“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?”
~ James 3:7-11 (NIV)
After writing the column titled “A Better Way,” I received an email from a dear friend of mine named Jack whom I would describe as a man after God’s own heart. So when Jack shared his own struggles with keeping his words in check, it really touched my heart.
“There are those who speak rashly like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” ~ Proverbs 12:18
I’d like to share a portion of Jack’s encouraging email:
“Every night I read as one of my little prayers before going to bed, ‘Guard my tongue, O God, from silly, useless chatter, from words that would confuse or disillusion. Instead, Lord, cause my mouth to speak soothing, uplifting and healing words; words of praise and encouragement and words of love. Amen.’
I depend upon this as one of my prayers which I need continuously with three kids, seven grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren . . . because I find times when I am not pleased with what they do or say, not to mention my friends in my church and neighbors in my condominium which has 99 units. I am trying to think before opening my mouth to avoid saying things I would be sorry for later . . . .”
In my reply, I told Jack that it helped me to learn that even positive, kind-hearted people have to work hard and pray hard to keep from saying something they will regret or acting in a way that doesn’t build up the people in his or her life.
“There are two ways of exerting one’s strength; one is pushing down and the other is pulling up.”
~ Booker T. Washington, educator, author, civil rights leader
(1856-1915)
For a short while I was in the habit of praying Psalm 141:3 every morning: “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips,” and, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord.” (Ps. 19:14) I think I need to get back to that.
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath…” ~ James 1:19
But all too often I fail to remember how much trouble my mouth can get me in and I neglect to pray for God’s help to control my tongue. As a result, I have a “knee-jerk” reaction to stressful situations and end up with a severe case of “foot-in-mouth disease.”
“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart . . .”
~ Ecclesiastes 5:2a
It’s like that one prayer that goes: “Dear Lord, so far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t cussed, gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, selfish, or overindulgent. But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot more help.”
My friend Mae shared a great quote recently from H. Fred Ale who said: “My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant’s point of view.” I think we would all benefit from trying to see things from others’ points of view more often. For example, rather than just seeing the overgrown lawn at our house in Manhattan, I could have taken into consideration the fact that both of our sons are full-time college students making good grades and holding down jobs while doing their own cooking, cleaning and laundry. But all I saw at that moment was the length of the grass. And truth be told, the main reason I was so angry was because of how it made us look. Silly pride.
Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t guide or correct your children. But if we want our kids to hear and receive our instruction, then we have to deliver it in a way that doesn’t get clouded by our anger or the pitch of our voice. My whole life I have followed the wrong pattern of expressing my anger. Somehow I’ve had the mistaken notion that if I don’t scream at the top of my lungs then the recipient won’t realize how serious I am – and I really want them to know that I mean business! But people young and old have a tendency to shut down when someone is yelling at them. A wall goes up in an effort to protect them from the verbal assault.
So even though you may be right in what you’re trying to say, a message delivered with unbridled anger puts you back in the wrong. As the saying goes: You may have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give you the right to be cruel.
Oh what a fire one tiny spark can ignite. Lord, help me remember that it is much easier to “prevent forest fires” than to put them out once they’ve already started.
“We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” ~ James 3:2-5
Monday, May 12, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
A Mother's Work
“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” Washington Irving 
. . . and Lisa, who also works as an RN while nursing a baby and caring for a busy two-year-old with special needs, while Josh is at work more than he’s home as a first-year resident.
“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”
I Didn’t Do It
Author Unknown
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside playing, still in their pajamas, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded up against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that perhaps something serious had happened.
But there she was, lounging in the bedroom, still curled up in bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked him how his day went.
Bewildered, he looked at her and replied, "What happened here today?"
She smiled once again and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"
"Yes," he replied quizzically.
"Well, today I didn't do it."
Sunday, April 27, 2008
A Better Way
~ Galatians 5:22,23
Well, it’s 11:30 p.m. on Sunday evening and I am not feeling very proud of the way I acted today. Our day started out fine; Keen and I went for a 3 mile walk in the morning, followed by several hours spent in the yard planting our garden and seventeen trees. Then we decided to go to
“As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
~ Colossians 3:12
As for coming up with a column for this week, I wasn’t feeling too inspired after the way I acted. But then I came across this story about Billy Graham and it seemed very fitting. I just thank God that His mercies are new every morning - and tomorrow is a brand new day.
“Not that I have now attained [this ideal] or am already made perfect . . . but one thing I do – it is my one aspiration; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.”
~ Philippians 3:12-14
Author Unknown
The title of Billy Graham’s autobiography, "Just as I Am," says it all. His life goes before him speaking as eloquently as that charming southern drawl for which he is known.
If, when I am eighty years old, my autobiography were to be titled "Just as I Am," I wonder how I would live now? Do I have the courage to be me? I'll never be a Billy Graham, the elegant man who draws people to the Lord through a simple one-point message, but I hope to be a person who is real and compassionate and who might draw people to nestle within God's embrace. Any one of us can do that. We may never win any great awards or be named best dressed, most beautiful, most popular, or most revered, but each of us has an arm with which to hold another person, each of us can pull another shoulder under ours, and each of us can invite someone in need to nestle next to our heart. We can give a pat on the back, a simple compliment, a kiss on the cheek, a thumbs-up sign, We can smile at a stranger, say hello when it's least expected, send a card of congratulations, take flowers to a sick neighbor, make a casserole for a new mother, give a high five, say "I love you" in language our teenagers will understand, or back off even when you have a right to take the offensive.
Do you make it a point to speak to a visitor or person who shows up alone at church, buy a hamburger for a homeless man, call your mother on Sunday afternoons, pick daisies with a little girl, or take a fatherless boy to a baseball game?
When Billy Graham was asked about his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, he replied, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible." How unexpected. We would all live more comfortably with everybody around us if we would find the strength in being grateful and “happily incompatible.”
Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look when you're looking for what's beautiful in someone else? Let's take the things that set us apart, that make us different, that cause us to disagree, and make them an occasion to compliment each other and be thankful for each other. Let us be big enough to be smaller than our neighbor, spouse, friends, children, and strangers. Every day, remember: nestle, don't wrestle.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Broken Places
“This is what the Lord says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.” ~ II Kings 20:5
Last night I watched a show about a woman who survived a brutal rape after being strangled and left for dead. She had this advice for other victims:
"The anger and bitterness will come and you have to feel that to heal from it. But just don't let it destroy your life."
I thought that was a very balanced way of looking at it. On one hand, you can't run from that pain. It's like you have to embrace it before you can move past it. As I’ve shared before, pretending about anything doesn't take you anywhere but to another pretend place. On the other hand, you can't let feelings of anger and bitterness absorb you, or they will ultimately drain you of all joy and keep you from living your life fully.
At the end of the show, the woman quoted Ernest Hemingway when he said:
"The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are stronger at the broken places."
This morning I received a column, Dispatches from Kansas, by my friend Tom Parker. I wrote a blurb for the back on Tom’s book by the same title. Tom writes about nature, bird watching, and life. If you think I’m open about the things I share, you should read some of Tom’s work. He is gutsy and real in his writings.
After reading Tom’s latest column about a recent trip to Colorado for a wedding and a visit with his now grown sons and their families, I decided to ask his permission to share a portion of it, and he obliged me. The entire column can be found on Tom’s blog at: http://dispatchesfromkansas.blogspot.com.
This is an excerpt:
“On the way [to Colorado], Lori told a friend who was catching a ride with us of the time when our younger son, Benjamin, tried to kill me. I was logy from lack of sleep and wearily focusing on driving and the passing scenery, and surprised, too, when she inched further into the sad tale with details I had tried to forget. It was not a story she shares willingly and yet here she was enumerating the methodical dismemberment of our home and the sundering instant when I opened the garage door and felt the rifle butt slam into my face.”
After spending time with both of his sons, Tom reflected on their visit:
“For the first time in many years I could look at Benjamin and not feel repulsed. Among his many tattoos was a new one in memory of his grandfather and namesake. He showed it to me and I did not flinch . . . There were only the memories sloughing off, and something like forgiveness and the willingness to once again become vulnerable.”
*********
Maybe you or I have never endured or survived anything as traumatic as this, but most of us can relate to the emotions expressed and the insights gained. That’s the thing about writers; they share what most people feel but would never dare say. I appreciate Tom’s honesty and thank him for allowing me to share it with all of you.
“Things I would not tell anyone, I tell the public.”
~ Michel de Montaigne
Last night I watched a show about a woman who survived a brutal rape after being strangled and left for dead. She had this advice for other victims:
"The anger and bitterness will come and you have to feel that to heal from it. But just don't let it destroy your life."
I thought that was a very balanced way of looking at it. On one hand, you can't run from that pain. It's like you have to embrace it before you can move past it. As I’ve shared before, pretending about anything doesn't take you anywhere but to another pretend place. On the other hand, you can't let feelings of anger and bitterness absorb you, or they will ultimately drain you of all joy and keep you from living your life fully.
At the end of the show, the woman quoted Ernest Hemingway when he said:
"The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are stronger at the broken places."
This morning I received a column, Dispatches from Kansas, by my friend Tom Parker. I wrote a blurb for the back on Tom’s book by the same title. Tom writes about nature, bird watching, and life. If you think I’m open about the things I share, you should read some of Tom’s work. He is gutsy and real in his writings.
After reading Tom’s latest column about a recent trip to Colorado for a wedding and a visit with his now grown sons and their families, I decided to ask his permission to share a portion of it, and he obliged me. The entire column can be found on Tom’s blog at: http://dispatchesfromkansas.blogspot.com.
This is an excerpt:
“On the way [to Colorado], Lori told a friend who was catching a ride with us of the time when our younger son, Benjamin, tried to kill me. I was logy from lack of sleep and wearily focusing on driving and the passing scenery, and surprised, too, when she inched further into the sad tale with details I had tried to forget. It was not a story she shares willingly and yet here she was enumerating the methodical dismemberment of our home and the sundering instant when I opened the garage door and felt the rifle butt slam into my face.”
