Remembering a Life That Mattered (Part I)

Jim and Jean Umbehr and Family
December 26, 2004

“. . . it is appointed unto men once to die. . .” ~ Hebrews 9:27a (KJV)

Our Thanksgiving plans this year were not unlike the plans of hundreds of thousands of other people across the globe. We would fly to Texas to spend the holiday with Keen’s parents and siblings. We would laugh, exchange stories, and eat too much turkey and pumpkin pie. Then we would give each other hearty hugs that would last until we met again.

What we didn’t expect is that it would be the last time we would see Keen’s father here on earth.

As we prepare to travel to Texas once again, this time for a very different purpose, I would like to share a poem written by Michael Josephson titled, What Will Matter. Mr. Josephson was kind enough to grant me permission to share it with you.

When I return, I will write a more detailed tribute to my father-in-law, Jim Umbehr. In the meantime, please remember to tell your loved ones how much they matter to you.

“So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” ~ Psalm 90:12 (NKJV)

What Will Matter
By Michael Josephson

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
Not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many people will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories of those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s not a matter of circumstances, but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.

© 2006 Josephson Institute of Ethics; reprinted with permission. Michael Josephson, one of the nation's leading ethicists, is the founder of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and the premier youth character education program, CHARACTER COUNTS! For further information, or to make a donation, please visit www.charactercounts.org

The River of Life

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you – I have called you by your name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned or scorched, nor shall the flame kindle upon you. For I am the Lord your God. . . .”

~ Isaiah 43:1b, 2 (Amp)

To continue with my theme from last week, the above Bible verses illustrate the fact that we all “walk through the fire” and “pass through the waters” at some point in our lives. Notice it doesn’t say if these things happen, it says when these things happen. But the good news is that these events need not defeat us, but rather, by the grace of God, they can and will make us stronger.

“We are hedged in (pressed) on every side – troubled and oppressed in every way; but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair; We are (persecuted and hard driven,) pursued, but not deserted – to stand alone; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed.”

~ II Corinthians 4:8,9

This past year one of our sons experienced a very painful disappointment in his life. As Keen counseled him, I listened intently and prayed that our son would take his advice to heart.

“A wise son heeds his father's instruction . . .”

~ Proverbs 13:1 (NKJV)

I described the father-son discussion in the following email to a friend:

“My husband spoke to him with words of wisdom; encouraged him to believe that greater opportunities and challenges will now present themselves; will now become a possibility when they would not have been otherwise. . . He reminded him of the elections he had lost without understanding why; of the time the law school turned him away and he had to try again; of the time a judge dismissed our case, ruling that it was without merit. He told of how, in each and every situation, he was later able to look back and see all the good that sprang forth from what, at the time, felt like a death. He told our son to look at his mother, how she was given a frightening diagnosis, how she waited for what seemed like an eternity to find out if she had that dreaded gene; how the doctors said she could have a lumpectomy . . .just a lumpectomy. How after the surgery they said there was more; they didn't get it all; she'd have to be cut again. And how she made the most difficult decision of her life; a decision that would cost her her breasts . . . but would save her life. "Your mother," he said, "had to become so strong, so fast. . . . and you will, too." He told our son that he knew it was hard, and that it would be for some time. He said, "You can't speed the process up; but you can slow it down." He told him to hold his head up high and not to speak one ill word against [anyone]. . . He told him that he might not see it now, but, looking back, one day, he will see. He will be stronger because of this.”

“The curious thing about pain/loss/etc is that if we pretend it didn't happen, it will continue to eat at us and we go into an avoidance mode - then it (the pain) controls and limits what we can or will do. But if we embrace the pain, feel it fully, accept it and say: ‘Yes, this too is a part of my life experience granted by God,’ then it becomes a building block, not a road block. It is the wise who find this out before they die (and the younger you learn it the better).”

~ Duane Herrmann

My friend Kat has the unique ability to derive meaningful lessons from life’s most emotion-packed moments, and then express those thoughts in words that inspire the reader. Since Kat has graciously given me permission to pass along anything she writes to you, I would like to share her most recent gift of words, which were written from her perspective as the mother of a son:

God has made 'reservations' for each of us.
How we long for something that we think is the best. . .
then it simply vanishes and we are speechless
from the pain and rejection.

all the while....

the reservations that God has made for us
silently wait.

Just as it is with those we make at our own favorite restaurant,
all we have to do is get ready and be there on time
in order to receive the service and
attention we appreciate, anticipate, and need.

It is only from experience that I can say this. . .
there is a planned succession of reservations
already made for each and every one of us
by our Father in Heaven.

He is excited and pleased, because
He knows that we will be delighted with
what we are given.

The test is simply . . . time.
It's hard to be young. . . with all the energy and vigor
which naturally propels us forward through the unknown
and unforeseen obstacles.

Faith is the 'confirmation' we hold that assures us
of great things to come. . .
just for us to enjoy
just for us to experience
just uniquely
for us.

Our children seem like stallions at times.
Pawing the ground,
tossing their manes,
snorting with impatience.

Hold fast!
The best lies waiting for you.
It is perfectly aligned with your heart and soul!

Sons own our dreams.

********************

There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my Captain
I can make it through them all

Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

The River ~ performed by Garth Brooks

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” ~ Psalm 18:2 (NKJV)
Chalk Creek - Nathrop, Colorado

Cornucopia

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before His presence with singing.
Know that the Lord, He is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations.

~ Psalm 100:1-5

Cornucopia – cor·nu·co·pi·a (noun): a great abundance of something

Recently when I sat down to compose my annual Christmas poem recapping the major events of the Umbehr family from 2006, I discovered that the task was a little more challenging than usual. I mean, really, have you ever tried to find a word that rhymes with mastectomy? When I read the first draft of my poem to our son, Josh, I must admit that it sounded terribly tortured and had us both in stitches. Even though I didn’t intend for it to be comical, that’s how it came across. Afterwards I made up the following mock verse, just to poke fun at how pathetic that first draft sounded:

Grandma fell and broke her hip
And as if that weren’t enough,
Grandpa broke his tailbone
When he went to help her up!

When I asked Keen what he thought about my poem, he had a little different view. “Well, it’s not very cheery, but it shows that we’re survivors.” His comment gave me pause. Then our son, Keen II, added his thoughts:

“Hey there Mom, sorry for taking so long to get back to you on this but I'm just now getting caught up on email. I would have to echo Dad’s opinion here. I think it is a great mixture of all of the real life things that have been happening in everyone’s life. Of course I can relate to it because it’s my family, but I feel like it just created a 'feels like home' feel when I read it. Of course I may be a little biased, but I think it’s great!”

As a result of the unexpected optimism conveyed by the two Keen’s in my life, I decided to rework the poem in an effort to salvage it. In the end, even Josh agreed that the revised version was a great improvement over the original.

As Keener pointed out, most people can relate to the ups and downs of life. The important thing is that we continue to have a heart of thanksgiving for all the good that remains.

“…gratitude is a sure cure for self-pity – that special illness at the heart of all grief.” ~ Catherine Marshall, To Live Again

I’m reminded of my special friend, Rebecca Miller, who is such a shining example of someone who chooses to focus on all that she has been blessed with, rather than on the things she might not be able to do because of her condition. Rebecca finds the time to bake cookies for others, play the violin at her church, and write kind, encouraging notes to people like me. We could all learn a valuable lesson from Rebecca’s inspiring life.

