P.U.S.H.

Dear Friends,

Since Keen and I will be on vacation, this week’s column will be a little different. I’d like to share a newsletter from a man named Larry Perry who emails inspiring stories about once or twice a week to 93,000 of his closest friends from 47 different countries. He has given me permission to share any of these stories. If you would like to be added to his list, you may reach him at larryperry@worldnet.att.net.

The main reason for this vacation is just to unwind and spend time together after two months of non-stop studying for the bar exam. I must admit that the time Keen spent preparing for this test was the most difficult stage of the entire process. The pressure and intensity was indescribable. Even though Keen was the one taking the test, I was on pins and needles and didn’t sleep worth a darn that entire week. When he called after the first day of essays he said he felt pretty good about it and I immediately felt half the weight lifted off my shoulders. Day two was more challenging with 200 multiple choice questions. Keen’s described the whole ordeal by saying that when it was over everyone looked like they’d just had a vasectomy. Although he’s not yet ready to do jumping jacks, he is cautiously optimistic about the outcome. (The test results will be released by mid-September.)

A week or two before the bar exam, Keen left the following message on my cell phone:

“I’ve just got overwhelming love for you in my heart right now. I can hardly express it. But I just wanna tell you that I am so in love with you. You’re on my thoughts all the time. And when we get done with this bar we’re gonna take a little trip for you and me. We might go someplace new to a bed and breakfast. We’re gonna do something, just me and you. And then Kirk and I will do something, too, but we’re gonna do something to reward ourselves for this. Okay?”

So we’ve decided to drive to Grand Junction, Colorado to visit my stepmother who just relocated there from Florida. We’re just going to follow our nose and make impromptu stops along the way as the Spirit moves us. We’re really looking forward to the beautiful scenery and to spending time together.

“Jesus departed from there, skirted the Sea of Galilee, and went up on the mountain and sat down there.” ~ Matthew 15:29 (NKJV)

God bless you all ~

Eileen

(Here is the newsletter from Larry Perry.)

Good Monday Morning Everyone:

It is rainy here in East Tennessee but we need the rain for the crops and preparation for the coming fall months so the rain is beautiful in its own way. I hope that things in your part of our great world are just as beautiful.

Here is a good story for you to think about today.

P.U.S.H.

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.

The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all of his might.

Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: “You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't moved.” Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man.

"Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."

And that is what he planned to do, until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it! Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done.
Now I, My friend, will move the rock."

****************************

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but
know that it is still God who moves mountains.

“So Jesus said to them . . . if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”
~ Matthew 17:20 (NKJV)

When everything seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H.!
When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H.!
When people don't react the way you think they should...just P.U.S.H.!
When your money looks "gone"; and the bills are due...just P.U.S.H!
When people just don't understand you ... just P.U.S.H.!

P = Pray
U = Until
S = Something
H = Happens

Unlike the Rest

Keener, Age 4

“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.” ~ Proverbs 22:6 (Amp)

"We should say to each child: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.” ~Pablo Casals (1876-1973) ~ Spanish cellist, composer,conductor, pianist, and humanitarian

With each of our four sons, Keen and I had a distinct sense about their individual characteristics. We described Jared as wise, Josh as strong, Keen as special and Kirk as a combination of “all of the above.”

Our third son, Keen II, just turned twenty-one on July 8th, and to say that he is special is an understatement. Keen is especially talented, especially funny, especially caring and especially tenderhearted – towards God and others. Recently, when one of his coworkers at the Department of Revenue lost his hair due to cancer treatments, Keen and several others in the office decided to shave their heads to show support for their colleague.

Keen is a free spirit who has never been afraid to be different. In fact, he goes out of his way to be “unlike the rest.” When it comes to clothing, he has a style that’s all his own. What might be considered weird for most people somehow looks cool on Keener.

"Follow your own path, and let people talk." ~ Dante

There is so much more to Keen than meets the eye. He is a deep thinker who has a unique gift of writing. When he was in high school he shared some of his poems with me, and I must admit that I was in awe. They left me with the feeling that I had not even scratched the surface of who my son really is.

"Poetry is something to make us wiser and better, by continually revealing those types of beauty and truth, which God has set in all men's souls." ~ James Russell Lowell (1819-1891) ~ American poet, editor and diplomat

Here is an example of one of Keen’s poems:

The Road Less Traveled

Around this globe I wander
Without a sense of direction
Observing the paths that converge and diverge
Without the will of correction
Who are they to say
That I must make a selection?
When it is my life
That will crush the fear of dejection…
Round and round I go
Carefully being sure
To avoid the “flow”
This world doesn’t understand
-They just don’t know-
What it truly means to be a man
Yet, in this world I coexist
With all of the hatred and poverty
That has run amiss
Now I saunter near the “crossroads”
To see what I can see
I’m not shocked to know
That there’s no one here like me
Just the blank stare…
-Monotone voices-
Of people making other peoples choices
Just masses of nothing
Content to be less
Their life was over before it began
I will succeed; To you I confess
The 21st Century?
The century of success?
Ha…fooling ourselves blind
For people have not yet begun to progress
Rather, they’re satisfied to regress
The others have unraveled…
Not I.
I chose the road less traveled.

Keen A. Umbehr II ~ December 25, 2001 (Age 17)

“Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” ~ Matthew 7:13, 14 (RSV)

This is an excerpt from another poem Keen wrote titled Changes:

These tears I’ve wept
Because, have not I, a defense to battle the strife
Where does it end?
Will we let it remain?
Why should I assume my beliefs will be the ones that transcend?
When hate continues to conquer this orb with an eternal reign
What if I were like all of the others and were content to blend
With those who care not for this ever-present pain?
I have not the strength to fight it all
Yet I do not possess the will to let it fall
I’ll fight with all my soul
I’ll stand up
I’ll be bold
For let it be known:
And men be put to shame
On my own if I must
I will be the change.

Keen A. Umbehr II ~ December 24, 2001

“Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Robert Frost

Whereas most of my poems are quite simple, Keen’s writings capture and express his innermost thoughts in a much deeper way. I know he has many more literary works which he has not yet shared, but I am privileged to have been given this rare glimpse into our son’s hidden talent.

Keen has many other gifts as well. Besides being a natural-born athlete, he has an amazing ability to relate to people of all ages and from all walks of life. He is easy going, non-judgmental and full of wisdom. But it’s not enough just to possess wisdom; the true gift is in knowing how to deliver that wisdom with compassion so as not to crush the spirit of the hearer. I myself have been the recipient of this unique gift. I have cried tears as I’ve listened to my own son gently yet firmly tell me how God would want me to handle a particular situation. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn’t I be the one imparting wisdom to my child? But I am humble enough to accept that God often uses other people in our lives to give us guidance in our darkest hours.