After spending time with both of his sons, Tom reflected on their visit:
“For the first time in many years I could look at Benjamin and not feel repulsed. Among his many tattoos was a new one in memory of his grandfather and namesake. He showed it to me and I did not flinch . . . There were only the memories sloughing off, and something like forgiveness and the willingness to once again become vulnerable.”
*********
Maybe you or I have never endured or survived anything as traumatic as this, but most of us can relate to the emotions expressed and the insights gained. That’s the thing about writers; they share what most people feel but would never dare say. I appreciate Tom’s honesty and thank him for allowing me to share it with all of you.
“Things I would not tell anyone, I tell the public.”
~ Michel de Montaigne
Monday, April 14, 2008
A Change for the Better
Yellow Lily by Patricia Kohls Barrett“The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power . . . and you will be changed into a different person.”~ I Samuel 10:6
The changing seasons are a gentle reminder that change can be a good thing to be embraced. As a continuation of the theme from last week’s column, I’d like to share a poem written by my friend Pat Barrett titled: “Commitment to Change.”
Commitment to Change
By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 3/31/08
The road to change is not straight
It’s rocky with valleys and hills
The path demands focus on goals
To develop desirable skills
I am committed to proceed
I will persevere and move forward
When I trip on a rock and fall
I will get up and progress onward
Commitment demands persistence
To only “try” merely means to “fail”
When one “tries” they plan to quit
When there’s a bad bump in the trail
I will use each bump as a launching pad
As I forge ahead breaking new ground
Shaping my own personal course
From what seemed an impossible mound
Each step is a bit of transformation
Change must be slow and deliberate to last
A step back is only temporary
To boost to a level unsurpassed
Onward and upward I proceed
To become what I intend to be
I’ll turn obstacles into schools of learning
As I press on to become a new me
“He makes all things beautiful in His time.”
~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
There is a saying that goes: “If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.” That reminds me of a placard I have on top of my computer that depicts two green caterpillars perched on a tree branch. There’s also a Bible verse from Psalm 138:8 – “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” One of the caterpillars is looking up at a brightly colored butterfly floating through the skies above. The caterpillar comments to his friend: “You’ll never catch me going up in one of those things!”
Columnist Mary Beth Danielson once said: "If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again." There’s a lot of truth in that statement. Hanging on to our preconceived notions about who we are and what our life was “supposed” to be, only keeps us cemented and stuck in our current position. Just like the caterpillar, we have to let go in order to be free to fly to higher heights than we ever imagined possible.
“Now to Him Who . . . is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]-- To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen.”
~ Ephesians 3:20,21 (AMP)
Monday, April 07, 2008
Change: The Pain and the Power
“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I believe that God has a good plan for all of our lives – a plan that gives us “hope and a future.” But sometimes we’re too afraid to take the risks or face the fear that goes along with change. (Believe me, I’m preaching to myself right now, too.) Yes, familiarity is nice – and comfortable, but sometimes we reach a crossroad in life, and if we have the courage to take the road to change, it can lead to new and exciting adventures that make our former experiences seem dull and boring.
“We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable.”
~ Aleksandr Isaevich Solzhenitsyn, Russian novelist, historian (b. 1918)
In Robert McGee’s book titled “The Search for Significance,” he writes:
“[N]othing forces us to remain in the mold of the past. By the grace and power of God, we can change! We can persevere and overcome! No one forces us to keep shifting our feet in the muck of old failures. We can dare to accept the challenge of building a new life.
Dr. Paul Tournier once compared life to a man hanging from a trapeze. The trapeze bar was the man’s security, his pattern of existence, his lifestyle. Then God swung another trapeze into the man’s view, and he faced a perplexing dilemma. Should he relinquish his past? Should he reach for the new bar? The moment of truth came, Dr. Tournier explained, when the man realized that to grab the new bar, he must release the old one.
Our past relationships may involve the intense pain of neglect, abuse, and manipulation, but if we do not begin the process of healing, we will be unable to experience the joy, challenge, and yes, the potential for failure in the present.
We need to be honest about the pain, the anger, the disappointment, and the loneliness of our past. We need to put ourselves in relationships that will encourage us to feel what we may have suppressed for many years. This will enable us to begin . . . to experience hope and, eventually, healing. Change is possible, but it is a process. Does this seem strange? Does it seem difficult? We may have difficulty relinquishing what is familiar (though painful) for what is unfamiliar because our fear of the unknown often seems stronger than the pain of a poor self-concept. It seems right to hang on. Proverbs 16:25 says, ‘There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.’ Any change in our behavior requires a release from our old self-concept, which is often founded in failure and the expectations of others. We need to learn how to relate to ourselves in a new way. To accomplish this, we must begin to base our self-worth on God’s opinion of us and trust [Him] to accomplish change in our lives.”
“It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old way, but it’s that place in between that we fear . . . It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There’s nothing to hold on to.”
~ Marilyn Ferguson, author and public speaker
I’d like to close with a poem my sister Mary wrote two years ago which vividly describes the pain and fear associated with change. As some of you may recall, Mary went through a tumultuous marriage and divorce several years ago; she knows firsthand how difficult change can be.
“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.”
~ Sydney Harris, journalist, Chicago Daily News & Chicago Sun-Times
Change
By Mary Van Kirk
Dark eyes watching
What is out there?
Who is out there?
I want to know.
Or maybe I don’t.
Change is painful
But it won’t kill you
So why is it so hard to do?
I don’t like pain.
I want change.
But don’t always want things to change.
What am I afraid of?
The unknown.
Dark eyes watching.
“Do not [earnestly] remember the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it, and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
~ Isaiah 43:18,19
Monday, March 31, 2008
On Any Given Day
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Mississippi sky “Now also we would not have you ignorant, brethren, about those who fall asleep [in death], that you may not grieve [for them], as the rest do who have no hope [beyond the grave].
For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will also bring with Him through Jesus those who have fallen asleep [in death].”
~ I Thessalonians 4:13,14
The column I wrote last week titled “Life after Death,” referred to the life on earth lived out by those who have been left behind after the death of someone they love. As I pondered what to write about today, I started thinking about how, on any given day, someone is going through that painful experience. So I jotted down these words:
On any given day
From life to death someone does cross
On any given day
Someone somewhere feels great loss
This next poem on the subject of life after death as it relates to the hereafter, was written by Connie Hinnen Cook and is being shared with the permission of her widower, Guy Cook.
Last Chance to Weep
By Connie Hinnen Cook
A year has passed and still you grieve,
The tears flow down your face;
You miss her voice, you miss her laugh,
No one can take her place.
But when you think of where she is,
In Heaven's land so fair;
You know you're weeping for yourself,
'Cause there's no weeping there.
Her closest friend is Jesus
And He takes her by the hand,
He talks with her for hours
As they walk in Heaven's land.
There's light once more within her eyes,
Her smile is always near;
So cry your tears while you're down there,
'Cause there's no crying here.
Here is where she's happiest,
Here's where she belongs;
She's praising God with every breath
And joining in the songs.
A joyful glow is on her face
And wonder fills her eyes;
So let your tears flow if you must,
'Cause here, nobody cries.
She has a mansion that is grand,
And friends that she can't number;
Eternal celebrating
In this land where there's no slumber.
She shines brighter than the stars,
And angels seek her face;
So grieve and miss her while you may,
There's no grief in this place.
If she could speak to you once more,
One thought she would repeat:
That now, her happiness is full,
That now, her joy's complete;
That Christ will be returning soon
And all creation waits,
He'll wipe the tears from every eye
Just inside Heaven's gates.
One day you'll be together, Yes!
And that day, time cannot sever;
There'll be no death or parting then
In that Blessed Forever.
You'll see her anytime you wish,
What joy your hearts will reap!
So cry your eyes out while on earth,
It's your last chance to weep.
--Connie
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying,
neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away."
~ Revelation 21:4 (KJV)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Life After Death
A friend of a friend recently lost her husband. The grief seems insurmountable. “I know everyone is worried about me,” she wrote. “They always ask if I’m feeling better. It’s hard for them to understand that as long as I live I will never feel better. I have lost so much.”
Writer, editor and best-selling author Dave Eggers lost both of his parents to cancer when he was just twenty-one years old. He later dropped out of college to become the legal guardian of his 8-year-old brother. Eggers would eventually write a memoir about his parents’ death and the impact it had on his life. The book is titled, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
"On the one hand you are so completely bewildered that something so surreal and incomprehensible could happen. At the same time, suddenly the limitations or hesitations that you might have imposed on yourself fall away. There's a weird, optimistic recklessness . . . . You see that there is a beginning and an end and that you have only a certain amount of time to act. And you want to get started." (The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Kellor, March 12, 2008)
Life after the death of a loved one can be, and is, so very difficult. Much like walking with lead weights strapped to your ankles. Everyday activities that were effortless before, now seem so difficult. Every day becomes another mountain to climb. All the while, you feel so alone. People sympathize, but they don’t really understand – can’t really understand. The funeral is over; sympathy cards are reduced to a trickle. Phone calls become less frequent. Friends and family return to their lives, as they must. But how do those left behind return to their lives.
There is life after death, but it will take time. Don’t rush it, and don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel. It is your process, not theirs. There are no rules.
The following poem was sent to me in an email. It was reportedly written by a woman who was killed in an automobile accident. Her co-workers discovered it in an email when they returned to the office after the funeral.
