Self Portrait

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

~ 1 Samuel 16:7b (NIV)

I’m Still Me
By Eileen Umbehr

My eyes appear slanted and my smile unique
It’s hard to understand me when I speak
I don’t look like others, nor they like me
I was born with Down Syndrome
But I’m still me

I have a disease and it has spread
Due to the chemo, scarves cover my head
My hair is gone and I feel weak
I have cancer
But I’m still me

I have a birth defect without a cure
Some people assume that my mind is not sure
A wheelchair gets me where I need to be
I have no limbs
But I’m still me

When I went to school I was the only one
Whose skin was black, and the kids made fun
I laugh, I cry, and like you, I dream
My color is different
But I’m still me

For as long as I remember, people have mocked
They say my lifestyle is a shock
But I love who I love and I want to be free
I may be gay
But I’m still me

When I received the diagnosis, it didn’t take long
To decide what to do, with family history so strong
My chest is flat where my breasts used to be
I had a mastectomy
But I’m still me

Try not to judge a book by its cover
If we’ve never met, how can we criticize another?
There’s more to a person than the external view
No matter how you look, you’re still you.


“Judge not according to appearance . . .”

~ John 7:24a (ASV)

July 17, 2008

Happy Birthday, Marne

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” ~ Psalm 118:24 (NIV)

Last Friday my special friend Marne celebrated his 90th birthday. Marne and I met several years ago at the cafeteria of St. Francis Hospital. After striking up a conversation, we exchanged emails and have been friends ever since.

You’d never know by looking at Marne that he was 90 years young. He gets around great, takes care of himself, and still drives. In fact, he meets his buddies for lunch three times a week and goes out for breakfast every Sunday. Marne (rhymes with yarn) didn’t want too much fuss made over his special day, so we decided to have an informal celebration at McFarland’s Restaurant in Topeka. We all enjoyed lunch and had a nice cake with Marne’s picture on it.

But what really made the day special was the group of friends who turned out to help him celebrate. There was Bessie from the Presbyterian Manor, “Big John”, Dick and his wife Nedra, another friend named John, Steve, Whitney, and myself. Also, two employees from the manor’s activity department, Jeanie and Beth, stopped by to wish Marne a happy birthday. (Some of the folks Marne invited weren’t able to make it, so Marne good-naturedly reminded each of the them to mark their calendars for July 11, 2009.) After singing happy birthday and watching Marne blow out his candles, we all enjoyed a piece of cake and captured one last picture of the entire group. That evening Marne shared the leftover cake with the residents at the manor.


Marne was born on July 11, 1918, in Clovis, New Mexico to Charles George and Nettie McClurkan Coates. He had three brothers: George, James and William, who served as Shawnee County Sheriff for a time. Marne also had one sister, Elizabeth Etta. (Two siblings – one boy and one girl – died in infancy.)

I was curious about the origin of Marne’s name and so I asked him about it. Marne explained that his father picked out his name after reading about the Battle of the Marne in the newspaper. The River Marne is in France, and the battle is said to have marked a turning point in World War I. The battle involved the last German offensive of the conflict and the first allied offensive victory of 1918. Marne’s middle name, Clyn (pronounced Kline), came from the doctor who was present at his home delivery – Dr. Clyn Smith.

Marne’s family moved to Topeka in 1924 and Marne graduated from Topeka High in 1936. After graduation, he went to work for the Santa Fe Railroad and served a four year apprenticeship before becoming an electrician. He retired in 1982 after 41 years of service. Marne never married, but he had a lifelong friend named Mildred with whom he shared many happy memories.

Marne also cared for his mother at home until she passed away. Marne has always been an outdoorsman. He enjoyed fishing, hunting, and shooting skeet. In fact, as a longtime member and volunteer of the Capital City Gun Club, Marne received the distinction of having a field named after him. On September 3, 2005, Field #3 at the club was officially named Coates Field in honor of Marne’s years of dedication and service.

From the moment I met Marne I knew that he was a kindhearted, gentle man with no guile. I didn’t have to spend very much time with him to realize that he was one of those rare individuals with a heart of gold who didn’t have a mean bone in his body. It has been a joy and a privilege to call Marne Clyn Coates my friend.

“No man or woman of the humblest sort can really be strong, gentle and good, without the world being better for it, without somebody being helped and comforted by the very existence of that goodness.”

~ Phillips Brooks (1835-93), Episcopal clergyman and author; wrote Christmas carol O Little Town of Bethlehem

Eileen, Marne & Bessie

VIDEO of friends singing "Happy Birthday" to Marne

As I Turn 50

“Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day.”

~ II Corinthians 4:16 (Amplified)

It was five years ago this week that my very first Reflections column was published in The Prairie Post. By coincidence, it fell on my 45th birthday, July 3rd. Which means that I’ll be turning 50 this Thursday.

In some ways it seems like only yesterday when I sent Joann Kahnt that tentative email inquiring whether or not she would allow me to submit a weekly column. Most of you have heard how I wondered what I was thinking after I sent my request. How could I possibly come up with something new to write about each and every week?

As I wrote to Joann in a recent email, I hope the readers of The Prairie Post still enjoy reading my column, because I still enjoy writing it. And I’ve finally figured out why I like writing so much – it’s because I’m not a very good listener. It’s like having a one-way conversation without being interrupted. And I never have to face the people I make angry.

But seriously, I do hope this column has been a source of enjoyment for those of you who give it a “look-see” each week. And once again, I’d like to thank Joann Kahnt, and you, the readers, for giving me this privilege.