I’d like to close by sharing a portion of a card I sent to Keen last fall. The text was written by Ginnie Job:

I just want you to know how glad I am you’re my son
An how lucky I think the world is to have you in it.
You earn respect because you honor commitments,
Work hard, and play fair.
Your generous spirit and good nature make you a fine man
And such a pride to me.
I’ll always treasure a heart full of memories of “my little boy.”
But with every day that passes, my appreciation deepens,
And my admiration grows for the remarkable man you are….
The son I love so much!

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11 (RSV)


Mother and son, Eileen and Keen II on Keen's 21st Birthday

Growing Apart

“Love . . . does not seek its own.” ~ I Corinthians 13:5 (NKJV)

“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping, for only the hand of Life can contain your hearts . . . And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” ~ Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese philosopher and author of The Prophet


Redwoods of California (photo taken by my sister, Mary)

Some people have the notion that true love means never spending a day apart – and I’m not disagreeing – if that’s what works for them. Don’t get me wrong – Keen and I are best friends and we love spending time together. At the end of a busy day we’re always anxious to hear about what new adventures transpired since last we talked. But we also believe in giving each other some space when needed. It’s an interesting dichotomy.

For example, I am writing this column from our Manhattan house where I’ll be spending some time for the next two weeks. My purpose is twofold: 1) to get back to work on my book revisions, and 2) to give Keen the time he needs to concentrate on studying and preparing for the bar exam. In fact, this morning on the phone he thanked me for being so understanding during this stress-filled time. He said that one of his law school colleagues was close to tears over the fact that her husband was angry at her for not being as attentive. On top of that, she said he gave her a long list of errands to run which included taking the car in for a minor repair.

As I mentioned in last week’s column, when Keen was attending Kansas State University, he stayed at our house in Manhattan three to four nights a week. That gave him the much-needed time to focus on his studies – and it was a real blessing not to have to commute back and forth every day.

Now this next statement isn’t going to sound quite right, but Keen’s absence during that time changed the whole dynamic in our home – in a positive way. Whereas normally Keen and I would spend the majority of our time talking to each other, on the nights when he was in Manhattan, I would focus more of my attention on spending quality time with Keen II and Kirk Van. I remember many hour-long conversations with Keener, which was a precious commodity that I didn’t take lightly. My philosophy has always been that if your teenager wants to talk, stop whatever you’re doing, because nothing else is more important. It’s when they stop talking that you should start to worry. As for Kirk and me, we started a new weekly tradition during that time. Every Tuesday he and I would pick out a new recipe and bake a special dessert together. Kirk really looked forward to that one-on-one time with Mom – and vice-versa.

Another positive that resulted from that decision was the unique opportunity Keen and Josh had to be part-time roommates. Keen always talked about how much he cherished the time he spent sharing meals and conversations with his adult son. In fact, KSNT (the NBC affiliate in Topeka) did a news story about father and son attending college together. The report included a humorous story about a role-reversal incident when Keen forgot one of his school books at the house and Josh had to bolt six blocks on foot to bring it to him. “I told him he’s irresponsible,” Josh said with a grin.

Even before we were married, Keen and I spent two years apart. After meeting in Singapore when we were fifteen years old, we dated for a little over a year in high school before my family moved back to Minnesota. Then we only saw each other for one week in between when Keen came out for my graduation from high school. No one thought it would last, but we continued to grow close in heart through our letters (that was before the days of email). I’ve always emphasized the importance of good communication to my boys, because that’s the thing that really makes or breaks a marriage – besides having God at the center of the relationship, of course.

Then there was the time I spent in Nevada writing our story (nearly five months in all, with three weeks off for Christmas). When Keen saw how frustrated I was over the fact that I couldn’t seem to make any significant progress on my book at home, he didn’t just pat my hand and tell me he understood; he suggested that I think about going someplace secluded to write.

“A soul can create only when alone…” ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel

Keen is always so quick to praise me for being supportive of his goals and dreams, but how many men do you know who would not only support such a decision, but suggest it? Greater love hath no man than this!

In any event, my absence during that time also changed the dynamic of our home in a positive way, giving Keen and Kirk the chance to bond by spending more time together while equally dividing the numerous household responsibilities. (By the way – Kirk continues to do his own laundry. Yeah!) As for our relationship, if anything, Keen and I grew even closer during that time. We communicated regularly over the phone, and I wouldn’t have missed those priceless love letters for all the tea in China!

Yes, I believe it is possible to grow apart; that is, to grow together while being physically apart. Giving your partner room to grow and pursue their own individual dreams is one of the greatest gifts you could ever share. Of course, that may not involve anything as drastic as renting an apartment in Nevada, but it might simply mean giving the other person the liberty and time they need to engage in the activities they enjoy, such as: spending time with friends, watching the news or sports on television, puttering around in the garage, writing, reading, fishing, going to the movies, shopping, traveling, golfing, or just spending quiet time alone. (A good book on this subject is “One Minute for Yourself” by Spencer Johnson, M.D.)

"Alone time is just as important as sleep in soothing the spirit and replenishing the body." ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

A guest on The Today Show, Dr. Stephen Treat, had this advice about how to handle the retirement years:
“If one spouse is saying, ‘Oh boy, won't it be great? We'll get to spend 24 hours a day together,’ then all sorts of red flags should be going up. Hold on to your individuality. If you liked tennis or enjoyed your book club, continue to be involved in those activities that make you who you are." Dr. Treat concluded by saying that retirement should be a combination of togetherness and individuality.

After all, love is about freedom, is it not?


Keen & Eileen at Van Kirk reunion in Minnesota, 2004 (Photo taken by my sister Patricia Van Kirk)

A Love So Real

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.” ~ I John 4:18a (NKJV)


I remember how it used to feel
Riding down old two mile hill
Tennis shoes up on the handle bars
Paying no mind to the passing cars
No doubts, no fears, just like when you are here

No chains, no strings, no fences, no wall
No net, just you to catch me when I fall
Look heart, no hands.

