect family,
But now I've come to realize
That there's really no such thing.
We did our best to raise our boys,
With values, morals and such,
We always tried to let them know
We loved them oh so much.
Then when our oldest came of age,
We thought he was doing okay,
But now he has a young wife
With a baby on the way.
But even though they seemed to get,
The cart before the horse,
I can think of many things
That could be much worse.
For we still have our son to love,
And now a daughter and baby brand new,
So there's no sense dwelling on the past,
With so much to look forward to!
Plus, we have learned so very much,
From this whole ordeal,
And we've been touched by the compassion of,
Those who know how we feel.
We've learned about the power,
Of forgiveness, faith and love,
And how we can make it through anything,
With help from God above.
So even though we may not have,
The perfect family,
It really doesn't matter,
Because there's really no such thing.
March 19, 1999
“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law . . . For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”
~ Galatians 2:16, 21 (NLT)
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Every Life A Story: Alice Elizabeth Lucas
Alice Lucas was born, the oldest of four
On a farm west of Silver Lake
Her brothers were Richard, Wayne and Paul
Her parents, Harry and LaVerna May
One interesting note, ‘tis true, and I quote
Alice’s ancestors on her daddy’s side
Came to America from England
On the Mayflower they did arrive
Mama ran a hotel, where Alice and Richard would dwell
But the two never ventured upstairs
‘Twas not ‘til years later, their Mama found out
Someone told them the Boogie man lived up there!
Back in those days, Nehi pop was the craze
For them this treat was quite rare
So Richard would get strawberry and Alice would get grape
Then back and forth a taste they would share
When Nelson Wayne came along, he was healthy and strong
A bundle of joy to have and to hold
But that wasn’t the case with Mama’s helper, Miss Johnson
Whose hands and heart were both cold!
Everything was fine, until that moment in time
In ’33 when things all went downhill
What with the depression, the drought, heat and floods,
If it wasn’t the hogs it was the windmill.
In ’36 Paul arrived, through the flood he survived
And became a happy-go-lucky lad
Even though Richard teased, prodded and poked him
He just couldn’t make young Paul mad!
Sunday mornings were fun, the kids would all run
To jump in bed with Papa and Mama
They read Dick Tracy, Slim Jim and Orphan Annie
Enjoying the funny papers in their pajamas
Mama canned and dried, from the land they survived
When making ends meet was hard
Mama made sauerkraut and traded mending for squash
In the big open kettle Papa rendered lard.
But they also had treats, gingerbread they would eat
And devil’s food cake made from scratch
They raised watermelon, cantaloupe and Concord grapes
And picked strawberries from the garden patch
Now and then they’d get hurt, at play or at work
Like the time Alice fell down the stairs
Or when Wayne fell off his pony while riding
And the pony promptly stepped on Wayne’s ear!
But sometimes a disease, was much more than a sneeze
There was malaria, measles and pox
Then an epidemic of scarlet fever
And Richard and Alice both had whooping cough
Another problem they had, which sounded so bad
Were dust storms that made day look like night
And grasshoppers the kids had to chase away
To keep them from eating everything in sight
Most her life Alice worked, as a retail clerk
And she made the choice never to marry
She enjoys writing and painting ceramic dishes
In the garden she likes to tarry.
In fact, most of these tales, a lie I can’t tell,
Came from Alice’s handwritten life story
With the help of Richard’s daughter Nancy
She is preserving her family’s history
But her favorite pastime of all, is really a ball
Alice likes to plan virtual trips
With a map and some info from Triple A
She records journeys to places of interest.
So if you ever want to wander – over hill, dale or yonder
Just tell Alice where you want to go
Then she’ll create the vacation of a lifetime
And you’ll never have to leave your front porch!
Alice holding a copy of the story of her life
Note: Alice was born in 1926 on a farm west of Silver Lake, Kansas, located about 3/4 of a mile from the river. When she was 11 days old, they moved into a new house her father had built for the family. When she was four years old, their old home, which was used for storage, caught fire. Alice said that all the neighbors and "half of Silver Lake" showed up with buckets to help put the fire out.
Alice's mother helped her Aunt Martha run the hotel in Silver Lake. Martha's husband was named Will Sickles.
On a farm west of Silver Lake
Her brothers were Richard, Wayne and Paul
Her parents, Harry and LaVerna May
One interesting note, ‘tis true, and I quote
Alice’s ancestors on her daddy’s side
Came to America from England
On the Mayflower they did arrive
Mama ran a hotel, where Alice and Richard would dwell
But the two never ventured upstairs
‘Twas not ‘til years later, their Mama found out
Someone told them the Boogie man lived up there!
Back in those days, Nehi pop was the craze
For them this treat was quite rare
So Richard would get strawberry and Alice would get grape
Then back and forth a taste they would share
When Nelson Wayne came along, he was healthy and strong
A bundle of joy to have and to hold
But that wasn’t the case with Mama’s helper, Miss Johnson
Whose hands and heart were both cold!
Everything was fine, until that moment in time
In ’33 when things all went downhill
What with the depression, the drought, heat and floods,
If it wasn’t the hogs it was the windmill.
In ’36 Paul arrived, through the flood he survived
And became a happy-go-lucky lad
Even though Richard teased, prodded and poked him
He just couldn’t make young Paul mad!
Sunday mornings were fun, the kids would all run
To jump in bed with Papa and Mama
They read Dick Tracy, Slim Jim and Orphan Annie
Enjoying the funny papers in their pajamas
Mama canned and dried, from the land they survived
When making ends meet was hard
Mama made sauerkraut and traded mending for squash
In the big open kettle Papa rendered lard.
But they also had treats, gingerbread they would eat
And devil’s food cake made from scratch
They raised watermelon, cantaloupe and Concord grapes
And picked strawberries from the garden patch
Now and then they’d get hurt, at play or at work
Like the time Alice fell down the stairs
Or when Wayne fell off his pony while riding
And the pony promptly stepped on Wayne’s ear!
But sometimes a disease, was much more than a sneeze
There was malaria, measles and pox
Then an epidemic of scarlet fever
And Richard and Alice both had whooping cough
Another problem they had, which sounded so bad
Were dust storms that made day look like night
And grasshoppers the kids had to chase away
To keep them from eating everything in sight
Most her life Alice worked, as a retail clerk
And she made the choice never to marry
She enjoys writing and painting ceramic dishes
In the garden she likes to tarry.
In fact, most of these tales, a lie I can’t tell,
Came from Alice’s handwritten life story
With the help of Richard’s daughter Nancy
She is preserving her family’s history
But her favorite pastime of all, is really a ball
Alice likes to plan virtual trips
With a map and some info from Triple A
She records journeys to places of interest.
So if you ever want to wander – over hill, dale or yonder
Just tell Alice where you want to go
Then she’ll create the vacation of a lifetime
And you’ll never have to leave your front porch!
Alice holding a copy of the story of her lifeNote: Alice was born in 1926 on a farm west of Silver Lake, Kansas, located about 3/4 of a mile from the river. When she was 11 days old, they moved into a new house her father had built for the family. When she was four years old, their old home, which was used for storage, caught fire. Alice said that all the neighbors and "half of Silver Lake" showed up with buckets to help put the fire out.
Alice's mother helped her Aunt Martha run the hotel in Silver Lake. Martha's husband was named Will Sickles.
Monday, March 03, 2008
The Cost of Complaining
“And the people spoke against God and against Moses, Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no bread, neither is there any water, and we loathe this light (contemptible, unsubstantial) manna.”
~ Numbers 21:5 (AMP)
Since I’ve been trying to keep my columns shorter, I didn’t have room to run all the quotes, verses, poems, and stories that I had saved on the topic of complaining. So I’ve decided to continue with that same theme this week.
"The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly. What can be more base and unworthy than the pining, pulling, mumping mood, no matter by what outward ills it may have been engendered? What is more injurious to others? What less helpful as a way out of difficulty? It but fastens and perpetuates the trouble which occasioned it, and increases the total evil of the situation. At all costs, then, we ought to reduce the sway of that mood, we ought to scout it in ourselves and others, and never show it tolerance.”
~ William James, 19th century American psychiatrist and philosopher
“God is too good to me for me to ever utter a word of complaint to Him about anything.” ~Joyce Meyer
Choose Your Ruts
(sent to me via email)
A century ago, as the numerous wagon trains left Saint Joseph, Missouri, for the trek across the plains already rutted by the tracks of earlier wagons, the eager pioneers read this sobering message on a banner across the western end of the main street: "Choose your rut carefully. You may be in it all the way to California!"
“The Lord said to Moses, Why do you cry to Me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward!”
~ Exodus 14:15 (AMP)
Recently, my friend and fellow poet, Pat Barrett, sent me a copy of her latest poem, titled “Complain or Shine.” With Pat’s permission I would like to share it with you, along with a picture of Pat holding her new little great-grandson, Ian.
Complain or Shine?
By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 2/15/08
Do “everything without complaining”?
My flesh doesn’t like this command
What a challenge this is from my Lord
But what blessings when I obey this demand!
Don’t complain when the weather is nasty?
When someone is thoughtless and rude?
When the driver ahead acts brainless?
When I have to pay a “high” price for food?
My God asks me to be grateful and thankful
For the many blessings He provides
To look for the good instead of grumble
To praise Him as my life He guides
It is hard to complain while praising
They are opposites that conflict
Praise brings happiness and service
Complaints worry, distress, and afflict
The Spirit gives power to be positive
He reminds of grace and love undeserved
Gives insight and awareness of benefits
Reminds of a mansion for me that’s reserved
With focus on mercy without merit
On how Christ makes me blameless and pure
I can “shine like stars in the universe”
In a world that is dark and unsure
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”
~ Philippians 2:14-15
~ Numbers 21:5 (AMP)
Since I’ve been trying to keep my columns shorter, I didn’t have room to run all the quotes, verses, poems, and stories that I had saved on the topic of complaining. So I’ve decided to continue with that same theme this week.