God bless you all ~

Eileen

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As I Turn 50
By Eileen Umbehr

As I turn 50
I stand in the now
In the perfect position
To ask myself how

How I would change things…
If only I could
How I would change things
From bad to good

Yes, from this position
I can look back
On the things I regret
From the fifty years past

I can also look forward
To improvement and change
Using the wisdom
O’er the years that I’ve gained

For we never really stop
Growing and learning
With each mistake made
We become more discerning

While the lessons we’re taught
At home and in school
Provide a foundation
And serve as a tool

Some of life’s lessons
Can only be taught
Through living and loving
And the school of hard knocks

So I guess you could say
Though I’m not perfect yet
I’m improving with age,
So I have no regrets

“I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done.”

~ Philippians 3:12-14 (Contemporary English Version)

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Last week I received an unexpected email from a woman named Joanie who lives behind the house our family built on Proehl’s Trail in Hudson, Wisconsin, where we lived for eight years before moving to Singapore. Joanie is a local history buff who grew up in Hudson and recalls crossing the rickety wooden railroad bridge that led to Proehl’s Trail. She wrote: “I was confident that if I didn’t go at top speed I would fall through the cracks to the railroad tracks below.” Joanie and her family can’t believe that they are living in the special neighborhood after all these years. “My father-in-law, an Englishman from Manchester often comments when we drive home over the bridge, ‘This is God’s little acre.’ I think he’s right.” She closed by saying that she’d like to learn more about the years our family spent in “the Van Kirk house, as it is now affectionately referred to by the old-timers.”


I’d like to share my response. The picture of our old house above and the picture of the railroad bridge below, were both provided by Joanie and shared with her permission.

Dear Joanie:

Thanks so much for taking the time to write. It was wonderful to hear from you. I do have so many fond memories of my growing up years in Hudson.

To give you a little background, our father worked for 3M so our family moved eleven different times. I was born in Cincinnati, Ohio, the 7th child of nine. From there we moved to Edina, Minnesota, and then on to Hudson when I was in the 2nd grade. We lived there until the end of my freshman year when Dad was transferred overseas to Singapore. I cried and cried when I heard we were moving. I had a difficult 8th grade year, but when I went to Hudson Junior High, I met an amazing group of friends. (Margie Friedlander, Nan Turner, Sally McGraw, Jill Feldman, to name a few.) In addition, I had just learned that I made the cheerleading squad for Hudson High School when we found out we were moving half way around the world. But the good Lord knew what He was doing because it was there that I met my future husband Keen. We just celebrated our 30th anniversary and we have 4 sons, 2 daughters-in-law and 5 grandchildren.

Growing up on Proehl's Trail was almost magical. In those days, almost every activity we did was outside. We quickly learned the art of “making ourselves scarce” because if we hung around the house Mom would always find some chores for us to do. We had a tree house that extended out over the lake which provided the perfect hideout. And the open field directly across the road from us doubled as our own personal playground. That was where we played baseball and tag football in the summer and built snow forts and had snowball fights in the winter. The entire setting could not have been more idyllic for a large family like ours.


My brothers and sisters spent countless hours playing in the woods behind our house. I remember an old hollowed out tree stump that we used to use for our "witch’s brew." One time my friend Paul and I were playing with matches and we started a fire in the woods that almost got away from us. (That sure put the fear of God in us!) During the summer the kids in the neighborhood would gather at our house to play basketball, badminton or games like Captain May I and Kick the Can. I remember when our family hosted barbecues with lots of other families and we would play a hide-and-seek game after dark that always seemed so scary. The person who was "it" would call out, "One o'clock and the ghost isn't out, two o'clock and the ghost isn't out . . .” all the way up to twelve when they’d yell, “Twelve o'clock midnight, hope to see the ghost tonight!"

I was a tomboy growing up and quite the fisherwoman. I used to put coffee grinds in an area behind our house in hopes of attracting my own supply of night crawlers. I loved taking our canoe out in the early morning hours and fishing around the lake.

The lake itself provided endless forms of entertainment for our large family. In the summer, of course, we had swimming, boating and skiing. We always had a floating dock to swim out to. In the winter, we had ice fishing and skating. I remember many gatherings at our house when my sisters and I would entertain the party goers by singing songs like, "Michael row your boat ashore," “Blowing in the Wind,” "Kumbaya," "500 miles," “If I had a hammer,” “Where have all the flowers gone?”, “Puff the Magic Dragon,” “Lemon Tree,” “White Choral Bells” (in a round), and “All Night, All Day” (Angels watchin' over me, my Lord). Our sister Joanne would accompany us on the guitar.

I remember walking to school every day up that big old hill. It seemed like a mountain to me. But coming down was always a joy. I used to pick lilacs for my mother in the springtime. Every time I smell lilacs now it takes me back to those days.


And yes, the bridge. Who could ever forget that rustic old bridge? One time my sister Mary and I were taking a short cut home across the railroad tracks when our mother happened to drive over the bridge. She stopped the station wagon at the top of the bridge and our hearts just froze in fear. I think we cried all the way home just anticipating the spanking we were going to get upon our return. The words I seem to recall my mother yelling were: "If I ever catch you on those tracks again I'll kill you before the train does!"


One of my favorite pastimes growing up was visiting with the Proehl sisters – Ida, Sophia and Magdalene. It seems to me that at least one of the sisters never married. I would visit all three sisters on occasion, but I was closest to Mag. She was always happy to see me and, despite our age differences, we became the best of friends. In fact, I still have a glass paperweight that she gave me.

Mag's passing was my first experience with losing someone I knew and loved. I was shaken and saddened by the sight of my friend being driven away in the hearse that drove by our house the day she died.

We still stay in touch with many of our friends from Hudson, several of our friends drove to Brainerd, Minnesota four years ago to surprise my Dad for his 80th birthday party. Their presence at the party really made the celebration extra-special.

Well, I hope you enjoyed my walk down “Memory Lane.” Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts – and for inviting me to share mine.

