In the Eye of the Storm

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
~Psalm 46:1-3

“God didn't promise days without pain; laughter without sorrow,or sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”
~ Author Unknown

When I last wrote, we still had not heard anything from our son Jared and his family who were in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi when Hurricane Katrina hit. It would be another twenty-four hours before we would receive any word from them at all. Erin’s mother, Lu and I talked on the phone both days, trying to reassure one another that our children and grandchildren were physically safe.

As I mentioned last week, Jared, Erin, Asher and Gabe, (and their pets, Chance and Snowball), decided to wait out the storm in a shelter located at the naval command post at Stennis Space Center in Mississippi. Jared said it’s like a city unto itself, with a backup generator and water supply. Plus, the building was constructed to sustain a Category 5 hurricane, and thank God it did!

The first phone call from Jared finally came in on Tuesday afternoon. Even though I’d been watching the news, the descriptions that came from my own son made the whole situation seem even more vivid and horrendous. Now it was up close and personal. Too up close and personal.

“We’re safe, Mom, we’re all safe,” he said. “We’re on our way to Grandma and Grandpa’s in Texas right now. It’s unbelievable, Mom. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. It looks like a bomb exploded. We saw a U-Haul hung up on a light pole. Cars became ram rods and were sticking out of the sides of store windows. It’s like a war zone down here!”

Coincidentally, I located a picture of that U-Haul truck on the internet and sent an e-mail to Romy Kettlewell of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, who said that her husband, Don took the picture on Hwy. 90 (also known as Beach Boulevard) in Waveland, Mississippi. Thanks to the Kettlewell’s for giving me permission to share their pictures.


U-Haul on telephone pole in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


Pile of cars on Hwy. 90 in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


K-Mart Shopping Center in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell


Daddy O's Seafood Restaurant on Hwy. 90 in Waveland, Mississippi. Photo by Don Kettlewell

Getting back to Jared and Erin, Jared said that it proved to be a real blessing that they took their cars to the Space Center because there wasn’t any flooding there. In addition, the roads nearby were cleared fairly quickly, so they loaded up the kids and headed to their apartment to survey the damage. This is Jared’s account of what they discovered when they arrived:

“The roofs of most of the units had been blown off and windows broken, but the roof over our unit was still in place and none of the windows were broken. So for a brief moment we thought we might have been spared, and I was thinking, ‘Praise God’. But when I opened the door to our apartment it looked like everything we owned had been put in a giant washing machine full of mud and tossed back out. Erin was pulling baby pictures out of the mud. We lost everything, Mom. The neighbor’s floor fell through into our apartment and our refrigerator was up on the counter. The water went up to the ceiling, so if we would have stayed, we’d all be dead.”

“In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33b

Before Erin entered the apartment, Jared tried to inject a little humor into the situation by telling her she better take off her shoes so she wouldn’t track mud on the carpet. Asher’s first reaction to the mess was, “Gross!” Then Jared said, “Look, Asher, our refrigerator is up on the counter.” And Asher replied, “Cool!” I’m really hoping that he isn’t too traumatized by the whole event and that Gabe is too young to remember it.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you . . . I have called you by your name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you . . . ~ Isaiah 43: 1b,2a (Amp)

But the events of the past week have been disturbing for everyone involved, including those of us on the parameters of the tragedy, not to mention our country as a whole. The destruction and devastation of Hurricane Katrina was so massive and so widespread, it’s almost incomprehensible.

When the eye of the storm passed over the Space Center, everyone was told that they could go outside and walk around. Jared said it was like someone turned off a switch. It went from ferocious blowing winds and torrential rains to an eerie stillness and absolute silence. So Jared, Erin and the boys literally walked around in the eye of the storm. That was around midday on Monday, and they didn’t step outside again until about 5:30 that evening after Hurricane Katrina had finished wreaking havoc on several states.

Erin said that when they were driving to and from their apartment, they saw several people wandering around in the streets. She said it made her realize how fortunate they really were.

“God have mercy on them. To some, hope is even a struggle. But when the sun comes out, God breathes new life with hope and joy for tomorrow.” ~ An e-mail from my friend, Mae

Yes, Jared and Erin lost their worldly possessions – and that would be extremely upsetting to any of us – but they are so thankful to God that everyone in their family survived (including their pets), both of their vehicles were spared, and they had a place to go for shelter.

When they finally arrived at Keen’s parents’ home (it took longer than expected because a bridge was knocked out by the storm), they were greeted by hugs from several members of Keen’s family, as well as a delicious steak dinner and corn-on-the-cob.

The next day, Keen decided that he and Kirk should drive down to Texas to be with all the family during this difficult time. Kirk’s principal at Wabaunsee High School, Dr. Larry Anderson, was so kind and understanding. He not only granted Kirk permission to take time off from school, but he wrote a personal letter to Jared and his family expressing his condolences for their loss.

Keen and Kirk drove about twelve hours straight through the night. The next day, life threw everyone another curve ball. What’s that old expression? “If it’s not the hogs, it’s the windmill.” Well, this time it was the well. Without any running water, it was time to find another place to lay their heads. So everyone loaded up their stuff and drove over to Keen’s brother’s house. It might have been more than Kevin and Falethesa bargained for, but you’d never know it by their gracious hospitality. As a matter of fact, they tried to talk them into staying!

The situation is constantly evolving, but as of this writing, everyone is caravanning back to Kansas so Jared, Erin and the boys can move into our house in Manhattan. It has a queen-sized bed, bunk beds, two bathrooms, a washer/dryer and all the necessary kitchen appliances. And I’m so glad I stayed home because it gave me the time and opportunity to get everything ready for them on this end. Now the refrigerator is fully stocked, the air conditioner is on and the boys have some new clothes and a few toys waiting for them when they arrive.

Unfortunately, Jared can’t stay very long as he will have to return to Mississippi to continue his duties with the Navy. Whether he’ll continue to be stationed there or transferred to another part of the country is yet to be seen. So they’ll wait until they know something more definite before making any final decisions. More than anything else, they just want to be a family again. Meanwhile, I guess we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.

"Wherever we are, it is but a stage on the way to somewhere else, and whatever we do, however well we do it, it is only a preparation to do something else that shall be different." ~ Robert Lewis Stevenson (1850-94)

“Fear not; there is nothing to fear for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties; yes, I will help you; yes I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice. For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; I, Who say to you, Fear not, I will help you!” ~ Isaiah 41:10,13 (Amp)


Asher and Gabe playing at the beach the week before Hurricane Katrina hit


Erin & boys walking along the beach


Umbrella on beach - such a peaceful scene, but not for long


Gabe at beach


Asher walking along the beach

Circling the Wagons

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.’ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge . . . He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.” ~ Psalm 91:1,2 (NKJV)

Last week I wrote about my trip to Mississippi to visit my daughter-in-law and grandchildren. What a difference a week makes!

As I sit down to write my column, my stomach is churning. We are anxiously awaiting word from Jared and Erin who are in a storm shelter with Asher and Gabe at Stennis Space Center in Mississippi, which is in the direct path of Hurricane Katrina. Jared returned from Kentucky late Friday night, just in time to load his family, their dog and cat, and a few essential belongings into their car and flee to safety.

We haven’t heard from them since last night and we haven’t been able to reach them at all this morning. The news on television has only confirmed the worst, so we have been praying fervently for their safety. When I talked to Erin yesterday, she felt confident that their apartment and all their belongings would be lost. But in spite of that, she said she was trusting God and thankful they were all together. “We’ll get through this,” she said. “Even if we lose everything we own, it will be all right because those things can be replaced.” She said as long as she and Jared and the boys were safe, that was all that really mattered.

Tears filled my eyes this morning after a phone call from Keen’s mother who called to let us know that she talked to Jared & Erin last night and invited them to stay at their house for as long as necessary. Keen’s parents live in Conroe, Texas, which is about six hours from where Jared and Erin live in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. They have separate living quarters all furnished and ready to go right next to their home. (They call it “the annex”.)