"The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly. What can be more base and unworthy than the pining, pulling, mumping mood, no matter by what outward ills it may have been engendered? What is more injurious to others? What less helpful as a way out of difficulty? It but fastens and perpetuates the trouble which occasioned it, and increases the total evil of the situation. At all costs, then, we ought to reduce the sway of that mood, we ought to scout it in ourselves and others, and never show it tolerance.”
~ William James, 19th century American psychiatrist and philosopher
“God is too good to me for me to ever utter a word of complaint to Him about anything.” ~Joyce Meyer
Choose Your Ruts
(sent to me via email)
A century ago, as the numerous wagon trains left Saint Joseph, Missouri, for the trek across the plains already rutted by the tracks of earlier wagons, the eager pioneers read this sobering message on a banner across the western end of the main street: "Choose your rut carefully. You may be in it all the way to California!"
“The Lord said to Moses, Why do you cry to Me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward!”
~ Exodus 14:15 (AMP)
Recently, my friend and fellow poet, Pat Barrett, sent me a copy of her latest poem, titled “Complain or Shine.” With Pat’s permission I would like to share it with you, along with a picture of Pat holding her new little great-grandson, Ian.
Complain or Shine?
By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 2/15/08
Do “everything without complaining”?
My flesh doesn’t like this command
What a challenge this is from my Lord
But what blessings when I obey this demand!
Don’t complain when the weather is nasty?
When someone is thoughtless and rude?
When the driver ahead acts brainless?
When I have to pay a “high” price for food?
My God asks me to be grateful and thankful
For the many blessings He provides
To look for the good instead of grumble
To praise Him as my life He guides
It is hard to complain while praising
They are opposites that conflict
Praise brings happiness and service
Complaints worry, distress, and afflict
The Spirit gives power to be positive
He reminds of grace and love undeserved
Gives insight and awareness of benefits
Reminds of a mansion for me that’s reserved
With focus on mercy without merit
On how Christ makes me blameless and pure
I can “shine like stars in the universe”
In a world that is dark and unsure
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”
~ Philippians 2:14-15
Monday, February 25, 2008
Don't Complain - Count!
“And the people grumbled and deplored their hardships, which was evil in the ears of the Lord . . . [They] raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?”
~ Numbers 11:1a and 14:1-3b (NIV)
I must confess there has been more than one occasion when I have grumbled and complained to God (and Keen and others) about our lot in life. Like the Israelites of old who complained to Moses in the desert after God delivered them from their captivity in Egypt, I have often chosen to focus on what was wrong with my circumstances, rather than counting my blessings and focusing on all that I had to be thankful for.
Have you ever noticed that complaining and moaning is sort of like running in place? It takes a lot of energy, but it doesn’t really get you anywhere. Complaining, like worry, doesn’t change your situation one iota and only brings you down.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
~ Matthew 6:27 (NIV)
Time wasted complaining would be better spent counting your blessings, committing your problems into God’s hands, and moving forward.
“Jesus can turn water into wine, but He can't turn your whining into anything.”
~ Mark Steele
The following inspirational poem was sent to me in an email:
The World is Mine
Anonymous
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman.
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed with a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I am blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
But he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he could not hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I want to know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed – indeed, the world is mine!
“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
~ I Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)
~ Numbers 11:1a and 14:1-3b (NIV)
I must confess there has been more than one occasion when I have grumbled and complained to God (and Keen and others) about our lot in life. Like the Israelites of old who complained to Moses in the desert after God delivered them from their captivity in Egypt, I have often chosen to focus on what was wrong with my circumstances, rather than counting my blessings and focusing on all that I had to be thankful for.
Have you ever noticed that complaining and moaning is sort of like running in place? It takes a lot of energy, but it doesn’t really get you anywhere. Complaining, like worry, doesn’t change your situation one iota and only brings you down.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
~ Matthew 6:27 (NIV)
Time wasted complaining would be better spent counting your blessings, committing your problems into God’s hands, and moving forward.
“Jesus can turn water into wine, but He can't turn your whining into anything.”
~ Mark Steele
The following inspirational poem was sent to me in an email:
The World is Mine
Anonymous
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman.
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed with a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I am blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
But he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he could not hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I want to know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed – indeed, the world is mine!
“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
~ I Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
There Will Be Scars
“If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. If I should say, "My foot has slipped," Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul.”
~ Psalm 94:17-19
Keen surprised me with a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day – six white and six red. I told him they represented how we are very different as individuals, but together we make a beautiful bouquet. Sounds kind of cheesy, I know – but it’s true.
This week I’d like to remember those for whom Valentine’s Day is not a time of celebration, but rather a painful reminder of their broken dreams. This column is dedicated to all the victims of divorce who daily struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection as they strive to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together.
This first poem was written for my friend whose divorce recently became final.
There Will Be Scars
By Eileen Umbehr
I wish that I could tell you
Your grief will disappear
Or that the ache that’s in your heart
Will lessen through the years
But as much as I would like
To free you from this pain
I know that only God above
Can make you whole again
And even when your life moves on
To the inevitable next chapter
I’m sure that you will always yearn
For that happily-ever-after
Yet you are strong, and you’ve put your faith
In the One who made the stars
But nevertheless, the sad truth is
That there will be scars
But even Jesus Christ Himself
Bears scars from His death on the Cross
He understands more than anyone could
The pain of rejection and loss
So although the scars from this divorce
Will unfortunately always remain
My hope and prayer is that with God’s help
You will laugh and love again.
“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
~ Lamentations 3:21-24
***************
This next segment is from a letter I recently wrote to my friend’s daughter:
Thank you for your nice note. It brought tears to my eyes. The poem was written for your mom, but then I realized it applied to you, too.
I saw an Oprah Show last week about adult children of divorce. Even thirty years later many of them were still hurting. The poem is my way of saying that we can't ignore the painful and unexpected experiences in our lives. We have to first acknowledge the pain – then try to deal with it and process it the best way we know how so that then we can move on to the healing stage of the process. I know your parents divorce has rocked your world, and I am so sorry for that. You are doing great, but just remember that the emotions you feel need to be embraced too. Don’t forget that you're not just a student, an athlete, a daughter, a friend; you’re a person. A person who has real feelings and real pain and real hurts; and there will be times throughout your life when those feelings will let you know that they need some time and attention, too. Embrace them. As much as it hurts, don't run from them. Because they are part of your reality – a part of your wonderful, exciting, adventurous, fun-filled LIFE. A life you have been blessed by God to live and enjoy. The not-so-fun parts such as this divorce may not be a large part of your history or your future, but it is a small part, and as such, you will have to be real with yourself when it hurts. Pretending – about anything – never takes us anywhere except to another pretend place.
So go out there and enjoy your life – and always remember that we are in your corner, cheering you on – loving you and feeling so proud to be a part of your life.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
~ Isaiah 40:28-31
~ Psalm 94:17-19
Keen surprised me with a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day – six white and six red. I told him they represented how we are very different as individuals, but together we make a beautiful bouquet. Sounds kind of cheesy, I know – but it’s true.
This week I’d like to remember those for whom Valentine’s Day is not a time of celebration, but rather a painful reminder of their broken dreams. This column is dedicated to all the victims of divorce who daily struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection as they strive to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together.
This first poem was written for my friend whose divorce recently became final.
There Will Be Scars
By Eileen Umbehr
I wish that I could tell you
Your grief will disappear
Or that the ache that’s in your heart
Will lessen through the years
But as much as I would like
To free you from this pain
I know that only God above
Can make you whole again
And even when your life moves on
To the inevitable next chapter
I’m sure that you will always yearn
For that happily-ever-after
Yet you are strong, and you’ve put your faith
In the One who made the stars
But nevertheless, the sad truth is
That there will be scars
But even Jesus Christ Himself
Bears scars from His death on the Cross
He understands more than anyone could
The pain of rejection and loss
So although the scars from this divorce
Will unfortunately always remain
My hope and prayer is that with God’s help
You will laugh and love again.
“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
~ Lamentations 3:21-24
***************
This next segment is from a letter I recently wrote to my friend’s daughter:
Thank you for your nice note. It brought tears to my eyes. The poem was written for your mom, but then I realized it applied to you, too.
I saw an Oprah Show last week about adult children of divorce. Even thirty years later many of them were still hurting. The poem is my way of saying that we can't ignore the painful and unexpected experiences in our lives. We have to first acknowledge the pain – then try to deal with it and process it the best way we know how so that then we can move on to the healing stage of the process. I know your parents divorce has rocked your world, and I am so sorry for that. You are doing great, but just remember that the emotions you feel need to be embraced too. Don’t forget that you're not just a student, an athlete, a daughter, a friend; you’re a person. A person who has real feelings and real pain and real hurts; and there will be times throughout your life when those feelings will let you know that they need some time and attention, too. Embrace them. As much as it hurts, don't run from them. Because they are part of your reality – a part of your wonderful, exciting, adventurous, fun-filled LIFE. A life you have been blessed by God to live and enjoy. The not-so-fun parts such as this divorce may not be a large part of your history or your future, but it is a small part, and as such, you will have to be real with yourself when it hurts. Pretending – about anything – never takes us anywhere except to another pretend place.
So go out there and enjoy your life – and always remember that we are in your corner, cheering you on – loving you and feeling so proud to be a part of your life.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
~ Isaiah 40:28-31
Saturday, February 09, 2008
The Power of Love
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Keen & Eileen in Singapore, 1975“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” ~ I Corinthians 13:13
Last week my sister called to tell me about a radio show contest she heard about on K-LOVE Christian radio. Contestants were asked to share their love story in 500 words or less, and the winner would receive a song written just for them by Christian recording artist Matthew West.
