Tuesday, February 19, 2008

There Will Be Scars

“If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. If I should say, "My foot has slipped," Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul.”

~ Psalm 94:17-19

Keen surprised me with a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day – six white and six red. I told him they represented how we are very different as individuals, but together we make a beautiful bouquet. Sounds kind of cheesy, I know – but it’s true.

This week I’d like to remember those for whom Valentine’s Day is not a time of celebration, but rather a painful reminder of their broken dreams. This column is dedicated to all the victims of divorce who daily struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection as they strive to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together.

This first poem was written for my friend whose divorce recently became final.

There Will Be Scars
By Eileen Umbehr

I wish that I could tell you
Your grief will disappear
Or that the ache that’s in your heart
Will lessen through the years

But as much as I would like
To free you from this pain
I know that only God above
Can make you whole again

And even when your life moves on
To the inevitable next chapter
I’m sure that you will always yearn
For that happily-ever-after

Yet you are strong, and you’ve put your faith
In the One who made the stars
But nevertheless, the sad truth is
That there will be scars

But even Jesus Christ Himself
Bears scars from His death on the Cross
He understands more than anyone could
The pain of rejection and loss

So although the scars from this divorce
Will unfortunately always remain
My hope and prayer is that with God’s help
You will laugh and love again.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

~ Lamentations 3:21-24


This next segment is from a letter I recently wrote to my friend’s daughter:

Thank you for your nice note. It brought tears to my eyes. The poem was written for your mom, but then I realized it applied to you, too.

I saw an Oprah Show last week about adult children of divorce. Even thirty years later many of them were still hurting. The poem is my way of saying that we can't ignore the painful and unexpected experiences in our lives. We have to first acknowledge the pain – then try to deal with it and process it the best way we know how so that then we can move on to the healing stage of the process. I know your parents divorce has rocked your world, and I am so sorry for that. You are doing great, but just remember that the emotions you feel need to be embraced too. Don’t forget that you're not just a student, an athlete, a daughter, a friend; you’re a person. A person who has real feelings and real pain and real hurts; and there will be times throughout your life when those feelings will let you know that they need some time and attention, too. Embrace them. As much as it hurts, don't run from them. Because they are part of your reality – a part of your wonderful, exciting, adventurous, fun-filled LIFE. A life you have been blessed by God to live and enjoy. The not-so-fun parts such as this divorce may not be a large part of your history or your future, but it is a small part, and as such, you will have to be real with yourself when it hurts. Pretending – about anything – never takes us anywhere except to another pretend place.

So go out there and enjoy your life – and always remember that we are in your corner, cheering you on – loving you and feeling so proud to be a part of your life.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

~ Isaiah 40:28-31