In addition, Mom said that if Jared and Erin do end up losing everything, she has beds and bedding that she can give them. “And I’ve wanted a new couch for some time now,” she added. “So they can just take my old one.” Keen’s sister Kihm even offered an entire bedroom suite that she isn’t using. In fact, Mom is visiting Kihm right now in North Carolina and they said they’d be willing to rent a U-Haul and drive the furniture across country if need be. Talk about circling the wagons!

Last night Keen’s brother Kevin called to offer their home to Jared’s family, too. They live in The Woodlands, Texas – just outside of Houston – and they just bought a new house with two spare rooms. “We’d love to have them,” Kevin said.

It’s times like these that remind me how very blessed we are to have people who love us so much that they would drop everything to help us, our children, or our children’s children. Friends may come and go, but family will always be there through thick and thin. And thank God for that!

You Were Always There
By Sheryl Hale Black

No one knows while they are young
Just how strong a parents love can be.
You were always there, I knew no fear
You were always there for me.

Your hand was my guide,
Through all the small storms.
You lead me lovingly, right by my side
You Were Always There For Me.

I love you.

©Copyright of Sheryl Hale Black
(Used by Permission)

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running – to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I’ll be there . . . .

You’ve Got a Friend ~ recorded by James Taylor

They will call on My name,
And I will answer them.
I will say, 'This is My people';
And each one will say, 'The LORD is my God.'"

~ Zechariah 13: 9b (NKJV)


Four generations of Umbehrs: Jared on the left, Keen on the right and Grandpa Jim holding Jared's son, Asher.


Keen & his mom, Jean, after his graduation from law school


The Three K's: Kihm, Keen & Kevin

On the Road Again

Believe it or not, I have another trip to report on this week. A few days after returning from Colorado, my daughter-in-law Erin called and asked me if I would be interested in a free trip to Mississippi to visit/babysit my two grandsons, Asher and Gabe. Since I had really been missing the boys and Erin was starting a new job and needed some help, the two pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit together perfectly for both of us. The next thing I knew, I was “on the road again.”

I had lots of excitement during my trip, starting with a mishap on my way to Kansas City when I got caught in a downpour and decided to pull off the road near a construction area. My right tires went off the shoulder of the road, leaving me high centered. My brother Bill and his son Kyle from Olathe offered to drive to the sight with some chains, but a police officer stopped by and said that it would take a tow truck to lift me up and over the ledge. When he told me that the fee would probably run between $75 and $100, I commented that it was almost as bad as a speeding ticket, except it won’t go on my record. Thankfully, the kind folks from Bulldog Tow in Lawrence had me out in no time, and they only charged me $60.00.

When I called Erin to tell her about the unfortunate event, she said that she hoped it wasn’t any indication of how my week in Mississippi would be. I’m happy to report that it was not.

I so enjoyed spending time with Erin and the boys and getting a chance to see their new apartment and surroundings. Unfortunately, Jared was in Kentucky for training, so I didn’t get the chance to see him. But we had a wonderful week together.




Gramma in her glory with Gabe & Asher








My only complaint was the heat. I have never experienced anything like it in all my life – even in Singapore which is about 100 miles from the Equator and has very high humidity. Within five minutes of being outside, your clothes would be drenched in sweat. Luckily, they have a pool in their apartment complex and they are only five minutes from the beach.

Erin had orientation for her new job all week, so it was my responsibility to see that Asher got on the bus for kindergarten and then meet him when he got off the bus in the afternoon.

Erin & Asher ready for the day

He looked so sharp in his little school uniform. They can mix and match red, navy and white polo shirts with navy or khaki shorts or slacks. Whenever Gabe saw Asher get off the bus he would run to meet him as fast as his little feet could carry him and give his brother a big hug. “I missed you, Ashur!”


Asher waving before he goes to school

The first day I arrived we all went out to Chuck E. Cheese for supper and had a fun time. Asher knows me very well, so he is always very affectionate. He says things like, “Gramma, I just want to tell you something. I love you soooo much.” Gabe hasn’t been around me as much as Asher so he has a tendency to keep his distance at first, but this time he warmed right up to me. It was Gramma this and Gramma that and, “Gramma, watch me!” It was funny though, the next morning when I emerged from my bedroom in my nightgown and glasses and messed up hair with no make-up, he took one look at me and asked, “Gramma? Is that you?”

But the story that seemed to generate the most amount of laughter at my expense had to do with their cat, Snowball (who happens to be jet black in color). One morning I opened up the double doors leading out to their deck when I saw a black cat leap off the edge. I immediately sprang into action and recovered what I assumed to be their runaway cat. Throughout the day, I petted the cat and Gabe enjoyed playing with him. He was very friendly. In fact, Gabe was absolutely giddy with glee over the fact that the cat would even allow him to get within three feet of him, much less pet him. I later learned that the real Snowball runs like a bat out of hell whenever she sees Gabe coming. So I took several pictures and some video footage of Gabe petting the cat and jumping for joy, shouting: “He likes me! He likes me! The kitty likes me now!”

It wasn’t until 2:30 in the afternoon when I noticed one black cat lying on the bed and another black cat walking down the hall. As it turned out, the cat I had “rescued” belonged to someone else! So when Erin returned home, she identified the imposter and put him back outside.

I wish I could say that was the end of the story, but it wasn’t. Apparently, Snowball’s cat feelings were deeply hurt by the intrusion of a stranger on her turf and she wanted everyone in the house to know about it! So when Asher went to pet Snowball, she hissed at him and scratched his nose, drawing blood and causing tears. I felt just terrible, so I later tried to soothe Snowball by petting her and telling her what a good cat she was. She allowed me this privilege for approximately 15 seconds before biting down on my hand with her very sharp teeth. Thankfully, all was forgiven by the next day and Snowball had returned to her normal cat self.

My only other cat mistake was when I filled Snowball’s food dish with Kibbles ‘N Bits, which is actually for the dog. As a result of this oversight, the cat woke poor Erin up in the middle of the night meowing because she was hungry.

Their dog is a very sweet beagle named Chance that they got from the pound in Manhattan four years ago. I had always liked Chance – that is, until I had to take care of him in that heat. Whenever we went outside, he took his sweet old time sniffing around until he found just the right bush to do his business. And even with double Wal-Mart bags, I could never get used to cleaning up after him.

I’ve never had the patience needed for pets; I guess I used up all my patience on my kids – and I still came up short in that department!

Spending a week with a busy mother of two small boys reminded me of how all-consuming motherhood really is. Erin has really had her hands full with Jared being in the Navy. Shortly after she and the boys moved to Mississippi to be together, Jared was called away for the entire month of August, leaving Erin with the job of unpacking all the boxes and getting settled into their new apartment. On top of that she’s been job hunting and getting Asher ready for kindergarten. Basically, she’s had to be all things to all people.

As I watched Erin read bedtime stories to the boys and lead them in their nightly prayers (“Bless Daddy and everyone we love….”), feed them, bathe them, swim with them and hug them, I felt so much admiration in my heart. She is handling so much so well. And now she is adding a new part time job to the mix.

“She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed . . . .” ~ Proverbs 31:27, 28a (NKJV)

It reminds me of that new song by Jamie O’Neal called Somebody’s Hero. One of the verses goes like this:

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the Cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

I hope Erin knows how very proud we are of everything she has accomplished. Most of all, I hope she knows how blessed we feel to have her in our family and how grateful we are for the greatest gift we could ever receive - our two precious grandsons.

That's something to be proud of
That's a life you can hang your hat on
You don't need to make a million
Just be thankful to be workin'
If you're doing what you're able
And putting food there on the table
And providing for the family that you love
That's something to be proud of

Something To Be Proud Of ~ recorded by Montgomery Gentry


Erin & boys head off to the pool

Been There, Done That

“Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.” ~ Psalm 119:105 (NLT)

“A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” ~ John Steinbeck

There’s an old saying that goes, “If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.” But that wasn’t the case with the journey Keen and I took to the beautiful state of Colorado.

After Keen finished preparing for the bar for what seemed like an eternity, we were in dire need of some time away. But we didn’t want a well-orchestrated, pre-determined list of scheduled events. We just wanted to head out and see what adventures we could discover.