All the best,


Eileen (Van Kirk) Umbehr

Under an old brass paperweight
Is my list of things to do today
Go to the bank and the hardware store,
Put a new lock on the cellar door
I cross 'em off as I get 'em done
But when the sun is set
There's still more than a few things left
I haven't got to yet

Go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Look up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list

~ Toby Keith - My List

The Van Kirk Family, 2004

What's Wrong with Being Right - Part II

After writing the previous column on this subject a couple of weeks ago, I had a few more thoughts that I’d like to expound on.

To put it simply, one of the biggest problems with believing you’re right is this: you might be wrong. Oh, we don’t think that’s possible, but it is. That’s why it’s best not to get too over-extended when expressing your opinion. In addition, there is a vast difference between “expressing” an opinion and “enforcing” it.

Let me give you an example. Over the years, there have been a couple of times when Keen and I had a big decision to make and I either kept my opinion to myself (which was my mistake), or I wasn’t consulted in the first place (which was Keen’s mistake). The times when I kept my opinion to myself happened as a result of my desire to be a “good wife.” I wanted to support Keen’s ideas and I didn’t want to dampen his enthusiasm by raining on his parade. But I have learned (the hard way, as usual) that there is nothing noble about keeping quiet when God gave you a brain to use and a heart to follow. Besides, your input may be the very thing needed to arrive at the best decision for everyone involved.

The problem with expressing our opinion arises when we aren’t content to simply share our point of view and leave it at that, but rather, we insist on driving the point home in an attempt to force the other person to adopt our point of view. That’s where we go too far. (Once again, I speak from experience.) So both extremes are a mistake – not expressing your opinion at all or cramming it down the recipient’s throat. Therefore, we must strive to find that happy medium.

This brings us back to the theory of individual freedom. In Dr. John Townsend’s book titled, “Who’s Pushing Your Buttons,” he writes:

“It makes sense [that] you care about the button-pusher and want things to go well between the two of you. Yet that person is free to choose his behavior toward you, his attitudes, and whether he even wants to be in a relationship with you. . . .
God understands this dilemma. He knows it conceptually, and He knows it in experience. God lives in it every day, caring about us and just wanting a relationship with us that is for our best; yet He gives us the freedom to say no to him, which we often do.”

Matthew chapter 23 verses 37 and 38 reads:

“. . . You who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.”

Dr. Townsend continues:

“God desires the connection profoundly, yet He does not violate the free will that He also created within us. He allows Himself to experience that sort of tension, not because it is good or pleasant for Him, but because freedom is the only way that we will ever have a relationship that comes from within – from the heart – and is not forced or controlled. That is the only sort of relationship He is interested in.”

**********

In my opinion, that should be the only type of relationship any of us should be interested in, because nobody likes being controlled. So it only makes sense that we should not attempt to control others – no matter how strongly we feel about a particular subject. We have to realize that while it is acceptable and important to express our opinions and share our input, it is not acceptable to become angry at the other person when they choose not to agree with or adopt our opinions. Conversely, neither is it acceptable for the other person to become angry at us for expressing our opinions in the first place. Personal freedom goes both ways.

Just think about it this way: God Himself doesn’t always get His way. He sent Jesus to die for our sins so that all of His children could spend eternity with Him in Heaven, but He will not force anyone to accept that free gift of salvation. That decision can only be made by each individual upon the exercise of their own free will.

“The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, according to some people's conception of slowness, but He is long-suffering (extraordinarily patient) toward you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance.”

~ II Peter 3:9 (Amplified)

To All the Good Men

Here are a few reflective poems in honor of all the good husbands, brothers, sons, uncles, fathers, and grandfathers in our lives.

An Unconditional Love
By Connie Hinnen Cook

His dear wife now had Alzheimers,
her mind in a bad way;
He placed her in a care home, but
he saw her every day.

He brought her favorite roses
and a Persian cat to touch;
He'd sing to her and brush her hair,
"I love you ~ oh, so much!"

Sometimes he'd read her stories
or explain things on TV,
He longed to hear her call his name
but knew it couldn't be.

One day a patient watched them ~
how he'd gently hold her hand,
The patient, filled with wonderment, said
"I don't understand...

"She doesn't even know you, sir,
you might as well be dead!"
"I guess that's true," he answered,
"Ah, but I know her," he said.

-Connie-

"Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends..."

~ Corinthians 13:7

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

A Prayin' Man
by Connie Hinnen Cook

As I walked softly in the room
his head was bowed down low,
His hands lay idly in his lap,
his breathing calm and slow.

I thought that he was sleeping
till he opened up his eyes,
He made me want to kiss him
when he said, to my surprise...

"Have I told you that I love you?
I was telling God right now,
Oh, I know He knows already
but I told Him anyhow...

"We both think you're something special
and I know that He'd agree
Nothing bad should ever touch you,
not if it were up to me!"

Prickly goose bumps start to tingle,
icy chills run up my spine,
And sometimes I have to pinch myself:
this prayin' man is mine!

And just before we start our meals
he always says a prayer,
For God to bless the food we eat
and keep us in His care.

I love it when he reaches out
and puts his hand in mine,
And speaking low, he thanks the Lord
when we go out to dine.

He asks the Lord's protection
when we're traveling in the car,
For angels to ride with us
if we're going very far.

I picture one above us,
on the sides, the front, behind,
Our housetop angel waves goodbye,
(but only in my mind).

Girls, you can keep the latest hunk,
I'm not a beef-cake fan,
Stud muffins leave me unimpressed,
give me a prayin' man!

He owns my heart forever
'cause there's nothing stronger than
Words of power, words of blessing
coming from a prayin' man.