Look Heart, No Hands ~ Recorded by Randy Travis

Last week I received another poignant email from my high school friend, Scott Carson, who has such a way with words. After reading my column about Mark & Melissa’s wedding, he wrote:

“It's great to hear (and see) about other people's families as they go through those most significant of life's passages. While the principles in such events are, usually, having the time of their lives and thinking they will never have a day as significant as this, it is more fun, I think, for the "old folks" at such events. Why? Because they (...errr...WE) get to witness and share the joy, AND know that even brighter and more exciting days are ahead. I can still see the wonder-filled face of my little nephew as he watched a bird's nest outside his window as the eggs began to move, to crack, and finally to yield tiny little birds. I supposed if he'd thought about it at the time he would have thought that sight was the most remarkable he would ever see. Now I get to watch him hold his newborn son, and play with his two year old. My nephew probably doesn't remember that day he watched with total awe as the little birds hatched. Sure, he's someone's dad now; he's 30 and taller than me, but I remember the day the eggs hatched. It's an interesting concept to think that as life unfolds for those we love, we get to watch them experience it, almost like God watches us with a wry grin because He knows that today's little miracle will give way to future wonders we cannot at this moment imagine.”

All this talk about weddings inspired me to reflect on the miracle of love God has allowed Keen and me to share. On June 9, the day before our 27th anniversary, I boarded a plane to Ohio to attend my daughter-in-law’s graduation from nursing school. The next day I received a message from Keen telling me that he missed me. Although he probably wouldn’t have remembered our anniversary without a reminder from me, I told my kids that it was the best gift I could ever receive for my husband of 27 years to say that he missed me after only one day!

Back in 2000 when Keen was attending Kansas State University, he would spend several nights a week at our house in Manhattan to allow more time for studying. In August of that year I sent him an email containing this short quote:

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” ~ Winnie the Pooh

Keen wrote back and said: “Winnie the Pooh, being the deep-thinking philosopher that he is, captured the sentiments of my heart, too! Never more than two consecutive minutes pass that I'm not painfully aware that we're apart. I miss you tonight. I'll be home tomorrow. Love, Keen”

I thanked Keen for his note and told him that I felt so secure knowing that he was always thinking of me, even when he was in school or staying in Manhattan. He replied: “When you walk around with a hole in your heart, you never forget it’s there.”

********************

More recently, Keen left a couple of touching messages on my cell phone. This morning I listened to them several times so that I could accurately record what he said and share it with you.

This first excerpt was left on my answering machine about two weeks ago:

“Hi hon, it’s Tuesday morning about 5:15 and I just left. I just wanted to call and tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me and how great a person you are. Sometimes I just marvel that I am so privileged to be married to you. You know, we are such a good team and it’s just a wonderful blessing every day to wake up with you. Thank you so much for loving me. I love you. Have a great day. Your day is blessed. My day is blessed. I feel blessed already. I’m just so in love with you. Thank you so much. I love you. Bye-bye.”

********************

“ . . . a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” ~ Ecclesiastes 4:12b

Keen left this next message on July 1st :

“Hi hon, it’s me. It’s Friday morning, I just left the house a little after 4:30. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much I appreciate you being there and making my lunch and being up so we can see each other a little bit in the morning before I left. I know it’s a hard time, but we’re gonna get through it. A three-fold cord is not easily broken.
I just want you to know that you’re my greatest love, my greatest helpmate, my greatest friend. I want you to have a great day. I’m gonna have a great day. Our day is blessed. We’re just gonna take this day by storm and we’re gonna see the salvation of God in our lives!

Anyway, I just wanted to call and leave you a message. You have a great day. I love you. Bye-bye.”

“Look at my life, I’m floating like mercury around the earth. My footprints shine with stardust. All because I love you. All because you love me.”

~ Maya Angelou

In closing, I would like to thank you, my friends, for giving me the privilege of sharing my life with all of you. I can’t explain this need I have to take the thoughts and feelings of my heart and put them down on paper for all to read. July 3rd marked two years since I started writing my Reflections. In fact, this week’s column is number 100. But I couldn’t have done it without Joann Kahnt’s generosity and willingness to give me space in The Prairie Post each week. Although she’s probably tired of hearing me say it, once again, Joann, I thank you.

Sometimes I wonder how long I can or will keep this weekly column up. But as I look in my “Reflections in Progress” folder on my computer, I see that I still have many, many more topics left to write about. So, as long as the Lord and Joann Kahnt are willing, I will be writing and sharing for some time yet to come.

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”

~ Philippians 1:3 (NKJV)


Keen & Eileen Then (age 16) and Now (25th anniversary, 2003)

Wedded Bliss

“The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voice of those who say, Give thanks to the Lord of hosts, for the Lord is good, for His loving kindness is everlasting..." ~ Jeremiah 33:11 (NASB)

"To get the full value of love, you must have someone to divide it with." ~ Mark Twain

On June 25, I had the pleasure of witnessing the marriage union of my niece Melissa Reese and her soul mate, Mark Wehr.

The wedding, which took place at St. Jude Catholic Church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, was absolutely beautiful in every respect. Mark and Melissa – with the help of their parents – planned out every detail and the entire event went off without a hitch.

Some members of the Van Kirk family arrived on the Thursday before the wedding, so my brother-in-law, Jim, and sister Peggy (Melissa’s dad and stepmom), arranged for everyone to have dinner at Chuck-E-Cheese. The idea behind that particular choice of restaurant was that it would give the younger kids a fun place to play. But as it turned out, the older kids (a/k/a parents) enjoyed the fun and games as much as the little kids. As my sister-in-law Christine said, “There’s a little Chuck E. in all of us!”

Unfortunately, Keen wasn’t able to attend the wedding due to his bar exam preparation courses. When he called Melissa to tell her the bad news, she said that she understood completely. Then she asked if he had any advice for them. Keen replied: “Yes, I do. Just remember that it doesn’t matter what you fight about or how long you fight – the only thing that matters is that you work it out before you go to bed. In fact, Mrs. Umbehr and I had a little hassle in the castle just the other night, but we hung in there until we got everything resolved.” Melissa said that they had received the same advice from several other people and planned to take it to heart.

That reminds me of something I wrote for Jared & Erin on their wedding day six years ago:

Always Remember and Never Forget

Always remember that marriage is a commitment and not an experiment.

Never forget that you're a "we" now and not two "I's."

Always remember not to say or do anything that you wouldn't want said or done to you.

Never forget to discuss all your plans together and try to reach a mutual agreement before making any decisions.

Always remember to avoid sarcasm; it is merely an insult disguised as a joke.

Never forget that problems can't be resolved with the silent treatment; communication is the key.

Always remember to say, "I love you."

Never forget to say, "I'm sorry."

Always remember what the Bible says; "Don't let the sun go down on your anger."

Never forget that you are loved more than life itself.

Always remember that your parents are just a phone call away, and...

Never forget that God is just a prayer away.