Last week I was invited to speak to a wonderful group of women at the First Christian Church in Junction City, Kansas. That was a first for me – but hopefully not the last – because I enjoyed the experience immensely. I appreciate any opportunity I have to share from my heart, whether through writing or public speaking.

Marge Ingmire, who has kept up with our life story through my column in The Prairie Post, suggested I talk about some of the trials we have gone through this past year, and how God’s strength sustained us through every one. With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it was natural for me to tie those experiences in with a theme about being grateful.

One significant point that stands out in my mind regarding thankfulness in the midst of trials is that being a Christian doesn’t mean you’ll never have any struggles. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. The Bible says “many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” (Psalm 34:19) Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33b) It’s a message that prepares us for the realities of life here on earth and yet offers a message of hope that no matter what comes our way, He will be there to see us through. Jesus said these things so that in Him we might have peace. (John 16:33a)

“Fear not; (there is nothing to fear) for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties; yes, I will help you; yes I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice.” ~ Isaiah 41:10 (Amp)

My point is that our life this past year has been a cornucopia of both challenges and blessings. But we’re still here – and we’re still standing strong. And that, my friends, gives our family an abundance to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

God’s blessings to each of you this Thanksgiving and all the year through!

“Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.” ~I Chronicles 16:34 (NKJV)

'Tis [Always] the Season to Give Thanks

“Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all His benefits.”
~ Psalm 103:2

This week I find it necessary to rely on the graciousness of my talented friend, Pat Barrett, who uses her gift of poetry to share life lessons and give glory to God.

(The photograph is also courtesy of Pat.)

November Contemplation
By Patricia Kohls Barrett

Some think you are barren
Since they see no green life
By your end, trees look naked
As having been through great strife

After wind shakes them loose
They shed their leaves all around
Then join rest of nature in sleep
Like the bulbs under ground

There is growth in your solitude
What appears lifeless is not dead
It is preparation for great splendor
In the warm spring months ahead

You’re the month of transition
Start with warmth, end with cold
Ease us all close to winter
When white flakes fall so bold

In the midst of transformation
We observe traditions of old
Gather together our families
Thankfully our hands we fold

You’re the advent of celebration
Of the season of peace
Folks are at best and worst
Gather, shop, share, and feast

You remind every mortal
Life is certain to change
We can’t hold any moment
That we try, is so strange

**********************
The Blessings are Always There
By Patricia Kohls Barrett

The blessings are always there
In the life of a child of God
It depends on his chosen focus
If he sees grace that is so broad

He can set his mind on problems
Center on what he doesn’t own
Wallow in pain and suffering
And pick to complain and moan

He can look for the glass to be half empty
And gaze around for what is not best
Find fault in what God had given him
Embrace seen troubles to his chest

Doing such he can miss all that’s good
That surrounds him on every side
And fail to behold his advantages
Miss opportunities he could have tried

This is a sad choice of unhappiness
Because attitude is within his control
On what he decides to center attention
Will determine if he meets a goal

He can decide with his Lord’s help
To direct thoughts to notice what’s right
Let God’s Spirit guide his viewpoint
With God’ Word adverse views fight

See on the reverse of undesirable
Are great blessings for him to unfold
As he sees God turn bad to good
He’ll find benefits worth more than gold

The blessings are always there
In the life of a child of God
It depends on his chosen focus
If he sees grace that is so broad

“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!” ~ Psalm 30:11,12

Absorbed by Love (Part II)

“The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love yourneighbor as yourself.’”
~Galatians 5:14

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences
When words are not enough
With every breath I take
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

Testify to Love ~ performed by Avalon

This column is a continuation from last week when I shared some stories and thoughts we received after the birth of our granddaughter, Katelyn Seraphina. These next several paragraphs came from some of my dear female friends:

First, Katelyn: Oh my, what a gift you've been given. To care for a special spirit is a precious opportunity. So many things are easy in our western world. So many things taken for granted. Special ones slow us down and give us the opportunity for gratitude and humility, and perhaps above all the opportunity to practice kindness, patience, and unconditional love. Congratulations. I hope that some day I can meet Katelyn, or at least see pictures of her life and hear stories of her journey (actually, I'm sure I'll hear stories!). Ask Bev about Christie, a special daughter of friends of hers from North Dakota. I met Christie, who has Downs. She was in her 40's I think when I met her, and absolutely delightful. She was thoughtful and had a great sense of humor, was living on her own in a group home and was very happy. I've also worked with special folks in Alaska, and everyday my heart was warmed and my spirit lifted by young people and adults with developmental (dis)abilities of one sort or another who were moving through their lives with integrity and love.

****************

A friend of mine who has two children with some severe genetic disorders once told me that the most difficult thing for her was that people would not share their good news with her. It made her feel isolated from the party. She does not dwell on the challenges of her day to day. Like the rest of us, she finds ways to celebrate her norms. There are blessings in every day no matter the circumstances. I can see your son’s family is already finding that to be true.

******************

Katelyn can teach all of us about the joys of life; every one of her accomplishments will be a cause for rejoicing and celebrating, and it teaches us that we all too often take healthy children's development for granted.

****************

Eileen, I read your article at work and spilled quite a few tears. I have been worried this past week about the baby and Lisa that something wasn't right, since I didn't hear back from you. I want to say I'm so sorry but those are not the right words. I told you that God sent an angel (Josh) to you to help you make the right decision [about the breast cancer diagnosis]; what I didn't know then is how much of an angel of God he really is. I have always believed that God sends special people to be looked after by special people, and Josh is definitely one of those special people. So the right word is “Congratulations!” And I believe, like Keen, that we all are about to witness a miracle. If you look around at the families that have kids with Down syndrome, those are the families that are the happiest and the closest. I loved the pictures, she is a beautiful baby.

****************

Congratulations on your newest member of the family, another precious baby girl. She will add such a special piece to the "Umbehr puzzle". Another baby to love!!!

****************

Thank you for all the messages this afternoon. Thank you for the pictures of the new little baby, Katelyn. She is a blessing from God and will be there for all of you when it counts the most. God chose her especially for a family whom He knew would do the best for her. All of you will love her with all the love you have to give and teach her to be independent along the way. There will be so many memories, but you'll have to forget the hurting ones and work your way past those. As you remember, I worked in Special Education for almost 19 years and have had a lot of learning experience. Congratulations to all of your family! God certainly knows what He is doing.

Remember what is most important.
It’s not having everything go right, it’s facing whatever goes wrong.
It's not being without fear; it's having the determination to go on in spite of it.
Remember that every day ends and brings a new tomorrow full of exciting new things.
Love what you do, do the best you can, and always remember how much you are loved.

~Vicki Worsham

*****************

Lisa’s brother Aaron came across a truly inspiring video on the internet about a father and son named Dick and Rick Hoyt. When Rick was born, he was strangled by the umbilical cord leaving him brain damaged and unable to walk or talk. The doctors told his parents that he would be a vegetable and suggested they put him in an institution. But Rick’s parents refused to accept what the doctors said, and they took Rick home to love him and nurture him.