Unfortunately, on the day we were trying to leave it seemed like all the forces of nature were conspiring to prevent us from getting out the door. Keen received several phone calls from individuals in need of legal counsel or representation. Since he’s been granted a temporary law license from the Kansas Supreme Court, he’s able to do a limited amount of legal work. However, that license will expire on September 30th (when the next batch of attorneys will be sworn in), so if he doesn’t pass the bar then he’ll have to go back to the drawing board and start preparing to retake the exam in six months. Of course we’re really hoping that won’t be necessary.

In any event, we encountered numerous delays including a garbage disposal that decided to die right after I poured some week-old goulash down the drain. Despite the late start, we decided to get the heck out of Dodge before one more thing could go wrong.

We drove about four hours before stopping in the town on Wakeeney, Kansas near Cedar Bluff Reservoir. We made last-minute reservations at The Butterfield Trail Bunkhouse. The proprietor, Donna Deines, gave us directions to their family farm and from there we followed her husband William to the bunkhouse.

We thoroughly enjoyed the rustic setting and simplicity of the small hunting lodge tucked into a grove of trees in the middle of a pasture. The following morning we awoke before sunrise and went for a walk on the surrounding land, capturing beautiful pictures of the Kansas prairie. When we returned we were treated to a delicious home-cooked breakfast. It was a very peaceful start to our first ever week-long vacation alone.


Sunrise at The Butterfield Trail Bunkhouse

The next night we landed in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, home to one of the fanciest resorts in Colorado – the Hot Springs Lodge & Pool. They have a 400-foot hot springs pool with varying degrees of temperatures (up to 104), two giant waterslides, and an 18-hole miniature golf course. They were completely booked, but it looked like a terrific vacation spot – and they’re open year-round.

From Glenwood Springs we drove to Grand Junction to spend a couple of days with my stepmother in her new home, which is located right at the base of the magnificent Colorado National Monument. It’s the ideal setting for the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets you’ve ever seen.

We didn’t waste any time touring the spectacular sights surrounding Grand Junction. On the first day, we drove to Moab, Utah to tour the Arches National Park. The drive up the mountains was a bit precarious, but well worth it.


Keen, Eileen & Barbara at Arches National Park in Moab, Utah

The following day we took another drive through the National Monument where once again, the view was simply breathtaking.


Colorado National Monument

After leaving Grand Junction, we decided to return to Kansas via a different route, rather than taking I-70 back through Denver. So we headed south and stopped for lunch in Montrose. While browsing through an antique store, a woman recommended that we visit the town of Ouray, which is also known as the Switzerland of America. Boy, were we ever glad we took her advice. The quaint little village is nestled into the base of the San Juan Mountains, and the majority of the unique shops are the original buildings built in the late 1800’s.


View of Downtown Ouray, Colorado

Keen and I treated ourselves to a night at the historic Beaumont Hotel in Ouray, and enjoyed a delicious meal in their fine restaurant. The next morning we were determined to try out some hot springs located underground in an actual cave. I know why they refer to it as a natural sauna!

From there we followed our noses and landed in Salida for one of the many highlights of our trip – whitewater rafting down Brown’s Canyon on the Arkansas River. Neither of us had ever been whitewater rafting before, so we were really looking forward to it, although I must admit to feeling a bit of trepidation. Our guide, Ted (from Canyon Marine), and a former guide, Brandi, were the only other passengers on our raft. Although it was a level three trip, which is considered moderate in difficulty, it had plenty of excitement and adventure for this Kansas girl. With rapids bearing the names of “The Widowmaker” and “The Toilet Bowl,” I was just thankful to get through it without capsizing!


Whitewater rafting down Brown's Canyon on the Arkansas River

Before leaving the area, we checked out a resort called Mt. Princeton, which is located between Salida and Buena Vista near San Isabel National Forest. They have several hot springs pools, along with a beautiful mountain stream running through the property. They also have horseback riding, hiking, biking and rafting available in the immediate area. We spent about an hour and a half taking pictures of the premises so we could present it to my family as a possible location for a future Van Kirk family reunion. Since Keen and I haven’t sponsored the reunion in over ten years, I’d say it’s high time we step up to the plate and take our turn. (And I’m quite sure my siblings agree!) I don’t think we can go wrong with the beauty of the mountains and all the diverse activities Colorado has to offer. The magnificence of God’s creation is truly a wonder to behold.

“The mountains shall bring peace to the people....” ~ Psalm 72:3 (KJV)


Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort in Nathrop, Colorado

After spending our last night in Limon, Colorado, it was time to make our final trek to “Sweet Home, Alma, Kansas.”

The concept of vacationing is somewhat new to us since we were only able to take two full weeks off in the eighteen years we owned the trash business, but we definitely learned about the numerous benefits of rest and relaxation during this past week. It’s invigorating to change your environment and explore a new part of this beautiful country we are blessed to call home.

“[T]he traveler who has once been from home is wiser than he who has never left his own doorstep . . . .” ~ Margaret Mead

P.U.S.H.

Dear Friends,

Since Keen and I will be on vacation, this week’s column will be a little different. I’d like to share a newsletter from a man named Larry Perry who emails inspiring stories about once or twice a week to 93,000 of his closest friends from 47 different countries. He has given me permission to share any of these stories. If you would like to be added to his list, you may reach him at larryperry@worldnet.att.net.

The main reason for this vacation is just to unwind and spend time together after two months of non-stop studying for the bar exam. I must admit that the time Keen spent preparing for this test was the most difficult stage of the entire process. The pressure and intensity was indescribable. Even though Keen was the one taking the test, I was on pins and needles and didn’t sleep worth a darn that entire week. When he called after the first day of essays he said he felt pretty good about it and I immediately felt half the weight lifted off my shoulders. Day two was more challenging with 200 multiple choice questions. Keen’s described the whole ordeal by saying that when it was over everyone looked like they’d just had a vasectomy. Although he’s not yet ready to do jumping jacks, he is cautiously optimistic about the outcome. (The test results will be released by mid-September.)

A week or two before the bar exam, Keen left the following message on my cell phone:

“I’ve just got overwhelming love for you in my heart right now. I can hardly express it. But I just wanna tell you that I am so in love with you. You’re on my thoughts all the time. And when we get done with this bar we’re gonna take a little trip for you and me. We might go someplace new to a bed and breakfast. We’re gonna do something, just me and you. And then Kirk and I will do something, too, but we’re gonna do something to reward ourselves for this. Okay?”

So we’ve decided to drive to Grand Junction, Colorado to visit my stepmother who just relocated there from Florida. We’re just going to follow our nose and make impromptu stops along the way as the Spirit moves us. We’re really looking forward to the beautiful scenery and to spending time together.

“Jesus departed from there, skirted the Sea of Galilee, and went up on the mountain and sat down there.” ~ Matthew 15:29 (NKJV)

God bless you all ~

Eileen

(Here is the newsletter from Larry Perry.)

Good Monday Morning Everyone:

It is rainy here in East Tennessee but we need the rain for the crops and preparation for the coming fall months so the rain is beautiful in its own way. I hope that things in your part of our great world are just as beautiful.

Here is a good story for you to think about today.

P.U.S.H.

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.

The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all of his might.

Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: “You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't moved.” Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man.

"Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."

And that is what he planned to do, until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it! Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done.
Now I, My friend, will move the rock."

****************************

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but
know that it is still God who moves mountains.

“So Jesus said to them . . . if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”
~ Matthew 17:20 (NKJV)

When everything seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H.!
When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H.!
When people don't react the way you think they should...just P.U.S.H.!
When your money looks "gone"; and the bills are due...just P.U.S.H!
When people just don't understand you ... just P.U.S.H.!

P = Pray
U = Until
S = Something
H = Happens

Unlike the Rest

Keener, Age 4

“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.” ~ Proverbs 22:6 (Amp)

"We should say to each child: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.” ~Pablo Casals (1876-1973) ~ Spanish cellist, composer,conductor, pianist, and humanitarian

With each of our four sons, Keen and I had a distinct sense about their individual characteristics. We described Jared as wise, Josh as strong, Keen as special and Kirk as a combination of “all of the above.”