If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
Author Unknown
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
~ Isaiah 41:10
Writer, editor and best-selling author Dave Eggers lost both of his parents to cancer when he was just twenty-one years old. He later dropped out of college to become the legal guardian of his 8-year-old brother. Eggers would eventually write a memoir about his parents’ death and the impact it had on his life. The book is titled, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
"On the one hand you are so completely bewildered that something so surreal and incomprehensible could happen. At the same time, suddenly the limitations or hesitations that you might have imposed on yourself fall away. There's a weird, optimistic recklessness . . . . You see that there is a beginning and an end and that you have only a certain amount of time to act. And you want to get started." (The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Kellor, March 12, 2008)
Life after the death of a loved one can be, and is, so very difficult. Much like walking with lead weights strapped to your ankles. Everyday activities that were effortless before, now seem so difficult. Every day becomes another mountain to climb. All the while, you feel so alone. People sympathize, but they don’t really understand – can’t really understand. The funeral is over; sympathy cards are reduced to a trickle. Phone calls become less frequent. Friends and family return to their lives, as they must. But how do those left behind return to their lives.
There is life after death, but it will take time. Don’t rush it, and don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel. It is your process, not theirs. There are no rules.
The following poem was sent to me in an email. It was reportedly written by a woman who was killed in an automobile accident. Her co-workers discovered it in an email when they returned to the office after the funeral.
If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
Author Unknown
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
~ Isaiah 41:10
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
There But for the Grace of God
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.”
~ Acts 20:24
In a recent edition of The Prairie Post, there was a letter to the editor written by a woman whose son had gotten into some trouble. She expressed the deep hurt her family felt upon learning that some people in her community seemed to take pleasure in spreading the news of their unfortunate dilemma.
In the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 18, Jesus used a parable to talk about people who engaged in hypocrisy of the highest form – those who took pride in their own righteousness and looked down upon everyone else. Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee [religious person] and the other a tax collector [so-called sinner]. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14 – NIV)
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”
~ Ephesians 2:8-9
Years ago, Keen and I learned some valuable lessons from an experience we went through as a family. Through that experience, we traded in our idea of having a “picture perfect family” with the more important goal of having a family that exemplifies a “picture-perfect picture” of God’s amazing grace. Now we humbly share our testimony of God’s faithfulness, grace, mercy and guidance. And the smiling faces looking back at you in our family picture are the faces of people who know they are not perfect, just forgiven.
“Forget your perfect offering and ring the bells that can still ring. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”
~Leonard Cohen
No Such Thing
By Eileen Umbehr
I always used to think we had,
The perfect family,
But now I've come to realize
That there's really no such thing.
We did our best to raise our boys,
With values, morals and such,
We always tried to let them know
We loved them oh so much.
Then when our oldest came of age,
We thought he was doing okay,
But now he has a young wife
With a baby on the way.
But even though they seemed to get,
The cart before the horse,
I can think of many things
That could be much worse.
For we still have our son to love,
And now a daughter and baby brand new,
So there's no sense dwelling on the past,
With so much to look forward to!
Plus, we have learned so very much,
From this whole ordeal,
And we've been touched by the compassion of,
Those who know how we feel.
We've learned about the power,
Of forgiveness, faith and love,
And how we can make it through anything,
With help from God above.
So even though we may not have,
The perfect family,
It really doesn't matter,
Because there's really no such thing.
March 19, 1999
“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law . . . For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”
~ Galatians 2:16, 21 (NLT)
~ Acts 20:24
In a recent edition of The Prairie Post, there was a letter to the editor written by a woman whose son had gotten into some trouble. She expressed the deep hurt her family felt upon learning that some people in her community seemed to take pleasure in spreading the news of their unfortunate dilemma.
In the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 18, Jesus used a parable to talk about people who engaged in hypocrisy of the highest form – those who took pride in their own righteousness and looked down upon everyone else. Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee [religious person] and the other a tax collector [so-called sinner]. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14 – NIV)
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”
~ Ephesians 2:8-9
Years ago, Keen and I learned some valuable lessons from an experience we went through as a family. Through that experience, we traded in our idea of having a “picture perfect family” with the more important goal of having a family that exemplifies a “picture-perfect picture” of God’s amazing grace. Now we humbly share our testimony of God’s faithfulness, grace, mercy and guidance. And the smiling faces looking back at you in our family picture are the faces of people who know they are not perfect, just forgiven.
“Forget your perfect offering and ring the bells that can still ring. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”
~Leonard Cohen
No Such Thing
By Eileen Umbehr
I always used to think we had,
The perfect family,
But now I've come to realize
That there's really no such thing.
We did our best to raise our boys,
With values, morals and such,
We always tried to let them know
We loved them oh so much.
Then when our oldest came of age,
We thought he was doing okay,
But now he has a young wife
With a baby on the way.
But even though they seemed to get,
The cart before the horse,
I can think of many things
That could be much worse.
For we still have our son to love,
And now a daughter and baby brand new,
So there's no sense dwelling on the past,
With so much to look forward to!
Plus, we have learned so very much,
From this whole ordeal,
And we've been touched by the compassion of,
Those who know how we feel.
We've learned about the power,
Of forgiveness, faith and love,
And how we can make it through anything,
With help from God above.
So even though we may not have,
The perfect family,
It really doesn't matter,
Because there's really no such thing.
March 19, 1999
“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law . . . For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”
~ Galatians 2:16, 21 (NLT)
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Every Life A Story: Alice Elizabeth Lucas
Alice Lucas was born, the oldest of four
On a farm west of Silver Lake
Her brothers were Richard, Wayne and Paul
Her parents, Harry and LaVerna May
One interesting note, ‘tis true, and I quote
Alice’s ancestors on her daddy’s side
Came to America from England
On the Mayflower they did arrive
Mama ran a hotel, where Alice and Richard would dwell
But the two never ventured upstairs
‘Twas not ‘til years later, their Mama found out
Someone told them the Boogie man lived up there!
Back in those days, Nehi pop was the craze
For them this treat was quite rare
So Richard would get strawberry and Alice would get grape
Then back and forth a taste they would share
When Nelson Wayne came along, he was healthy and strong
A bundle of joy to have and to hold
But that wasn’t the case with Mama’s helper, Miss Johnson
Whose hands and heart were both cold!
Everything was fine, until that moment in time
In ’33 when things all went downhill
What with the depression, the drought, heat and floods,
If it wasn’t the hogs it was the windmill.
In ’36 Paul arrived, through the flood he survived
And became a happy-go-lucky lad
Even though Richard teased, prodded and poked him
He just couldn’t make young Paul mad!
Sunday mornings were fun, the kids would all run
To jump in bed with Papa and Mama
They read Dick Tracy, Slim Jim and Orphan Annie
Enjoying the funny papers in their pajamas
Mama canned and dried, from the land they survived
When making ends meet was hard
Mama made sauerkraut and traded mending for squash
In the big open kettle Papa rendered lard.
But they also had treats, gingerbread they would eat
And devil’s food cake made from scratch
They raised watermelon, cantaloupe and Concord grapes
And picked strawberries from the garden patch
Now and then they’d get hurt, at play or at work
Like the time Alice fell down the stairs
Or when Wayne fell off his pony while riding
And the pony promptly stepped on Wayne’s ear!
But sometimes a disease, was much more than a sneeze
There was malaria, measles and pox
Then an epidemic of scarlet fever
And Richard and Alice both had whooping cough
Another problem they had, which sounded so bad
Were dust storms that made day look like night
And grasshoppers the kids had to chase away
To keep them from eating everything in sight
Most her life Alice worked, as a retail clerk
And she made the choice never to marry
She enjoys writing and painting ceramic dishes
In the garden she likes to tarry.
In fact, most of these tales, a lie I can’t tell,
Came from Alice’s handwritten life story
With the help of Richard’s daughter Nancy
She is preserving her family’s history
But her favorite pastime of all, is really a ball
Alice likes to plan virtual trips
With a map and some info from Triple A
She records journeys to places of interest.
So if you ever want to wander – over hill, dale or yonder
Just tell Alice where you want to go
Then she’ll create the vacation of a lifetime
And you’ll never have to leave your front porch!
Alice holding a copy of the story of her life
Note: Alice was born in 1926 on a farm west of Silver Lake, Kansas, located about 3/4 of a mile from the river. When she was 11 days old, they moved into a new house her father had built for the family. When she was four years old, their old home, which was used for storage, caught fire. Alice said that all the neighbors and "half of Silver Lake" showed up with buckets to help put the fire out.
Alice's mother helped her Aunt Martha run the hotel in Silver Lake. Martha's husband was named Will Sickles.
On a farm west of Silver Lake
Her brothers were Richard, Wayne and Paul
Her parents, Harry and LaVerna May
One interesting note, ‘tis true, and I quote
Alice’s ancestors on her daddy’s side
Came to America from England
On the Mayflower they did arrive
Mama ran a hotel, where Alice and Richard would dwell
But the two never ventured upstairs
‘Twas not ‘til years later, their Mama found out
Someone told them the Boogie man lived up there!
Back in those days, Nehi pop was the craze
For them this treat was quite rare
So Richard would get strawberry and Alice would get grape
Then back and forth a taste they would share
When Nelson Wayne came along, he was healthy and strong
A bundle of joy to have and to hold
But that wasn’t the case with Mama’s helper, Miss Johnson
Whose hands and heart were both cold!
Everything was fine, until that moment in time
In ’33 when things all went downhill
What with the depression, the drought, heat and floods,
If it wasn’t the hogs it was the windmill.
In ’36 Paul arrived, through the flood he survived
And became a happy-go-lucky lad
Even though Richard teased, prodded and poked him
He just couldn’t make young Paul mad!
Sunday mornings were fun, the kids would all run
To jump in bed with Papa and Mama
They read Dick Tracy, Slim Jim and Orphan Annie
Enjoying the funny papers in their pajamas
Mama canned and dried, from the land they survived
When making ends meet was hard
Mama made sauerkraut and traded mending for squash
In the big open kettle Papa rendered lard.
But they also had treats, gingerbread they would eat
And devil’s food cake made from scratch
They raised watermelon, cantaloupe and Concord grapes
And picked strawberries from the garden patch
Now and then they’d get hurt, at play or at work
Like the time Alice fell down the stairs
Or when Wayne fell off his pony while riding
And the pony promptly stepped on Wayne’s ear!