Eventually, Rick was equipped with a computer which he was able to operate by touching a switch with the side of his head. Then when one of Rick’s high school friends was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run, Rick typed: “Dad, I want to do that.” From that moment on, Rick and his father have been participating in marathons and even triathlons. Rick says it’s the only time he doesn’t feel handicapped But he still has one more dream to fulfill: one day he’d like to be the one pushing his dad.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” ~ John 15:12-13

(Tissue alert: If you’d like to watch an inspiring video depicting Dick and Rick’s journey, go to www.youtube.com and type “Rick Hoyt” in the search window.)

It’s true that sometimes miracles hide . . . and sometimes they don’t.

We love you, Katelyn Seraphina.

“. . . perfect love casts out fear.” ~ I John 4:18a

A big smile for Great-Grandma Jean (Umbehr)

Absorbed by Love (Part I)

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” ~I John 4:7-11

Recently I met a woman who has a seventeen-year-old daughter with Down syndrome. Her daughter seemed amazingly well-adjusted and functional. I told her about our granddaughter, Katelyn, and asked if she had any thoughts or advice she could share.

Her first piece of advice was to say that all the available resources are wonderful, but, as Katelyn’s parents, Josh and Lisa will be the best teachers she ever has because they’re with her all the time. She explained that while her daughter’s IQ is not very high, she is able to manage very well in life, and performs many day-to-day activities. I took particular interest in her next comment: she said that her daughter has an incredible memory when it comes to matters of the heart – that is, experiences or people that touched her heart.

Next, she told me that there is a waiting list to adopt children with Down syndrome. That is sadly due to the fact that so many children who are diagnosed before birth are being aborted. She said, “People look at them as though they’re not right, but the truth is that there’s more right about them than most people.”

Lastly, she said, “Tell your son and daughter-in-law not to be afraid to have more children. I have seven children in all; four born before her, and two after her.” (A friend of ours is the youngest of eight children, and he has an older brother with Down syndrome.)

At the end of our conversation, my new friend gave me a hug. Then I asked if I could give her precious little daughter a hug. She said yes, and once again I felt as though I’d been touched by an angel.

Shortly after Katelyn was born, I was trying to describe her to my sister Peggy. “There’s just something so special about Katelyn,” I said. “When you’re around her, she just draws you in. It’s like she absorbs you.” I think that’s what makes children with Down syndrome so special; they are all love, all purity, all innocence – they are, so to speak, completely complete.

“The secret things belong unto the Lord our God . . .” ~ Deuteronomy 29:29a (Amp)

Katelyn all bundled up

After writing my column about Katelyn titled Angel in Disguise, I received numerous encouraging comments. This first story was sent to me from our friend Larry Perry, who gave me permission to share it with you:

Dear Eileen:

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it.

I remember when our youngest son was born. There was another baby born that same evening with Down syndrome. I remember the father of the baby with Downs standing by me looking in the window to the nursery and crying. I talked with him a few minutes and discovered the situation. I explained to him that he was one of the most fortunate men on earth and he suddenly stopped and listened. I told him that God only gives challenged children to special parents who are strong and who can help them and that obviously he was one of God's chosen parents and would experience a very special kind of love over his life. That he and his wife were in for a very, very special life with their newborn child. Oh, there would be ups and downs, but there are with all parents. However, their child would show them a kind of love that most people never experience. Many people would envy him and his wife because of this special event. He seemed relieved and began to think about it. I patted him on the shoulders and asked him to give his wife a big hug and our congratulations for a beautiful baby. He left and I never saw him again at the hospital.

I did not get his name nor address and as time would go by had forgotten the incident. Then about fifteen years later, I was doing a photographic workshop/seminar in Minnesota on wildlife. There were about 6 or 7 students in the workshop. After a couple of days, one of the students asked to speak to me alone. He asked if I had a son from Knoxville that would be so many years old. Somewhat surprised, I told him I did. He then told me he was the father of the child with Downs that was born the same time and that he and his family lived down in Tuscaloosa, Alabama and were very happy. He further told me that he had thought about what I said to him that day at the hospital many, many times – about being a special parent and that over the years he agreed that his child with Down syndrome made their family the happiest in the area. Oh, there were special needs, but he and his wife absolutely loved doing them. He also mentioned that they had two other children who were normal and who were very supportive of their special angel. After hearing his story and the chance meeting of him 15 years later, when I got back to the motel that night, I just thanked God that He had put those words in my mouth 15 years earlier and that He protected the baby and blessed his parents. What a great day that was for me!

Eileen and Keen, I know you will be blessed the same way as I can already see it in your writing and your photos. Congratulations, and now you too will see a kind of love that very, very few people on earth ever experience. That means that you too are very special people.

“God gives us situations, challenges, tests so that we can expand to encompass them and render them harmless, and we grow because of it.” ~ Duane Herrmann

*****************

This next story came from another friend of ours, Jack Casner, who also gave me permission to share it with you:

When I was seven years old I used to spend weekends with my father, in Severy, Kansas. There I met a man named Walter Palmer. Walter was about 40 years old and he had Down syndrome. I didn't know anybody else in town and the two of us became friends. He showed me some good fishing holes and some beautiful rural areas close to Severy.

After Walter felt really secure with me he invited me inside his house to see his "stuff". Now, Walter's mother was about seventy, a former farm woman and much the worse for all her years in the sun and weather. But she was a sweet lady and fixed Kool-Aid for both of us. Then she went to get Walter's "stuff". She brought out a load of white, cotton dish towels, each with the most beautiful embroidery work I had ever seen. Even today, I can see Walter's work in front of me. And I can see Walter. And I can see Walter's mother. I can see the things we did.

Walter was my best buddy in Severy until my dad died. None of the kids I met there were nearly as smart as Walter, or as friendly, or as good to be with as Walter.

****************

My high school buddy Scott, who has given me blanket permission to share anything he writes, sent the following encouraging words:

When I read your words about Katelyn, I remembered something from "Fried Green Tomatoes." When Ninny Threadgoode told Evelyn about her son, Albert, who was born with mental challenges, she said this, "How could anyone believe that little baby could be a burden? He was God's greatest gift. Why, I think there never was a purer soul on this earth. I had him with me until he was 40 and then he went to sleep and didn't wake up. Sometimes I can't wait to get to heaven to see him again."

I have known many people with children born with various challenges, and what I've heard from all of them is that they are blessed everyday by these wonderful children. I pray this will be so for Josh and Lisa.

******************
To be continued . . . .

GramE and Katelyn reading a book

All smiles from Katelyn and Mommy

"I saw someone kissing Kate-lyn ..."

Josh, Lisa & Katelyn

Mishaps, Mountains, & Memories (Part II)

Now he walks in quiet solitude, the forest and the streams
Seeking grace in every step he takes
His sight has turned inside himself to try and understand
The serenity of a clear blue mountain lake

And the Colorado Rocky Mountain high
I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky
You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply
Rocky Mountain High, Colorado

Rocky Mountain High - Words by John Denver; Music by John Denver and Mike Taylor

To pick up where I left off last week, we finally made it back to our cabin – soaking wet from rain on the outside, and soaking wet from sweat on the inside. From there, we went directly to the natural hot springs located on the grounds of Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort. It was so refreshing to soak in a 95 degree pool when the outdoor temperatures were so cold. Keen even found some parts of Chalk Creek that were actually too hot. As a bonus, we met a delightful couple (George and Mary Beth) who shared a wealth of information about the area, including the proper (local) pronunciation of Buena Vista (like the name Beulah), and a more direct route from the airport.