**********

Three of our four sons were able to make the trip – Josh, Keen II and Kirk Van. Jared is stationed at the naval base in Mississippi and Erin & the boys were getting ready to move there. (After they moved last weekend, Asher said, “Now nobody is missing from our family!” By the way – Erin did pass her exam so she is officially a board certified registered nurse.) Unfortunately, Josh’s wife Lisa couldn’t get off work, but Keen’s girlfriend Emily and Kirk’s girlfriend Bethany were able to attend the wedding. So we had a “girl’s room” and a “guy’s room” at the hotel.


Emily, Keen II, Eileen, Josh, Bethany & Kirk Van

Speaking of the hotel, when we checked into our rooms we discovered a wonderful gift bag filled with chips, granola bars, candy, gum and a bottle of juice and water. The following poem was attached to the white bags:

“For our family and friends near and far,
Some traveled by plane, some by car.
Thanks for sharing in our special day,
Enjoy these treats as you stay!”

Love, Mark & Melissa

I don’t know how they found the time for that extra special touch. I heard they put fifty bags together in all!

The night before the big day, Jim & Peggy graciously treated about thirty members of the Van Kirk family to dinner at a nearby restaurant, while the members of the wedding party attended the rehearsal dinner at a different location. Keener suggested that we call Jim & Peggy’s cell phone and give them an “Ish-ga-bibble” – which we did. For those of you who may not recall, that is the Van Kirk Family cheer. The original version was, “Ish-ga-bibble, Ish-ga-bah, Daddy Van Kirk, rah, rah, rah!” But you can substitute any name you want – in this case it was “Jim and Peggy, rah, rah, rah!” (As a side note, I was politely informed that Melissa requested no “Ish-ga-bibbles” at the wedding. For the life of me, I can’t imagine why!?)

The food was absolutely delicious and the dinner gave us the perfect chance to talk and laugh together. My great-niece Kelsey (who is almost six) immediately latched on to Josh, who played with her and turned her upside down off and on throughout the night. At one point Kelsey playfully stuck her tongue out and put her thumbs in her ears and wiggled her fingers at him. Then Josh did it right back to Kelsey and said, “Oh, real mature!” He cracks me up. In fact, he gives Lisa a hard time for not laughing at his jokes as hard as I do. (He even claims that she strained a muscle in her eye one time from rolling her eyes at him.)


Josh & Kelsey upside down

The only person who didn’t enjoy the evening was our four-year-old nephew, Ryan, who was quite upset by the fact that his parents (my brother Bob and his wife, Christine), along with his two siblings, Caitlyn and Connor, left him behind while they attended the rehearsal dinner. (Caitlyn was the flower girl and Ryan was the ring bearer.)


Ryan, Caitlyn & Connor

So Ryan spent nearly the entire evening nestled in the arms of his Aunt Mary, repeating his request to see his mommy and daddy “right now!” At one point, Mary told him that he needed to sit in a chair to eat his dinner and Ryan tearfully replied, “I just want to keep my eyes closed. Is that okay?” I guess that was his way of coping with the tragic set of circumstances that had befallen him. Perhaps if he didn’t have to view the cruel world, then it would all become a wee bit more tolerable. Later, when Ryan reluctantly agreed to disembark from Aunt Mary’s lap, he proceeded to eat his dinner – peeking out only periodically from his firmly closed eyes. Bless his heart, he eventually recovered from the traumatic ordeal and walked back to the hotel as happy as a lark – with his eyes wide open!

The wedding mass itself was just lovely. As Mark said at the reception, Melissa was the most beautiful bride – and she looked just as perfect at the end of the evening as she did at the beginning!


Mark & Melissa cutting cake

Their wedding program was special, too, and included several memories about each member of the wedding party. I was particularly touched by the following reference which read:

“A dozen roses have been arranged to remember those who are not with us today. We pray that they continue to watch over us and bless us every day, as we hold their memories close to our hearts. We love you and miss you, and know that you join us today in spirit.”

On the final page, Mark & Melissa shared a note of thanks to their parents:

“We couldn’t begin to express our appreciation for everything you’ve provided us. Thank you for showing us what love is and how to love others unconditionally. That is truly the best gift we’ve ever received. We hope that as we begin our new life together, we continue to embody the same values, encouragement, generosity, and love that you shared with us. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for – in so many ways – making possible a weekend that we will remember and cherish forever.”


Ed & Joan (Melissa's mom & stepdad)


Jim & Peggy (Melissa's dad & stepmom)


Jim & Marna (Mark's parents)

And thank you, Mark & Melissa, for giving us the privilege and joy of knowing you both and sharing in your special day. We love you.

“True life is only love, love only bliss.” ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning


Mark & Melissa on their way to happily ever after ....

With Flying Colors

“A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman – who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.” ~ Proverbs 31:10

Remember when I said I was going to try to start writing shorter columns? Well, I’ve made very little progress in that department, but this week I’ll probably break a record. My computer has been in the shop for over a week and the technicians still haven’t diagnosed the problem. I never realized how much I depend on e-mail as a form of communication! So last week I went to the Manhattan Public Library to do a little catching up, and now I am at our house in Manhattan trying to get this column out before I head for home and start preparing for a trip to Cedar Rapids, Iowa this weekend to attend our niece Melissa’s wedding.

Between the loss of my computer and back-to-back trips, I’ve been a bit distracted. For that reason, this week’s column will be short and next week I won’t have time to write a column at all. But I’ll return the following week, just after my 47th birthday on July 3rd, which is also the 2nd anniversary of the start of my Reflections column.

Two weekends ago I flew to Ohio to attend my daughter-in-law’s graduation from nursing school on June 11th. Erin (Jared’s wife) graduated summa cum laude with an Associate of Applied Science Degree in Nursing from Marion Technical College. We feel especially proud of Erin for this great accomplishment because of the difficult circumstances she faced while pursuing her degree.

First of all, she has been living with her parents while Jared has been serving in Navy in Mississippi. They see each other for a month during the summer and off and on throughout the year. Erin’s parents, John and Lu Stricklin, have gone above and beyond the call of duty by allowing Erin and the boys to live in their house for the past several years. But they both have full time jobs, so for the most part, Erin has been fully responsible for the care of Asher, age 5, and Gabriel, age 2. In fact, Gabriel was born on the day Erin was scheduled to start nursing school the first time. Ah, the well laid plans of mice and men....

In an unfortunate irony, little Gabe ended up back in the hospital on the eve of Erin’s graduation. He had been sick with a bad cough for the days leading up to the graduation, but when nurse Erin got out her stethoscope and listened to his breathing, she decided that she and Jared needed to take him to the ER right away. After Gabe was admitted, the doctor ordered chest x-rays, which were inconclusive for pneumonia. But one thing was certain – he was one very sick little baby.