But sometimes a disease, was much more than a sneeze
There was malaria, measles and pox
Then an epidemic of scarlet fever
And Richard and Alice both had whooping cough
Another problem they had, which sounded so bad
Were dust storms that made day look like night
And grasshoppers the kids had to chase away
To keep them from eating everything in sight
Most her life Alice worked, as a retail clerk
And she made the choice never to marry
She enjoys writing and painting ceramic dishes
In the garden she likes to tarry.
In fact, most of these tales, a lie I can’t tell,
Came from Alice’s handwritten life story
With the help of Richard’s daughter Nancy
She is preserving her family’s history
But her favorite pastime of all, is really a ball
Alice likes to plan virtual trips
With a map and some info from Triple A
She records journeys to places of interest.
So if you ever want to wander – over hill, dale or yonder
Just tell Alice where you want to go
Then she’ll create the vacation of a lifetime
And you’ll never have to leave your front porch!
Alice holding a copy of the story of her lifeNote: Alice was born in 1926 on a farm west of Silver Lake, Kansas, located about 3/4 of a mile from the river. When she was 11 days old, they moved into a new house her father had built for the family. When she was four years old, their old home, which was used for storage, caught fire. Alice said that all the neighbors and "half of Silver Lake" showed up with buckets to help put the fire out.
Alice's mother helped her Aunt Martha run the hotel in Silver Lake. Martha's husband was named Will Sickles.
Monday, March 03, 2008
The Cost of Complaining
“And the people spoke against God and against Moses, Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no bread, neither is there any water, and we loathe this light (contemptible, unsubstantial) manna.”
~ Numbers 21:5 (AMP)
Since I’ve been trying to keep my columns shorter, I didn’t have room to run all the quotes, verses, poems, and stories that I had saved on the topic of complaining. So I’ve decided to continue with that same theme this week.
"The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly. What can be more base and unworthy than the pining, pulling, mumping mood, no matter by what outward ills it may have been engendered? What is more injurious to others? What less helpful as a way out of difficulty? It but fastens and perpetuates the trouble which occasioned it, and increases the total evil of the situation. At all costs, then, we ought to reduce the sway of that mood, we ought to scout it in ourselves and others, and never show it tolerance.”
~ William James, 19th century American psychiatrist and philosopher
“God is too good to me for me to ever utter a word of complaint to Him about anything.” ~Joyce Meyer
Choose Your Ruts
(sent to me via email)
A century ago, as the numerous wagon trains left Saint Joseph, Missouri, for the trek across the plains already rutted by the tracks of earlier wagons, the eager pioneers read this sobering message on a banner across the western end of the main street: "Choose your rut carefully. You may be in it all the way to California!"
“The Lord said to Moses, Why do you cry to Me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward!”
~ Exodus 14:15 (AMP)
Recently, my friend and fellow poet, Pat Barrett, sent me a copy of her latest poem, titled “Complain or Shine.” With Pat’s permission I would like to share it with you, along with a picture of Pat holding her new little great-grandson, Ian.
Complain or Shine?
By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 2/15/08
Do “everything without complaining”?
My flesh doesn’t like this command
What a challenge this is from my Lord
But what blessings when I obey this demand!
Don’t complain when the weather is nasty?
When someone is thoughtless and rude?
When the driver ahead acts brainless?
When I have to pay a “high” price for food?
My God asks me to be grateful and thankful
For the many blessings He provides
To look for the good instead of grumble
To praise Him as my life He guides
It is hard to complain while praising
They are opposites that conflict
Praise brings happiness and service
Complaints worry, distress, and afflict
The Spirit gives power to be positive
He reminds of grace and love undeserved
Gives insight and awareness of benefits
Reminds of a mansion for me that’s reserved
With focus on mercy without merit
On how Christ makes me blameless and pure
I can “shine like stars in the universe”
In a world that is dark and unsure
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”
~ Philippians 2:14-15
~ Numbers 21:5 (AMP)
Since I’ve been trying to keep my columns shorter, I didn’t have room to run all the quotes, verses, poems, and stories that I had saved on the topic of complaining. So I’ve decided to continue with that same theme this week.
"The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly. What can be more base and unworthy than the pining, pulling, mumping mood, no matter by what outward ills it may have been engendered? What is more injurious to others? What less helpful as a way out of difficulty? It but fastens and perpetuates the trouble which occasioned it, and increases the total evil of the situation. At all costs, then, we ought to reduce the sway of that mood, we ought to scout it in ourselves and others, and never show it tolerance.”
~ William James, 19th century American psychiatrist and philosopher
“God is too good to me for me to ever utter a word of complaint to Him about anything.” ~Joyce Meyer
Choose Your Ruts
(sent to me via email)
A century ago, as the numerous wagon trains left Saint Joseph, Missouri, for the trek across the plains already rutted by the tracks of earlier wagons, the eager pioneers read this sobering message on a banner across the western end of the main street: "Choose your rut carefully. You may be in it all the way to California!"
“The Lord said to Moses, Why do you cry to Me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward!”
~ Exodus 14:15 (AMP)
Recently, my friend and fellow poet, Pat Barrett, sent me a copy of her latest poem, titled “Complain or Shine.” With Pat’s permission I would like to share it with you, along with a picture of Pat holding her new little great-grandson, Ian.
Complain or Shine?
By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 2/15/08
Do “everything without complaining”?
My flesh doesn’t like this command
What a challenge this is from my Lord
But what blessings when I obey this demand!
Don’t complain when the weather is nasty?
When someone is thoughtless and rude?
When the driver ahead acts brainless?
When I have to pay a “high” price for food?
My God asks me to be grateful and thankful
For the many blessings He provides
To look for the good instead of grumble
To praise Him as my life He guides
It is hard to complain while praising
They are opposites that conflict
Praise brings happiness and service
Complaints worry, distress, and afflict
The Spirit gives power to be positive
He reminds of grace and love undeserved
Gives insight and awareness of benefits
Reminds of a mansion for me that’s reserved
With focus on mercy without merit
On how Christ makes me blameless and pure
I can “shine like stars in the universe”
In a world that is dark and unsure
“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”
~ Philippians 2:14-15
Monday, February 25, 2008
Don't Complain - Count!
“And the people grumbled and deplored their hardships, which was evil in the ears of the Lord . . . [They] raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?”
~ Numbers 11:1a and 14:1-3b (NIV)
I must confess there has been more than one occasion when I have grumbled and complained to God (and Keen and others) about our lot in life. Like the Israelites of old who complained to Moses in the desert after God delivered them from their captivity in Egypt, I have often chosen to focus on what was wrong with my circumstances, rather than counting my blessings and focusing on all that I had to be thankful for.
Have you ever noticed that complaining and moaning is sort of like running in place? It takes a lot of energy, but it doesn’t really get you anywhere. Complaining, like worry, doesn’t change your situation one iota and only brings you down.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
~ Matthew 6:27 (NIV)
Time wasted complaining would be better spent counting your blessings, committing your problems into God’s hands, and moving forward.
“Jesus can turn water into wine, but He can't turn your whining into anything.”
~ Mark Steele
The following inspirational poem was sent to me in an email:
The World is Mine
Anonymous
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman.
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed with a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I am blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
But he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he could not hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I want to know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed – indeed, the world is mine!
“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
~ I Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)
~ Numbers 11:1a and 14:1-3b (NIV)
I must confess there has been more than one occasion when I have grumbled and complained to God (and Keen and others) about our lot in life. Like the Israelites of old who complained to Moses in the desert after God delivered them from their captivity in Egypt, I have often chosen to focus on what was wrong with my circumstances, rather than counting my blessings and focusing on all that I had to be thankful for.
Have you ever noticed that complaining and moaning is sort of like running in place? It takes a lot of energy, but it doesn’t really get you anywhere. Complaining, like worry, doesn’t change your situation one iota and only brings you down.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
~ Matthew 6:27 (NIV)
Time wasted complaining would be better spent counting your blessings, committing your problems into God’s hands, and moving forward.
“Jesus can turn water into wine, but He can't turn your whining into anything.”
~ Mark Steele
The following inspirational poem was sent to me in an email:
The World is Mine
Anonymous
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman.
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed with a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I am blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
But he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he could not hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I want to know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed – indeed, the world is mine!
“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
~ I Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
There Will Be Scars
“If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. If I should say, "My foot has slipped," Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul.”
~ Psalm 94:17-19
Keen surprised me with a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day – six white and six red. I told him they represented how we are very different as individuals, but together we make a beautiful bouquet. Sounds kind of cheesy, I know – but it’s true.
This week I’d like to remember those for whom Valentine’s Day is not a time of celebration, but rather a painful reminder of their broken dreams. This column is dedicated to all the victims of divorce who daily struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection as they strive to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together.
This first poem was written for my friend whose divorce recently became final.
There Will Be Scars
By Eileen Umbehr
I wish that I could tell you
Your grief will disappear
Or that the ache that’s in your heart
Will lessen through the years
But as much as I would like
To free you from this pain
I know that only God above
Can make you whole again
And even when your life moves on
To the inevitable next chapter
I’m sure that you will always yearn
For that happily-ever-after
Yet you are strong, and you’ve put your faith
In the One who made the stars
But nevertheless, the sad truth is
That there will be scars
But even Jesus Christ Himself
Bears scars from His death on the Cross
He understands more than anyone could
The pain of rejection and loss
So although the scars from this divorce
Will unfortunately always remain
My hope and prayer is that with God’s help
You will laugh and love again.
“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
~ Lamentations 3:21-24
***************
This next segment is from a letter I recently wrote to my friend’s daughter:
Thank you for your nice note. It brought tears to my eyes. The poem was written for your mom, but then I realized it applied to you, too.