After checking out of Mt. Princeton, we met with their event coordinator, Zelma, to work out the details for next year’s family reunion. As it turned out, Zelma has relatives from the Eskridge area as well as a good friend from Alma. It really is a small world.

Next we headed for Buena Vista for The Liar’s Lodge, a bed and breakfast where we made arrangements to stay for the remainder of the week. It’s a beautiful spot on the outskirts of town located right on the shores of the Arkansas River. A plaque on the wall explained the origin of the name: “Fisherman, hunters, and other liars gather here.”

We hit the sack early that night, and the next morning we were greeted by the breathtaking sight of an early snowfall.


So we bundled up and headed out on a pre-dawn walk. The two dogs, Stubbs (a lab), and Dakota (a Siberian Husky), followed us into town. On our way back we noticed that Dakota was lagging behind, so we had to keep stopping until he caught up. When we returned, the innkeeper, Mark, was anxiously waiting on the front porch. “Have you seen a white dog?” he asked, with a hint of panic in his voice. We explained that both dogs followed us into town and we didn’t know how to make them stay. Then we found out why Dakota was huffing and puffing so much on the way back – because he is 12 years old! Mark jokingly remarked, “You broke my dog!” Then he added, “Don’t worry – the exercise was good for him,” and Keen and I both breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Later that day, Keen decided he wanted to hike and bike on the Barbara Whipple Trail located directly behind the lodge.


Barbara Whipple (1920-1989), was an artist, hiker, skier, and lover of the outdoors who owned an art gallery on Main Street in Buena Vista. She was well known for her woodcuts and etchings.

I decided to stay back to catch up on some laundry (and rest). Keen ended up pushing his bicycle all the way up the trail, and he had a precarious ride back down. Needless to say, he was exhausted when he returned.


But that afternoon I was surprised when Keen suggested we go on another hike. He said, “I’m just giddy – I don’t want to waste a minute.” So we set out in search of a trail known as Agnes Vaille Falls. Agnes Vaille was born in 1890 to a prominent Denver family. She led an adventurous life, joining the American Red Cross in France during World War I. Upon her return, she became the Secretary of the Denver Chamber of Commerce. She had a true passion for hiking and mountain climbing, but sadly, this passion ultimately led to her death when she slipped on some ice and fell down Longs Peak in Rocky Mountain National Park. It is told that she survived the fall but froze to death before help could arrive.

The trail was absolutely gorgeous, leading to a remarkable water fall. But it wasn’t enough for Keen to see part of the waterfall; he insisted that we continue our ascent until we found the origin of the waterfall.


I must admit, it was worth it, even though I almost slipped on some wet, moss-covered rocks in an attempt to capture that perfect picture with the waterfall in the background.

Eileen
Keen

View of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains from Agnes Vaille Trail

It struck me that Agnes Vaille, as well as my sister Patricia and so many others such as Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, have lost their lives while pursuing their passions. That seemed so tragic to me, but Keen felt differently. He said he couldn’t think of a better way to die than to be doing something you loved.

Afterwards, Keen and I both agreed that we had discovered the perfect spot for the 1st annual Patricia Van Kirk Memorial Hike – a tradition we plan to start and hope to continue each year as a way of remembering/honoring our late sister and her love of life and the great outdoors.

Next we took a side trip through the historic Colorado Midland Railroad tunnels which were carved right out of the mountains near our lodge.


The Colorado Midland started in Colorado Springs and arrived in the Buena Vista area in 1887. Passengers were taken to the station by horse-drawn wagon.

On our way back we spotted about a dozen deer along the railroad tracks.



After a while, deer sightings almost became commonplace. One day we saw some deer cross the street right in the middle of town, and another time we spotted a family of three in someone’s front yard and we nearly mistook them for statues!

The next day we took a two-hour road trip to the Great Sand Dunes National Park and Preserve near Mosca, Colorado.


I was able to capture a few pictures before we entered the park, but when I tried to take a picture of Keen standing on the sandy dunes, my digital camera flashed a message informing me that my card of pictures was full. I was so disappointed until I realized that the message was proof that my camera had indeed been working properly all that time, despite the fact that I had dropped it on the sidewalk on the first day of our vacation. After touring an alligator farm on our way home, we stopped at Wal-Mart and bought another card to store pictures from the remainder of our trip.

By the time we got back to the lodge, I was ready to call it a day, but Keen convinced me that we still had time to hike up the Barbara Whipple Trail before sundown. So off we went, and I’m so glad we did. The hike was exhilarating and the view was spectacular.


We finished up our hike just as the sun was setting behind the mountains, and Keen commented about how glad he was that we hadn’t wasted a minute of our day. “I guess it’s never too late to follow your heart,” I replied.

The next day we checked out of the Liar’s Lodge and returned to Mt. Princeton to meet with our event coordinator, Zelma. Zelma greeted us with a massive amount of information including price lists, brochures from area recreational spots, as well as an impressive type-written document containing answers to all of our many questions. As a result of all of Zelma’s hard work, I’m happy to report that the Van Kirk clan will indeed be invading Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort next summer. We are really looking forward to it.

After our meeting with Zelma, we drove to the old ghost town of St. Elmo, which was built in 1878 and is located about 10 miles up the road from Mt. Princeton. While we were there, we walked around the historic Iron City Cemetery. The sign posted at the entryway listed the names of many of the people buried there, along with information about how some of them met their untimely demise.

Entrance of Iron City Cemetery near St. Elmo

Sadly, many of the graves were for small children. One gravestone erected in 1891 was for two sisters named Sadie and Gertie. It read: “Born 2 year[s] apart; Died a day apart; Buried a hand apart.”


When it came time to make the long trek back to Kansas, Keen and I were both ready to leave Colorado behind for the time being. As reported in the Fall 2006 edition of the Kansas Traveler, the internet web site Yahoo.com named the Kansas Flint Hills as No. 5 on their list of the top 10 travel destinations in the United States.

But then, we didn’t need them to tell us that there’s no place like home.

"People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering." ~St. Augustine

Mishaps, Mountains, & Memories (Part I)

“Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever You had formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God.”
~ Psalm 90:1,2 (NKJV)

Last week Keen and I took a road trip to Colorado to check out the area where we plan to host the Van Kirk Family Reunion next summer.
The month leading up to our vacation had been incredibly busy for Keen, so we were both looking forward to the well-timed trip. The day before we left, Keen sent me this note via email: (My response follows.)

Eileen: I left this morning without telling you that I love you. I think about you so much during the day. I am so happy, so satisfied, so glad that you love me. I am so excited about being with you for a whole week. I just couldn’t get started today without writing you a note this morning.

Have a great day!

Love,

Keen
*************
Dear Keen,

You have no idea what your note meant to me this morning. I had a terrible dream; a frightening dream. So when I got up, I was hoping to find a note from you. I looked all over the house – in the bathroom and the kitchen. Then I turned on my computer and I could hardly believe my eyes. A note from the love of my life, my cherished husband of 28 years with the subject line: "I love you!" Has God blessed us with a wonderful union or what?

I love you, too, Keen, and I am pinching myself that we will be together - on a real vacation - for seven whole days. Rain or shine - I know it will be sublime, because I'll be with you and you'll be with me.

I love you, Keen.