Erin & Gabe in hospital with Erin's parents, John & Lu

During the night Gabe’s fever spiked to 104.6 so they kept him on an intravenous tube throughout his stay. One time Gabe turned to his mommy and said two heart wrenching little words: “Help me.” So Jared and Erin got virtually no sleep for the two nights preceding Erin’s graduation. Erin’s sister Misty stayed with Gabe at the hospital during the graduation ceremony – then her mom traded places with Misty so she could attend the pinning ceremony. That night I offered to stay with Gabe at the hospital so Jared and Erin could get some much needed rest. (They were also able to attend the graduation party of a fellow nursing student whom Erin had tutored.)

Gabe and I had a special bonding time that night, although he will never remember it. The first half of my grandma tour of duty, however, was a complete nightmare. He coughed and cried off and on and sometimes he would thrash about in so violently that I could barely hold him down. I was also worried about the I.V. tube and needle in his little arm. Then every two hours the nurse would come in and administer a respiratory treatment where they would put a little mask over his face and have him breathe in the medicinal vapors. Around 2:30 he miraculously calmed down and we both slept for five hours until Jared, Erin and Asher arrived at 7:30 to find grandma and grandson sleeping like babies side by side.

Despite the unexpected turn of events and the accompanying stress, I still came away feeling like it was a wonderful trip. I so enjoyed spending time with Jared, Erin, Asher and Gabe. Several times Asher gave me a hug and said, “I just want to tell you that I love you, Grandma.”

Thank God Gabe was released from the hospital after three days and is back to his usual rambunctious self. His stay in the hospital seemed symbolic of the many challenges Erin faced along the road to accomplishing her goal of becoming an RN. Raising two boys by herself while working in home health and tutoring other students and then graduating with top honors is indeed a great accomplishment.

Last week Erin called with some more exciting news. “I need big prayers!” she exclaimed into the phone. She had just learned that she would be able to take her final boards/exam on Tuesday, June 21st. “God willing, I’ll be an RN by the time I move to Mississippi.” (Note: Erin later learned that she passed her boards!)

That’s the other big change in their lives. Now that Erin has earned her nursing degree, she and the boys will be moving to Mississippi to finally be reunited with Jared. As Asher says, “I’m gonna live with my daddy forever!”

It’s been a long road for the whole family, but I’d say they all passed with flying colors!

“And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her from the Lord.” ~ Luke 1:45


Jared, Erin & Asher on Erin's Graduation Day ~ June 11, 2005

God Hates Hate

“Behold, how good and how pleasant [it is] for brethren to dwell together in unity!” ~ Psalm 133:1 (KJV)

The weekend before last I attended the Women of Faith conference at Kemper Arena in Kansas City – compliments of my good friend, Rhonda Smith. My daughter-in-law Lisa went with me to the Friday night conference which featured an inspirational presentation from Jennifer Rothschild (www.jenniferrothschild.com). Although Jennifer lost her sight to disease at the age of fifteen, she has managed to maintain her faith in God along with an amazingly positive attitude. Jennifer is married with two sons and is the author of “Lessons I Learned in the Dark” and her latest release, “Touched by His Unseen Hand.”

On the morning of the Saturday conference I flipped open the Bible and my eyes fell directly on the above verse. What a fitting Scripture for the Women of Faith! That is precisely what makes their conferences so special; women gathering from all walks of life and different religious denominations to celebrate something we share in common – a love for the Lord.

In contrast to the demonstration of unity within the walls of Kemper Arena, however, Fred Phelps and his clan of hate mongers were picketing on the street corner outside of the conference. I couldn’t believe my eyes – although, nothing should surprise me when it comes to the Phelps family. Still, I wondered why on earth they would be picketing the Women of Faith conference!

“Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate it; a child who fears noises becomes a man who hates noise.”
~ Cyril Connolly, English journalist, editor and writer (1903 - 1974)

I know I am not alone in my feeling of utter disgust by the messages displayed on the Phelps’ signs; messages so vile that I cannot even repeat them in my column. And to think that they do this in the name of God is simply incredulous. God, who is love, doesn’t hate homosexuals, as the Phelps’ profess. In fact, God doesn’t hate ANYONE! Most of us are familiar with the message of John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." That is the Good News in a nutshell. Then the next verse reads: “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”

It saddens me deeply to see the Phelps family traveling all across the country picketing events and funerals of gay men.

“Hatred, which could destroy so much, never failed to destroy the man who hated, and this was an immutable law.”
~ James Baldwin, American novelist and essayist (1924 - 1987)

The Bible says that the tongue is a restless evil – with it we praise the Lord and with it we curse men who have been made in God's likeness. “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” (James 3:18-10)

One of the other speakers at the Women of Faith conference was Sheila Walsh. Sheila shared a story about a time when her young son Christian was pulling off the petals of a flower saying, “I love my mommy, I don’t love my mommy.” Then when he got down to one petal he was on “I don’t love my mommy,” so he turned to her and said, “Mommy, this flower is one petal short.” Sheila went on to say that God is never “one pedal short.” He always loves us – no matter what we’ve done or how many mistakes we’ve made in our life. God’s only language is the language of love – pure and simple.

Sheila then shared the following Biblical passage. After reading this, I don’t see how the Phelps could ever proclaim that God hates anyone:

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~ Romans 8:31-35;37-39 (NKJV)

The following tale by poet, journalist and humorist Sam Walter Foss (1858-1911) titled, “The House by the Side of the Road” seems apropos:

“He was a friend to man, and lived in a house by the side of the road." ~ Homer
There are hermit souls that live withdrawn
In the place of their self-content;
There are souls, like stars, that dwell apart,
In a fellowless firmament:
There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
Where the highways never ran;
But let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.
.
Let me live in a house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by –
The men who are good, and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad and I.
I would not sit in the scorner’s seat,
Or hurl the cynic’s ban;
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I see from my house by the side of the road,
By the side of the highway of life,
The men who press with the ardor of hope,
The men who are faint with the strife.
But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears –
Both parts of an infinite plan;
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead,
And mountains of wearisome height;
That the road passes on through the long afternoon,
And stretches away to the night.
But still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice,
And weep with the strangers that moan,
Nor live in my house by the side of the road
Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by –
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish – so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner’s seat,
Or hurl the cynic’s ban?
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

“For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.”

~ I John 3:11; 4:7 (KJV)

The Essence of Grace

“Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own picked representatives…by putting on behavior marked by tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling…gentle ways, and patience – which is tireless, long-suffering and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper.” ~ Colossians 3:8,12

I would like to dedicate this column to my very special sister, Connie, who will be celebrating her birthday on June 9th.

