What's Wrong with Being Right - Part II

After writing the previous column on this subject a couple of weeks ago, I had a few more thoughts that I’d like to expound on.

To put it simply, one of the biggest problems with believing you’re right is this: you might be wrong. Oh, we don’t think that’s possible, but it is. That’s why it’s best not to get too over-extended when expressing your opinion. In addition, there is a vast difference between “expressing” an opinion and “enforcing” it.

Let me give you an example. Over the years, there have been a couple of times when Keen and I had a big decision to make and I either kept my opinion to myself (which was my mistake), or I wasn’t consulted in the first place (which was Keen’s mistake). The times when I kept my opinion to myself happened as a result of my desire to be a “good wife.” I wanted to support Keen’s ideas and I didn’t want to dampen his enthusiasm by raining on his parade. But I have learned (the hard way, as usual) that there is nothing noble about keeping quiet when God gave you a brain to use and a heart to follow. Besides, your input may be the very thing needed to arrive at the best decision for everyone involved.

The problem with expressing our opinion arises when we aren’t content to simply share our point of view and leave it at that, but rather, we insist on driving the point home in an attempt to force the other person to adopt our point of view. That’s where we go too far. (Once again, I speak from experience.) So both extremes are a mistake – not expressing your opinion at all or cramming it down the recipient’s throat. Therefore, we must strive to find that happy medium.

This brings us back to the theory of individual freedom. In Dr. John Townsend’s book titled, “Who’s Pushing Your Buttons,” he writes:

“It makes sense [that] you care about the button-pusher and want things to go well between the two of you. Yet that person is free to choose his behavior toward you, his attitudes, and whether he even wants to be in a relationship with you. . . .
God understands this dilemma. He knows it conceptually, and He knows it in experience. God lives in it every day, caring about us and just wanting a relationship with us that is for our best; yet He gives us the freedom to say no to him, which we often do.”

Matthew chapter 23 verses 37 and 38 reads:

“. . . You who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.”

Dr. Townsend continues:

“God desires the connection profoundly, yet He does not violate the free will that He also created within us. He allows Himself to experience that sort of tension, not because it is good or pleasant for Him, but because freedom is the only way that we will ever have a relationship that comes from within – from the heart – and is not forced or controlled. That is the only sort of relationship He is interested in.”

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In my opinion, that should be the only type of relationship any of us should be interested in, because nobody likes being controlled. So it only makes sense that we should not attempt to control others – no matter how strongly we feel about a particular subject. We have to realize that while it is acceptable and important to express our opinions and share our input, it is not acceptable to become angry at the other person when they choose not to agree with or adopt our opinions. Conversely, neither is it acceptable for the other person to become angry at us for expressing our opinions in the first place. Personal freedom goes both ways.

Just think about it this way: God Himself doesn’t always get His way. He sent Jesus to die for our sins so that all of His children could spend eternity with Him in Heaven, but He will not force anyone to accept that free gift of salvation. That decision can only be made by each individual upon the exercise of their own free will.

“The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, according to some people's conception of slowness, but He is long-suffering (extraordinarily patient) toward you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance.”

~ II Peter 3:9 (Amplified)