Eileen
****************
After packing our suitcases and tying up several loose ends, we loaded our bicycles on the back of the Durango and began our long trek to Colorado. Along the way we passed the time by listening to the Kansas State Wildcats 31-27 win over Oklahoma State. After eating dinner at a truck stop where the food didn’t look anything like the pictures on the menu, we decided to take a “shorter” route to our destination, which left us out in the middle of nowhere by nightfall. We kept driving and driving, thinking that we would come upon a town with a population greater than 25, but that didn’t happen for much longer than we anticipated. So then we just started acting goofy and laughing while we sang off-key to the music on the radio. But Keen got the biggest laugh of the night at my expense. We were holding hands and be-bopping to the music when, without thinking, I decided to lean over and give Keen a kiss on his hand while it was still “be-bopping." This resulted in one or both of us effectively punching me right in the nose!

We finally reached civilization in Colorado Springs and checked into a hotel. Our second mishap occurred the next morning when I stepped out of the passenger seat and my digital camera fell off my lap and crashed on the ground. After examining the damage, we discovered that the most important feature of the camera still seemed to be operational. However, I could no longer view the pictures after I took them to verify whether it was really working or not. So I just kept taking pictures like normal, hoping that the clicking sound I heard meant that the picture actually took.

Our next stop was the Royal Gorge Canyon and Bridge in Cañon City, Colorado. The Royal Gorge Bridge is the highest suspension bridge in the world. Since Keen and I decided not to walk the quarter-mile bridge over the canyon, I just took some pictures of it from a distance.



Then we headed for our next destination – Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort in Nathrop, Colorado, which is where we plan to hold the family reunion. The resort is located halfway between Salida and Buena Vista, nestled in the majestic Sangre de Cristo Mountains near the San Isabel National Forest. Keen and I discovered Mt. Princeton last summer when we were on our way home from visiting my stepmom. That’s when Colorado became our second favorite state.

After checking into our cabin, we grabbed our walking sticks and set out to take our first hike in the mountains. We ended up on the Colorado Trail just up the road from Mt. Princeton and directly across from the beautiful Chalk Cliffs. There was a slight drizzle, but we didn’t let it stop us, although we did notice the difference in altitude as we both ran out of breath rather quickly. On the drive back we were excited to spot a large group of deer on the side of the road. They don’t dart away like they do in Kansas, so it was fun to be able to take lots of pictures from our vehicle.




Lastly, we stopped at the Chalk Creek falls and snapped a few more photos.





The next morning it was still raining, but Keen was merciless. “It’s no hill for a climber!” he said. So we bundled up and headed out for a bike ride in the rain. The ride downhill was a blast as we sailed like the wind, but the trip back up was sheer agony.

“Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory."
~ Betty Smith

To be continued . . .

In Pursuit of Sleep

“In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for Thou alone, O Lord, makest me dwell in safety.” ~Psalms 4:8

A while back, the Prairie Post ran an article titled, “If quality sleep is a challenge … the Morris County Hospital may have a solution.” This article caught my eye because Keen went through the St. Francis Sleep Disorder Clinic about 15 years ago. Since Keen and I are on our way to Colorado for a week of hiking, biking and yes, some much needed rest, I thought I would share a copy of a speech I once gave about our experience titled, “Journey to a Good Night’s Sleep.”

“Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.” ~Anthony Burgess

For the first 12 years of my married life I slept with a snorer – and a loud one at that. I didn’t like it much, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it, so I learned to adjust. That is, until 1989.

1989 was the year our fourth child, Kirk was born. Kirk had digestive problems that went undiagnosed until he was 8 ½ months old when we finally learned that he was allergic to milk. But up until that point, he cried frequently during the day and didn’t sleep through the night. Plus, I had three other children to take care of.

“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.” ~Leo J. Burke

Between Kirk’s crying and Keen’s snoring, I was pretty much in a constant state of sleep deprivation. Eventually I became so desperate for some relief that I asked my dear husband if he would please sleep on the couch so I could try to get some rest.

Fortunately, that arrangement didn’t last long because for Christmas that year my father gave us a video camera. That wonderful new gadget gave me the tool I needed to prove once and for all that my husband’s snoring really did sound like a chain saw! But as I was videotaping him one day during a nap, I observed something else. Keen didn’t just snore – he actually stopped breathing during his sleep – for what seemed like an eternity. This interruption in his breathing would be followed by a loud gasp for air before the snoring resumed and the cycle repeated itself.

I had always been concerned about the effect his snoring had on my life, but then I became worried about the effect it might be having on his life. So I contacted the Sleep Disorder Center at St. Francis and they recommended that we make an appointment with a specialist who could refer Keen to the clinic for a sleep study and evaluation.

The evaluation process involved Keen spending the night at the sleep clinic while being hooked up to all kinds of electrodes that monitored every facet of his sleep. It didn’t take very long at all for them to diagnosis Keen with an ailment known as obstructive sleep apnea, or OSA.

The Greek word “apnea” literally means “without breath.” This syndrome is caused by a blockage of the airway which occurs when the soft tissue in the rear of the throat collapses and closes during sleep. When we’re asleep, our muscles relax more than they do during waking hours and in some people, this relaxation lets the airway in the back of the throat become too narrow, thus interfering with breathing. Some other causes of sleep apnea are being overweight, having a smaller-than-normal jaw, an overbite or enlarged tonsils. The end result of obstructive sleep apnea is excessive daytime sleepiness which is caused by the fact that the individual is literally struggling to breathe all night long.

In Keen’s case, he stopped breathing up to 400 times a night for up to 60 seconds per episode. At that rate, he was actually not breathing more than he was breathing.

After observing Keen for a couple of hours, the technologist at the sleep center decided to equip him with a breathing machine known as a CPAP, which stands for continuous positive airway pressure. This device forces pressurized air back into the patient’s lungs through a mask that fits securely over the nose.

I would be remiss not to reiterate the significant and potentially life-threatening consequences of untreated OSA. In addition to the dangers associated with daytime sleepiness such as job impairment and motor vehicle crashes, sleep apnea can cause high blood pressure, memory problems and headaches. But the most dangerous aspect of sleep apnea is the increased risk of heart failure, heart attack or stroke.

According to David Miller of the St. Francis Sleep Disorder Center, at least 30% of all heart attacks are related to sleep apnea and not to heart disease. Put in simple terms, a heart attack is oxygen starvation of the heart muscles. During episodes of sleep apnea, the blood oxygen level drops dangerously low and over time, this oxygen deprivation takes a serious toll on the heart as well as other vital organs.

The good news is that the CPAP machine works! In our experience, it’s made all the difference in the world – not only for Keen’s quality of sleep, but also for mine. Now Keen wakes up feeling rejuvenated and ready to face the challenges of the day. As for me, I’ve grown accustomed to the soothing hum of the CPAP machine and no longer need to ask my husband to sleep on the couch so I can get a good night’s sleep.

The bottom line is this: snoring is no laughing matter. So if someone you love snores, please encourage them to see their health care professional. Not only could it improve your life – it could save theirs.

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.” ~Irish Proverb

Twice as Nice

“Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged. . . .”
~ Proverbs 17:6a (NLT)

Now, I’m not ready to admit to being “aged” just yet, but I will gladly admit that having grandchildren is one of the most rewarding experiences of middle age.

After Katelyn was born, our grandson Asher astutely noted that our family was “equal” now, with two grandsons and two granddaughters. But the fact that Keen and I now have as many grandchildren as we have children was a little piece of trivia that hadn’t hit me until recently. It’s just amazing to think that we have doubled our numbers – and then some, if you include our two daughters-in-law!