I saw an Oprah Show last week about adult children of divorce. Even thirty years later many of them were still hurting. The poem is my way of saying that we can't ignore the painful and unexpected experiences in our lives. We have to first acknowledge the pain – then try to deal with it and process it the best way we know how so that then we can move on to the healing stage of the process. I know your parents divorce has rocked your world, and I am so sorry for that. You are doing great, but just remember that the emotions you feel need to be embraced too. Don’t forget that you're not just a student, an athlete, a daughter, a friend; you’re a person. A person who has real feelings and real pain and real hurts; and there will be times throughout your life when those feelings will let you know that they need some time and attention, too. Embrace them. As much as it hurts, don't run from them. Because they are part of your reality – a part of your wonderful, exciting, adventurous, fun-filled LIFE. A life you have been blessed by God to live and enjoy. The not-so-fun parts such as this divorce may not be a large part of your history or your future, but it is a small part, and as such, you will have to be real with yourself when it hurts. Pretending – about anything – never takes us anywhere except to another pretend place.
So go out there and enjoy your life – and always remember that we are in your corner, cheering you on – loving you and feeling so proud to be a part of your life.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
~ Isaiah 40:28-31
~ Psalm 94:17-19
Keen surprised me with a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day – six white and six red. I told him they represented how we are very different as individuals, but together we make a beautiful bouquet. Sounds kind of cheesy, I know – but it’s true.
This week I’d like to remember those for whom Valentine’s Day is not a time of celebration, but rather a painful reminder of their broken dreams. This column is dedicated to all the victims of divorce who daily struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection as they strive to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together.
This first poem was written for my friend whose divorce recently became final.
There Will Be Scars
By Eileen Umbehr
I wish that I could tell you
Your grief will disappear
Or that the ache that’s in your heart
Will lessen through the years
But as much as I would like
To free you from this pain
I know that only God above
Can make you whole again
And even when your life moves on
To the inevitable next chapter
I’m sure that you will always yearn
For that happily-ever-after
Yet you are strong, and you’ve put your faith
In the One who made the stars
But nevertheless, the sad truth is
That there will be scars
But even Jesus Christ Himself
Bears scars from His death on the Cross
He understands more than anyone could
The pain of rejection and loss
So although the scars from this divorce
Will unfortunately always remain
My hope and prayer is that with God’s help
You will laugh and love again.
“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
~ Lamentations 3:21-24
***************
This next segment is from a letter I recently wrote to my friend’s daughter:
Thank you for your nice note. It brought tears to my eyes. The poem was written for your mom, but then I realized it applied to you, too.
I saw an Oprah Show last week about adult children of divorce. Even thirty years later many of them were still hurting. The poem is my way of saying that we can't ignore the painful and unexpected experiences in our lives. We have to first acknowledge the pain – then try to deal with it and process it the best way we know how so that then we can move on to the healing stage of the process. I know your parents divorce has rocked your world, and I am so sorry for that. You are doing great, but just remember that the emotions you feel need to be embraced too. Don’t forget that you're not just a student, an athlete, a daughter, a friend; you’re a person. A person who has real feelings and real pain and real hurts; and there will be times throughout your life when those feelings will let you know that they need some time and attention, too. Embrace them. As much as it hurts, don't run from them. Because they are part of your reality – a part of your wonderful, exciting, adventurous, fun-filled LIFE. A life you have been blessed by God to live and enjoy. The not-so-fun parts such as this divorce may not be a large part of your history or your future, but it is a small part, and as such, you will have to be real with yourself when it hurts. Pretending – about anything – never takes us anywhere except to another pretend place.
So go out there and enjoy your life – and always remember that we are in your corner, cheering you on – loving you and feeling so proud to be a part of your life.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
~ Isaiah 40:28-31
Saturday, February 09, 2008
The Power of Love
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Keen & Eileen in Singapore, 1975“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” ~ I Corinthians 13:13
Last week my sister called to tell me about a radio show contest she heard about on K-LOVE Christian radio. Contestants were asked to share their love story in 500 words or less, and the winner would receive a song written just for them by Christian recording artist Matthew West.
The following is a copy of my (non-winning) entry:
I was 14 years old in 1973 when my father announced that our family would be moving half way around the world to Singapore. I was heartbroken. I had just made the cheerleading squad and I had a great group of friends that I didn’t want to leave. Little did I know that my temporary heartbreak would lead to a lifetime of love and blessings.
Singapore American School was where I met my one-in-a-million future husband, Keen. He was a freshman and I was a sophomore when we met in March of 1974. We dated all through the following year and then we found out that my family was moving back to the States. This meant that we would be apart for two full years. My mom told my sister, “If Eileen thinks that Keen is going to wait for her she’s in for a big disappointment.”
But wait he did. In fact, when he had to cast his vote for homecoming queen, he voted for me, even though I no longer attended SAS. We wrote letters back and forth (all of which we saved), until Keen graduated in 1977. He didn’t even attend the graduation ceremonies because he couldn’t wait to get back to the States to join me. We soon became engaged and were married in an outdoor wedding at my parents’ home on June 10, 1978. Eleven months later to the day we had our first son, Jared, followed by three more sons: Josh in 1981, Keen II in 1984 and Kirk Van in 1989.
In 1981, Keen was the successful bidder on the trash collection contract for our county. We owned that business, along with a car wash, until 1999 when we sold out so that Keen could return to college at the age of 40. Keen earned a four-year degree in three years, graduating with honors from Kansas State University. He then went on to law school and graduated from Washburn University School of Law in 2005. He has been in private practice ever since.
Our life has been full of many ups and downs. We were involved in a five-year long free speech lawsuit that ended up at the U.S. Supreme Court. I lost my mother to breast cancer, Keen lost his father to bladder cancer, and one of my sisters died unexpectedly at the age of 54. In 2005, our oldest son and his family lost everything in Katrina. In 2006, we had a granddaughter who was born with Down Syndrome, and I was diagnosed with an early stage of breast cancer, followed by a double mastectomy.
Maybe in some people’s eyes our story sounds more like a bad country song, but to me it is a story about the power of love. We have five grandchildren now, and I’ve just written my first book. By God’s grace and the love He has put in our hearts, we have weathered every storm and survived to embrace the rainbow.
“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances and it endures everything. Love never fails."
I Corinthians 13:7,8a
Keen & Eileen at Colorado lodge, 2006
Monday, February 04, 2008
When Pain Hits Home
“I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.” ~ Psalm 6:6
I read with deep sadness Joann Kahnt’s editorial last week about the many losses your community has suffered lately. Young lives – children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters – so full of promise, cut short long before their time. Neighboring communities have also experienced the tragic loss of those who were far too young to die. The Gideon and Short families have both lost young sons in the recent past. A family in Atchison lost their son in a traffic accident last month, and their other three children were severely injured. A pastor we know lost his sixteen year old son to suicide. There were no warning signs – no red flags signaling that trouble was stirring in his young heart. My sister recently told me about a family she knows who lost their three daughters in an automobile accident just two weeks before their son’s wedding. Shortly before their deaths, all three girls had posed for individual pictures wearing their mother’s wedding gown. Now their parents have only a memory of what their daughters would have looked like in their own wedding gowns.
How on earth does anyone cope with such grief?
As Joann pointed out, we may never understand why things like this happen. All we can do is pray for the ones left behind to grieve, and purpose to live each day that we have to the fullest in their honor.
Several years ago the Alta Vista community lost a 29-year-old young man in a terrible car accident. At that time, I expressed sympathy to his family in my column. I also shared I poem I had written in honor of the many young people the Alma community had lost over the years. Later, the mother of the 29-year-old man wrote me a note to thank me for my thoughts. Today, I would like to share that poem again in hopes of touching just one more heart. The other poem was written by the mother of a friend of ours, Gina Blake, who kindly granted me permission to share it with all of you.
In closing, I wish to extend my deepest sympathy to the Cunningham, Hopper and Smith families as they grieve the tragic loss of their loved ones.
“. . .I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. . . .”
~ Isaiah 38:5
****************
Too Soon Gone
By Eileen Umbehr
This is a tribute
to those who’ve passed on
Before their time
Too soon gone
No one was ready
To say good-bye
Because they were all
Too young to die
Anthony, Jason and Tracy, too
How will your families live without you?
Javier, Ted, Dickie and Veryl
Why did they have to leave this world?
Jack, Norman, Galen and John
Why are they too soon gone?
There is still a void
Where you used to be
An empty spot
On your family’s tree
But even though
You were too soon gone
In our hearts
Your memory lives on
You are not only missed
By those who loved you
But by those of us
In the community, too.
*******************
The Beauty of a Broken Heart
By Gina Blake
There are times in our life
We don’t understand
The what, the where, the why
Those are the times we will find ourselves
Gently wrapped …. in Jesus’ arms …..
As we cry
In his hand He holds a bottle
Catching every tear
Those are the times Our Savior…
Draws in so very near
As each tear falls
He counts them one by one…..
Not one tear can fall…
To the ground
For it is not…
The will of the Son
With each tear that falls in the bottle
The healing has begun.
For as it falls
Our Savior is knitting ever so gently
To mend the tear in our heart
And make it whole again.
“For You have been a stronghold to the poor, a stronghold to the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm, a shade from the heat . . . and the Lord will wipe away tears from off all faces. . . .”
~ Isaiah 25:4,8
I read with deep sadness Joann Kahnt’s editorial last week about the many losses your community has suffered lately. Young lives – children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters – so full of promise, cut short long before their time. Neighboring communities have also experienced the tragic loss of those who were far too young to die. The Gideon and Short families have both lost young sons in the recent past. A family in Atchison lost their son in a traffic accident last month, and their other three children were severely injured. A pastor we know lost his sixteen year old son to suicide. There were no warning signs – no red flags signaling that trouble was stirring in his young heart. My sister recently told me about a family she knows who lost their three daughters in an automobile accident just two weeks before their son’s wedding. Shortly before their deaths, all three girls had posed for individual pictures wearing their mother’s wedding gown. Now their parents have only a memory of what their daughters would have looked like in their own wedding gowns.