The following is a copy of my (non-winning) entry:
I was 14 years old in 1973 when my father announced that our family would be moving half way around the world to Singapore. I was heartbroken. I had just made the cheerleading squad and I had a great group of friends that I didn’t want to leave. Little did I know that my temporary heartbreak would lead to a lifetime of love and blessings.
Singapore American School was where I met my one-in-a-million future husband, Keen. He was a freshman and I was a sophomore when we met in March of 1974. We dated all through the following year and then we found out that my family was moving back to the States. This meant that we would be apart for two full years. My mom told my sister, “If Eileen thinks that Keen is going to wait for her she’s in for a big disappointment.”
But wait he did. In fact, when he had to cast his vote for homecoming queen, he voted for me, even though I no longer attended SAS. We wrote letters back and forth (all of which we saved), until Keen graduated in 1977. He didn’t even attend the graduation ceremonies because he couldn’t wait to get back to the States to join me. We soon became engaged and were married in an outdoor wedding at my parents’ home on June 10, 1978. Eleven months later to the day we had our first son, Jared, followed by three more sons: Josh in 1981, Keen II in 1984 and Kirk Van in 1989.
In 1981, Keen was the successful bidder on the trash collection contract for our county. We owned that business, along with a car wash, until 1999 when we sold out so that Keen could return to college at the age of 40. Keen earned a four-year degree in three years, graduating with honors from Kansas State University. He then went on to law school and graduated from Washburn University School of Law in 2005. He has been in private practice ever since.
Our life has been full of many ups and downs. We were involved in a five-year long free speech lawsuit that ended up at the U.S. Supreme Court. I lost my mother to breast cancer, Keen lost his father to bladder cancer, and one of my sisters died unexpectedly at the age of 54. In 2005, our oldest son and his family lost everything in Katrina. In 2006, we had a granddaughter who was born with Down Syndrome, and I was diagnosed with an early stage of breast cancer, followed by a double mastectomy.
Maybe in some people’s eyes our story sounds more like a bad country song, but to me it is a story about the power of love. We have five grandchildren now, and I’ve just written my first book. By God’s grace and the love He has put in our hearts, we have weathered every storm and survived to embrace the rainbow.
“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances and it endures everything. Love never fails."
I Corinthians 13:7,8a
Keen & Eileen at Colorado lodge, 2006
Monday, February 04, 2008
When Pain Hits Home
“I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.” ~ Psalm 6:6
I read with deep sadness Joann Kahnt’s editorial last week about the many losses your community has suffered lately. Young lives – children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters – so full of promise, cut short long before their time. Neighboring communities have also experienced the tragic loss of those who were far too young to die. The Gideon and Short families have both lost young sons in the recent past. A family in Atchison lost their son in a traffic accident last month, and their other three children were severely injured. A pastor we know lost his sixteen year old son to suicide. There were no warning signs – no red flags signaling that trouble was stirring in his young heart. My sister recently told me about a family she knows who lost their three daughters in an automobile accident just two weeks before their son’s wedding. Shortly before their deaths, all three girls had posed for individual pictures wearing their mother’s wedding gown. Now their parents have only a memory of what their daughters would have looked like in their own wedding gowns.
How on earth does anyone cope with such grief?
As Joann pointed out, we may never understand why things like this happen. All we can do is pray for the ones left behind to grieve, and purpose to live each day that we have to the fullest in their honor.
Several years ago the Alta Vista community lost a 29-year-old young man in a terrible car accident. At that time, I expressed sympathy to his family in my column. I also shared I poem I had written in honor of the many young people the Alma community had lost over the years. Later, the mother of the 29-year-old man wrote me a note to thank me for my thoughts. Today, I would like to share that poem again in hopes of touching just one more heart. The other poem was written by the mother of a friend of ours, Gina Blake, who kindly granted me permission to share it with all of you.
In closing, I wish to extend my deepest sympathy to the Cunningham, Hopper and Smith families as they grieve the tragic loss of their loved ones.
“. . .I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. . . .”
~ Isaiah 38:5
****************
Too Soon Gone
By Eileen Umbehr
This is a tribute
to those who’ve passed on
Before their time
Too soon gone
No one was ready
To say good-bye
Because they were all
Too young to die
Anthony, Jason and Tracy, too
How will your families live without you?
Javier, Ted, Dickie and Veryl
Why did they have to leave this world?
Jack, Norman, Galen and John
Why are they too soon gone?
There is still a void
Where you used to be
An empty spot
On your family’s tree
But even though
You were too soon gone
In our hearts
Your memory lives on
You are not only missed
By those who loved you
But by those of us
In the community, too.
*******************
The Beauty of a Broken Heart
By Gina Blake
There are times in our life
We don’t understand
The what, the where, the why
Those are the times we will find ourselves
Gently wrapped …. in Jesus’ arms …..
As we cry
In his hand He holds a bottle
Catching every tear
Those are the times Our Savior…
Draws in so very near
As each tear falls
He counts them one by one…..
Not one tear can fall…
To the ground
For it is not…
The will of the Son
With each tear that falls in the bottle
The healing has begun.
For as it falls
Our Savior is knitting ever so gently
To mend the tear in our heart
And make it whole again.
“For You have been a stronghold to the poor, a stronghold to the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm, a shade from the heat . . . and the Lord will wipe away tears from off all faces. . . .”
~ Isaiah 25:4,8
I read with deep sadness Joann Kahnt’s editorial last week about the many losses your community has suffered lately. Young lives – children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters – so full of promise, cut short long before their time. Neighboring communities have also experienced the tragic loss of those who were far too young to die. The Gideon and Short families have both lost young sons in the recent past. A family in Atchison lost their son in a traffic accident last month, and their other three children were severely injured. A pastor we know lost his sixteen year old son to suicide. There were no warning signs – no red flags signaling that trouble was stirring in his young heart. My sister recently told me about a family she knows who lost their three daughters in an automobile accident just two weeks before their son’s wedding. Shortly before their deaths, all three girls had posed for individual pictures wearing their mother’s wedding gown. Now their parents have only a memory of what their daughters would have looked like in their own wedding gowns.
How on earth does anyone cope with such grief?
As Joann pointed out, we may never understand why things like this happen. All we can do is pray for the ones left behind to grieve, and purpose to live each day that we have to the fullest in their honor.
Several years ago the Alta Vista community lost a 29-year-old young man in a terrible car accident. At that time, I expressed sympathy to his family in my column. I also shared I poem I had written in honor of the many young people the Alma community had lost over the years. Later, the mother of the 29-year-old man wrote me a note to thank me for my thoughts. Today, I would like to share that poem again in hopes of touching just one more heart. The other poem was written by the mother of a friend of ours, Gina Blake, who kindly granted me permission to share it with all of you.
In closing, I wish to extend my deepest sympathy to the Cunningham, Hopper and Smith families as they grieve the tragic loss of their loved ones.
“. . .I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. . . .”
~ Isaiah 38:5
****************
Too Soon Gone
By Eileen Umbehr
This is a tribute
to those who’ve passed on
Before their time
Too soon gone
No one was ready
To say good-bye
Because they were all
Too young to die
Anthony, Jason and Tracy, too
How will your families live without you?
Javier, Ted, Dickie and Veryl
Why did they have to leave this world?
Jack, Norman, Galen and John
Why are they too soon gone?
There is still a void
Where you used to be
An empty spot
On your family’s tree
But even though
You were too soon gone
In our hearts
Your memory lives on
You are not only missed
By those who loved you
But by those of us
In the community, too.
*******************
The Beauty of a Broken Heart
By Gina Blake
There are times in our life
We don’t understand
The what, the where, the why
Those are the times we will find ourselves
Gently wrapped …. in Jesus’ arms …..
As we cry
In his hand He holds a bottle
Catching every tear
Those are the times Our Savior…
Draws in so very near
As each tear falls
He counts them one by one…..
Not one tear can fall…
To the ground
For it is not…
The will of the Son
With each tear that falls in the bottle
The healing has begun.
For as it falls
Our Savior is knitting ever so gently
To mend the tear in our heart
And make it whole again.
“For You have been a stronghold to the poor, a stronghold to the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm, a shade from the heat . . . and the Lord will wipe away tears from off all faces. . . .”
~ Isaiah 25:4,8
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What Are You Made Of?
“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
~ I Samuel 16:7b
The following story made me think about the emphasis we place on outward appearances in our society. Not just on how we look (hair, weight, clothes), but also on the cars we drive or the houses we live in. Those things are all fine and good, but it’s a mistake to wrap your identity up in things so temporal and fleeting.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”
~ Matthew 6:19,20 (NIV)
A Cup of Coffee
Author Unknown
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their lives and jobs.
The professor slipped away to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He invited his former students to help themselves.
When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "You’ll notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is precisely the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee; in most cases it is just more expensive. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. . . and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this: Life is the coffee. Your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define nor change the quality of Life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us.
Remember, the happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
“God is not impressed with the positions that men hold and He is not partial and recognizes no external distinctions.” ~ Galatians 2:6
**********************************************************************************
Did any of you see that news story about a group of people who were waiting in line in the freezing cold to buy the latest version of Air Jordan tennis shoes? Doesn’t that seem a little extreme?
Basically, we just need to keep in mind that we are not what we do (remember, my husband was a trashman for 17 years!), what we look like (this one really hits home since my mastectomy), what we weigh (this one also hits home), where we live, the color of our skin – whether we’re rich, poor, Irish, German, Baptist or Catholic – none of those things say anything about who we are on the inside.
Russian-born philosopher Ayn Rand took a dim view of the concept of judging people by external factors: “Modern racists attempt to prove the superiority or inferiority of a given race by the historical achievements of some of its members . . . There are only individual minds and individual achievements.” In other words, we really can’t take credit for the achievements of our forefathers, nor should we accept the blame for their shortcomings. We are not our ancestors – or our descendents, for that matter. We must each take responsibility for our own individual choices.