Our third son, Keen II, just turned twenty-one on July 8th, and to say that he is special is an understatement. Keen is especially talented, especially funny, especially caring and especially tenderhearted – towards God and others. Recently, when one of his coworkers at the Department of Revenue lost his hair due to cancer treatments, Keen and several others in the office decided to shave their heads to show support for their colleague.

Keen is a free spirit who has never been afraid to be different. In fact, he goes out of his way to be “unlike the rest.” When it comes to clothing, he has a style that’s all his own. What might be considered weird for most people somehow looks cool on Keener.

"Follow your own path, and let people talk." ~ Dante

There is so much more to Keen than meets the eye. He is a deep thinker who has a unique gift of writing. When he was in high school he shared some of his poems with me, and I must admit that I was in awe. They left me with the feeling that I had not even scratched the surface of who my son really is.

"Poetry is something to make us wiser and better, by continually revealing those types of beauty and truth, which God has set in all men's souls." ~ James Russell Lowell (1819-1891) ~ American poet, editor and diplomat

Here is an example of one of Keen’s poems:

The Road Less Traveled

Around this globe I wander
Without a sense of direction
Observing the paths that converge and diverge
Without the will of correction
Who are they to say
That I must make a selection?
When it is my life
That will crush the fear of dejection…
Round and round I go
Carefully being sure
To avoid the “flow”
This world doesn’t understand
-They just don’t know-
What it truly means to be a man
Yet, in this world I coexist
With all of the hatred and poverty
That has run amiss
Now I saunter near the “crossroads”
To see what I can see
I’m not shocked to know
That there’s no one here like me
Just the blank stare…
-Monotone voices-
Of people making other peoples choices
Just masses of nothing
Content to be less
Their life was over before it began
I will succeed; To you I confess
The 21st Century?
The century of success?
Ha…fooling ourselves blind
For people have not yet begun to progress
Rather, they’re satisfied to regress
The others have unraveled…
Not I.
I chose the road less traveled.

Keen A. Umbehr II ~ December 25, 2001 (Age 17)

“Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” ~ Matthew 7:13, 14 (RSV)

This is an excerpt from another poem Keen wrote titled Changes:

These tears I’ve wept
Because, have not I, a defense to battle the strife
Where does it end?
Will we let it remain?
Why should I assume my beliefs will be the ones that transcend?
When hate continues to conquer this orb with an eternal reign
What if I were like all of the others and were content to blend
With those who care not for this ever-present pain?
I have not the strength to fight it all
Yet I do not possess the will to let it fall
I’ll fight with all my soul
I’ll stand up
I’ll be bold
For let it be known:
And men be put to shame
On my own if I must
I will be the change.

Keen A. Umbehr II ~ December 24, 2001

“Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Robert Frost

Whereas most of my poems are quite simple, Keen’s writings capture and express his innermost thoughts in a much deeper way. I know he has many more literary works which he has not yet shared, but I am privileged to have been given this rare glimpse into our son’s hidden talent.

Keen has many other gifts as well. Besides being a natural-born athlete, he has an amazing ability to relate to people of all ages and from all walks of life. He is easy going, non-judgmental and full of wisdom. But it’s not enough just to possess wisdom; the true gift is in knowing how to deliver that wisdom with compassion so as not to crush the spirit of the hearer. I myself have been the recipient of this unique gift. I have cried tears as I’ve listened to my own son gently yet firmly tell me how God would want me to handle a particular situation. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn’t I be the one imparting wisdom to my child? But I am humble enough to accept that God often uses other people in our lives to give us guidance in our darkest hours.

I’d like to close by sharing a portion of a card I sent to Keen last fall. The text was written by Ginnie Job:

I just want you to know how glad I am you’re my son
An how lucky I think the world is to have you in it.
You earn respect because you honor commitments,
Work hard, and play fair.
Your generous spirit and good nature make you a fine man
And such a pride to me.
I’ll always treasure a heart full of memories of “my little boy.”
But with every day that passes, my appreciation deepens,
And my admiration grows for the remarkable man you are….
The son I love so much!

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11 (RSV)


Mother and son, Eileen and Keen II on Keen's 21st Birthday

Growing Apart

“Love . . . does not seek its own.” ~ I Corinthians 13:5 (NKJV)

“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping, for only the hand of Life can contain your hearts . . . And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” ~ Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese philosopher and author of The Prophet


Redwoods of California (photo taken by my sister, Mary)

Some people have the notion that true love means never spending a day apart – and I’m not disagreeing – if that’s what works for them. Don’t get me wrong – Keen and I are best friends and we love spending time together. At the end of a busy day we’re always anxious to hear about what new adventures transpired since last we talked. But we also believe in giving each other some space when needed. It’s an interesting dichotomy.

For example, I am writing this column from our Manhattan house where I’ll be spending some time for the next two weeks. My purpose is twofold: 1) to get back to work on my book revisions, and 2) to give Keen the time he needs to concentrate on studying and preparing for the bar exam. In fact, this morning on the phone he thanked me for being so understanding during this stress-filled time. He said that one of his law school colleagues was close to tears over the fact that her husband was angry at her for not being as attentive. On top of that, she said he gave her a long list of errands to run which included taking the car in for a minor repair.

As I mentioned in last week’s column, when Keen was attending Kansas State University, he stayed at our house in Manhattan three to four nights a week. That gave him the much-needed time to focus on his studies – and it was a real blessing not to have to commute back and forth every day.

Now this next statement isn’t going to sound quite right, but Keen’s absence during that time changed the whole dynamic in our home – in a positive way. Whereas normally Keen and I would spend the majority of our time talking to each other, on the nights when he was in Manhattan, I would focus more of my attention on spending quality time with Keen II and Kirk Van. I remember many hour-long conversations with Keener, which was a precious commodity that I didn’t take lightly. My philosophy has always been that if your teenager wants to talk, stop whatever you’re doing, because nothing else is more important. It’s when they stop talking that you should start to worry. As for Kirk and me, we started a new weekly tradition during that time. Every Tuesday he and I would pick out a new recipe and bake a special dessert together. Kirk really looked forward to that one-on-one time with Mom – and vice-versa.

Another positive that resulted from that decision was the unique opportunity Keen and Josh had to be part-time roommates. Keen always talked about how much he cherished the time he spent sharing meals and conversations with his adult son. In fact, KSNT (the NBC affiliate in Topeka) did a news story about father and son attending college together. The report included a humorous story about a role-reversal incident when Keen forgot one of his school books at the house and Josh had to bolt six blocks on foot to bring it to him. “I told him he’s irresponsible,” Josh said with a grin.

Even before we were married, Keen and I spent two years apart. After meeting in Singapore when we were fifteen years old, we dated for a little over a year in high school before my family moved back to Minnesota. Then we only saw each other for one week in between when Keen came out for my graduation from high school. No one thought it would last, but we continued to grow close in heart through our letters (that was before the days of email). I’ve always emphasized the importance of good communication to my boys, because that’s the thing that really makes or breaks a marriage – besides having God at the center of the relationship, of course.

Then there was the time I spent in Nevada writing our story (nearly five months in all, with three weeks off for Christmas). When Keen saw how frustrated I was over the fact that I couldn’t seem to make any significant progress on my book at home, he didn’t just pat my hand and tell me he understood; he suggested that I think about going someplace secluded to write.

“A soul can create only when alone…” ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel

Keen is always so quick to praise me for being supportive of his goals and dreams, but how many men do you know who would not only support such a decision, but suggest it? Greater love hath no man than this!

In any event, my absence during that time also changed the dynamic of our home in a positive way, giving Keen and Kirk the chance to bond by spending more time together while equally dividing the numerous household responsibilities. (By the way – Kirk continues to do his own laundry. Yeah!) As for our relationship, if anything, Keen and I grew even closer during that time. We communicated regularly over the phone, and I wouldn’t have missed those priceless love letters for all the tea in China!