How on earth does anyone cope with such grief?
As Joann pointed out, we may never understand why things like this happen. All we can do is pray for the ones left behind to grieve, and purpose to live each day that we have to the fullest in their honor.
Several years ago the Alta Vista community lost a 29-year-old young man in a terrible car accident. At that time, I expressed sympathy to his family in my column. I also shared I poem I had written in honor of the many young people the Alma community had lost over the years. Later, the mother of the 29-year-old man wrote me a note to thank me for my thoughts. Today, I would like to share that poem again in hopes of touching just one more heart. The other poem was written by the mother of a friend of ours, Gina Blake, who kindly granted me permission to share it with all of you.
In closing, I wish to extend my deepest sympathy to the Cunningham, Hopper and Smith families as they grieve the tragic loss of their loved ones.
“. . .I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. . . .”
~ Isaiah 38:5
****************
Too Soon Gone
By Eileen Umbehr
This is a tribute
to those who’ve passed on
Before their time
Too soon gone
No one was ready
To say good-bye
Because they were all
Too young to die
Anthony, Jason and Tracy, too
How will your families live without you?
Javier, Ted, Dickie and Veryl
Why did they have to leave this world?
Jack, Norman, Galen and John
Why are they too soon gone?
There is still a void
Where you used to be
An empty spot
On your family’s tree
But even though
You were too soon gone
In our hearts
Your memory lives on
You are not only missed
By those who loved you
But by those of us
In the community, too.
*******************
The Beauty of a Broken Heart
By Gina Blake
There are times in our life
We don’t understand
The what, the where, the why
Those are the times we will find ourselves
Gently wrapped …. in Jesus’ arms …..
As we cry
In his hand He holds a bottle
Catching every tear
Those are the times Our Savior…
Draws in so very near
As each tear falls
He counts them one by one…..
Not one tear can fall…
To the ground
For it is not…
The will of the Son
With each tear that falls in the bottle
The healing has begun.
For as it falls
Our Savior is knitting ever so gently
To mend the tear in our heart
And make it whole again.
“For You have been a stronghold to the poor, a stronghold to the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm, a shade from the heat . . . and the Lord will wipe away tears from off all faces. . . .”
~ Isaiah 25:4,8
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What Are You Made Of?
“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
~ I Samuel 16:7b
The following story made me think about the emphasis we place on outward appearances in our society. Not just on how we look (hair, weight, clothes), but also on the cars we drive or the houses we live in. Those things are all fine and good, but it’s a mistake to wrap your identity up in things so temporal and fleeting.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”
~ Matthew 6:19,20 (NIV)
A Cup of Coffee
Author Unknown
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their lives and jobs.
The professor slipped away to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He invited his former students to help themselves.
When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "You’ll notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is precisely the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee; in most cases it is just more expensive. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. . . and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this: Life is the coffee. Your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define nor change the quality of Life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us.
Remember, the happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
“God is not impressed with the positions that men hold and He is not partial and recognizes no external distinctions.” ~ Galatians 2:6
**********************************************************************************
Did any of you see that news story about a group of people who were waiting in line in the freezing cold to buy the latest version of Air Jordan tennis shoes? Doesn’t that seem a little extreme?
Basically, we just need to keep in mind that we are not what we do (remember, my husband was a trashman for 17 years!), what we look like (this one really hits home since my mastectomy), what we weigh (this one also hits home), where we live, the color of our skin – whether we’re rich, poor, Irish, German, Baptist or Catholic – none of those things say anything about who we are on the inside.
Russian-born philosopher Ayn Rand took a dim view of the concept of judging people by external factors: “Modern racists attempt to prove the superiority or inferiority of a given race by the historical achievements of some of its members . . . There are only individual minds and individual achievements.” In other words, we really can’t take credit for the achievements of our forefathers, nor should we accept the blame for their shortcomings. We are not our ancestors – or our descendents, for that matter. We must each take responsibility for our own individual choices.
In closing, I would just like to add that parents often feel that it is a poor reflection on them if their children make unwise decisions. But most parents raise their children with a certain set of societal rules or codes of moral conduct. Once the children become adults, the choices they make – and the consequences that result from those choices – are theirs, and theirs alone. Like the law of gravity, the Bible teaches that we reap what we sow – and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. You are the miracle, my friend, Your life either shines a light – or casts a shadow.” ~ Anonymous
Note: I sent a copy of this week's column to our good friend, Scott. I'd like to share his response with you:
"Amen to that. I think it was in the third Indiana Jones movie (“The Last Crusade”). When Indie got to the hiding place where the old Crusader and the wide variety of chalices were, the Crusader told Indie he had one chance to select the one that was THE Holy Grail. There were gold and silver goblets, chalices encrusted with jewels, and so forth, but Indie’s hand went to a simple, unadorned vessel made of wood. The old man congratulated Indie and told him that surely a humble carpenter would chose to drink from a plain cup and not one decorated in a way that was inconsistent with the rest of His life. We—God’s children—truly are earthen vessels. We are weak and imperfect and prone to breaking and spilling. It is not the container that gives the clearest display of God’s miraculous power; it is the fact that he pours His unfathomable majesty into the weakest and crudest of vessels." ~ Scott
~ I Samuel 16:7b
The following story made me think about the emphasis we place on outward appearances in our society. Not just on how we look (hair, weight, clothes), but also on the cars we drive or the houses we live in. Those things are all fine and good, but it’s a mistake to wrap your identity up in things so temporal and fleeting.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”
~ Matthew 6:19,20 (NIV)
A Cup of Coffee
Author Unknown
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their lives and jobs.
The professor slipped away to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He invited his former students to help themselves.
When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "You’ll notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is precisely the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee; in most cases it is just more expensive. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. . . and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this: Life is the coffee. Your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define nor change the quality of Life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us.
Remember, the happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
“God is not impressed with the positions that men hold and He is not partial and recognizes no external distinctions.” ~ Galatians 2:6
**********************************************************************************
Did any of you see that news story about a group of people who were waiting in line in the freezing cold to buy the latest version of Air Jordan tennis shoes? Doesn’t that seem a little extreme?
Basically, we just need to keep in mind that we are not what we do (remember, my husband was a trashman for 17 years!), what we look like (this one really hits home since my mastectomy), what we weigh (this one also hits home), where we live, the color of our skin – whether we’re rich, poor, Irish, German, Baptist or Catholic – none of those things say anything about who we are on the inside.
Russian-born philosopher Ayn Rand took a dim view of the concept of judging people by external factors: “Modern racists attempt to prove the superiority or inferiority of a given race by the historical achievements of some of its members . . . There are only individual minds and individual achievements.” In other words, we really can’t take credit for the achievements of our forefathers, nor should we accept the blame for their shortcomings. We are not our ancestors – or our descendents, for that matter. We must each take responsibility for our own individual choices.
In closing, I would just like to add that parents often feel that it is a poor reflection on them if their children make unwise decisions. But most parents raise their children with a certain set of societal rules or codes of moral conduct. Once the children become adults, the choices they make – and the consequences that result from those choices – are theirs, and theirs alone. Like the law of gravity, the Bible teaches that we reap what we sow – and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. You are the miracle, my friend, Your life either shines a light – or casts a shadow.” ~ Anonymous
Note: I sent a copy of this week's column to our good friend, Scott. I'd like to share his response with you:
"Amen to that. I think it was in the third Indiana Jones movie (“The Last Crusade”). When Indie got to the hiding place where the old Crusader and the wide variety of chalices were, the Crusader told Indie he had one chance to select the one that was THE Holy Grail. There were gold and silver goblets, chalices encrusted with jewels, and so forth, but Indie’s hand went to a simple, unadorned vessel made of wood. The old man congratulated Indie and told him that surely a humble carpenter would chose to drink from a plain cup and not one decorated in a way that was inconsistent with the rest of His life. We—God’s children—truly are earthen vessels. We are weak and imperfect and prone to breaking and spilling. It is not the container that gives the clearest display of God’s miraculous power; it is the fact that he pours His unfathomable majesty into the weakest and crudest of vessels." ~ Scott
Friday, January 18, 2008
This is the Day
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
~ Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
This is the day, the week, the month that my friend’s 25-year marriage comes to a final end. Her husband says it has been dead, or at least dying, for over a decade. She knew it wasn’t perfect, but then again, what marriage is? When the marriage became sick, he began making his exit plan; she simply hoped for brighter days. He decided to stay until the children were grown, as if there is ever a “good” time to break up a family.
What ever happened to: “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health . . . until death do us part?”
I know I sound like a contradiction. In some cases, where there is abuse or infidelity, the damage is irreparable and I just want to scream, “You deserve better than that! What are you waiting for?” But in cases like my friend’s, where they are both good people who just lacked the communication necessary to work out the parts of their marriage that weren’t ideal, my heart grieves.
Marriage, like anything in life (plants, pets, cars), can and will die as a result of neglect. So take care of yourself, and each other. You brought children into this world, and as a result, you will always be a part of each others’ lives. Doesn’t it just make sense to work through your problems with the mother or father of your children? As Joyce Meyer always says: “The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you’ll have to mow that grass, too.”
I Don't Want Her Hurting
By Connie Hinnen Cook
(Used by permission)
I don't want her hurting, Jesus,
She's so all alone,
The husband that she loves moved out,
Her kids are "long gone grown."
She's given them her all, dear Lord,
She did the things she should,
And though the road was often rough
She did the best she could.
For three long decades and a half
She was a faithful wife,
She let him have the spotlight, Lord,
He was her world, her life.
And though they've been divorced for years
He still rules in her brain,
She says he's her obsession,
As addictive as cocaine.
His girlfriend is much younger
And he seems so happy now,
The family get-togethers
Are endurance tests somehow.
They sit so close together
With her hand upon his knee,
Their passion is so obvious
For all the world to see.
The hours pass like molasses
And there's always time to cry,
She knows she should get on with life
But has no heart to try.