In closing, I would just like to add that parents often feel that it is a poor reflection on them if their children make unwise decisions. But most parents raise their children with a certain set of societal rules or codes of moral conduct. Once the children become adults, the choices they make – and the consequences that result from those choices – are theirs, and theirs alone. Like the law of gravity, the Bible teaches that we reap what we sow – and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. You are the miracle, my friend, Your life either shines a light – or casts a shadow.” ~ Anonymous
Note: I sent a copy of this week's column to our good friend, Scott. I'd like to share his response with you:
"Amen to that. I think it was in the third Indiana Jones movie (“The Last Crusade”). When Indie got to the hiding place where the old Crusader and the wide variety of chalices were, the Crusader told Indie he had one chance to select the one that was THE Holy Grail. There were gold and silver goblets, chalices encrusted with jewels, and so forth, but Indie’s hand went to a simple, unadorned vessel made of wood. The old man congratulated Indie and told him that surely a humble carpenter would chose to drink from a plain cup and not one decorated in a way that was inconsistent with the rest of His life. We—God’s children—truly are earthen vessels. We are weak and imperfect and prone to breaking and spilling. It is not the container that gives the clearest display of God’s miraculous power; it is the fact that he pours His unfathomable majesty into the weakest and crudest of vessels." ~ Scott
~ I Samuel 16:7b
The following story made me think about the emphasis we place on outward appearances in our society. Not just on how we look (hair, weight, clothes), but also on the cars we drive or the houses we live in. Those things are all fine and good, but it’s a mistake to wrap your identity up in things so temporal and fleeting.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”
~ Matthew 6:19,20 (NIV)
A Cup of Coffee
Author Unknown
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their lives and jobs.
The professor slipped away to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He invited his former students to help themselves.
When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "You’ll notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is precisely the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee; in most cases it is just more expensive. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. . . and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this: Life is the coffee. Your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define nor change the quality of Life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us.
Remember, the happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
“God is not impressed with the positions that men hold and He is not partial and recognizes no external distinctions.” ~ Galatians 2:6
**********************************************************************************
Did any of you see that news story about a group of people who were waiting in line in the freezing cold to buy the latest version of Air Jordan tennis shoes? Doesn’t that seem a little extreme?
Basically, we just need to keep in mind that we are not what we do (remember, my husband was a trashman for 17 years!), what we look like (this one really hits home since my mastectomy), what we weigh (this one also hits home), where we live, the color of our skin – whether we’re rich, poor, Irish, German, Baptist or Catholic – none of those things say anything about who we are on the inside.
Russian-born philosopher Ayn Rand took a dim view of the concept of judging people by external factors: “Modern racists attempt to prove the superiority or inferiority of a given race by the historical achievements of some of its members . . . There are only individual minds and individual achievements.” In other words, we really can’t take credit for the achievements of our forefathers, nor should we accept the blame for their shortcomings. We are not our ancestors – or our descendents, for that matter. We must each take responsibility for our own individual choices.
In closing, I would just like to add that parents often feel that it is a poor reflection on them if their children make unwise decisions. But most parents raise their children with a certain set of societal rules or codes of moral conduct. Once the children become adults, the choices they make – and the consequences that result from those choices – are theirs, and theirs alone. Like the law of gravity, the Bible teaches that we reap what we sow – and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. You are the miracle, my friend, Your life either shines a light – or casts a shadow.” ~ Anonymous
Note: I sent a copy of this week's column to our good friend, Scott. I'd like to share his response with you:
"Amen to that. I think it was in the third Indiana Jones movie (“The Last Crusade”). When Indie got to the hiding place where the old Crusader and the wide variety of chalices were, the Crusader told Indie he had one chance to select the one that was THE Holy Grail. There were gold and silver goblets, chalices encrusted with jewels, and so forth, but Indie’s hand went to a simple, unadorned vessel made of wood. The old man congratulated Indie and told him that surely a humble carpenter would chose to drink from a plain cup and not one decorated in a way that was inconsistent with the rest of His life. We—God’s children—truly are earthen vessels. We are weak and imperfect and prone to breaking and spilling. It is not the container that gives the clearest display of God’s miraculous power; it is the fact that he pours His unfathomable majesty into the weakest and crudest of vessels." ~ Scott
Friday, January 18, 2008
This is the Day
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
~ Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
This is the day, the week, the month that my friend’s 25-year marriage comes to a final end. Her husband says it has been dead, or at least dying, for over a decade. She knew it wasn’t perfect, but then again, what marriage is? When the marriage became sick, he began making his exit plan; she simply hoped for brighter days. He decided to stay until the children were grown, as if there is ever a “good” time to break up a family.
What ever happened to: “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health . . . until death do us part?”
I know I sound like a contradiction. In some cases, where there is abuse or infidelity, the damage is irreparable and I just want to scream, “You deserve better than that! What are you waiting for?” But in cases like my friend’s, where they are both good people who just lacked the communication necessary to work out the parts of their marriage that weren’t ideal, my heart grieves.
Marriage, like anything in life (plants, pets, cars), can and will die as a result of neglect. So take care of yourself, and each other. You brought children into this world, and as a result, you will always be a part of each others’ lives. Doesn’t it just make sense to work through your problems with the mother or father of your children? As Joyce Meyer always says: “The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you’ll have to mow that grass, too.”
I Don't Want Her Hurting
By Connie Hinnen Cook
(Used by permission)
I don't want her hurting, Jesus,
She's so all alone,
The husband that she loves moved out,
Her kids are "long gone grown."
She's given them her all, dear Lord,
She did the things she should,
And though the road was often rough
She did the best she could.
For three long decades and a half
She was a faithful wife,
She let him have the spotlight, Lord,
He was her world, her life.
And though they've been divorced for years
He still rules in her brain,
She says he's her obsession,
As addictive as cocaine.
His girlfriend is much younger
And he seems so happy now,
The family get-togethers
Are endurance tests somehow.
They sit so close together
With her hand upon his knee,
Their passion is so obvious
For all the world to see.
The hours pass like molasses
And there's always time to cry,
She knows she should get on with life
But has no heart to try.
A funeral without a corpse
That had no wish to die,
I tell her she should turn to You
Yet can't convince her why.
Grant her the peace that comes from You
that money cannot buy ~
'Cause I don't want her hurting, Jesus. . .
--Connie
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace."
Song: "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" by Helen Howarth Lemmel
“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”
~ II Chronicles 20:12b (Amp)
Note: For all of you who have gone through a divorce for any reason - whether it was out of necessity or whether it happened against your will, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your pain. I know that a divorce is heartbreaking, regardless of the circumstances. It is, without a doubt, the death of a dream. God bless you all and keep looking up. ~ With love, eileen
~ Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
This is the day, the week, the month that my friend’s 25-year marriage comes to a final end. Her husband says it has been dead, or at least dying, for over a decade. She knew it wasn’t perfect, but then again, what marriage is? When the marriage became sick, he began making his exit plan; she simply hoped for brighter days. He decided to stay until the children were grown, as if there is ever a “good” time to break up a family.
What ever happened to: “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health . . . until death do us part?”
I know I sound like a contradiction. In some cases, where there is abuse or infidelity, the damage is irreparable and I just want to scream, “You deserve better than that! What are you waiting for?” But in cases like my friend’s, where they are both good people who just lacked the communication necessary to work out the parts of their marriage that weren’t ideal, my heart grieves.
Marriage, like anything in life (plants, pets, cars), can and will die as a result of neglect. So take care of yourself, and each other. You brought children into this world, and as a result, you will always be a part of each others’ lives. Doesn’t it just make sense to work through your problems with the mother or father of your children? As Joyce Meyer always says: “The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you’ll have to mow that grass, too.”
I Don't Want Her Hurting
By Connie Hinnen Cook
(Used by permission)
I don't want her hurting, Jesus,
She's so all alone,
The husband that she loves moved out,
Her kids are "long gone grown."
She's given them her all, dear Lord,
She did the things she should,
And though the road was often rough
She did the best she could.
For three long decades and a half
She was a faithful wife,
She let him have the spotlight, Lord,
He was her world, her life.
And though they've been divorced for years
He still rules in her brain,
She says he's her obsession,
As addictive as cocaine.
His girlfriend is much younger
And he seems so happy now,
The family get-togethers
Are endurance tests somehow.
They sit so close together
With her hand upon his knee,
Their passion is so obvious
For all the world to see.
The hours pass like molasses
And there's always time to cry,
She knows she should get on with life
But has no heart to try.
A funeral without a corpse
That had no wish to die,
I tell her she should turn to You
Yet can't convince her why.
Grant her the peace that comes from You
that money cannot buy ~
'Cause I don't want her hurting, Jesus. . .
--Connie
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace."
Song: "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" by Helen Howarth Lemmel
“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”
~ II Chronicles 20:12b (Amp)
Note: For all of you who have gone through a divorce for any reason - whether it was out of necessity or whether it happened against your will, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your pain. I know that a divorce is heartbreaking, regardless of the circumstances. It is, without a doubt, the death of a dream. God bless you all and keep looking up. ~ With love, eileen
Monday, November 26, 2007
It Takes Two
“Two are better than one. . . If one falls down, his friend can help him up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
Anyone who has read my column knows that I am not someone who believes that you should stay in a marriage at all costs, because sometimes the price is just too high. For instance, if your spouse has been unfaithful, or is abusing you or your children emotionally, mentally, verbally or physically, then you need to protect yourself and your family. That’s not to say that people can’t change, because I know they can, by the grace of God. But research shows that oftentimes the abuser will simply say whatever they have to say to get their partner to take them back. Then once they do, the cycle of abuse starts all over again.