Yes, I believe it is possible to grow apart; that is, to grow together while being physically apart. Giving your partner room to grow and pursue their own individual dreams is one of the greatest gifts you could ever share. Of course, that may not involve anything as drastic as renting an apartment in Nevada, but it might simply mean giving the other person the liberty and time they need to engage in the activities they enjoy, such as: spending time with friends, watching the news or sports on television, puttering around in the garage, writing, reading, fishing, going to the movies, shopping, traveling, golfing, or just spending quiet time alone. (A good book on this subject is “One Minute for Yourself” by Spencer Johnson, M.D.)

"Alone time is just as important as sleep in soothing the spirit and replenishing the body." ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

A guest on The Today Show, Dr. Stephen Treat, had this advice about how to handle the retirement years:
“If one spouse is saying, ‘Oh boy, won't it be great? We'll get to spend 24 hours a day together,’ then all sorts of red flags should be going up. Hold on to your individuality. If you liked tennis or enjoyed your book club, continue to be involved in those activities that make you who you are." Dr. Treat concluded by saying that retirement should be a combination of togetherness and individuality.

After all, love is about freedom, is it not?


Keen & Eileen at Van Kirk reunion in Minnesota, 2004 (Photo taken by my sister Patricia Van Kirk)

A Love So Real

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.” ~ I John 4:18a (NKJV)


I remember how it used to feel
Riding down old two mile hill
Tennis shoes up on the handle bars
Paying no mind to the passing cars
No doubts, no fears, just like when you are here

No chains, no strings, no fences, no wall
No net, just you to catch me when I fall
Look heart, no hands.

Look Heart, No Hands ~ Recorded by Randy Travis

Last week I received another poignant email from my high school friend, Scott Carson, who has such a way with words. After reading my column about Mark & Melissa’s wedding, he wrote:

“It's great to hear (and see) about other people's families as they go through those most significant of life's passages. While the principles in such events are, usually, having the time of their lives and thinking they will never have a day as significant as this, it is more fun, I think, for the "old folks" at such events. Why? Because they (...errr...WE) get to witness and share the joy, AND know that even brighter and more exciting days are ahead. I can still see the wonder-filled face of my little nephew as he watched a bird's nest outside his window as the eggs began to move, to crack, and finally to yield tiny little birds. I supposed if he'd thought about it at the time he would have thought that sight was the most remarkable he would ever see. Now I get to watch him hold his newborn son, and play with his two year old. My nephew probably doesn't remember that day he watched with total awe as the little birds hatched. Sure, he's someone's dad now; he's 30 and taller than me, but I remember the day the eggs hatched. It's an interesting concept to think that as life unfolds for those we love, we get to watch them experience it, almost like God watches us with a wry grin because He knows that today's little miracle will give way to future wonders we cannot at this moment imagine.”

All this talk about weddings inspired me to reflect on the miracle of love God has allowed Keen and me to share. On June 9, the day before our 27th anniversary, I boarded a plane to Ohio to attend my daughter-in-law’s graduation from nursing school. The next day I received a message from Keen telling me that he missed me. Although he probably wouldn’t have remembered our anniversary without a reminder from me, I told my kids that it was the best gift I could ever receive for my husband of 27 years to say that he missed me after only one day!

Back in 2000 when Keen was attending Kansas State University, he would spend several nights a week at our house in Manhattan to allow more time for studying. In August of that year I sent him an email containing this short quote:

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” ~ Winnie the Pooh

Keen wrote back and said: “Winnie the Pooh, being the deep-thinking philosopher that he is, captured the sentiments of my heart, too! Never more than two consecutive minutes pass that I'm not painfully aware that we're apart. I miss you tonight. I'll be home tomorrow. Love, Keen”

I thanked Keen for his note and told him that I felt so secure knowing that he was always thinking of me, even when he was in school or staying in Manhattan. He replied: “When you walk around with a hole in your heart, you never forget it’s there.”

********************

More recently, Keen left a couple of touching messages on my cell phone. This morning I listened to them several times so that I could accurately record what he said and share it with you.

This first excerpt was left on my answering machine about two weeks ago:

“Hi hon, it’s Tuesday morning about 5:15 and I just left. I just wanted to call and tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me and how great a person you are. Sometimes I just marvel that I am so privileged to be married to you. You know, we are such a good team and it’s just a wonderful blessing every day to wake up with you. Thank you so much for loving me. I love you. Have a great day. Your day is blessed. My day is blessed. I feel blessed already. I’m just so in love with you. Thank you so much. I love you. Bye-bye.”

********************

“ . . . a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” ~ Ecclesiastes 4:12b

Keen left this next message on July 1st :

“Hi hon, it’s me. It’s Friday morning, I just left the house a little after 4:30. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much I appreciate you being there and making my lunch and being up so we can see each other a little bit in the morning before I left. I know it’s a hard time, but we’re gonna get through it. A three-fold cord is not easily broken.
I just want you to know that you’re my greatest love, my greatest helpmate, my greatest friend. I want you to have a great day. I’m gonna have a great day. Our day is blessed. We’re just gonna take this day by storm and we’re gonna see the salvation of God in our lives!

Anyway, I just wanted to call and leave you a message. You have a great day. I love you. Bye-bye.”

“Look at my life, I’m floating like mercury around the earth. My footprints shine with stardust. All because I love you. All because you love me.”

~ Maya Angelou

In closing, I would like to thank you, my friends, for giving me the privilege of sharing my life with all of you. I can’t explain this need I have to take the thoughts and feelings of my heart and put them down on paper for all to read. July 3rd marked two years since I started writing my Reflections. In fact, this week’s column is number 100. But I couldn’t have done it without Joann Kahnt’s generosity and willingness to give me space in The Prairie Post each week. Although she’s probably tired of hearing me say it, once again, Joann, I thank you.

Sometimes I wonder how long I can or will keep this weekly column up. But as I look in my “Reflections in Progress” folder on my computer, I see that I still have many, many more topics left to write about. So, as long as the Lord and Joann Kahnt are willing, I will be writing and sharing for some time yet to come.

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”

~ Philippians 1:3 (NKJV)


Keen & Eileen Then (age 16) and Now (25th anniversary, 2003)

Wedded Bliss

“The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voice of those who say, Give thanks to the Lord of hosts, for the Lord is good, for His loving kindness is everlasting..." ~ Jeremiah 33:11 (NASB)

"To get the full value of love, you must have someone to divide it with." ~ Mark Twain

On June 25, I had the pleasure of witnessing the marriage union of my niece Melissa Reese and her soul mate, Mark Wehr.

The wedding, which took place at St. Jude Catholic Church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, was absolutely beautiful in every respect. Mark and Melissa – with the help of their parents – planned out every detail and the entire event went off without a hitch.

Some members of the Van Kirk family arrived on the Thursday before the wedding, so my brother-in-law, Jim, and sister Peggy (Melissa’s dad and stepmom), arranged for everyone to have dinner at Chuck-E-Cheese. The idea behind that particular choice of restaurant was that it would give the younger kids a fun place to play. But as it turned out, the older kids (a/k/a parents) enjoyed the fun and games as much as the little kids. As my sister-in-law Christine said, “There’s a little Chuck E. in all of us!”

Unfortunately, Keen wasn’t able to attend the wedding due to his bar exam preparation courses. When he called Melissa to tell her the bad news, she said that she understood completely. Then she asked if he had any advice for them. Keen replied: “Yes, I do. Just remember that it doesn’t matter what you fight about or how long you fight – the only thing that matters is that you work it out before you go to bed. In fact, Mrs. Umbehr and I had a little hassle in the castle just the other night, but we hung in there until we got everything resolved.” Melissa said that they had received the same advice from several other people and planned to take it to heart.

That reminds me of something I wrote for Jared & Erin on their wedding day six years ago:

Always Remember and Never Forget

Always remember that marriage is a commitment and not an experiment.

Never forget that you're a "we" now and not two "I's."

Always remember not to say or do anything that you wouldn't want said or done to you.

Never forget to discuss all your plans together and try to reach a mutual agreement before making any decisions.

Always remember to avoid sarcasm; it is merely an insult disguised as a joke.

Never forget that problems can't be resolved with the silent treatment; communication is the key.

Always remember to say, "I love you."

Never forget to say, "I'm sorry."