The weekend before last I had the joy of flying to Mississippi to help Asher and Gabe celebrate their 7th and 4th birthdays. They are born exactly three years and four days apart, so Jared and Erin threw them a joint party at a local bowling alley – complete with pizza, cake and plenty of tokens for the adjacent arcade.

The Birthday Buddies

The trip also gave me a chance to get my hands on my precious little namesake, Emma Eileen. (Her first name came from Erin’s maternal great-grandmother.) Emma looked like a living doll in her frilly party dress, headband, and pink shoes.

Emma in her party dress

She is growing like a weed and has a great disposition. Jared said Emma thinks her name is “beautiful” because he tells her that all the time, and she just grins from ear to ear. Jared’s favorite outfit to put her in is one that bears the words, “Daddy’s little princess.” But Erin has filled Emma’s closet with many more outfits declaring that her heart belongs to Mommy. Of course, Emma is adored by both of her parents and two big brothers – as well as her grandparents and lots of aunts and uncles from both sides.

Jared, Erin and "Sleeping Beauty"

During my last visit with the grandkids back in May, I wrote down a few funny things that happened. (Have you noticed that things always seem funnier to the grandparents?) One time Gabe was all upset because the clothes I picked out for him “didn’t match.” Another time he was in tears because Rocky the Labrador was eating his toy penguin. So I bravely rescued the penguin from certain demise, only to have Gabe lose the little creature in the toilet a few minutes later. Another time Asher and Gabe were playing on the couch when they suffered a brutal head on collision – with each other – and they both blamed the other one while they held their foreheads and cried.

One day Gabe came into the room asking me to help him with an unusual problem. For some unknown reason, he had taped one of his eyelids shut with a Spiderman Band-Aid. When I asked him why he did that, he replied, “Because I say so.” So I extricated the Band-Aid from his eye ever so delicately, trying to preserve as many eyelashes as possible in the process. A short time later, I noticed that Gabriel had transferred the Spiderman Bandaid to his nose. And I don’t mean over the bridge of his nose. No, he placed it directly across his two nostrils, causing him to have a nasal-sounding voice. It cracked me up so much that I decided to take some video of him. As I started taping, I couldn’t keep from laughing. “That’s not punny, Gramma,” he said, with a hint of indignation. “What’s not funny?” I asked. “It’s not punny in my unner-wear.” Now I was really having a hard time holding back. “Oh, I’m not laughing at your underwear, Gabe, I’m laughing at the Band-aid on your nose.” “That’s not punny.” (In other words, “refer to my previous answer, Gramma!”) On the contrary, it was very funny! We’ve had more laughs over that. Keen even has an 8x10 picture of Gabe in his law office with the Band-aid on his nose. (It looks like a mug shot.)


As you can see, Gabriel makes the “p” sound in place of an “f.” So while I was there I would try to correct him. One time he told me that some jean shorts didn’t “pit” him. So I said, “fit, fit.” And he promptly repeated, “pit, pit.”

Asher is the more laid back of the two, and he has a very analytical mind. He actually understands the complicated strategies involved in playing his two favorite games, Pokeman and Yugioh. He also loves playing video games. Erin said that they were at the park recently when Asher met a little girl who had some Pokeman cards. “You know,” he proudly announced, “I’m the King of Games.” We laughed so hard over that. “Your search is over, young lady. I am he.”

One day Asher said: “Grandma, I can spell ‘see.’ S-e-e.” Then he added, “It’s also a letter of the alphabet – “C” – and it’s also a word in Spanish that means yes. Am I right?” He has such a sharp little mind. He’s always saying things like, “I go to school for five days and then I’m home for two days.” Speaking of school, he’s getting all A’s and he almost always has “green days” for good behavior.

Gabe is a lot more rambunctious and aggressive. One time when he and I were shopping I made a comment that he disapproved of and he replied: “Daddy said to stop saying that.” Later, when we were at Target I saw a shirt that I thought would be perfect for him because it said, “I’m the boss.” So I showed it to Erin and hung it on the cart. Can you guess why I didn’t end up buying it? Because Gabe said he didn’t like it! (Case in point.) But that was back in May, and I must say that he’s mellowed out a lot just since then. In fact, when I arrived at the bowling alley a couple of weeks ago, Gabe was the first one to run up to me and give me a big hug. I thought he was never going to let go, which of course melted my heart and made me feel so loved.

Being grandparents is truly one of God’s greatest gifts and life’s greatest joys. It’s like the saying goes: “If we knew how much fun grandchildren were, we would have had them first!”

Gramma Eileen with Jared, Erin & Family

Angel in Disguise

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.” ~ Matthew 18:10

“Trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!”

William Wordsworth, “Ode: Intimations of Immortality”

This week I’d like to write about our newest little granddaughter, Katelyn Seraphina. Katelyn Seraphina entered the world on June 7, 2006, and she was baptized at St. Isidore’s Catholic Church in Manhattan, Kansas, on Sunday, September 17th.

As you may recall, Katelyn was born with Down syndrome, a congenital disorder caused by the presence of an extra 21st chromosome. The web site for the Greater Kansas City Down Syndrome Guild (www.kcdsg.org) contains the following description:

Down syndrome is a chromosomal disorder that affects one in every 800 live births. It is one of the leading clinical causes of intellectual disability in the world. Individuals with Down syndrome are at higher risk for medical problems and language delays. Quality educational programs, along with a stimulating home environment and good medical care, enable individuals with Down syndrome to become contributing members of their families and communities. Approximately 4,000 babies are born in the United States with Down syndrome each year, affecting about one-quarter million families. There is a wide variation in the abilities, physical development, behavior and personalities of individuals with Down syndrome. Individuals with Down syndrome benefit from loving homes, appropriate medical care, inclusive education, and positive public attitudes.

When we realized that there was a problem with Katelyn, it was such a shock because it was so unexpected. My heart literally ached for our son Josh and his wife Lisa. No one expects to give birth to a baby with special needs, so when it happens, your head just starts spinning as you try to grasp the magnitude of the situation. I still remember when the doctor came into Lisa’s hospital room after examining Katelyn. She explained that they were “suspicious” that Katelyn might have Down syndrome, but they wouldn’t know for sure until the test results came back. With the greatest sensitivity and compassion, she shared that two of her closest friends had babies with Down syndrome within the last year and they both express the great joy their babies have added to their lives. With tears in their eyes, Josh and Lisa listened intently and nodded in agreement. “God chose us to be Katelyn’s parents,” Lisa said.

After the doctor left, Josh looked around at all the grandparents gathered in the room. “There are an awful lot of gloomy faces in here,” he said. It broke my heart to think that Josh might have felt – for even one moment – that we were somehow disappointed with Katelyn. It was just so hard to adjust to the news at first.

When we left the hospital I cried a bucket of tears and throughout the following day. When I called my brother Bill I could hardly get the words out I was sobbing so hard. He just kept saying, “Oh, Eileen. I’m so sorry.” I asked him if he could call the rest of my siblings – except Connie. I wanted to talk to Connie. As usual, she had a listening ear and the perfect gentle spirit to calm my troubled heart. That night Keen’s brother Kevin called and shared some comforting Bible verses with us from Psalm 139:13-17:

“For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”

His phone call was a great encouragement to us, and after that Keen and I didn’t waste another minute feeling sad about what Katelyn didn’t have. We just started thanking God for the miracle of her birth and the wonder of her special little life. From that day forward, we have cherished every moment with our granddaughter – and we couldn’t love her more if we tried.