Denise Jackson, the wife of country singer Alan Jackson, recently wrote a book titled, “It’s All About Him.” Denise was recently interviewed on a morning news show, and she explained that Alan had an extramarital affair several years ago. Devastated and alone, Denise cried out to God. Through this experience, she came to the realization that no single human being can possibly meet every one of your needs. We must rely on God, our Heavenly Father, for He will never disappoint. Any time you make a person your god, then you will definitely come up short. Denise and Alan’s story had a happy ending, but she states in the book that not every marriage can be saved. But the bottom line is this: whether you are blessed with a loving spouse, or you are single, widowed or divorced, God must be your Source. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He has also promised to meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. If your faith, confidence or security is derived from any source other than Him, it is misplaced.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
The God of my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation,
My stronghold and my refuge;
My Savior, You save me from violence.
I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.
~ II Samuel 22:2b-4 (NKJV)
Having said all that, this week I would like to share two very sad poems that I have written over the past year for a very dear friend of mine whose husband is divorcing her after twenty-four years of marriage. This is one of those cases where there is no legitimate reason for the divorce. No adultery; no abuse. Just a marriage that lacked the communication needed to work through their problems – and every marriage has problems to resolve. The solution to dissatisfaction in a marriage is to bring those grievances to the table openly and honestly so that you can work toward a resolution. When you keep your differences inside for too long, eventually a wall is built between you, making communication and compromise almost impossible to achieve.
“And this you do with double guilt; you cover the alter of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives]….Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.”
~ Malachi 2:13, 15b (Amp)
Love's Last Hope
By Eileen Umbehr
He dropped a bomb -
Right in the middle of your life
The life you began with him
Twenty-four years ago
The promises you made
You meant
The promises he made
Were just words
They've been broken now
Along with your heart
Can there be any greater sorrow
Than to lose the one you love
Not to death
But to someone or something
unknown?
Your heart cries out for answers
But receives only silence
After twenty-four years, you wonder –
Don't I at least deserve that much?
No words. No eye contact.
Just emptiness.
Grief like none other.
You cry out to God,
And in the stillness of your broken heart
You hear Him say
"I am still here. I will always be here."
By faith, you take that first step.
Then another.
Only God could part these waters of grief.
Only by His strength will you escape
And cross safely to the other side.
“Even to your old age I am He, and even to hair white with age will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; yes, I will carry and will save you.” ~ Isaiah 46:4
“Blessed be the Lord who bears our burdens and carries us day by day.” ~ Psalm 68:19
And so, although I do believe in divorce, I believe even more in the sanctity of marriage and the value of keeping a family together. When there is something good worth saving, then simple differences should not destroy a marriage. But as the title of this next poem suggests, reconciliation can only happen when there are two people willing to do the work.
“How can two walk together except they be agreed?” ~ Amos 3:3
It Takes Two
By Eileen Umbehr
The day is fast approaching
And with it many tears
The end of a marriage that lasted
Nearly twenty-five years
What became of the vows recited
Before their friends and God
What about the promises they made
Was that all just one big facade?
What about all of the memories
The two of them have shared
What about the deaths in the family
When they needed each other they were there
What about their three precious children
Will they all continue to thrive
Now that their security is shaken
Because their parents’ love didn’t survive
But the fact of the matter is simple
There are some things that we can’t control
For even though one person wants to try
It takes two halves to make a whole
Yes, it takes two to make a marriage
And try as one person might
If the other is determined to seek a divorce
Then that wrong just can’t be made right
At that point you have no choice
But to grant your spouse’s request
Then trust in the good Lord to lead you
By still waters to true happiness
Because it takes two to walk in harmony
It takes two to help wounds mend
It takes two to make a marriage work
But only one to make it end.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
Anyone who has read my column knows that I am not someone who believes that you should stay in a marriage at all costs, because sometimes the price is just too high. For instance, if your spouse has been unfaithful, or is abusing you or your children emotionally, mentally, verbally or physically, then you need to protect yourself and your family. That’s not to say that people can’t change, because I know they can, by the grace of God. But research shows that oftentimes the abuser will simply say whatever they have to say to get their partner to take them back. Then once they do, the cycle of abuse starts all over again.
Denise Jackson, the wife of country singer Alan Jackson, recently wrote a book titled, “It’s All About Him.” Denise was recently interviewed on a morning news show, and she explained that Alan had an extramarital affair several years ago. Devastated and alone, Denise cried out to God. Through this experience, she came to the realization that no single human being can possibly meet every one of your needs. We must rely on God, our Heavenly Father, for He will never disappoint. Any time you make a person your god, then you will definitely come up short. Denise and Alan’s story had a happy ending, but she states in the book that not every marriage can be saved. But the bottom line is this: whether you are blessed with a loving spouse, or you are single, widowed or divorced, God must be your Source. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He has also promised to meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. If your faith, confidence or security is derived from any source other than Him, it is misplaced.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
The God of my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation,
My stronghold and my refuge;
My Savior, You save me from violence.
I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.
~ II Samuel 22:2b-4 (NKJV)
Having said all that, this week I would like to share two very sad poems that I have written over the past year for a very dear friend of mine whose husband is divorcing her after twenty-four years of marriage. This is one of those cases where there is no legitimate reason for the divorce. No adultery; no abuse. Just a marriage that lacked the communication needed to work through their problems – and every marriage has problems to resolve. The solution to dissatisfaction in a marriage is to bring those grievances to the table openly and honestly so that you can work toward a resolution. When you keep your differences inside for too long, eventually a wall is built between you, making communication and compromise almost impossible to achieve.
“And this you do with double guilt; you cover the alter of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives]….Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.”
~ Malachi 2:13, 15b (Amp)
Love's Last Hope
By Eileen Umbehr
He dropped a bomb -
Right in the middle of your life
The life you began with him
Twenty-four years ago
The promises you made
You meant
The promises he made
Were just words
They've been broken now
Along with your heart
Can there be any greater sorrow
Than to lose the one you love
Not to death
But to someone or something
unknown?
Your heart cries out for answers
But receives only silence
After twenty-four years, you wonder –
Don't I at least deserve that much?
No words. No eye contact.
Just emptiness.
Grief like none other.
You cry out to God,
And in the stillness of your broken heart
You hear Him say
"I am still here. I will always be here."
By faith, you take that first step.
Then another.
Only God could part these waters of grief.
Only by His strength will you escape
And cross safely to the other side.
“Even to your old age I am He, and even to hair white with age will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; yes, I will carry and will save you.” ~ Isaiah 46:4
“Blessed be the Lord who bears our burdens and carries us day by day.” ~ Psalm 68:19
And so, although I do believe in divorce, I believe even more in the sanctity of marriage and the value of keeping a family together. When there is something good worth saving, then simple differences should not destroy a marriage. But as the title of this next poem suggests, reconciliation can only happen when there are two people willing to do the work.
“How can two walk together except they be agreed?” ~ Amos 3:3
It Takes Two
By Eileen Umbehr
The day is fast approaching
And with it many tears
The end of a marriage that lasted
Nearly twenty-five years
What became of the vows recited
Before their friends and God
What about the promises they made
Was that all just one big facade?
What about all of the memories
The two of them have shared
What about the deaths in the family
When they needed each other they were there
What about their three precious children
Will they all continue to thrive
Now that their security is shaken
Because their parents’ love didn’t survive
But the fact of the matter is simple
There are some things that we can’t control
For even though one person wants to try
It takes two halves to make a whole
Yes, it takes two to make a marriage
And try as one person might
If the other is determined to seek a divorce
Then that wrong just can’t be made right
At that point you have no choice
But to grant your spouse’s request
Then trust in the good Lord to lead you
By still waters to true happiness
Because it takes two to walk in harmony
It takes two to help wounds mend
It takes two to make a marriage work
But only one to make it end.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
More Precious Than Words
“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.” ~ Psalm 127:3,4 (NKJV)
As most of you know, our family has been blessed with a new addition: Paige Ashley Umbehr was born at the Wesley Birth Care Center to Josh and Lisa Umbehr on October 23rd at 11:59 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and was 19 ½ inches long.
I was in Topeka when Lisa called to say that she was in labor, so I rushed home to pick up my suitcase and headed for Wichita as fast as I could. On my way there, I called Keen’s mom to share the good news. When I asked how late was too late to call, she replied that it was okay to call up until midnight, but after that she would wait until morning. So I guess little Paige wanted her great-grandma to get the news right away, because she was born exactly one minute before Grandma’s bedtime!
As any grandma would be, I was extremely excited about meeting our new grandchild. But my first tears were actually shed in the car as I neared my exit in Wichita and I heard Gary Allen come across the radio singing: “When tough little boys, grow up to be dads, they turn into big babies again.” It just brought back memories of our tough little boy who looked like a football player from birth, and who was now about to become a proud father once again.
Lisa’s mom Linda arrived earlier than I did and was able to provide some tender loving care to Lisa while she was in labor. I joined them around 10:30 when things were really starting to heat up. A while later Linda and I left the room because Lisa wanted to be alone with Josh during the final stages of labor and through the delivery. After visiting in the lobby for about 40 minutes, Linda and I decided we’d better check on Lisa’s progress. As we approached her room, we saw nurses from all four corners of the facility making their way down the hall. “What’s happening?” we asked. “I heard she’s ready to deliver,” a nurse explained excitedly.
Linda and I were like two little kids waiting for Santa Claus as we anxiously waited in the hall. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, our daughter-in-law is a strong woman and a champion child-bearer! She had Katelyn all natural, and now she was doing it again. I had my children naturally, too, but the difference between me and Lisa is that you could have heard me screaming 3 blocks away. I remember during one of the deliveries digging my fingernails into Keen’s forearm and saying: “This – is - not - sur-vivable!”
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”
~Lawrence Housman
But not Lisa; she barely made a peep throughout the entire process. On the other hand, we could hear Josh loud and clear joking with the doctor and nurses about how when Katelyn was born he told Lisa he was going to shout, “It’s a boy!” no matter what. At this point we received the only clue that there was a woman on the other side of the door laboring to bring forth a child when we heard Lisa very distinctly and firmly say: “Shut up!” Linda and I just smiled. Soon we began hearing comments like, “You’re almost there! One more good push!” We just held hands and listened intently until we finally heard, “It’s a girl!” followed by the beautiful sound of our new granddaughter’s first cry.
“Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility.”
~ Kate Douglas Wiggin
Ever the jokester, Josh came out into the hall and announced to the waiting grandmas, “It’s twins!” I quickly called Grandma Umbehr to give her the good news just in the nick of time. Josh also noted that Lisa was born on the 8th of the month and he was born on the 15th of the month and when you combine those two numbers you get Paige’s birth day, the 23rd of October.
After we got our chance to hug the parents and hold precious Paige, Linda and I drove back to Josh and Lisa’s house where Grandpa Gary was babysitting Katelyn. When we arrived, Katelyn was awake. I think she sensed all the excitement. So Gary and Linda left for the hospital while I tried to feed Katelyn a bottle and rock her back to sleep. But she wasn’t having any of that, so I decided to load up the car seat and take Katelyn to meet her new little sister. When we walked in the room, Lisa’s eyes filled with tears as she held both of her little angels in her arms for the first time. Katelyn was so happy to see Mom and Dad, and she seemed curious about this little bundle Mommy was holding. At one point she patted Paige’s little cheek ever so softly. (Josh and Lisa have been working on teaching her to be “gentle” for quite some time.) Then Katelyn made the hugging motion by wrapping her own two arms around herself.
Katelyn meets Paige
Josh commented that Katelyn was probably thinking, “Don’t forget me, Mom. New things are nice, but I’ve been around a lot longer than her. I’m an oldie but a goodie!”
Then he jokingly added that he’d have to explain to Katelyn that Mommy could only love her half as much now that there were two children in the family. Without skipping a beat, Lisa replied: “That’s not true, is it Katelyn. Mommy’s heart grew last night.”
All of our hearts grew that night.
Welcome to the family, Paige Ashley. We love you!
As most of you know, our family has been blessed with a new addition: Paige Ashley Umbehr was born at the Wesley Birth Care Center to Josh and Lisa Umbehr on October 23rd at 11:59 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and was 19 ½ inches long.
I was in Topeka when Lisa called to say that she was in labor, so I rushed home to pick up my suitcase and headed for Wichita as fast as I could. On my way there, I called Keen’s mom to share the good news. When I asked how late was too late to call, she replied that it was okay to call up until midnight, but after that she would wait until morning. So I guess little Paige wanted her great-grandma to get the news right away, because she was born exactly one minute before Grandma’s bedtime!
As any grandma would be, I was extremely excited about meeting our new grandchild. But my first tears were actually shed in the car as I neared my exit in Wichita and I heard Gary Allen come across the radio singing: “When tough little boys, grow up to be dads, they turn into big babies again.” It just brought back memories of our tough little boy who looked like a football player from birth, and who was now about to become a proud father once again.
Lisa’s mom Linda arrived earlier than I did and was able to provide some tender loving care to Lisa while she was in labor. I joined them around 10:30 when things were really starting to heat up. A while later Linda and I left the room because Lisa wanted to be alone with Josh during the final stages of labor and through the delivery. After visiting in the lobby for about 40 minutes, Linda and I decided we’d better check on Lisa’s progress. As we approached her room, we saw nurses from all four corners of the facility making their way down the hall. “What’s happening?” we asked. “I heard she’s ready to deliver,” a nurse explained excitedly.
Linda and I were like two little kids waiting for Santa Claus as we anxiously waited in the hall. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, our daughter-in-law is a strong woman and a champion child-bearer! She had Katelyn all natural, and now she was doing it again. I had my children naturally, too, but the difference between me and Lisa is that you could have heard me screaming 3 blocks away. I remember during one of the deliveries digging my fingernails into Keen’s forearm and saying: “This – is - not - sur-vivable!”
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”
~Lawrence Housman
But not Lisa; she barely made a peep throughout the entire process. On the other hand, we could hear Josh loud and clear joking with the doctor and nurses about how when Katelyn was born he told Lisa he was going to shout, “It’s a boy!” no matter what. At this point we received the only clue that there was a woman on the other side of the door laboring to bring forth a child when we heard Lisa very distinctly and firmly say: “Shut up!” Linda and I just smiled. Soon we began hearing comments like, “You’re almost there! One more good push!” We just held hands and listened intently until we finally heard, “It’s a girl!” followed by the beautiful sound of our new granddaughter’s first cry.
“Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility.”
~ Kate Douglas Wiggin
Ever the jokester, Josh came out into the hall and announced to the waiting grandmas, “It’s twins!” I quickly called Grandma Umbehr to give her the good news just in the nick of time. Josh also noted that Lisa was born on the 8th of the month and he was born on the 15th of the month and when you combine those two numbers you get Paige’s birth day, the 23rd of October.
After we got our chance to hug the parents and hold precious Paige, Linda and I drove back to Josh and Lisa’s house where Grandpa Gary was babysitting Katelyn. When we arrived, Katelyn was awake. I think she sensed all the excitement. So Gary and Linda left for the hospital while I tried to feed Katelyn a bottle and rock her back to sleep. But she wasn’t having any of that, so I decided to load up the car seat and take Katelyn to meet her new little sister. When we walked in the room, Lisa’s eyes filled with tears as she held both of her little angels in her arms for the first time. Katelyn was so happy to see Mom and Dad, and she seemed curious about this little bundle Mommy was holding. At one point she patted Paige’s little cheek ever so softly. (Josh and Lisa have been working on teaching her to be “gentle” for quite some time.) Then Katelyn made the hugging motion by wrapping her own two arms around herself.
Katelyn meets PaigeJosh commented that Katelyn was probably thinking, “Don’t forget me, Mom. New things are nice, but I’ve been around a lot longer than her. I’m an oldie but a goodie!”
Then he jokingly added that he’d have to explain to Katelyn that Mommy could only love her half as much now that there were two children in the family. Without skipping a beat, Lisa replied: “That’s not true, is it Katelyn. Mommy’s heart grew last night.”
All of our hearts grew that night.
Welcome to the family, Paige Ashley. We love you!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Special Delivery
The term special delivery
Holds different meaning for us all
Perhaps a bouquet of flowers
Or a gift, large or small
But for the Umbehr and Kaus families
Special delivery means one thing
To give you the whole picture
Let me start at the beginning
One night some friends were over
And we were talking about life
When somehow the conversation turned
To our friend’s brother and lovely wife
They sounded like such nice people
With traits to be admired
“Do they happen to have a daughter?”
I jokingly inquired.
Much to my amazement
They answered, “Yes, and she’s a jewel.”
Then we soon discovered,
She and our son went to the same school!
Not too long thereafter,
Josh and Lisa met each other
And Lisa said, “I think my aunt’s
Been talking to your mother!”
They soon became a couple
Before long they were in love
In the picture from their prom
A beam of sunlight shone from above
The bond continued to strengthen
Well past graduation
Faith, Love and Commitment
Became their firm foundation
Josh and Lisa found in each other
Kindred spirits and kindred souls
And four years later, just like clockwork
They both met their individual goals
After earning their degrees
Wedding bells were heard
Fr. Keith made it official
For these two very special love birds
Not wanting to waste a minute
They pressed on for better or worse
Each supporting one another’s dreams
Josh a doctor, Lisa a nurse
But before that would happen
Another dream came true
When their firstborn daughter Katelyn arrived
On the 7th day of June
Lisa’s mom and I were privileged
To be present at her birth
Oh what a gift she gave us
A gift of priceless worth
I remember when we were leaving
I gave Lisa a hug and a kiss
“She’s going to be such a blessing,” I said.
Lisa said, “She already is.”
No truer words were ever spoken
Katelyn Seraphina is a treasure
Yes God’s very Special Delivery
Is a blessing beyond measure
Katelyn & Daddy at the Wichita Buddy Walk, October, 2007
Now the next chapter of their lives
Is just about to be written
As the family grows from three to four
And we all once again become smitten!
Written October 8, 2007
Lisa’s 27th Birthday
.JPG)
Josh, Lisa & Katelyn (pulling Mommy's hair!)
Holds different meaning for us all
Perhaps a bouquet of flowers
Or a gift, large or small
But for the Umbehr and Kaus families
Special delivery means one thing
To give you the whole picture
Let me start at the beginning
One night some friends were over
And we were talking about life
When somehow the conversation turned
To our friend’s brother and lovely wife
They sounded like such nice people
With traits to be admired
“Do they happen to have a daughter?”
I jokingly inquired.
Much to my amazement
They answered, “Yes, and she’s a jewel.”
Then we soon discovered,
She and our son went to the same school!
Not too long thereafter,
Josh and Lisa met each other
And Lisa said, “I think my aunt’s
Been talking to your mother!”
They soon became a couple
Before long they were in love
In the picture from their prom
A beam of sunlight shone from above
The bond continued to strengthen
Well past graduation
Faith, Love and Commitment
Became their firm foundation
Josh and Lisa found in each other
Kindred spirits and kindred souls
And four years later, just like clockwork
They both met their individual goals
After earning their degrees
Wedding bells were heard
Fr. Keith made it official
For these two very special love birds
Not wanting to waste a minute
They pressed on for better or worse
Each supporting one another’s dreams
Josh a doctor, Lisa a nurse
But before that would happen
Another dream came true
When their firstborn daughter Katelyn arrived
On the 7th day of June
Lisa’s mom and I were privileged
To be present at her birth
Oh what a gift she gave us
A gift of priceless worth
I remember when we were leaving
I gave Lisa a hug and a kiss
“She’s going to be such a blessing,” I said.
Lisa said, “She already is.”
No truer words were ever spoken
Katelyn Seraphina is a treasure
Yes God’s very Special Delivery
Is a blessing beyond measure
Katelyn & Daddy at the Wichita Buddy Walk, October, 2007Now the next chapter of their lives
Is just about to be written
As the family grows from three to four
And we all once again become smitten!