Always remember what the Bible says; "Don't let the sun go down on your anger."

Never forget that you are loved more than life itself.

Always remember that your parents are just a phone call away, and...

Never forget that God is just a prayer away.

**********

Three of our four sons were able to make the trip – Josh, Keen II and Kirk Van. Jared is stationed at the naval base in Mississippi and Erin & the boys were getting ready to move there. (After they moved last weekend, Asher said, “Now nobody is missing from our family!” By the way – Erin did pass her exam so she is officially a board certified registered nurse.) Unfortunately, Josh’s wife Lisa couldn’t get off work, but Keen’s girlfriend Emily and Kirk’s girlfriend Bethany were able to attend the wedding. So we had a “girl’s room” and a “guy’s room” at the hotel.


Emily, Keen II, Eileen, Josh, Bethany & Kirk Van

Speaking of the hotel, when we checked into our rooms we discovered a wonderful gift bag filled with chips, granola bars, candy, gum and a bottle of juice and water. The following poem was attached to the white bags:

“For our family and friends near and far,
Some traveled by plane, some by car.
Thanks for sharing in our special day,
Enjoy these treats as you stay!”

Love, Mark & Melissa

I don’t know how they found the time for that extra special touch. I heard they put fifty bags together in all!

The night before the big day, Jim & Peggy graciously treated about thirty members of the Van Kirk family to dinner at a nearby restaurant, while the members of the wedding party attended the rehearsal dinner at a different location. Keener suggested that we call Jim & Peggy’s cell phone and give them an “Ish-ga-bibble” – which we did. For those of you who may not recall, that is the Van Kirk Family cheer. The original version was, “Ish-ga-bibble, Ish-ga-bah, Daddy Van Kirk, rah, rah, rah!” But you can substitute any name you want – in this case it was “Jim and Peggy, rah, rah, rah!” (As a side note, I was politely informed that Melissa requested no “Ish-ga-bibbles” at the wedding. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why!?)

The food was absolutely delicious and the dinner gave us the perfect chance to talk and laugh together. My great-niece Kelsey (who is almost six) immediately latched on to Josh, who played with her and turned her upside down off and on throughout the night. At one point Kelsey playfully stuck her tongue out and put her thumbs in her ears and wiggled her fingers at him. Then Josh did it right back to Kelsey and said, “Oh, real mature!” He cracks me up. In fact, he gives Lisa a hard time for not laughing at his jokes as hard as I do. (He even claims that she strained a muscle in her eye one time from rolling her eyes at him.)


Josh & Kelsey upside down

The only person who didn’t enjoy the evening was our four-year-old nephew, Ryan, who was quite upset by the fact that his parents (my brother Bob and his wife, Christine), along with his two siblings, Caitlyn and Connor, left him behind while they attended the rehearsal dinner. (Caitlyn was the flower girl and Ryan was the ring bearer.)


Ryan, Caitlyn & Connor

So Ryan spent nearly the entire evening nestled in the arms of his Aunt Mary, repeating his request to see his mommy and daddy “right now!” At one point, Mary told him that he needed to sit in a chair to eat his dinner and Ryan tearfully replied, “I just want to keep my eyes closed. Is that okay?” I guess that was his way of coping with the tragic set of circumstances that had befallen him. Perhaps if he didn’t have to view the cruel world, then it would all become a wee bit more tolerable. Later, when Ryan reluctantly agreed to disembark from Aunt Mary’s lap, he proceeded to eat his dinner – peeking out only periodically from his firmly closed eyes. Bless his heart, he eventually recovered from the traumatic ordeal and walked back to the hotel as happy as a lark – with his eyes wide open!

The wedding mass itself was just lovely. As Mark said at the reception, Melissa was the most beautiful bride – and she looked just as perfect at the end of the evening as she did at the beginning!


Mark & Melissa cutting cake

Their wedding program was special, too, and included several memories about each member of the wedding party. I was particularly touched by the following reference which read:

“A dozen roses have been arranged to remember those who are not with us today. We pray that they continue to watch over us and bless us every day, as we hold their memories close to our hearts. We love you and miss you, and know that you join us today in spirit.”

On the final page, Mark & Melissa shared a note of thanks to their parents:

“We couldn’t begin to express our appreciation for everything you’ve provided us. Thank you for showing us what love is and how to love others unconditionally. That is truly the best gift we’ve ever received. We hope that as we begin our new life together, we continue to embody the same values, encouragement, generosity, and love that you shared with us. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for – in so many ways – making possible a weekend that we will remember and cherish forever.”


Ed & Joan (Melissa's mom & stepdad)


Jim & Peggy (Melissa's dad & stepmom)


Jim & Marna (Mark's parents)

And thank you, Mark & Melissa, for giving us the privilege and joy of knowing you both and sharing in your special day. We love you.

“True life is only love, love only bliss.” ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning


Mark & Melissa on their way to happily ever after ....

With Flying Colors

“A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman – who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.” ~ Proverbs 31:10

Remember when I said I was going to try to start writing shorter columns? Well, I’ve made very little progress in that department, but this week I’ll probably break a record. My computer has been in the shop for over a week and the technicians still haven’t diagnosed the problem. I never realized how much I depend on e-mail as a form of communication! So last week I went to the Manhattan Public Library to do a little catching up, and now I am at our house in Manhattan trying to get this column out before I head for home and start preparing for a trip to Cedar Rapids, Iowa this weekend to attend our niece Melissa’s wedding.

Between the loss of my computer and back-to-back trips, I’ve been a bit distracted. For that reason, this week’s column will be short and next week I won’t have time to write a column at all. But I’ll return the following week, just after my 47th birthday on July 3rd, which is also the 2nd anniversary of the start of my Reflections column.

Two weekends ago I flew to Ohio to attend my daughter-in-law’s graduation from nursing school on June 11th. Erin (Jared’s wife) graduated summa cum laude with an Associate of Applied Science Degree in Nursing from Marion Technical College. We feel especially proud of Erin for this great accomplishment because of the difficult circumstances she faced while pursuing her degree.

First of all, she has been living with her parents while Jared has been serving in Navy in Mississippi. They see each other for a month during the summer and off and on throughout the year. Erin’s parents, John and Lu Stricklin, have gone above and beyond the call of duty by allowing Erin and the boys to live in their house for the past several years. But they both have full time jobs, so for the most part, Erin has been fully responsible for the care of Asher, age 5, and Gabriel, age 2. In fact, Gabriel was born on the day Erin was scheduled to start nursing school the first time. Ah, the well laid plans of mice and men....

In an unfortunate irony, little Gabe ended up back in the hospital on the eve of Erin’s graduation. He had been sick with a bad cough for the days leading up to the graduation, but when nurse Erin got out her stethoscope and listened to his breathing, she decided that she and Jared needed to take him to the ER right away. After Gabe was admitted, the doctor ordered chest x-rays, which were inconclusive for pneumonia. But one thing was certain – he was one very sick little baby.


Erin & Gabe in hospital with Erin's parents, John & Lu

During the night Gabe’s fever spiked to 104.6 so they kept him on an intravenous tube throughout his stay. One time Gabe turned to his mommy and said two heart wrenching little words: “Help me.” So Jared and Erin got virtually no sleep for the two nights preceding Erin’s graduation. Erin’s sister Misty stayed with Gabe at the hospital during the graduation ceremony – then her mom traded places with Misty so she could attend the pinning ceremony. That night I offered to stay with Gabe at the hospital so Jared and Erin could get some much needed rest. (They were also able to attend the graduation party of a fellow nursing student whom Erin had tutored.)

Gabe and I had a special bonding time that night, although he will never remember it. The first half of my grandma tour of duty, however, was a complete nightmare. He coughed and cried off and on and sometimes he would thrash about in so violently that I could barely hold him down. I was also worried about the I.V. tube and needle in his little arm. Then every two hours the nurse would come in and administer a respiratory treatment where they would put a little mask over his face and have him breathe in the medicinal vapors. Around 2:30 he miraculously calmed down and we both slept for five hours until Jared, Erin and Asher arrived at 7:30 to find grandma and grandson sleeping like babies side by side.