~Connie~

"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

~ James 5:16 KJV

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Half Long Enough
By Eileen Umbehr

How long has it been?
I asked him that day
Since your precious wife
Sadly passed away

It will be two years
Come May 7th
Since the good Lord
Took her to Heaven

I’m so sorry for your loss
Are you doing all right?
I miss her very much
And I still cry every night

Although I was blessed
To share those fifty years
It wasn’t half long enough
For someone so dear

She was the center of my life
And she was the glue
That held our family together
No matter what we went through

I always thought I would go first
And I told her to remarry
But now she’s been taken
And I’m the one to tarry

I’m left alone with my memories
But I’m thankful for our love
And the life we shared together
Though not half long enough

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Husband, Father, Son
By Eileen Umbehr

I still remember, the sound of the sirens
On that winter night so long ago
But I never imagined the person in need
Would be someone that we did know

It was our cousin, his name was Jack
The night was New Year’s Eve
He was just about ready to call it a day
When he cut down one more tree

A freak accident ended his life that night
When he was only thirty-five
He left behind a wife and a five-month-old son
Wondering how they’d survive

Jack was such a hard worker, holding down two jobs
He never left a project undone
But the most important roles he played in his life
Were husband, father and son

Jack had made plans, to take his young son
To the K-State basketball games
In fact, his son’s initials are KSU
Kelby Shawn Umbehr is his name.

Now Kelby is a senior, soon to graduate
He’s bright and handsome, just like his dad
I know Jack would be, so very proud
Of the fine young man that he and Barb had

Jack has been missed – as cousin, brother and friend
And by countless other loved ones
But none miss him more, than those who knew him as
Husband, father and son.


Written December, 2003
Note: Kelby just graduated magna cum laude from Wichita State University

What's Wrong With Being Right?

Our wedding party - June 10, 1978

“But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged . . .”

~ II Timothy 2:23-24 (NASB)

I recently heard Naomi Judd say that the only real mistake is the one you don’t learn from. As Keen and I approach our 30th wedding anniversary and I near my 50th birthday, I’ve been reflecting on one of the most valuable lessons I have learned – and am still learning – in my lifetime.

Put simply, I have found that there is one thing that causes more problems in meaningful relationships than any other factor; that is, the belief that you are right. What’s wrong with that? Well, nothing I suppose. But most of us aren’t content to keep our opinions to ourselves. When we become convinced that our point of view is the correct one, then we think it’s our right and our duty to impose that view on everyone around us. Therein lies the problem.

“If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.”

~ John Stuart Mill

Let’s take smoking for example. Everyone knows that it’s bad for your health. Or that eating the wrong kind of food is bad for your arteries. And yes, we could all stand to weigh a little less and exercise more. But poking people in the eye over and over about their shortcomings does nothing but cause hard feelings and alienation. They are aware of the information about the warnings and dangers of certain behaviors; they don’t need anyone to rub their nose in it.

“But keep away from foolish disagreements. Don't argue about family histories. Don't make trouble. Don't fight about what the law teaches. Don't argue about things like that. It doesn't do any good. It doesn't help anyone.”
~ Titus 3:9 (NIRV)

Remember, God even allowed Adam and Eve to exercise their free will and make their own decisions, and He certainly knew what was best for them. We are all on a journey, and life is a process of successes and failures, so be gentle with others – and yourself.

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

~ Arnold H. Glasgow

We need to learn to love and accept people for who they are, not for whom we want them to be. When love is conditioned upon the other person doing exactly what we want or seeing things exactly the way we see them, it’s not really love at all.

The truth of the matter is that most of us have our own set of problems and hang-ups that we could be working on. But it’s just so much more enjoyable to criticize others or point out their faults than to work on our own.

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye.”

~ Luke 6:41,42 (NKJV)

To me, one of the most interesting chapters in the Bible is Romans 14. Back in Jesus’ time, there was a controversy about whether it was right to eat meat offered to idols. Some folks saw it as sinful, while others reasoned that since idols weren’t real, it wasn’t a problem. Verse 3 in the Amplified version reads:

“Let not him who eats look down on or despise him who abstains, and let not him who abstains criticize and pass judgment on him who eats; for God has accepted and welcomed him.”

It goes on to discuss the subject of setting aside a special day to honor the Lord:

“One man esteems one day as better than another, while another man esteems all days alike [sacred]. Let everyone be fully convinced (satisfied) in his own mind . . . Why do you criticize and pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you look down upon or despise your brother?”

This chapter indicates that what is acceptable for one person may be wrong for someone else, and vice-versa. It’s not cut and dried or black and white, even though it would be a lot easier if it were. We can’t adopt other people’s values, and we can’t expect other people to adopt ours. The bottom line is that each of us has to follow our own conscience. That’s why I believe it’s a mistake to force our position on others – or to judge them for their position. In verse 22 it says:

“Your personal convictions on such matters--exercise them as in God's presence, keeping them to yourself striving only to know the truth and obey His will.”

We are all unique individuals in the family of God, and as such, we will see things differently – which, in turn, determines our actions. Love allows for those differences. In reality, the only change we have any control over is change within ourselves. When we spend our time trying to change others, there’s a very good chance we’re not devoting any time to improving ourselves.

So the next time you want to pick a fight with your husband, wife, parent or sibling, take it from one who has made her share of mistakes and remember:

“The mouth of a good person is a deep, life-giving well . . . Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering.”

~ Proverbs 10:11-12 (The Message Bible)

Your family members will thank you, and you’ll be happier and more peaceful, too.

God bless ~

Eileen

Celebrating our 25th anniversary at Josh and Lisa's wedding in 2003

Keen Takes Flight

“Many are the plans in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.” ~ Proverbs 16:9

It’s Monday morning following one of those magical moments that we all get to experience every now and then.

Last Saturday, our son Keen II earned a Bachelor of Science degree from Kansas State University with dual majors in psychology and sociology. It was a picture perfect day, in more ways than one. Keen’s mom, sister, niece and great-niece came from Texas to join the celebration, and our daughter-in-law Lisa drove all the way from Wichita with two little ones to be a part of Keener’s special day. (Josh would have been there but he couldn’t get off work.)

Before the ceremony, Keen and I just happened to run into Keen II in the hallway. He was the last person in line waiting to march into the Coliseum. Seeing him standing there in his cap and gown with such a look of pride and anticipation on his face was a moment to remember.