Here is an email Keen sent to Josh and Lisa two days after Katelyn’s birth:

Dear Josh and Lisa:

Mom and I want you to know that we are so proud of you. We are absolutely thrilled with our new granddaughter, Miss Katelyn.

She is so profoundly precious to us. She is only 48 hours old and she has brought so much love into our family. I can only imagine what it will be like in a week, month and in years to come. I’m so happy and feel so blessed to have Katelyn in our lives. We are merely audiences to the wonderful blessing God is bringing into our lives. This is truly a time for celebration!! Mom and I plan on coming up Saturday. When you are done with work, we’ll barbeque and then go to a driving range and crush some golf balls.

I love you, Josh and Lisa.

Dad

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born, I sanctified you." ~ Jeremiah 1:5

Thankfully, Katelyn has a healthy heart and is progressing well. She’s alert, active, and aware – always looking around at the people and things in her range of sight. If someone new comes in the room, she notices and turns her head in the direction of their voice. She is tracking objects very well from left to right and up and down. I think I already bragged about how she flipped from her tummy to her back when she was only 5 weeks old!

Last week I spent the night at their house and attended Katelyn’s group therapy session the next day. She had music therapy, did some work on an exercise ball, and had a baby massage. She has two to three classes a week including speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy. Katelyn’s only issue has been with feeding. She doesn’t always take the amount of milk she needs to have in a day, so her “Super-Mom” Lisa will often set the alarm to feed her in the middle of the night, even when Katelyn would have kept sleeping. Katelyn is such a contented little one. She rarely cries, so when she does cry, you know that something is really wrong.

We are so proud of the way Josh and Lisa have handled everything. Josh told us that during the first few minutes they had alone with Katelyn after her birth, he and Lisa prayed together and asked God to give them the strength and guidance they would need to take care of their special little girl.

“Faith is believing in advance what can only be understood in reverse.” ~ Chuck Swindoll

Josh and Lisa are the best parents Katelyn could ever hope to have. Recently Lisa said, “At first we wondered what our life would be like with her, but now we can’t imagine what our life would be like without her.” Lisa told me that she wouldn’t want Katelyn to be any different, because then she wouldn’t be Katelyn anymore. “Josh and I are just crazy about her,” she said.

Here is the upbeat email that Josh sent to all their friends and family after Katelyn’s birth:

“Hello everyone, as a new daddy I proudly get to show off photos of my new baby girl to everyone I meet and go on-and-on about how great she is and will be. I'd like to introduce all of you to Katelyn Seraphina Umbehr, who came into this world on 6/7/06. Little Miss Katelyn weighed 8.09 pounds, was 17" long, and caused her mother to go through 11 hours of drug-free labor (although her future siblings probably won't, Mom says).

Our little bundle of joy had a rough start at life and will be staying in the capable hands of the Shawnee Mission NICU for a little while. Miss Katelyn has Down syndrome, a murmur and a touch of pulmonary hypertension, so we're all just praying that she comes through everything ok. We're thanking God for 10 fingers and 10 toes and the rest is just bonus.

Please keep us in your prayers and check out the pictures of the newest [member] of the Umbehr family.

PS - The fact that her initials are KSU (our alma mater) is purely coincidence :) Katelyn is the name my mom had picked out for a girl but never used b/c she had all boys and Seraphina is the name of Katelyn's Great-Grandma whom Lisa adores.

********

I’d like to close by sharing some of the words of a song written by Bruce Carroll titled: “Sometimes Miracles Hide.” He is also the author of a book by the same title. It is a collection of short stories from parents of children with special needs. At the beginning of the song, the doctor informs a young couple that there is a problem with the baby the mother is carrying. It continues:

"I’ll wait a week for your decision,” and then the words cut like a knife. “I’m sure everyone will understand if you want to end its life." Though they were badly shaken, they just had no choice, because they knew God creates no accidents and they were sure they heard His voice, sayin’:

(chorus) Sometimes miracles hide, and God will wrap some blessings in disguise, and you may have to wait this lifetime, to see the reasons with your eyes, cause sometimes miracles hide.

Though she was not like the other girls they thought she was the best, and through all the years of struggle neither whispered one regret. And the first day that she started school and took her first bus ride, they’d remembered the words that God had spoke and they both broke down and cried.

You see to them it did not matter, why some things in life take place, cause they just knew the joy they felt when they’d look into her face. They learned that sometimes miracles hide, they said God has wrapped our blessing in disguise, and we may have to wait this lifetime to see the reasons with our eyes, we know sometimes miracles hide. We’ve learned sometimes miracles hide.

*******

The night that Katelyn was born I gave Lisa a big hug. “She’s going to be such a blessing,” I whispered. With tears in her eyes Lisa softly replied, “She already is.”

You’re so right, Lisa. She already is. As my friend Barbara Lerma said, she is that “pearl of great price – a sweet little pearl to treasure and love.” Miss Katelyn Seraphina Umbehr. Our little angel in disguise.

“Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” ~ Mark 10:14

Katelyn Seraphina in her baptismal gown

Fr. Keith baptizes Katelyn

The proud parents and grandparents at Katelyn's baptism

Fighting Life

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33 (KJV)

"Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."

~ Charlie Jones, motivational speaker and author of “Life is Tremendous”

Fighting Life
By Eileen Umbehr

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting life
Or that life is fighting you?
Believe me when I say that I understand
Because I have felt that way, too.

But life has a way of teaching us
Those lessons we so need to learn
And if we don’t pass the test the first time
We just start over and repeat our turn.

We can waste a lot of time asking God “why?”
Or we can trust that He knows what is best
After all, He loves us more than anyone could
And His desire is that we be blessed.

But just as our children don’t always agree
With the decisions that we parents make
We just hope that one day they will understand
That we did what we did for their sake.

For faith is the substance of things hoped for
And the evidence of things not seen
That means putting our life in God’s capable hands,
From beginning to end and in between.

Yes, the Bible tells us not to avoid our problems
But let patience have its perfect work
Because then we will not lack in anything
That we need to survive on this Earth

For not until we reach those Pearly Gates
Will the troubles of life pass away
So for now I will endeavor to let God be God
And for His strength daily I will pray.

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“Thank you, Lord, for all that I learned from my brokenness . . . .for the courage it takes to live with the pain. . . .and for the strength it takes to remain on the shore.” ~ Carol Hamblet Adams, author of “My Beautiful Broken Shell”

In 1981, Rabbi Harold Kushner published a book titled, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” which later became a #1 bestseller. The publisher’s comments listed on the Barnes and Noble website describe how Rabbi Kushner wrote the book after learning that his three-year-old son, Aaron, would die in his early teens from a rare disease.

I think it is understandable for those who are confronted with tragedy in their lives to wonder why this particular event happened to them or their family. We often ask what we did to deserve this, as if it is some form of punishment for past sins. But that is simply not the case. In the Book of Job we read that Job was a man who was “blameless and upright, one who feared God and shunned evil.” Our righteousness - or lack thereof – has nothing whatsoever to do with the amount of tribulation in our life.