I chose the above verse this week because it describes Connie so well. To me, Connie is the very essence of grace. She is full of “tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, gentle ways and patience.” She is also “tireless, long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes.” In other words, Connie is “all of the above.”

When our sister Patricia passed away I wrote a poem about our family, listing each sibling by name along with their special quality. In that poem, I described Connie as “the sweetest soul” that ever lived. Even though she quickly dismissed this notion as thought it didn’t apply to her, I still stand by it. Connie is soft-spoken and mild-mannered. She exudes God’s love and peace to such a degree that it is almost tangible – so much so that at times I have not felt deserving to even stand in her presence.

I have often told Connie that I think she is the most spiritual one of us all. However, she did not always walk the straight and narrow. After going through a rebellious period during her youth, Connie found the Lord and now she is a living testimony to what God can do if we will simply invite Him into our life. I remember when I was a teenager I saw a handmade card that Connie had given to our parents. On the front of the card she wrote: “I have returned to the God of my fathers.” And she’s never looked back since.

The Bible says that you can tell a tree by its fruit and it also talks about the fruits of the Spirit being “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22,23) You don’t have to spend very much time with Connie before you can see that these fruits of the Spirit are clearly evident in her life.

When Connie was younger, she would dress up in a Santa costume every Christmas Eve, complete with cotton eyebrows, moustache and beard. Then she would sneak away from the festivities when none of the younger kids were looking, put on her costume and walk across our front yard shouting “Ho, Ho, Ho! Me-r-r-r-r-r-y Christmas!” in the lowest voice she could muster. We all watched in utter amazement as “Santa” passed by the picture window carrying a sack of goodies. Then one by one we would sit on Santa’s lap and describe all the items on our wish list.


"Santa Connie" with Eileen, Bill & Mary

Another Christmas Eve tradition in the Van Kirk family was putting on original skits. One of the annual favorites was a skit performed by Connie and Joanne where Connie would dress up as a shepherd and lie down on the ground pretending to be fast asleep. Then Joanne would sing the chorus to this song: “Rise up shepherd and follow. Follow, follow.” But Connie (the shepherd) would just keep snoring and didn’t budge. Then Joanne would act like she was agitated while she desperately tried to maintain her composure and continued to sing “Rise up shepherd and follow” through gritted teeth. No matter how many times we saw that skit, it was still funny. (I guess you had to be there.)

Connie is also the one we credit for our parents having one more baby (Bob) after child number eight (Bill), because she reportedly prayed fervently that Mom would have another baby. Then when Bob was old enough to ride in a bike seat, Connie would often take him with her on outings around town, along with another friend who also had a younger sibling.

Eventually Connie got married to her husband, Art, and had three little babies of her own: Naomi (who has a 5-year old daughter, Kelsey Constance), Peggy, and Zachery. Connie was a homemaker and stay-at-home mom until a few years ago when she embarked on a challenging journey to become a registered nurse. Connie achieved her goal with flying colors, and now lends her gentle spirit to patients in hospice care.


Dad & Connie on Connie's Graduation Day

But those of us who had the privilege of growing up with Connie have long benefited from the many gifts and talents that she possesses. We have been blessed by a sister who is full of compassion and understanding and who is always there to lend an ear or an encouraging word. I recall one time when I was going through a difficult struggle and Connie gently admonished me to “cast my care on the Lord.” Although I knew she was right, I must confess that I wanted to strangle her. Yes, sweet souls and truly spiritual people can be downright annoying at times. But seriously, Connie is a gift from God and we are all so thankful to call her our sister and our friend.

This complete version of the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr seems to sum up Connie’s whole approach to life:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it,
Trusting that you will make all things right, if I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen

Finally, I’d like to share an excerpt from the Hallmark card I sent to Connie for her birthday:

“I wish you . . . beauty to enrapture your soul
And goodness to comfort your spirit.
And I wish you harmony with all creation
So that wherever you go, you will be at home in the world
I wish you these things not only because it is your birthday
But because you are my sister
And you are worthy of every good thing my heart can hope for you.”

You are loved.


"The Sweetest Soul" - Connie in 2004

It Took a Village (Part II)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

~ Proverbs 3:5,6 (RSV)

“I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but
whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess.”

~ Martin Luther

. . . . Continued from last week

Keen’s first step in trying to sell the trash business was to call our local competitor, whose enthusiastic reaction gave us ample reasons to feel optimistic. However, after we turned over all our financial records at their initial meeting, we never heard from him again – even though Keen tried unsuccessfully to reach him several times a week. After six weeks passed without any word, my brother Bill convinced us to inquire elsewhere. “Eileen, that’s not even courteous, much less good business for him not to return your calls,” Bill exclaimed.

The next day Keen made a call to Waste Management of Topeka and by 5:00 that evening they had returned his call. The salesman explained that Waste Management was in the “acquisition mode” and therefore they were very interested in purchasing our business. Within three months the transaction was complete and Keen was enrolled as a freshman at Kansas State University.

After news about the sale of the business and Keen’s career change was announced, he received a lot of encouragement from friends and family, including the following letter to the editor which Alma citizen Lyn Posey submitted to the local paper:

“I would like to say I appreciate, along with lots of others, everything you have done for this community and want to wish y’all the best of luck in your new endeavors. I’m sure you will succeed with the greatest honors as you have done at everything you have ever tried. You have made a difference and an impression on so many lives.” (The Signal-Enterprise, December 31, 1998)

The largest hurdle to overcome involved that all-important area of finances. You know, that pesky little detail that allows you to keep the lights on and put food on the table? Basically, when it came to the money side of our new adventure, Keen and I made a conscious decision to close our eyes, hold hands and take one gigantic leap of faith into the abyss, because we knew that was the only way Keen was ever going to get off the treadmill of the trash business and be free to pursue his degree. As they say: “You can’t steal second base with your foot firmly planted on first.”

“One beautiful, blue morning, the sailor points his bow toward the horizon, turns sail, and bids farewell to safe, solid ground.”
~ Hallmark card Keen received

So we came up with a bottom-line figure for the sale of our business and, much to our surprise, Waste Management’s offer was right in the ballpark. Then my father surprised us by offering to cover Keen’s tuition expenses at Kansas State! We were on our way.

From there we combined all of our resources including the proceeds from the sale of the business and money leftover from the settlement we received after winning the Supreme Court case. Then we paid Uncle Sam his share and spent another chunk paying off our house in Alma and Manhattan.