Written October 8, 2007
Lisa’s 27th Birthday
.JPG)
Josh, Lisa & Katelyn (pulling Mommy's hair!)
Thursday, September 27, 2007
A Long-Awaited Finish
“. . . let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. . . .”
~ Hebrews 12:1b,2a (NKJV)
For those of you who have been waiting with bated breath for an update on my book, (and for those of you who couldn’t care less), I am finally able to report that a copy of my book, Small Town Showdown, is now available through Amazon.com. I ordered two copies myself last Tuesday evening and received them on Friday, so that was a pretty fast turnaround.
Lately I’ve been thinking about that old saying – “You can’t go home.” Well, what happens if you’ve never left? Although I wasn’t born in Kansas, this has been my home for nearly my entire adult life. And despite the conflicts Keen and I have been involved in over the years, we have no plans to move because there’s no place on earth we would rather live.
Yet, I realize that my book may not receive a warm reception from a substantial portion of the population of Wabaunsee County. But that’s okay. I didn’t write it to make anyone happy and I didn’t write it to make anyone angry. Most importantly, I didn’t write it to be spiteful, although many may accuse me of such. I simply wrote it because this was our life and I wanted to tell our story. The book contains the truth about what happened, a truth which some will applaud and others will curse.
I remember back in 1989 when Keen was writing his weekly column, My Perspective. The commissioners used to accuse him of hurting people with what he wrote. But the truth is what it is: nothing more and nothing less.
As for me, whether one hundred or one million people read my book, I am content just knowing that I finally accomplished my goal. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been talking about this book for so long there were times when I felt like the girl who cried “Wolf!” So now it’s finally completed, for better or for worse – come what may. And now that the foundation has been laid, I can start working on the behind-the-scenes version of our story which will allow anyone who is interested to be a mouse in our house throughout the lawsuit years. But don’t be looking for it anytime soon!
In other news, ever since our oldest son Jared joined the Navy after 911, it has been his personal goal to become a Navy SEAL. Unfortunately, his poor eyesight prevented him from trying out, so he became a member of the Special Forces boat team known as SWCCC. Their responsibilities involve the insertion and extraction of Navy SEALS, a job Jared and his unit performed during a three-month tour of duty last year. Earlier this year, Jared underwent PRK surgery to correct his vision to 20/20, which enabled him to apply for the Navy SEALS program. Then last month he received his orders to report to Coronado, California, to begin BUD/S - Basic Underwater Demolition School which is a six-month program he will have to survive in order to reach his goal of becoming a Navy SEAL.
This week, Erin, Asher, Gabe and Emma, along with Erin’s mom Lu and their two dogs and two cats, will be traveling through Kansas on their way to California. Gabe is excited because he gets to start kindergarten since the cutoff isn’t until December 1st. When I called him on his birthday last Monday he excitedly exclaimed, “Gramma – today is my five!” Asher’s birthday was on Friday. When I talked to him on the phone and asked him how he liked being 8, he replied, “Well, it’s only my first day of being 8.” (I guess I’ll have to check back with him in a couple of months.) Emma is as pretty as ever – she is a girly-girl if ever there was one. She even likes shoes. Imagine that, at 16 months old! Jared said she actually brought him a pair of shoes one time and he put them on for her. Then a little while later she changed her mind (I told you she was all girl!) and brought him a different pair.
As for Josh, Lisa and Katelyn, they are one busy family. Josh is enjoying his residency program at Wesley Medical Center. Like most residents, he is putting in some unbelievable hours, but he is young, ambitious and hard working, so he is handling it really well. Lisa has also been able to keep her nursing skills up by working part time. Katelyn is doing well. She is very mobile and gets anywhere she wants to go with her unique belly-crawl. She pulls up on people, couches and tables, and even walks around them, but she’s not quite ready to take off walking yet. We’re all anxiously awaiting the arrival of Katelyn’s little brother or sister in a couple of weeks.
Keen II and Kirk Van are roommates in Manhattan while they attend Kansas State University. Kirk is a freshman and Keen is a senior. In addition to their studies, they both keep busy working. Keener works as a referee and Kirk works as a DJ for Complete Music. Kirk said that he has a dance every Friday and Saturday for four weekends in a row.
Keen continues to keep busy with his law practice. This week he attended a two-day conference in Wichita. Recently when I ran into one of Keen’s law professors from Washburn, he made the comment that Keen was born to be a lawyer. With God’s help, Keen reached his goal, and he is so grateful. He’ll never forget how he used to fill his days working as a trash man.
“All endeavor calls for the ability to tramp the last mile, shape the last plan, endure the last hours toil. The fight to the finish spirit is the one... characteristic we must possess if we are to face the future as finishers.”
~ Henry David Thoreau
Courtesy of WIBW - CBS affiliate, Topeka, Kansas (Used by Permission)
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Every Life a Story: Thomas Richard Hutcheson
“Long before I wrote stories, I listened for stories. Listening for them is something more acute than listening to them. When their elders sit and begin, children are just waiting and hoping for one to come out, like a mouse from its hole.”
~ Eudora Welty, Author and Pulitzer Prize winner (1909-2001)
Welcome to the first edition of my new segment: “Every Life a Story.”
Thomas Richard Hutcheson, who most often goes by his middle name but is sometimes called T.R. or Dick, was born on August 21, 1916, in a farm home located four miles from the town of Morning Sun, Iowa, which is located in the Southeastern part of the state. Richard’s parents were Walter Edwin and Jessie (Turnbull) Hutcheson. His siblings included one brother, Matthew Maurice, and one sister, Mary Alice Elizabeth. (Another sister named Laura died in infancy.)
Richard’s mother Jessie had an interesting background. She was born in Oklahoma when it was Indian Territory. Sadly, Jessie’s mother passed away just a few days after her birth. Since there was no legal record of her birth, Jessie would eventually choose February 14 as her birthday. When Jessie was a young girl her father worked as a teamster for the railroad. After hearing there was work available at a mission being built by the Reformed Presbyterian Church, he decided to move Jessie and her older sister Dora to Apache, Oklahoma, where Jessie attended an Indian boarding school for two years. (Her father eventually married and had more children.) When Jessie was eight years old, it was determined that she and Dora should attend school in Morning Sun, Iowa, the hometown of some of the missionaries. Jessie lived with three different families before graduating from Morning Sun High School. Seventy-five years later, she was honored to be the featured speaker at the school’s alumni banquet. Jessie lived to be 96 years old.
An interesting side note: Richard’s grandfather, Matt Hutcheson, grew up near Olathe, Kansas, but left to find work in Iowa at the age of 16 because of the grasshopper plague in Kansas in 1873. The story is that the grasshoppers not only ate all the crops, but they ate the curtains off the windows and the handles off of pitchforks because of the salt from the farmers’ hands. Matt would meet Richard’s grandmother Annie in Iowa, and they eventually settled on 80 acres of land Annie had inherited near Morning Sun. This would be the farm home where Richard’s father Walter was born, and where Richard himself was born a generation later.
Richard’s mother and father met while they were attending the same Reformed Presbyterian Church in Morning Sun (Sharon Church). There was an entire colony of Reformed Presbyterian’s who moved to that area from Pennsylvania, and the church continues to have a thriving congregation to this day.
Sharon Church - 150th anniversary, July 1996As a whole, the Reformed Presbyterian denomination has over 6,000 members nationwide, with missionaries in Japan, Cyprus and the Sudan. In addition, they operate a seminary and retirement home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and a college in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, known as Geneva College.
One unique aspect of the Reformed Presbyterian Church, which was officially established in 1743, is that the congregation always sings their hymns a cappella from the Book of Psalms. When I asked Mr. Hutcheson what particular beliefs distinguished Reformed Presbyterians from members of the traditional branch of the denomination, he stated that they believe Christ should be recognized as the Head of the nation, and not just the Head of the church. During World War II, the Church adopted an explanatory declaration for soldiers who were being promoted to officer status. The written declaration was attached to the Pledge of Allegiance and stated: “I take this oath with no mental reservation, but declaring my primary allegiance to Jesus Christ, the King of the Nation.” Richard also explained that in the 1600’s when the king of Scotland and England, Charles II, wanted to reestablish the Episcopalian form of government, most of Scotland compromised and accepted his proposal. Those who dissented, however, (known as Covenanters), were forced to meet in secret and suffered great persecution. History describes this tragic period as the “Killing Times.”
One year after Richard’s parents were married, they moved to Sterling, Kansas, to engage in farming. Since there were no crops that year, they became destitute and decided to return to Morning Sun where they rented a house. Richard’s siblings attended a country school, but by the time he reached school age the country schools had been consolidated in Mediapolis, Iowa.
Midway through the second grade, Richard’s family moved to the unincorporated town of Garland, Iowa, where his father began working as the manager of the Garland Elevator. There were only about six or seven houses in Garland, but they had a General Store located right in the railroad depot because the Railroad ran through the town. Richard said you could buy overalls and lemons at the store, but nothing that required refrigeration since they didn’t have electricity. (They used coal oil lamps.)
The family lived in Garland for approximately three years before moving back to Morning Sun where Richard’s father took work as a hired man. He worked ten months out of the year helping another family on their farm. His pay was $50.00 per month.
“Some people say that they were poor, but they never knew it,” Richard commented. “Well, we were poor and we knew we were poor. But we never went hungry.”
“What did poor look like for your family?” I asked.
“Well, you had to think real hard before you bought something. And you didn’t buy much,” he replied. “We had a garden, one pig and a cow for milk. Mother canned. We had fruit trees; every farm had a good orchard. We had to watch out for the worms, though, but it was worse to find half a worm. And we wore our clothes for a very long time. We wore the same pants to school for half of the year.”
Richard recalled a time when he received a new pair of high top leather shoes that were irritating the back of his heel. So he and his father went to the clothing store and the owner graciously agreed to accept the shoes back, even though they had already been worn. “I’ll keep them here,” he said. “And if somebody wants to buy them, I’ll sell them as used.”