Although Keen’s name was misspelled on the card the announcer reads (Kenn instead of Keen), he had time to whisper the correct pronunciation just before he walked across the stage, so his name was announced exactly right, followed by our round of cheers.


After the ceremony, we enjoyed a breakfast buffet at the Clarion Hotel in Manhattan. They did such a nice job decorating the tables with white table cloths and purple napkins. The food was delicious, too. Keen Sr. shared a few thoughts that he had prepared over the past week. He was going to read them, but decided he would just speak from his heart. It was very moving and emotional for everyone. Then we played the DVD I made with pictures of Keener growing up put to the music of Mark Harris’ song, “Find Your Wings.” (If you’d like to view it, you can go to www.keentakesflight.blogspot.com.)

As I was pouring through photo albums looking for pictures to use in the DVD, I noticed that several pictures from Keen’s youth depicted him “taking flight” in various ways. There’s the picture of Keen jumping off the diving board at the Alma pool a few days before his 5th birthday (not the low dive, but the high dive). Then there’s one of Keen jumping off the rope swing at Low Water Bridge when he about seven. As an adult, Keen took sky diving lessons and jumped out of an airplane – more than once – without ever telling us until after it was over. So the song by Mark Harris and the theme, “Keen Takes Flight” just seemed to fit for our “high flying” and adventurous third-born son.

One of the highlights of the day last Saturday was meeting Keen’s new girlfriend, Tiffany. We had heard a lot about her – she grew up in Wichita, graduated from Wichita State University, and lives and works in Shawnee, Kansas – but it was so nice to have the chance to meet her in person. Tiffany and Keen met when they were attendants at the wedding of some mutual friends.

Tiffany is a strikingly beautiful young woman, but her beauty is not limited to the external. She is smart, ambitious, confident, articulate, accomplished, and, well, most importantly, she cares about our son. Tiffany said the thing that most attracted her to Keen was his sense of humor. I’ve always appreciated that quality in Keen Sr., too. As it says in Proverbs, “laughter does good like a medicine.”


Keen and Tiffany joined us back in Alma that afternoon for a “country-fied” celebration. Keen’s mom helped make a batch of the Umbehr family’s famous barbecue sauce for the pork ribs and chicken dinner. It was a beautiful day to just sit on the patio and enjoy the breeze and good conversation. In the evening, everyone enjoyed a bonfire and smores under the light of a full moon. (I forgot to buy graham crackers, so they made smores with one less key ingredient.) It was a wonderful day filled with memories that we will cherish for a lifetime.

As we watch our children grow from children to young adults and beyond, there are so many milestones to celebrate. But as Keen’s mom, I have to say that this one was the most significant – not because of the event we were celebrating, but because I can honestly say that I have never seen our son look so happy . . . so content . . . so complete.

“And now . . . I commit you to God, I deposit you in His charge, entrusting you to His protection and care.”

~ Acts 20:32a (Amplified)

Taming the Tongue

“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?”

~ James 3:7-11 (NIV)

After writing the column titled “A Better Way,” I received an email from a dear friend of mine named Jack whom I would describe as a man after God’s own heart. So when Jack shared his own struggles with keeping his words in check, it really touched my heart.

“There are those who speak rashly like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” ~ Proverbs 12:18

I’d like to share a portion of Jack’s encouraging email:

“Every night I read as one of my little prayers before going to bed, ‘Guard my tongue, O God, from silly, useless chatter, from words that would confuse or disillusion. Instead, Lord, cause my mouth to speak soothing, uplifting and healing words; words of praise and encouragement and words of love. Amen.’

I depend upon this as one of my prayers which I need continuously with three kids, seven grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren . . . because I find times when I am not pleased with what they do or say, not to mention my friends in my church and neighbors in my condominium which has 99 units. I am trying to think before opening my mouth to avoid saying things I would be sorry for later . . . .”

In my reply, I told Jack that it helped me to learn that even positive, kind-hearted people have to work hard and pray hard to keep from saying something they will regret or acting in a way that doesn’t build up the people in his or her life.

“There are two ways of exerting one’s strength; one is pushing down and the other is pulling up.”

~ Booker T. Washington, educator, author, civil rights leader
(1856-1915)

For a short while I was in the habit of praying Psalm 141:3 every morning: “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips,” and, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord.” (Ps. 19:14) I think I need to get back to that.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath…” ~ James 1:19

But all too often I fail to remember how much trouble my mouth can get me in and I neglect to pray for God’s help to control my tongue. As a result, I have a “knee-jerk” reaction to stressful situations and end up with a severe case of “foot-in-mouth disease.”

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart . . .”

~ Ecclesiastes 5:2a

It’s like that one prayer that goes: “Dear Lord, so far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t cussed, gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, selfish, or overindulgent. But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot more help.”

My friend Mae shared a great quote recently from H. Fred Ale who said: “My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant’s point of view.” I think we would all benefit from trying to see things from others’ points of view more often. For example, rather than just seeing the overgrown lawn at our house in Manhattan, I could have taken into consideration the fact that both of our sons are full-time college students making good grades and holding down jobs while doing their own cooking, cleaning and laundry. But all I saw at that moment was the length of the grass. And truth be told, the main reason I was so angry was because of how it made us look. Silly pride.

Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t guide or correct your children. But if we want our kids to hear and receive our instruction, then we have to deliver it in a way that doesn’t get clouded by our anger or the pitch of our voice. My whole life I have followed the wrong pattern of expressing my anger. Somehow I’ve had the mistaken notion that if I don’t scream at the top of my lungs then the recipient won’t realize how serious I am – and I really want them to know that I mean business! But people young and old have a tendency to shut down when someone is yelling at them. A wall goes up in an effort to protect them from the verbal assault.