"Go, sell the oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on the rest." ~ II Kings 4:7 (RSV)

Although we were officially debt-free at that point, the remaining funds would not be enough for the next seven years. But we had faith that God would see us through, and we still had some additional assets to sell, including our car wash and restaurant. Yes, we’ve pulled out all the stops and cashed in all our chips in this quest (including our retirement accounts), but as Keen once said, “You don’t reach the end of the war with bullets leftover.” Now I’m fairly confident that both our tax accountant and financial advisor think we’re nuts, (along with several other people, I’m sure), and still others are scratching their heads about why I haven’t gone to work to help out. But I do help out, by holding down the fort and keeping things running smoothly at home. And it’s been worth every dollar spent to see Keen’s dream become a reality, while at the same time pursuing my own dream of writing a book about our story.

I remember when we first embarked on this journey I received a letter of encouragement from my good friend, Debbie Varney. (She and her husband Greg are the pastors of Light of the World Christian Center in Topeka.) Debbie reminded me that if God provided “manna from heaven” and “water from the flinty rock” for the Israelites while they wandered for forty years in the desert, then He could and would provide for us. And He has.

“Forty years you sustained them in the wilderness; they lacked nothing; their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell.” ~ Nehemiah 9:21 (Amp)

One thing we have learned from this experience is that not all of God’s angels have wings. Keen’s parents, Jim and Jean Umbehr, have been two of those angels. Since the time Keen dropped out of college right after high school, my in-laws have encouraged him to go back to school. His Uncle Jerry gave him a memorable pep talk once, too. Just like my dad, Keen’s parents went beyond mere encouragement to offering financial support. We are eternally grateful to them for their generosity in covering the most expensive part of Keen’s education – his law school tuition. Plus they deeded us some pasture land which provided enough rental income to pay all of our personal property taxes each year. Then when Keen didn’t get into law school the first time, his brother Kevin and wife Falethesa graciously gave us $6,000 to cover the expense of applying to multiple law schools. So you see, we have many people to thank for helping us reach the end of this journey, and we will never forget everyone’s kindness towards us.

Recently, Keen sent me the sweetest thank you note, which I would like to share:

“I needed to tell you that I couldn’t have accomplished the attainment of a J.D. without you. Your love for me, your support, your constant encouragement, your sacrifice, your patience made it all possible. My commitment to you is that I will make all the sacrifices worth it all. I will love you and honor you, and provide for you in the manner appropriate for the Queen you are. I love you!

We have now crossed the finish line together! What is next?”

Isn’t that sweet? It’s just one of the many reasons why I am still so in love with my husband after all these years.

In closing, I would like to share two letters of congratulations and encouragement which held special meaning for Keen and me. The first one is from our friend, Scott:

“Congratulations to you BOTH--and to your boys. It's been a long hard struggle for all of you and I'm glad to know that it has turned out well in the end. In a way, what Keen has done is very like this quote: "To will to be that person one truly is, is indeed the opposite of despair." When we embrace that person we are after all the layers of camouflage are stripped away, we experience the opposite of despair and are empowered for the work we were born to do. Keen is a humble, honest and upright man, and with this God-given nature as the guiding force he was able to fight the good fight and finish the race, and now has been awarded the crown of victory. Well done, Keen! You truly are a good and faithful servant of God who did not bury his talent out of fear, but instead invested his time and talent and energy to do those things which are right and good. Your journey has resulted in blessings not only for you and for those you love, but for ALL those who have witnessed your struggle.”

*****************

This final letter is from another friend of ours named Ron Ebberts:

To the Umbehr Family,

So this 14th day of May 05 the Umbehr Family has reached a major milestone. The story of how this day has come to be is one which might be shared with the world, and, if read with care, could alter many lives . . . .

I know at times challenges have been great, there have been some setbacks – all seem to have offered a deeper challenge and afforded clearer direction for dedication. For people and families of lesser character, Mr. Umbehr, there would not be this day of accomplishment. Now the privilege of greater service commences today. I expect you, Keen Umbehr, to run this state or challenge the Congress of the U.S. to wake up.

May you all be richly blessed as people who know you are blessed.”

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”
~ Philippians 1:3 (NKJV)


Part of "The Village": Keen's parents, Jim & Jean Umbehr;
Keen, Eileen and Eileen's father, Joe Van Kirk


Keen & Eileen at Keen's law school graduation May 14, 2005

It Took a Village (Part I)

“Not I, but the grace of God that was with me.”
~ I Corinthians 15:10


This past week has been full of excitement, but I must admit that I am very happy to be on this side of Keen’s graduation. I’m not one for a lot of pomp and circumstance, although I realize that it was certainly in order! However, I much prefer the “ordinariness” of everyday life.

A few days after graduation, Keen and I celebrated our 27th anniversary a little early by spending the night at our favorite hideaway, The Cottage House in historic Council Grove, Kansas. If you ever need a place to slow down and forget your worries or you just want to renew the love you share with your lifelong sweetheart, The Cottage House is the place to go.* In fact, the town of Council Grove as a whole is just delightful. We enjoyed dinner at the Hays House on Thursday evening, followed by a leisurely walk around town. On Friday morning I had a nice visit with my dear friend, Rebecca Miller. You may recall that I wrote a column about her titled, “The Picture of Contentment.” She is such an inspiration. She entertained me by playing a couple of songs on the violin (the same one her parents bought for her for $5.00 when she was a young girl), and she gave us some fresh-baked cookies.


Rebecca Miller with her violin

On Friday afternoon we ate at The Trail’s End Bakery and Café. The gentleman who served us was local attorney Kenneth McClintock who, along with his wife, started the non-profit organization that raised funds to renovate the historic building. Kenneth is known as the town historian, so we were treated to several interesting history lessons along with our delicious meal. (I highly recommend the Reuben sandwich made with homemade rye bread!)

From Council Grove we drove to Hayes, Kansas to spend Friday night. On Saturday we surprised our old friends, Hal & Jane Rogers, by attending the graduation party for their daughter, Angela. Several years ago, the Rogers family lived and worked on a ranch owned by Simon McGee, which is located along Highway 99 between Alta Vista and Alma.

Keen and I thoroughly enjoyed our mini-vacation before Keen had to buckle down to eight weeks of study in preparation for the bar exam in late July.

The only downside to our busy weekend is that I’m running way behind schedule, which is unfortunate because I want to devote this column to thanking everyone who encouraged and supported us in various ways before, during, and after the time Keen pursued his college education and law degree. I’ll most likely turn this into a two-part column.

Keen would be the first person to acknowledge that it took a village to help him accomplish his goal of earning a law degree. However, those of us whom he so graciously credits agree that he is the one who deserves the recognition for the hard work and determination he exhibited over the past six years.