Richard also remembered when he was about ten years old and his father went shopping for the family’s first car.
“How much are you asking for this one?” his father asked the salesman, pointing to a coupe, single-seat automobile.
“Fifty dollars,” the salesman replied. “You can pay me so much a month until it’s paid off.”
After doing the math, Richard’s father asked why the total amount came to more than the price of the car.
“That’s interest on the money,” the salesman explained. “If you went to the bank, you’d have to pay interest. We’re really lending you the money.”
“That was my first lesson in finance,” Richard remarked.
“I’m just curious. How was it that your family could afford to buy a car for $50.00 when that was all the money your father made in a month?” I inquired.
“That’s why we were poor,” Richard said with a smile.
After completing his sophomore year of high school in Morning Sun, Iowa, Richard’s family moved back to his grandfather’s farm near Mediapolis. Out of the twenty-three students who graduated from Mediapolis High School in 1934, only one girl found work at a grocery story (due to the depression). As for Richard, he spent the next year helping his father on the farm and doing odd jobs for neighbors.
In the fall of 1935, Richard enrolled in junior college in Burlington, Iowa. He was able to live with his sister whose husband worked for Chicago, Burlington & Quincy Railroad (CPQ). The following year Richard decided to transfer to Kansas State Teachers College of Pittsburg, Kansas, (now Pittsburg State University), to pursue his interest in journalism. The cost of tuition was $37.50 per semester. While in Pittsburg, Richard lived at the YMCA and worked there for his room. He also worked as a porter at the Rexford Café for his meals, and he held a job at the Family Shoe Store on Saturdays for $2.00 per day.
Richard returned to Pittsburg in the spring of 1938 after deciding he wasn’t “mechanically adept” enough to be a printer. His new area of study was history and social studies.
In the fall of 1938 one of Richard’s friends named Ralph Kilpatrick contacted him about a job opportunity in Pennsylvania. Ralph was a student at Geneva College (in Beaver Falls) and he had a good job at a funeral home. So Richard transferred to Geneva College with the understanding that when his friend returned the following spring, he would relinquish his position at the funeral home. Richard also worked in the maintenance department at the college in exchange for a reduced tuition rate.
When Richard’s friend came back to reclaim his job, Richard returned to Pittsburg once again for the spring semester. Then in the fall he stayed home to help his father harvest five acres of tomatoes which he had contracted to grow for the Heinz Ketchup Company. The following spring (1940), Richard returned to Kansas State Teachers College where he graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in education. Since he was awarded a lifetime teaching certificate, Richard is actually still certified to teach English, History, Social Studies and Printing.
“I’m certified,” he added wryly, “but I’m not qualified.”
The summer after graduation, Richard headed for “grain-raising territory” in Northern Minnesota where he worked harvesting wheat and flax. His life would take a dramatic turn that fall when Richard was accepted into the Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
I asked Richard when he first considered going to seminary.
“Oh, it occurred to me off-and-on over the years,” he replied.
Richard’s family was very devout in their faith, and many of their activities centered around the church. In the town of Morning Sun (population 800), there were five churches, and every year each church would hold revival services; and every year young Richard would attend each one. In addition, Richard’s father led his family in a brief worship service every morning, which included reading a chapter from the Bible (with each family member taking turns reading verses), and kneeling in prayer.
Richard told me about an incident that happened in the sixth grade which might have hinted of things to come. He said his teacher was giving the class a spelling test and she asked them to write the word “profit” (without giving the definition). Richard was the only student who spelled the word “p-r-o-p-h-e-t.” Later on when he was in college, several of his friends from church commented that they thought he should become a minister.
During his second year of seminary, Richard met his future wife, Eleanor McLam, a music student at Geneva College. Eleanor was also a member of a Gospel singing group, and she would eventually become a music teacher, traveling to different schools in the area. During this same time, a friend of Richard’s arranged for him to travel to Barnet, Vermont, to preach a sermon at a church there.
After graduating from seminary in 1943, Richard received a call from the church he had visited in Barnet, Vermont, asking him to serve as their pastor. Richard accepted the call. (Coincidentally, Richard’s future in-laws were from Barnet and attended the same church).
Thomas Richard Hutcheson's seminary graduation pictureOn June 27, 1944, Richard and Eleanor were married in the Barnet Reformed Presbyterian Church. Since most people were married in their homes at that time, Richard and Eleanor were the very first couple to be married in the church, which was built in 1833.
Eleanor taught piano lessons in their home, and the couple had two sons who were born in Vermont named Martin and Harvey. Then in 1947 the family moved to Almonte, Ontario, Canada, after Richard accepted the call from a congregation there.
A third son, Dean, joined the family in 1949. The family stayed in Almonte until 1952 when Richard received another call from a Reformed Presbyterian church in Rose Point, Pennsylvania, approximately 50 miles north of Pittsburgh. Rose Point is also located near the famous Slippery Rock University which was founded in 1889. (The university’s first president was James Morrow whose granddaughter, Anne Morrow, married Charles Lindbergh.)
After deciding that “seven years was long enough,” Richard and his family moved from Rose Point to Superior, Nebraska, (near the Kansas line) to serve as pastor of Superior Reformed Presbyterian Church. There he would also serve as pastor of Beulah Country Church, located approximately twenty miles from Superior. Richard said that the majority of his time as a pastor was spent preparing sermons, visiting the sick, and acting as the “shepherd of the congregation” in various capacities. In Superior, he and four other area pastors also took turns serving as chaplain for the local hospital, writing a devotional column for the newspaper, and providing a fifteen-minute weekly radio devotional.
In 1962, Richard developed a mysterious problem with his vocal chords making it difficult to continue in his current profession.
To be continued . . .
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The Hutcheson Family (with cousin on far left)The doctors were never able to determine for certain what caused the problem with Richard’s voice, but it didn’t stop him from changing careers. In 1962 Richard began working in Holton, Kansas, for the State Department of Social Welfare (now known as SRS), which was operated by the Jackson County Commissioners and the Board of Social Welfare. Richard’s job responsibilities included providing aid to dependent children, placing children in foster homes or up for adoption, and finding nursing homes for the aged. In 1976, Richard and his wife moved to Topeka, so Richard transferred to the Topeka office where he concentrated more on medical assistance to the aged, blind and disabled.
Richard eventually retired on August 1, 1981. Sadly, Eleanor passed away in 1990 from cancer. Richard sold their home three years later and moved into an apartment in Topeka. Then in 1997 he moved into the independent living area of the Presbyterian Manor where he continues to live today.
In addition to their three sons – Martin and Dean, who live in Kansas, and Harvey who lives in Virginia – the Hutcheson’s have been blessed with seven grand-children and four great-grandchildren (two sets of twins), with two more on the way later this year. Richard said that one of his five-year old great-grandsons Samuel, recently surprised his parents by telling them, “You know, Jesus loves us no matter what!”
Before concluding our interview, I decided to ask Richard a few more questions about his faith. Here are some excerpts from Richard’s comments:
“You can be religious and not have a relationship with Christ. The Pharisees were very religious. But if you have a relationship with Christ, you’ll be religious.”
“Religion can be a hazard if it gives you a false sense of security of eternal life; that is, if you depend on your religion for your salvation. The Pharisees boasted about fasting and tithing, and when they prayed, they thanked God they were not like other sinners.”
“That’s right,” I added in agreement. “Jesus was harder on the religious people than He was on the sinners. He told the Pharisees that they washed the outside of the cup, but inside was like dead man’s bones. He said, ‘You make people twice as fit for hell as you are yourself!’”
“There are two things Jesus did for us,” Richard continued. “He took our sins and He gave us His righteousness.”
Next, I asked Richard if there was anything that he would have changed about his life if he had it to do over again.
After taking a moment to consider the question, Richard replied:
“I would have brought my wife more flowers. I would have paid more attention to my family during my life. I neglected my children more than I should have. God took care of them, but I would have done more hugging. I went to some meetings when I could have been home with the family. I really didn’t need to go to those meetings.”
“I hope you don’t mind me asking you this; do you fear death?” I inquired cautiously.
“No, I don’t fear death. Of course, I’d like it to be easy without suffering, but I guess we can’t control that. But death is a promotion to Heaven; our time on Earth is preparation. The Book of Psalms says: Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee.”
“I’m ready for death whenever it comes, and it won’t be long; I’m 91 years old. When I look at the obituaries in the paper, most people are younger than I am now.
“We’re told a few things about Heaven. Heaven will be the absence of tears and pain; eternal bliss. I suppose the greatest joy would be the absence of sin . . . it’s a delight to think upon that. We can’t imagine it, really.”
“Do you ponder who you’ll be reunited with when you get to Heaven?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied, “but being with Jesus and spending eternity in His presence will be the greatest delight.”
I asked Richard what he tells people who question the teaching of Christianity that Jesus is the only way to Heaven.
“Jesus said I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, and no man comes to the Father except by Me.”
But what about people who have never heard about Jesus, I asked.
“In the first chapter of Romans [vs. 20] it says: For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse.”
“We have our consciences also,” Richard answered. “We don’t need the Ten Commandments to know that murder is wrong. God writes His law upon our hearts.”
Finally, I asked Richard how he hopes his sons and family will remember him.
He pondered the question for a moment, searching for just the right words to summarize his hopes for a personal legacy.
“Ideally, I hope that I reflected faith in Christ,” he replied. “And that they saw that I had joy because I am a believer. That’s the way I’d like them to remember me.”
“Anything else?” I asked.
“No . . . I think that’s all,” he quietly responded.
In the short time that I spent with Thomas Richard Hutcheson, that is definitely the way I will remember him.
“When David’s time to die was near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, I go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man; Keep the charge of the Lord your God, walk in His ways, keep His statutes, His commandments, His precepts, and His testimonies, as it is written in the law of Moses, that you may do wisely and prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn…”
~ I Kings 2:1-3
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