So even though you may be right in what you’re trying to say, a message delivered with unbridled anger puts you back in the wrong. As the saying goes: You may have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give you the right to be cruel.

Oh what a fire one tiny spark can ignite. Lord, help me remember that it is much easier to “prevent forest fires” than to put them out once they’ve already started.

“We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” ~ James 3:2-5

A Mother's Work

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” ~ Washington Irving

They say a mother’s work is never done. As I watch our two daughters-in-law care for our grandchildren, I am reminded of how true that statement really is. Erin, who works as an RN and meets the demands of three young children while Jared is in Iraq with the Navy . . .

. . . and Lisa, who also works as an RN while nursing a baby and caring for a busy two-year-old with special needs, while Josh is at work more than he’s home as a first-year resident.

And so, in honor of Erin, Lisa, and all the busy moms out there who deserve the greatest praise and appreciation for all that they do for their families, I’d like to share the following prose titled, “I Didn’t Do It.” Happy Mother’s Day!

“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”

~ Proverbs 31:28

I Didn’t Do It

Author Unknown

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside playing, still in their pajamas, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded up against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that perhaps something serious had happened.

But there she was, lounging in the bedroom, still curled up in bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked him how his day went.

Bewildered, he looked at her and replied, "What happened here today?"

She smiled once again and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes," he replied quizzically.

"Well, today I didn't do it."

A Better Way

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

~ Galatians 5:22,23

Well, it’s 11:30 p.m. on Sunday evening and I am not feeling very proud of the way I acted today. Our day started out fine; Keen and I went for a 3 mile walk in the morning, followed by several hours spent in the yard planting our garden and seventeen trees. Then we decided to go to Manhattan for a movie. So far so good. Afterwards we stopped by the house where our two youngest sons live. After taking one look at the length of the grass in the front yard, I stormed inside to give Kirk a piece of my mind. It was one of those times when I spoke first and thought later. Did I need to say something to him about the situation? Yes. But did I need to get so angry and make him feel one inch tall in the process? No. To make matters worse, I got mad at Keen for not joining me in the butt chewing. (He’s always been more of a softy when it comes to the kids, which I guess balanced out my “rule with an iron fist” parenting style.) At any rate, our otherwise nice weekend ended on a sour note and left me in tears. But Keen and I worked things out, and I’ll apologize to Kirk.

“As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

~ Colossians 3:12

As for coming up with a column for this week, I wasn’t feeling too inspired after the way I acted. But then I came across this story about Billy Graham and it seemed very fitting. I just thank God that His mercies are new every morning - and tomorrow is a brand new day.

“Not that I have now attained [this ideal] or am already made perfect . . . but one thing I do – it is my one aspiration; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.”

~ Philippians 3:12-14

Nestle, Don’t Wrestle

Author Unknown

The title of Billy Graham’s autobiography, "Just as I Am," says it all. His life goes before him speaking as eloquently as that charming southern drawl for which he is known.

If, when I am eighty years old, my autobiography were to be titled "Just as I Am," I wonder how I would live now? Do I have the courage to be me? I'll never be a Billy Graham, the elegant man who draws people to the Lord through a simple one-point message, but I hope to be a person who is real and compassionate and who might draw people to nestle within God's embrace. Any one of us can do that. We may never win any great awards or be named best dressed, most beautiful, most popular, or most revered, but each of us has an arm with which to hold another person, each of us can pull another shoulder under ours, and each of us can invite someone in need to nestle next to our heart. We can give a pat on the back, a simple compliment, a kiss on the cheek, a thumbs-up sign, We can smile at a stranger, say hello when it's least expected, send a card of congratulations, take flowers to a sick neighbor, make a casserole for a new mother, give a high five, say "I love you" in language our teenagers will understand, or back off even when you have a right to take the offensive.

Do you make it a point to speak to a visitor or person who shows up alone at church, buy a hamburger for a homeless man, call your mother on Sunday afternoons, pick daisies with a little girl, or take a fatherless boy to a baseball game?

When Billy Graham was asked about his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, he replied, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible." How unexpected. We would all live more comfortably with everybody around us if we would find the strength in being grateful and “happily incompatible.”

Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look when you're looking for what's beautiful in someone else? Let's take the things that set us apart, that make us different, that cause us to disagree, and make them an occasion to compliment each other and be thankful for each other. Let us be big enough to be smaller than our neighbor, spouse, friends, children, and strangers. Every day, remember: nestle, don't wrestle.

“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.” ~ I Peter 3:8

Broken Places

“This is what the Lord says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.” ~ II Kings 20:5

Last night I watched a show about a woman who survived a brutal rape after being strangled and left for dead. She had this advice for other victims:

"The anger and bitterness will come and you have to feel that to heal from it. But just don't let it destroy your life."

I thought that was a very balanced way of looking at it. On one hand, you can't run from that pain. It's like you have to embrace it before you can move past it. As I’ve shared before, pretending about anything doesn't take you anywhere but to another pretend place. On the other hand, you can't let feelings of anger and bitterness absorb you, or they will ultimately drain you of all joy and keep you from living your life fully.

At the end of the show, the woman quoted Ernest Hemingway when he said:

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are stronger at the broken places."

This morning I received a column, Dispatches from Kansas, by my friend Tom Parker. I wrote a blurb for the back on Tom’s book by the same title. Tom writes about nature, bird watching, and life. If you think I’m open about the things I share, you should read some of Tom’s work. He is gutsy and real in his writings.


After reading Tom’s latest column about a recent trip to Colorado for a wedding and a visit with his now grown sons and their families, I decided to ask his permission to share a portion of it, and he obliged me. The entire column can be found on Tom’s blog at: http://dispatchesfromkansas.blogspot.com.