Despite the unexpected turn of events and the accompanying stress, I still came away feeling like it was a wonderful trip. I so enjoyed spending time with Jared, Erin, Asher and Gabe. Several times Asher gave me a hug and said, “I just want to tell you that I love you, Grandma.”

Thank God Gabe was released from the hospital after three days and is back to his usual rambunctious self. His stay in the hospital seemed symbolic of the many challenges Erin faced along the road to accomplishing her goal of becoming an RN. Raising two boys by herself while working in home health and tutoring other students and then graduating with top honors is indeed a great accomplishment.

Last week Erin called with some more exciting news. “I need big prayers!” she exclaimed into the phone. She had just learned that she would be able to take her final boards/exam on Tuesday, June 21st. “God willing, I’ll be an RN by the time I move to Mississippi.” (Note: Erin later learned that she passed her boards!)

That’s the other big change in their lives. Now that Erin has earned her nursing degree, she and the boys will be moving to Mississippi to finally be reunited with Jared. As Asher says, “I’m gonna live with my daddy forever!”

It’s been a long road for the whole family, but I’d say they all passed with flying colors!

“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her from the Lord.” ~ Luke 1:45


Jared, Erin & Asher on Erin's Graduation Day ~ June 11, 2005

God Hates Hate

“Behold, how good and how pleasant [it is] for brethren to dwell together in unity!” ~ Psalm 133:1 (KJV)

The weekend before last I attended the Women of Faith conference at Kemper Arena in Kansas City – compliments of my good friend, Rhonda Smith. My daughter-in-law Lisa went with me to the Friday night conference which featured an inspirational presentation from Jennifer Rothschild (www.jenniferrothschild.com). Although Jennifer lost her sight to disease at the age of fifteen, she has managed to maintain her faith in God along with an amazingly positive attitude. Jennifer is married with two sons and is the author of “Lessons I Learned in the Dark” and her latest release, “Touched by His Unseen Hand.”

On the morning of the Saturday conference I flipped open the Bible and my eyes fell directly on the above verse. What a fitting Scripture for the Women of Faith! That is precisely what makes their conferences so special; women gathering from all walks of life and different religious denominations to celebrate something we share in common – a love for the Lord.

In contrast to the demonstration of unity within the walls of Kemper Arena, however, Fred Phelps and his clan of hate mongers were picketing on the street corner outside of the conference. I couldn’t believe my eyes – although, nothing should surprise me when it comes to the Phelps family. Still, I wondered why on earth they would be picketing the Women of Faith conference!

“Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate it; a child who fears noises becomes a man who hates noise.”
~ Cyril Connolly, English journalist, editor and writer (1903 - 1974)

I know I am not alone in my feeling of utter disgust by the messages displayed on the Phelps’ signs; messages so vile that I cannot even repeat them in my column. And to think that they do this in the name of God is simply incredulous. God, who is love, doesn’t hate homosexuals, as the Phelps’ profess. In fact, God doesn’t hate ANYONE! Most of us are familiar with the message of John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." That is the Good News in a nutshell. Then the next verse reads: “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”

It saddens me deeply to see the Phelps family traveling all across the country picketing events and funerals of gay men.

“Hatred, which could destroy so much, never failed to destroy the man who hated, and this was an immutable law.”
~ James Baldwin, American novelist and essayist (1924 - 1987)

The Bible says that the tongue is a restless evil – with it we praise the Lord and with it we curse men who have been made in God's likeness. “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” (James 3:18-10)

One of the other speakers at the Women of Faith conference was Sheila Walsh. Sheila shared a story about a time when her young son Christian was pulling off the petals of a flower saying, “I love my mommy, I don’t love my mommy.” Then when he got down to one petal he was on “I don’t love my mommy,” so he turned to her and said, “Mommy, this flower is one petal short.” Sheila went on to say that God is never “one pedal short.” He always loves us – no matter what we’ve done or how many mistakes we’ve made in our life. God’s only language is the language of love – pure and simple.

Sheila then shared the following Biblical passage. After reading this, I don’t see how the Phelps could ever proclaim that God hates anyone:

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~ Romans 8:31-35;37-39 (NKJV)

The following tale by poet, journalist and humorist Sam Walter Foss (1858-1911) titled, “The House by the Side of the Road” seems apropos:

“He was a friend to man, and lived in a house by the side of the road." ~ Homer
There are hermit souls that live withdrawn
In the place of their self-content;
There are souls, like stars, that dwell apart,
In a fellowless firmament:
There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
Where the highways never ran;
But let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.
.
Let me live in a house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by –
The men who are good, and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad and I.
I would not sit in the scorner’s seat,
Or hurl the cynic’s ban;
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I see from my house by the side of the road,
By the side of the highway of life,
The men who press with the ardor of hope,
The men who are faint with the strife.
But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears –
Both parts of an infinite plan;
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead,
And mountains of wearisome height;
That the road passes on through the long afternoon,
And stretches away to the night.
But still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice,
And weep with the strangers that moan,
Nor live in my house by the side of the road
Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by –
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish – so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner’s seat,
Or hurl the cynic’s ban?
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

“For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.”

~ I John 3:11; 4:7 (KJV)

The Essence of Grace

“Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own picked representatives…by putting on behavior marked by tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling…gentle ways, and patience – which is tireless, long-suffering and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper.” ~ Colossians 3:8,12

I would like to dedicate this column to my very special sister, Connie, who will be celebrating her birthday on June 9th.

I chose the above verse this week because it describes Connie so well. To me, Connie is the very essence of grace. She is full of “tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, gentle ways and patience.” She is also “tireless, long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes.” In other words, Connie is “all of the above.”

When our sister Patricia passed away I wrote a poem about our family, listing each sibling by name along with their special quality. In that poem, I described Connie as “the sweetest soul” that ever lived. Even though she quickly dismissed this notion as thought it didn’t apply to her, I still stand by it. Connie is soft-spoken and mild-mannered. She exudes God’s love and peace to such a degree that it is almost tangible – so much so that at times I have not felt deserving to even stand in her presence.

I have often told Connie that I think she is the most spiritual one of us all. However, she did not always walk the straight and narrow. After going through a rebellious period during her youth, Connie found the Lord and now she is a living testimony to what God can do if we will simply invite Him into our life. I remember when I was a teenager I saw a handmade card that Connie had given to our parents. On the front of the card she wrote: “I have returned to the God of my fathers.” And she’s never looked back since.

The Bible says that you can tell a tree by its fruit and it also talks about the fruits of the Spirit being “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22,23) You don’t have to spend very much time with Connie before you can see that these fruits of the Spirit are clearly evident in her life.

When Connie was younger, she would dress up in a Santa costume every Christmas Eve, complete with cotton eyebrows, moustache and beard. Then she would sneak away from the festivities when none of the younger kids were looking, put on her costume and walk across our front yard shouting “Ho, Ho, Ho! Me-r-r-r-r-r-y Christmas!” in the lowest voice she could muster. We all watched in utter amazement as “Santa” passed by the picture window carrying a sack of goodies. Then one by one we would sit on Santa’s lap and describe all the items on our wish list.


"Santa Connie" with Eileen, Bill & Mary

Another Christmas Eve tradition in the Van Kirk family was putting on original skits. One of the annual favorites was a skit performed by Connie and Joanne where Connie would dress up as a shepherd and lie down on the ground pretending to be fast asleep. Then Joanne would sing the chorus to this song: “Rise up shepherd and follow. Follow, follow.” But Connie (the shepherd) would just keep snoring and didn’t budge. Then Joanne would act like she was agitated while she desperately tried to maintain her composure and continued to sing “Rise up shepherd and follow” through gritted teeth. No matter how many times we saw that skit, it was still funny. (I guess you had to be there.)

Connie is also the one we credit for our parents having one more baby (Bob) after child number eight (Bill), because she reportedly prayed fervently that Mom would have another baby. Then when Bob was old enough to ride in a bike seat, Connie would often take him with her on outings around town, along with another friend who also had a younger sibling.