“The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” ~Psalm 34: 18,19

If we look at the life and death of Jesus Himself, He prayed that if possible, His cup of suffering could pass from Him. But then He added, “Not my will, but Thine be done.” Jesus realized that there was so much more at stake – indeed, the salvation of all mankind. In the same way, we need to realize that sometimes our troubles are not about us, but about how God can miraculously use difficult situations in our lives to help multitudes of others cope with the struggles in their life.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” ~ II Corinthians 1:3,4 (NKJV)

Rabbi Kushner stated that he not only wrote his book out of a need to process his own grief, but in hopes of helping others who might find themselves facing a similar situation. “I am fundamentally a religious man who has been hurt by life and I wanted to write a book that could be given to the person who has been hurt by life, and who knows in his heart that if there is justice in the world, he deserved better... If you are such a person, if you want to believe in God's goodness and fairness but find it hard because of the things that have happened to you and to people you care about, and if this book helps you do that, then I will have succeeded in distilling some blessing out of Aaron's pain and tears."

I think that’s what we all look for in times of trial – a way to garner something positive out of an event that is seemingly wholly negative. In the case of my cancer diagnosis and subsequent mastectomy, it is my deepest desire that the good that comes from it could very possibly be lives saved – lives of women who, after reading or hearing about my experience, will themselves get the mammogram they have been putting off. In so doing, maybe some of them will be fortunate enough to catch the disease at an early stage so that they will be able to treat it and go on to enjoy a long and healthy life. Yes, that is my heartfelt prayer.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” ~Romans 8:35,37-39 and 28 (NKJV)

Remembering Quentin

“Just one more thing before you leave,
Don’t forget to remember me.”

“Don’t Forget to Remember Me” ~ recorded by Carrie Underwood

“Don’t forget me.” Those were the last words I ever heard our dear friend Quentin Katt say before he lost his battle with cancer one year ago. Quentin passed away on his 72nd birthday, September 13, 2005.

Keen and Quentin met when they were both serving on the Alma City Council, and they became the best of friends. During those stressful years when we were fighting with the County Commissioners and throughout the lawsuit, Quentin Katt was one of Keen’s only friends. Before Quentin died, I had the chance to thank him for being there for Keen during those difficult times. He replied, “I always said, ‘he was my friend.’”

Quentin had a shop with a television and an easy chair out in the garage at his house. It was a place where Quentin’s friends were welcome to drop by and sit a spell anytime. They could always find Quentin in there smoking his pipe. Speaking of which, I’ll never forget the time Keen took our youngest son Kirk across the street to visit Quentin during half time of a Wabaunsee High School basketball game. Apparently, Kirk asked Quentin if he could puff on his pipe, so Quentin let him. I was taking tickets by the entrance that night, and I’ll never forget my little son running towards me with excitement in his voice saying, “Mommy, Mommy! Quentin taught me how to ‘moke!”

Quentin enjoyed the simple things in life, but he was anything but simple. He and Keen would often have deep philosophical conversations. When it came to politics, they couldn’t have been more opposite – but that’s what made their conversations so lively and stimulating. Quentin’s shop was a safe place for Keen to go and let off steam. Quentin was always there to lend an ear and offer a word of sage advice.

Keen learned so much from Quentin. One of the things he learned was a lesson contained in Quentin’s favorite poem – a poem titled “Outwitted” by Edwin Markham,which was published in the program for Quentin’s memorial service.

He drew a circle that shut me out –
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win;
We drew a circle that took him in!

Quentin and his wife Aleta raised six wonderful children; three boys and three girls, who are all living happy, successful lives and raising children of their own. Their daughter, Diana, became a doctor and returned to her hometown to establish a medical clinic.

Quentin’s philosophy of life was described in a wooden plaque that hung on the wall of his garage. “He who dies with the most gold still dies.” At his memorial service, Quentin’s son mentioned that some of his dad’s most cherished possessions were artifacts Keen Umbehr found on his trash route.

I’d like to close with this poem written by William Karnowski, a poet and author from Wamego, who graciously gave me permission to share any of his writings in my column:

Dad
By William J. Karnowski
(From his book of poetry titled: Pushing the Chain)

When your father is alive
You know you might
Die some day

When HE dies
Then YOU believe
It.

When your father is alive,
You hope he really
Is immortal.

When he dies,
You are sure
You are not.

The sad thing is this;
If you are a good man,
When you die,

It will break
Your son’s heart.
I am sure.

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Forget you, Quentin? Not a chance! Until we meet again, old friend, we will be remembering you.

Quentin and Keen in Quentin's shop about one year before he passed away

Keen and Quentin's last visit (on our porch)

The Empty Chair

Insights and Inspiration

“But encourage one another day after day. . . .” ~ Hebrews 3:13a

Rejoice that you are more precious than gold
Pray for insight to find why you live
He’ll answer prayer and give power for purpose
As in gratitude with affection you give

~Excerpt from poem titled “Incredibly Valuable” by Patricia Kohls Barrett

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This week I’d like to share some insights and inspiration I’ve received from friends and family. Many thanks to each and every one of you who have held me up in prayer and encouraged me with words of love and support throughout these past few difficult months:

Dear Eileen: In your column "Becoming Me", you told it like it is. You wrote a good column telling how you feel after your surgery. You will be an inspiration to other women who may be facing this kind of surgery . . .This surgery would have floored a lot of women, but you are handling it very well. God has given you a special kind of husband in standing by you and making comments about his love for you. This is all for now.

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Dear Eileen,
Isn’t tragic that the shape of bodies are such a priority when we are looking for spouse, while they contribute so little to our happiness once we have been married for a while? I think quite often if [my wife] had not been in her accident, I may never have realized how much I love her, and how little the shape of her body contributed to my love for her. . . .

[My wife] and I watched “A Fiddler on the Roof” recently. The most poignant part of the movie is where Tevye asked Goldie, his wife, if she loved him. It reinforced the idea that marriage is about commitment and love – our western culture uses it is a by-product of that commitment rather than the other way around.

We continue to pray for you and your family as you journey to “wholeness” . . . .

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Wow Eileen - very real - very helpful - very profound.
You go girl!!

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Beautifully written and very heartfelt, as always, Eileen. I felt you let us "walk in your shoes" for a little while. God Bless you for your wisdom, strength and courage in handling the surgery and new "physical" you. As we know, that is all that has changed, thank goodness!

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Dear Eileen...

You have ploughed through one of the most traumatic/dramatic
operations a woman can have done.

It was smart, it was a preventative strategy, and ~
it was positive for you and your growing family.

There are deep connections which tie us to our body parts.
Especially those parts that are spiritual in their goodness...
the privileged ones that sustain life and nourish our precious babies.

It is how we give ourselves value and purpose...
because we receive so much more as we are giving
from our physical bodies,
our Self adheres to that which is obvious, or seen.

We glance at ourselves in mirrors and confirm that which we see....

So how does a woman who has been a wonderful mother and example
begin to see herself anew?

She does exactly as you are doing right now.
You tear down some things and rebuild.

You cry because you let go....
of incredibly soulful,
physically maternal energies
you once saw yourself as being.

You've come a long way, Baby...
and you'll continue to be the greatest mother,
mother-in-love, and grandmother ever.
Just keep doing what you need to, in order to feel
where you are in the process.

Do not apologize for writing about this!!!

It's real.
It's scary.
It's female.

I learn so much from your strength and honesty...
... and I love you for it.

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“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." ~ Lamentations 3:21-24

Pasture burning on the Kansas horizon