This is an excerpt:

“On the way [to Colorado], Lori told a friend who was catching a ride with us of the time when our younger son, Benjamin, tried to kill me. I was logy from lack of sleep and wearily focusing on driving and the passing scenery, and surprised, too, when she inched further into the sad tale with details I had tried to forget. It was not a story she shares willingly and yet here she was enumerating the methodical dismemberment of our home and the sundering instant when I opened the garage door and felt the rifle butt slam into my face.”

After spending time with both of his sons, Tom reflected on their visit:

“For the first time in many years I could look at Benjamin and not feel repulsed. Among his many tattoos was a new one in memory of his grandfather and namesake. He showed it to me and I did not flinch . . . There were only the memories sloughing off, and something like forgiveness and the willingness to once again become vulnerable.”

*********

Maybe you or I have never endured or survived anything as traumatic as this, but most of us can relate to the emotions expressed and the insights gained. That’s the thing about writers; they share what most people feel but would never dare say. I appreciate Tom’s honesty and thank him for allowing me to share it with all of you.

“Things I would not tell anyone, I tell the public.”

~ Michel de Montaigne

A Change for the Better

Yellow Lily by Patricia Kohls Barrett

“The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power . . . and you will be changed into a different person.”~ I Samuel 10:6

The changing seasons are a gentle reminder that change can be a good thing to be embraced. As a continuation of the theme from last week’s column, I’d like to share a poem written by my friend Pat Barrett titled: “Commitment to Change.”

Commitment to Change

By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 3/31/08
The road to change is not straight
It’s rocky with valleys and hills
The path demands focus on goals
To develop desirable skills

I am committed to proceed
I will persevere and move forward
When I trip on a rock and fall
I will get up and progress onward

Commitment demands persistence
To only “try” merely means to “fail”
When one “tries” they plan to quit
When there’s a bad bump in the trail

I will use each bump as a launching pad
As I forge ahead breaking new ground
Shaping my own personal course
From what seemed an impossible mound

Each step is a bit of transformation
Change must be slow and deliberate to last
A step back is only temporary
To boost to a level unsurpassed

Onward and upward I proceed
To become what I intend to be
I’ll turn obstacles into schools of learning
As I press on to become a new me

“He makes all things beautiful in His time.”

~ Ecclesiastes 3:11

There is a saying that goes: “If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.” That reminds me of a placard I have on top of my computer that depicts two green caterpillars perched on a tree branch. There’s also a Bible verse from Psalm 138:8 – “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” One of the caterpillars is looking up at a brightly colored butterfly floating through the skies above. The caterpillar comments to his friend: “You’ll never catch me going up in one of those things!”

Columnist Mary Beth Danielson once said: "If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again." There’s a lot of truth in that statement. Hanging on to our preconceived notions about who we are and what our life was “supposed” to be, only keeps us cemented and stuck in our current position. Just like the caterpillar, we have to let go in order to be free to fly to higher heights than we ever imagined possible.

“Now to Him Who . . . is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]-- To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen.”

~ Ephesians 3:20,21 (AMP)

Change: The Pain and the Power

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I believe that God has a good plan for all of our lives – a plan that gives us “hope and a future.” But sometimes we’re too afraid to take the risks or face the fear that goes along with change. (Believe me, I’m preaching to myself right now, too.) Yes, familiarity is nice – and comfortable, but sometimes we reach a crossroad in life, and if we have the courage to take the road to change, it can lead to new and exciting adventures that make our former experiences seem dull and boring.

“We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable.”

~ Aleksandr Isaevich Solzhenitsyn, Russian novelist, historian (b. 1918)

In Robert McGee’s book titled “The Search for Significance,” he writes:

“[N]othing forces us to remain in the mold of the past. By the grace and power of God, we can change! We can persevere and overcome! No one forces us to keep shifting our feet in the muck of old failures. We can dare to accept the challenge of building a new life.

Dr. Paul Tournier once compared life to a man hanging from a trapeze. The trapeze bar was the man’s security, his pattern of existence, his lifestyle. Then God swung another trapeze into the man’s view, and he faced a perplexing dilemma. Should he relinquish his past? Should he reach for the new bar? The moment of truth came, Dr. Tournier explained, when the man realized that to grab the new bar, he must release the old one.

Our past relationships may involve the intense pain of neglect, abuse, and manipulation, but if we do not begin the process of healing, we will be unable to experience the joy, challenge, and yes, the potential for failure in the present.

We need to be honest about the pain, the anger, the disappointment, and the loneliness of our past. We need to put ourselves in relationships that will encourage us to feel what we may have suppressed for many years. This will enable us to begin . . . to experience hope and, eventually, healing. Change is possible, but it is a process. Does this seem strange? Does it seem difficult? We may have difficulty relinquishing what is familiar (though painful) for what is unfamiliar because our fear of the unknown often seems stronger than the pain of a poor self-concept. It seems right to hang on. Proverbs 16:25 says, ‘There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.’ Any change in our behavior requires a release from our old self-concept, which is often founded in failure and the expectations of others. We need to learn how to relate to ourselves in a new way. To accomplish this, we must begin to base our self-worth on God’s opinion of us and trust [Him] to accomplish change in our lives.”

“It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old way, but it’s that place in between that we fear . . . It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There’s nothing to hold on to.”

~ Marilyn Ferguson, author and public speaker

I’d like to close with a poem my sister Mary wrote two years ago which vividly describes the pain and fear associated with change. As some of you may recall, Mary went through a tumultuous marriage and divorce several years ago; she knows firsthand how difficult change can be.

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.”

~ Sydney Harris, journalist, Chicago Daily News & Chicago Sun-Times

Change
By Mary Van Kirk

Dark eyes watching
What is out there?
Who is out there?
I want to know.
Or maybe I don’t.

Change is painful
But it won’t kill you
So why is it so hard to do?
I don’t like pain.
I want change.
But don’t always want things to change.
What am I afraid of?
The unknown.

Dark eyes watching.