Eventually Connie got married to her husband, Art, and had three little babies of her own: Naomi (who has a 5-year old daughter, Kelsey Constance), Peggy, and Zachery. Connie was a homemaker and stay-at-home mom until a few years ago when she embarked on a challenging journey to become a registered nurse. Connie achieved her goal with flying colors, and now lends her gentle spirit to patients in hospice care.


Dad & Connie on Connie's Graduation Day

But those of us who had the privilege of growing up with Connie have long benefited from the many gifts and talents that she possesses. We have been blessed by a sister who is full of compassion and understanding and who is always there to lend an ear or an encouraging word. I recall one time when I was going through a difficult struggle and Connie gently admonished me to “cast my care on the Lord.” Although I knew she was right, I must confess that I wanted to strangle her. Yes, sweet souls and truly spiritual people can be downright annoying at times. But seriously, Connie is a gift from God and we are all so thankful to call her our sister and our friend.

This complete version of the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr seems to sum up Connie’s whole approach to life:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it,
Trusting that you will make all things right, if I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen

Finally, I’d like to share an excerpt from the Hallmark card I sent to Connie for her birthday:

“I wish you . . . beauty to enrapture your soul
And goodness to comfort your spirit.
And I wish you harmony with all creation
So that wherever you go, you will be at home in the world
I wish you these things not only because it is your birthday
But because you are my sister
And you are worthy of every good thing my heart can hope for you.”

You are loved.


"The Sweetest Soul" - Connie in 2004

It Took a Village (Part II)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

~ Proverbs 3:5,6 (RSV)

“I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but
whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess.”

~ Martin Luther

. . . . Continued from last week

Keen’s first step in trying to sell the trash business was to call our local competitor, whose enthusiastic reaction gave us ample reasons to feel optimistic. However, after we turned over all our financial records at their initial meeting, we never heard from him again – even though Keen tried unsuccessfully to reach him several times a week. After six weeks passed without any word, my brother Bill convinced us to inquire elsewhere. “Eileen, that’s not even courteous, much less good business for him not to return your calls,” Bill exclaimed.

The next day Keen made a call to Waste Management of Topeka and by 5:00 that evening they had returned his call. The salesman explained that Waste Management was in the “acquisition mode” and therefore they were very interested in purchasing our business. Within three months the transaction was complete and Keen was enrolled as a freshman at Kansas State University.

After news about the sale of the business and Keen’s career change was announced, he received a lot of encouragement from friends and family, including the following letter to the editor which Alma citizen Lyn Posey submitted to the local paper:

“I would like to say I appreciate, along with lots of others, everything you have done for this community and want to wish y’all the best of luck in your new endeavors. I’m sure you will succeed with the greatest honors as you have done at everything you have ever tried. You have made a difference and an impression on so many lives.” (The Signal-Enterprise, December 31, 1998)

The largest hurdle to overcome involved that all-important area of finances. You know, that pesky little detail that allows you to keep the lights on and put food on the table? Basically, when it came to the money side of our new adventure, Keen and I made a conscious decision to close our eyes, hold hands and take one gigantic leap of faith into the abyss, because we knew that was the only way Keen was ever going to get off the treadmill of the trash business and be free to pursue his degree. As they say: “You can’t steal second base with your foot firmly planted on first.”

“One beautiful, blue morning, the sailor points his bow toward the horizon, turns sail, and bids farewell to safe, solid ground.”
~ Hallmark card Keen received

So we came up with a bottom-line figure for the sale of our business and, much to our surprise, Waste Management’s offer was right in the ballpark. Then my father surprised us by offering to cover Keen’s tuition expenses at Kansas State! We were on our way.

From there we combined all of our resources including the proceeds from the sale of the business and money leftover from the settlement we received after winning the Supreme Court case. Then we paid Uncle Sam his share and spent another chunk paying off our house in Alma and Manhattan.

"Go, sell the oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on the rest." ~ II Kings 4:7 (RSV)

Although we were officially debt-free at that point, the remaining funds would not be enough for the next seven years. But we had faith that God would see us through, and we still had some additional assets to sell, including our car wash and restaurant. Yes, we’ve pulled out all the stops and cashed in all our chips in this quest (including our retirement accounts), but as Keen once said, “You don’t reach the end of the war with bullets leftover.” Now I’m fairly confident that both our tax accountant and financial advisor think we’re nuts, (along with several other people, I’m sure), and still others are scratching their heads about why I haven’t gone to work to help out. But I do help out, by holding down the fort and keeping things running smoothly at home. And it’s been worth every dollar spent to see Keen’s dream become a reality, while at the same time pursuing my own dream of writing a book about our story.

I remember when we first embarked on this journey I received a letter of encouragement from my good friend, Debbie Varney. (She and her husband Greg are the pastors of Light of the World Christian Center in Topeka.) Debbie reminded me that if God provided “manna from heaven” and “water from the flinty rock” for the Israelites while they wandered for forty years in the desert, then He could and would provide for us. And He has.

“Forty years you sustained them in the wilderness; they lacked nothing; their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell.” ~ Nehemiah 9:21 (Amp)

One thing we have learned from this experience is that not all of God’s angels have wings. Keen’s parents, Jim and Jean Umbehr, have been two of those angels. Since the time Keen dropped out of college right after high school, my in-laws have encouraged him to go back to school. His Uncle Jerry gave him a memorable pep talk once, too. Just like my dad, Keen’s parents went beyond mere encouragement to offering financial support. We are eternally grateful to them for their generosity in covering the most expensive part of Keen’s education – his law school tuition. Plus they deeded us some pasture land which provided enough rental income to pay all of our personal property taxes each year. Then when Keen didn’t get into law school the first time, his brother Kevin and wife Falethesa graciously gave us $6,000 to cover the expense of applying to multiple law schools. So you see, we have many people to thank for helping us reach the end of this journey, and we will never forget everyone’s kindness towards us.

Recently, Keen sent me the sweetest thank you note, which I would like to share:

“I needed to tell you that I couldn’t have accomplished the attainment of a J.D. without you. Your love for me, your support, your constant encouragement, your sacrifice, your patience made it all possible. My commitment to you is that I will make all the sacrifices worth it all. I will love you and honor you, and provide for you in the manner appropriate for the Queen you are. I love you!

We have now crossed the finish line together! What is next?”

Isn’t that sweet? It’s just one of the many reasons why I am still so in love with my husband after all these years.

In closing, I would like to share two letters of congratulations and encouragement which held special meaning for Keen and me. The first one is from our friend, Scott:

“Congratulations to you BOTH--and to your boys. It's been a long hard struggle for all of you and I'm glad to know that it has turned out well in the end. In a way, what Keen has done is very like this quote: "To will to be that person one truly is, is indeed the opposite of despair." When we embrace that person we are after all the layers of camouflage are stripped away, we experience the opposite of despair and are empowered for the work we were born to do. Keen is a humble, honest and upright man, and with this God-given nature as the guiding force he was able to fight the good fight and finish the race, and now has been awarded the crown of victory. Well done, Keen! You truly are a good and faithful servant of God who did not bury his talent out of fear, but instead invested his time and talent and energy to do those things which are right and good. Your journey has resulted in blessings not only for you and for those you love, but for ALL those who have witnessed your struggle.”

*****************

This final letter is from another friend of ours named Ron Ebberts:

To the Umbehr Family,

So this 14th day of May 05 the Umbehr Family has reached a major milestone. The story of how this day has come to be is one which might be shared with the world, and, if read with care, could alter many lives . . . .

I know at times challenges have been great, there have been some setbacks – all seem to have offered a deeper challenge and afforded clearer direction for dedication. For people and families of lesser character, Mr. Umbehr, there would not be this day of accomplishment. Now the privilege of greater service commences today. I expect you, Keen Umbehr, to run this state or challenge the Congress of the U.S. to wake up.

May you all be richly blessed as people who know you are blessed.”

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”
~ Philippians 1:3 (NKJV)


Part of "The Village": Keen's parents, Jim & Jean Umbehr;
Keen, Eileen and Eileen's father, Joe Van Kirk


Keen & Eileen at Keen's law school graduation May 14, 2005