A funeral without a corpse
That had no wish to die,
I tell her she should turn to You
Yet can't convince her why.
Grant her the peace that comes from You
that money cannot buy ~
'Cause I don't want her hurting, Jesus. . .
--Connie
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace."
Song: "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" by Helen Howarth Lemmel
“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”
~ II Chronicles 20:12b (Amp)
Note: For all of you who have gone through a divorce for any reason - whether it was out of necessity or whether it happened against your will, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your pain. I know that a divorce is heartbreaking, regardless of the circumstances. It is, without a doubt, the death of a dream. God bless you all and keep looking up. ~ With love, eileen
~ Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
This is the day, the week, the month that my friend’s 25-year marriage comes to a final end. Her husband says it has been dead, or at least dying, for over a decade. She knew it wasn’t perfect, but then again, what marriage is? When the marriage became sick, he began making his exit plan; she simply hoped for brighter days. He decided to stay until the children were grown, as if there is ever a “good” time to break up a family.
What ever happened to: “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health . . . until death do us part?”
I know I sound like a contradiction. In some cases, where there is abuse or infidelity, the damage is irreparable and I just want to scream, “You deserve better than that! What are you waiting for?” But in cases like my friend’s, where they are both good people who just lacked the communication necessary to work out the parts of their marriage that weren’t ideal, my heart grieves.
Marriage, like anything in life (plants, pets, cars), can and will die as a result of neglect. So take care of yourself, and each other. You brought children into this world, and as a result, you will always be a part of each others’ lives. Doesn’t it just make sense to work through your problems with the mother or father of your children? As Joyce Meyer always says: “The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you’ll have to mow that grass, too.”
I Don't Want Her Hurting
By Connie Hinnen Cook
(Used by permission)
I don't want her hurting, Jesus,
She's so all alone,
The husband that she loves moved out,
Her kids are "long gone grown."
She's given them her all, dear Lord,
She did the things she should,
And though the road was often rough
She did the best she could.
For three long decades and a half
She was a faithful wife,
She let him have the spotlight, Lord,
He was her world, her life.
And though they've been divorced for years
He still rules in her brain,
She says he's her obsession,
As addictive as cocaine.
His girlfriend is much younger
And he seems so happy now,
The family get-togethers
Are endurance tests somehow.
They sit so close together
With her hand upon his knee,
Their passion is so obvious
For all the world to see.
The hours pass like molasses
And there's always time to cry,
She knows she should get on with life
But has no heart to try.
A funeral without a corpse
That had no wish to die,
I tell her she should turn to You
Yet can't convince her why.
Grant her the peace that comes from You
that money cannot buy ~
'Cause I don't want her hurting, Jesus. . .
--Connie
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace."
Song: "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" by Helen Howarth Lemmel
“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”
~ II Chronicles 20:12b (Amp)
Note: For all of you who have gone through a divorce for any reason - whether it was out of necessity or whether it happened against your will, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your pain. I know that a divorce is heartbreaking, regardless of the circumstances. It is, without a doubt, the death of a dream. God bless you all and keep looking up. ~ With love, eileen
Monday, November 26, 2007
It Takes Two
“Two are better than one. . . If one falls down, his friend can help him up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
Anyone who has read my column knows that I am not someone who believes that you should stay in a marriage at all costs, because sometimes the price is just too high. For instance, if your spouse has been unfaithful, or is abusing you or your children emotionally, mentally, verbally or physically, then you need to protect yourself and your family. That’s not to say that people can’t change, because I know they can, by the grace of God. But research shows that oftentimes the abuser will simply say whatever they have to say to get their partner to take them back. Then once they do, the cycle of abuse starts all over again.
Denise Jackson, the wife of country singer Alan Jackson, recently wrote a book titled, “It’s All About Him.” Denise was recently interviewed on a morning news show, and she explained that Alan had an extramarital affair several years ago. Devastated and alone, Denise cried out to God. Through this experience, she came to the realization that no single human being can possibly meet every one of your needs. We must rely on God, our Heavenly Father, for He will never disappoint. Any time you make a person your god, then you will definitely come up short. Denise and Alan’s story had a happy ending, but she states in the book that not every marriage can be saved. But the bottom line is this: whether you are blessed with a loving spouse, or you are single, widowed or divorced, God must be your Source. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He has also promised to meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. If your faith, confidence or security is derived from any source other than Him, it is misplaced.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
The God of my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation,
My stronghold and my refuge;
My Savior, You save me from violence.
I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.
~ II Samuel 22:2b-4 (NKJV)
Having said all that, this week I would like to share two very sad poems that I have written over the past year for a very dear friend of mine whose husband is divorcing her after twenty-four years of marriage. This is one of those cases where there is no legitimate reason for the divorce. No adultery; no abuse. Just a marriage that lacked the communication needed to work through their problems – and every marriage has problems to resolve. The solution to dissatisfaction in a marriage is to bring those grievances to the table openly and honestly so that you can work toward a resolution. When you keep your differences inside for too long, eventually a wall is built between you, making communication and compromise almost impossible to achieve.
“And this you do with double guilt; you cover the alter of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives]….Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.”
~ Malachi 2:13, 15b (Amp)
Love's Last Hope
By Eileen Umbehr
He dropped a bomb -
Right in the middle of your life
The life you began with him
Twenty-four years ago
The promises you made
You meant
The promises he made
Were just words
They've been broken now
Along with your heart
Can there be any greater sorrow
Than to lose the one you love
Not to death
But to someone or something
unknown?
Your heart cries out for answers
But receives only silence
After twenty-four years, you wonder –
Don't I at least deserve that much?
No words. No eye contact.
Just emptiness.
Grief like none other.
You cry out to God,
And in the stillness of your broken heart
You hear Him say
"I am still here. I will always be here."
By faith, you take that first step.
Then another.
Only God could part these waters of grief.
Only by His strength will you escape
And cross safely to the other side.
“Even to your old age I am He, and even to hair white with age will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; yes, I will carry and will save you.” ~ Isaiah 46:4
“Blessed be the Lord who bears our burdens and carries us day by day.” ~ Psalm 68:19
And so, although I do believe in divorce, I believe even more in the sanctity of marriage and the value of keeping a family together. When there is something good worth saving, then simple differences should not destroy a marriage. But as the title of this next poem suggests, reconciliation can only happen when there are two people willing to do the work.
“How can two walk together except they be agreed?” ~ Amos 3:3
It Takes Two
By Eileen Umbehr
The day is fast approaching
And with it many tears
The end of a marriage that lasted
Nearly twenty-five years
What became of the vows recited
Before their friends and God
What about the promises they made
Was that all just one big facade?
What about all of the memories
The two of them have shared
What about the deaths in the family
When they needed each other they were there
What about their three precious children
Will they all continue to thrive
Now that their security is shaken
Because their parents’ love didn’t survive
But the fact of the matter is simple
There are some things that we can’t control
For even though one person wants to try
It takes two halves to make a whole
Yes, it takes two to make a marriage
And try as one person might
If the other is determined to seek a divorce
Then that wrong just can’t be made right
At that point you have no choice
But to grant your spouse’s request
Then trust in the good Lord to lead you
By still waters to true happiness
Because it takes two to walk in harmony
It takes two to help wounds mend
It takes two to make a marriage work
But only one to make it end.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
Anyone who has read my column knows that I am not someone who believes that you should stay in a marriage at all costs, because sometimes the price is just too high. For instance, if your spouse has been unfaithful, or is abusing you or your children emotionally, mentally, verbally or physically, then you need to protect yourself and your family. That’s not to say that people can’t change, because I know they can, by the grace of God. But research shows that oftentimes the abuser will simply say whatever they have to say to get their partner to take them back. Then once they do, the cycle of abuse starts all over again.
Denise Jackson, the wife of country singer Alan Jackson, recently wrote a book titled, “It’s All About Him.” Denise was recently interviewed on a morning news show, and she explained that Alan had an extramarital affair several years ago. Devastated and alone, Denise cried out to God. Through this experience, she came to the realization that no single human being can possibly meet every one of your needs. We must rely on God, our Heavenly Father, for He will never disappoint. Any time you make a person your god, then you will definitely come up short. Denise and Alan’s story had a happy ending, but she states in the book that not every marriage can be saved. But the bottom line is this: whether you are blessed with a loving spouse, or you are single, widowed or divorced, God must be your Source. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He has also promised to meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. If your faith, confidence or security is derived from any source other than Him, it is misplaced.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
The God of my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation,
My stronghold and my refuge;
My Savior, You save me from violence.
I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.
~ II Samuel 22:2b-4 (NKJV)
Having said all that, this week I would like to share two very sad poems that I have written over the past year for a very dear friend of mine whose husband is divorcing her after twenty-four years of marriage. This is one of those cases where there is no legitimate reason for the divorce. No adultery; no abuse. Just a marriage that lacked the communication needed to work through their problems – and every marriage has problems to resolve. The solution to dissatisfaction in a marriage is to bring those grievances to the table openly and honestly so that you can work toward a resolution. When you keep your differences inside for too long, eventually a wall is built between you, making communication and compromise almost impossible to achieve.
“And this you do with double guilt; you cover the alter of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives]….Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.”
~ Malachi 2:13, 15b (Amp)
Love's Last Hope
By Eileen Umbehr
He dropped a bomb -
Right in the middle of your life
The life you began with him
Twenty-four years ago
The promises you made
You meant
The promises he made
Were just words
They've been broken now
Along with your heart
Can there be any greater sorrow
Than to lose the one you love
Not to death
But to someone or something
unknown?
Your heart cries out for answers
But receives only silence
After twenty-four years, you wonder –
Don't I at least deserve that much?
No words. No eye contact.
Just emptiness.
Grief like none other.
You cry out to God,
And in the stillness of your broken heart
You hear Him say
"I am still here. I will always be here."
By faith, you take that first step.
Then another.
Only God could part these waters of grief.