“Do not [earnestly] remember the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it, and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
~ Isaiah 43:18,19

On Any Given Day

Mississippi sky

“Now also we would not have you ignorant, brethren, about those who fall asleep [in death], that you may not grieve [for them], as the rest do who have no hope [beyond the grave].

For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will also bring with Him through Jesus those who have fallen asleep [in death].”

~ I Thessalonians 4:13,14

The column I wrote last week titled “Life after Death,” referred to the life on earth lived out by those who have been left behind after the death of someone they love. As I pondered what to write about today, I started thinking about how, on any given day, someone is going through that painful experience. So I jotted down these words:

On any given day
From life to death someone does cross
On any given day
Someone somewhere feels great loss

This next poem on the subject of life after death as it relates to the hereafter, was written by Connie Hinnen Cook and is being shared with the permission of her widower, Guy Cook.

Last Chance to Weep
By Connie Hinnen Cook

A year has passed and still you grieve,
The tears flow down your face;
You miss her voice, you miss her laugh,
No one can take her place.
But when you think of where she is,
In Heaven's land so fair;
You know you're weeping for yourself,
'Cause there's no weeping there.

Her closest friend is Jesus
And He takes her by the hand,
He talks with her for hours
As they walk in Heaven's land.
There's light once more within her eyes,
Her smile is always near;
So cry your tears while you're down there,
'Cause there's no crying here.
Here is where she's happiest,
Here's where she belongs;
She's praising God with every breath
And joining in the songs.
A joyful glow is on her face
And wonder fills her eyes;
So let your tears flow if you must,
'Cause here, nobody cries.

She has a mansion that is grand,
And friends that she can't number;
Eternal celebrating
In this land where there's no slumber.
She shines brighter than the stars,
And angels seek her face;
So grieve and miss her while you may,
There's no grief in this place.
If she could speak to you once more,
One thought she would repeat:
That now, her happiness is full,
That now, her joy's complete;
That Christ will be returning soon
And all creation waits,
He'll wipe the tears from every eye
Just inside Heaven's gates.

One day you'll be together, Yes!
And that day, time cannot sever;
There'll be no death or parting then
In that Blessed Forever.
You'll see her anytime you wish,
What joy your hearts will reap!
So cry your eyes out while on earth,
It's your last chance to weep.

--Connie

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying,
neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away."

~ Revelation 21:4 (KJV)

Life After Death

A friend of a friend recently lost her husband. The grief seems insurmountable. “I know everyone is worried about me,” she wrote. “They always ask if I’m feeling better. It’s hard for them to understand that as long as I live I will never feel better. I have lost so much.”

Writer, editor and best-selling author Dave Eggers lost both of his parents to cancer when he was just twenty-one years old. He later dropped out of college to become the legal guardian of his 8-year-old brother. Eggers would eventually write a memoir about his parents’ death and the impact it had on his life. The book is titled, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

"On the one hand you are so completely bewildered that something so surreal and incomprehensible could happen. At the same time, suddenly the limitations or hesitations that you might have imposed on yourself fall away. There's a weird, optimistic recklessness . . . . You see that there is a beginning and an end and that you have only a certain amount of time to act. And you want to get started." (The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Kellor, March 12, 2008)

Life after the death of a loved one can be, and is, so very difficult. Much like walking with lead weights strapped to your ankles. Everyday activities that were effortless before, now seem so difficult. Every day becomes another mountain to climb. All the while, you feel so alone. People sympathize, but they don’t really understand – can’t really understand. The funeral is over; sympathy cards are reduced to a trickle. Phone calls become less frequent. Friends and family return to their lives, as they must. But how do those left behind return to their lives.

There is life after death, but it will take time. Don’t rush it, and don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel. It is your process, not theirs. There are no rules.

The following poem was sent to me in an email. It was reportedly written by a woman who was killed in an automobile accident. Her co-workers discovered it in an email when they returned to the office after the funeral.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
Author Unknown

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.


"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

~ Isaiah 41:10

There But for the Grace of God

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.”

~ Acts 20:24

In a recent edition of The Prairie Post, there was a letter to the editor written by a woman whose son had gotten into some trouble. She expressed the deep hurt her family felt upon learning that some people in her community seemed to take pleasure in spreading the news of their unfortunate dilemma.

In the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 18, Jesus used a parable to talk about people who engaged in hypocrisy of the highest form – those who took pride in their own righteousness and looked down upon everyone else. Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee [religious person] and the other a tax collector [so-called sinner]. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14 – NIV)

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”

~ Ephesians 2:8-9

Years ago, Keen and I learned some valuable lessons from an experience we went through as a family. Through that experience, we traded in our idea of having a “picture perfect family” with the more important goal of having a family that exemplifies a “picture-perfect picture” of God’s amazing grace. Now we humbly share our testimony of God’s faithfulness, grace, mercy and guidance. And the smiling faces looking back at you in our family picture are the faces of people who know they are not perfect, just forgiven.


“Forget your perfect offering and ring the bells that can still ring. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”

~Leonard Cohen

No Such Thing
By Eileen Umbehr

I always used to think we had,
The perfect family,
But now I've come to realize
That there's really no such thing.

We did our best to raise our boys,
With values, morals and such,
We always tried to let them know
We loved them oh so much.

Then when our oldest came of age,
We thought he was doing okay,
But now he has a young wife
With a baby on the way.

But even though they seemed to get,
The cart before the horse,
I can think of many things
That could be much worse.

For we still have our son to love,
And now a daughter and baby brand new,
So there's no sense dwelling on the past,
With so much to look forward to!

Plus, we have learned so very much,
From this whole ordeal,
And we've been touched by the compassion of,
Those who know how we feel.

We've learned about the power,
Of forgiveness, faith and love,
And how we can make it through anything,
With help from God above.

So even though we may not have,
The perfect family,
It really doesn't matter,
Because there's really no such thing.

March 19, 1999

“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law . . . For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”

~ Galatians 2:16, 21 (NLT)