Only by His strength will you escape
And cross safely to the other side.
“Even to your old age I am He, and even to hair white with age will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; yes, I will carry and will save you.” ~ Isaiah 46:4
“Blessed be the Lord who bears our burdens and carries us day by day.” ~ Psalm 68:19
And so, although I do believe in divorce, I believe even more in the sanctity of marriage and the value of keeping a family together. When there is something good worth saving, then simple differences should not destroy a marriage. But as the title of this next poem suggests, reconciliation can only happen when there are two people willing to do the work.
“How can two walk together except they be agreed?” ~ Amos 3:3
It Takes Two
By Eileen Umbehr
The day is fast approaching
And with it many tears
The end of a marriage that lasted
Nearly twenty-five years
What became of the vows recited
Before their friends and God
What about the promises they made
Was that all just one big facade?
What about all of the memories
The two of them have shared
What about the deaths in the family
When they needed each other they were there
What about their three precious children
Will they all continue to thrive
Now that their security is shaken
Because their parents’ love didn’t survive
But the fact of the matter is simple
There are some things that we can’t control
For even though one person wants to try
It takes two halves to make a whole
Yes, it takes two to make a marriage
And try as one person might
If the other is determined to seek a divorce
Then that wrong just can’t be made right
At that point you have no choice
But to grant your spouse’s request
Then trust in the good Lord to lead you
By still waters to true happiness
Because it takes two to walk in harmony
It takes two to help wounds mend
It takes two to make a marriage work
But only one to make it end.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
More Precious Than Words
“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.” ~ Psalm 127:3,4 (NKJV)
As most of you know, our family has been blessed with a new addition: Paige Ashley Umbehr was born at the Wesley Birth Care Center to Josh and Lisa Umbehr on October 23rd at 11:59 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and was 19 ½ inches long.
I was in Topeka when Lisa called to say that she was in labor, so I rushed home to pick up my suitcase and headed for Wichita as fast as I could. On my way there, I called Keen’s mom to share the good news. When I asked how late was too late to call, she replied that it was okay to call up until midnight, but after that she would wait until morning. So I guess little Paige wanted her great-grandma to get the news right away, because she was born exactly one minute before Grandma’s bedtime!
As any grandma would be, I was extremely excited about meeting our new grandchild. But my first tears were actually shed in the car as I neared my exit in Wichita and I heard Gary Allen come across the radio singing: “When tough little boys, grow up to be dads, they turn into big babies again.” It just brought back memories of our tough little boy who looked like a football player from birth, and who was now about to become a proud father once again.
Lisa’s mom Linda arrived earlier than I did and was able to provide some tender loving care to Lisa while she was in labor. I joined them around 10:30 when things were really starting to heat up. A while later Linda and I left the room because Lisa wanted to be alone with Josh during the final stages of labor and through the delivery. After visiting in the lobby for about 40 minutes, Linda and I decided we’d better check on Lisa’s progress. As we approached her room, we saw nurses from all four corners of the facility making their way down the hall. “What’s happening?” we asked. “I heard she’s ready to deliver,” a nurse explained excitedly.
Linda and I were like two little kids waiting for Santa Claus as we anxiously waited in the hall. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, our daughter-in-law is a strong woman and a champion child-bearer! She had Katelyn all natural, and now she was doing it again. I had my children naturally, too, but the difference between me and Lisa is that you could have heard me screaming 3 blocks away. I remember during one of the deliveries digging my fingernails into Keen’s forearm and saying: “This – is - not - sur-vivable!”
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”
~Lawrence Housman
But not Lisa; she barely made a peep throughout the entire process. On the other hand, we could hear Josh loud and clear joking with the doctor and nurses about how when Katelyn was born he told Lisa he was going to shout, “It’s a boy!” no matter what. At this point we received the only clue that there was a woman on the other side of the door laboring to bring forth a child when we heard Lisa very distinctly and firmly say: “Shut up!” Linda and I just smiled. Soon we began hearing comments like, “You’re almost there! One more good push!” We just held hands and listened intently until we finally heard, “It’s a girl!” followed by the beautiful sound of our new granddaughter’s first cry.
“Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility.”
~ Kate Douglas Wiggin
Ever the jokester, Josh came out into the hall and announced to the waiting grandmas, “It’s twins!” I quickly called Grandma Umbehr to give her the good news just in the nick of time. Josh also noted that Lisa was born on the 8th of the month and he was born on the 15th of the month and when you combine those two numbers you get Paige’s birth day, the 23rd of October.
After we got our chance to hug the parents and hold precious Paige, Linda and I drove back to Josh and Lisa’s house where Grandpa Gary was babysitting Katelyn. When we arrived, Katelyn was awake. I think she sensed all the excitement. So Gary and Linda left for the hospital while I tried to feed Katelyn a bottle and rock her back to sleep. But she wasn’t having any of that, so I decided to load up the car seat and take Katelyn to meet her new little sister. When we walked in the room, Lisa’s eyes filled with tears as she held both of her little angels in her arms for the first time. Katelyn was so happy to see Mom and Dad, and she seemed curious about this little bundle Mommy was holding. At one point she patted Paige’s little cheek ever so softly. (Josh and Lisa have been working on teaching her to be “gentle” for quite some time.) Then Katelyn made the hugging motion by wrapping her own two arms around herself.
Katelyn meets Paige
Josh commented that Katelyn was probably thinking, “Don’t forget me, Mom. New things are nice, but I’ve been around a lot longer than her. I’m an oldie but a goodie!”
Then he jokingly added that he’d have to explain to Katelyn that Mommy could only love her half as much now that there were two children in the family. Without skipping a beat, Lisa replied: “That’s not true, is it Katelyn. Mommy’s heart grew last night.”
All of our hearts grew that night.
Welcome to the family, Paige Ashley. We love you!
As most of you know, our family has been blessed with a new addition: Paige Ashley Umbehr was born at the Wesley Birth Care Center to Josh and Lisa Umbehr on October 23rd at 11:59 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and was 19 ½ inches long.
I was in Topeka when Lisa called to say that she was in labor, so I rushed home to pick up my suitcase and headed for Wichita as fast as I could. On my way there, I called Keen’s mom to share the good news. When I asked how late was too late to call, she replied that it was okay to call up until midnight, but after that she would wait until morning. So I guess little Paige wanted her great-grandma to get the news right away, because she was born exactly one minute before Grandma’s bedtime!
As any grandma would be, I was extremely excited about meeting our new grandchild. But my first tears were actually shed in the car as I neared my exit in Wichita and I heard Gary Allen come across the radio singing: “When tough little boys, grow up to be dads, they turn into big babies again.” It just brought back memories of our tough little boy who looked like a football player from birth, and who was now about to become a proud father once again.
Lisa’s mom Linda arrived earlier than I did and was able to provide some tender loving care to Lisa while she was in labor. I joined them around 10:30 when things were really starting to heat up. A while later Linda and I left the room because Lisa wanted to be alone with Josh during the final stages of labor and through the delivery. After visiting in the lobby for about 40 minutes, Linda and I decided we’d better check on Lisa’s progress. As we approached her room, we saw nurses from all four corners of the facility making their way down the hall. “What’s happening?” we asked. “I heard she’s ready to deliver,” a nurse explained excitedly.
Linda and I were like two little kids waiting for Santa Claus as we anxiously waited in the hall. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, our daughter-in-law is a strong woman and a champion child-bearer! She had Katelyn all natural, and now she was doing it again. I had my children naturally, too, but the difference between me and Lisa is that you could have heard me screaming 3 blocks away. I remember during one of the deliveries digging my fingernails into Keen’s forearm and saying: “This – is - not - sur-vivable!”
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”
~Lawrence Housman
But not Lisa; she barely made a peep throughout the entire process. On the other hand, we could hear Josh loud and clear joking with the doctor and nurses about how when Katelyn was born he told Lisa he was going to shout, “It’s a boy!” no matter what. At this point we received the only clue that there was a woman on the other side of the door laboring to bring forth a child when we heard Lisa very distinctly and firmly say: “Shut up!” Linda and I just smiled. Soon we began hearing comments like, “You’re almost there! One more good push!” We just held hands and listened intently until we finally heard, “It’s a girl!” followed by the beautiful sound of our new granddaughter’s first cry.
“Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility.”
~ Kate Douglas Wiggin
Ever the jokester, Josh came out into the hall and announced to the waiting grandmas, “It’s twins!” I quickly called Grandma Umbehr to give her the good news just in the nick of time. Josh also noted that Lisa was born on the 8th of the month and he was born on the 15th of the month and when you combine those two numbers you get Paige’s birth day, the 23rd of October.
After we got our chance to hug the parents and hold precious Paige, Linda and I drove back to Josh and Lisa’s house where Grandpa Gary was babysitting Katelyn. When we arrived, Katelyn was awake. I think she sensed all the excitement. So Gary and Linda left for the hospital while I tried to feed Katelyn a bottle and rock her back to sleep. But she wasn’t having any of that, so I decided to load up the car seat and take Katelyn to meet her new little sister. When we walked in the room, Lisa’s eyes filled with tears as she held both of her little angels in her arms for the first time. Katelyn was so happy to see Mom and Dad, and she seemed curious about this little bundle Mommy was holding. At one point she patted Paige’s little cheek ever so softly. (Josh and Lisa have been working on teaching her to be “gentle” for quite some time.) Then Katelyn made the hugging motion by wrapping her own two arms around herself.
Katelyn meets PaigeJosh commented that Katelyn was probably thinking, “Don’t forget me, Mom. New things are nice, but I’ve been around a lot longer than her. I’m an oldie but a goodie!”
Then he jokingly added that he’d have to explain to Katelyn that Mommy could only love her half as much now that there were two children in the family. Without skipping a beat, Lisa replied: “That’s not true, is it Katelyn. Mommy’s heart grew last night.”
All of our hearts grew that night.
Welcome to the family, Paige Ashley. We love you!
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