The story begins in 1981 when a man by the name of Robert Fowks became the first person to suggest that Keen should consider the profession of law. Mr. Fowks was a longtime professor at Washburn Law School who served as an arbitrator in the first dispute Keen had with the Wabaunsee County Commissioners (over his use of the county landfill). After the arbitration panel ruled (2-1) in Keen’s favor, Professor Fowks earnestly offered the following words of advice to Keen:

“Listen, I’ve taught law for twenty-five years,” he began. “I’ve seen them come and I’ve seen them go, and I know how to pick them. Based on your performance today, you’ve got what it takes. I’m telling you – you should go to law school.”

Keen pondered that dream in his heart off and on for the next twenty years. Then my father, Joe Van Kirk, began telling us that we should check into what it would take for Keen to return to college for his degree. However, since Keen was working such long hours on the trash truck and had to support a family, we just couldn’t imagine how it would ever work out. So we never really pursued it (much to my father’s chagrin).

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” ~ Proverbs 11:14 (NKJV)

Then in the summer of 1998, Keen became the recipient of The Freedom Forum’s Free Spirit Award (www.freedomforum.org) and $10,000.00. While attending the awards ceremony in San Francisco, we had the privilege of meeting former Mercury astronaut Alan B. Shepard, Jr., who has the distinction of being the first American in space, and his wife, Louise. In addition to being a member of the Board of Trustees for The Freedom Forum, he was also on the Board of one of the top waste management companies in the country, Allied Waste. Mr. Shepard asked Keen if he would ever consider selling his business. Although we had just purchased a brand new trash truck six months earlier and had every intention of being in the trash business for the long haul (pardon the pun), the idea of selling out was definitely intriguing.

After returning home, Keen and I filled out an enormous amount of paperwork from Allied Waste. Unfortunately, the company decided that our trash truck was underutilized, and therefore they would not be interested in purchasing our company, Solid Waste Systems.

Keen’s hopes were dashed. Seemingly, his dreams of making a living “using his mind instead of his back” were dead in the water and he had no choice but to return to the day-to-day business of running the trash company.

In August 1998, Keen was a guest on Jim Cates’ radio talk show in Topeka, Kansas. I have a tape from the show, and recorded the following conversation. After talking about the Supreme Court case and taking a few calls from listeners, they were just about ready to close the show when Mr. Cates asked Keen this question:

“Any desire to pick up a few college credits in hopes of practicing law some day?”
“Well, I always joke about that,” Keen answered. “Several people have asked me why
I don’t become a lawyer. Of course, I’m a trashman, and I always tell them that I’d love to become a lawyer but I just couldn’t afford the cut in pay. I say that in jest, of course. I have a lot of respect for lawyers and all the schooling they have to go through – the college, the law school and the tremendous sacrifices they have to make. I’m not sure I’m there yet, to make that decision, but it is a dream. It would be something I’d really like to do if the situation presented itself.”
“Well, you’re young enough, you could certainly do that,” Mr. Cates said.

“Yes I could, I could,” Keen replied. “It’s within the realm [of possibility]... and what a life that would be.”

The very next month, my father, Joe Van Kirk, decided to come for a visit from his home in Florida. During his stay, he observed Keen talking on the phone to several individuals who had called to discuss some legal quandary or personal dilemma they were facing. These calls occupied several hours of Keen’s free time, which left very little time to visit with my father. Finally, my dad couldn’t remain quiet any longer, and he gave Keen the infamous “kitchen speech of 1998.” Dad emphatically stated: “Judas Priest, Keen! If you would have spent half as much time pursuing your college education as you spend on the phone trying to help people, you could have earned your degree by now! Then you’d be in a position to offer some real help!”

Well, that conversation resulted in what Oprah Winfrey refers to as “a light bulb moment.” A major light bulb moment. Yes, my dad’s comments inspired Keen to reconsider the possibility of selling the business and ignited his desire to pursue every avenue in pursuit of a college education and law degree.

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom for the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established.”
~ Proverbs 19:20-21(RSV)

To be continued ....


My Dad, Joe Van Kirk, with Keen

*The Cottage House Hotel is a part of Council Grove, Kansas' rich heritage. First a 3 room cottage next to a blacksmith and then a Boarding House built in the early 1870's by Reverend Joab Spencer. Owned and operated by the Mead/Marks family from 1879-1933. Major additions in 1898 and 1913. The Cottage House was "favorably known as a home for many of the commercial tourists who visited the city." After use as apartments during World War II, the hotel became the Stage Coach Motertel from 1959-1982. After restoration and renovation work in 1982-84 and 1988-89, the hotel beckons travelers once again. (Information courtesy of The Cottage House's original stationery.)

The Cottage House is located at 25 North Neosho, Council Grove, Kansas 66846 Telephone: (620)767-6828

A Dream Realized

“Learn to do right; seek justice, relieve the oppressed and correct the oppressor; defend the fatherless, plead for the widow.”
~ Isaiah 1:17 (Amp)

“To live fully, we must have dreams.”
~ Tom Parker, columnist, Blue Rapids, Kansas

Today is Saturday, May 14th, 2005; a day Keen has dreamt about for more than twenty years and worked towards for the last six and a half years.

Today is Keen’s graduation day.

The fog is thick outside my window, symbolizing how little any of us can claim to know about our future. The Bible tells us not to say, “I will go to this city and start a business and make a profit," but instead to say: “If the Lord wills, I will go to this city and set up a business and make a profit.” Therefore, Keen can say, if the Lord wills, then he will pass the bar exam on his first attempt, and if the Lord wills he will set up a private law practice in Topeka. Beyond that, we really can’t say.

But as Keen’s wife, I can say that I am so very proud of him and so very happy for him. I have watched him get up at 2:00 in the morning on bitter cold winter nights to warm up his trash truck. I have watched him don layers and layers of clothing in an attempt to protect himself from the elements as he hung off the back end of the trash truck, jumping up and down and running back and forth from the curb hauling heavy bags or cans of trash. I saw him repeat this process for nearly eighteen years, relying on God to help him through every mechanical breakdown and physical difficulty. Then I watched him dig so deep into his limited reservoir to somehow find the strength to wrestle with his four boys on the floor at night. I watched him find time – make time – to be a very present father to them. He took them swimming and camping and fishing. One time, while we were all camping at Council Grove, he took Jared and Josh canoeing. Keener was a baby, so he and I stayed back at the campsite. After quite a bit of time had passed, I began to worry. Then I saw Keen and my two young sons, ages six and four, trekking towards the campsite in their cut off jeans and t-shirts. The winds had picked up while they were out on the water and they ended up across the lake on the opposite shore, forcing them to hike back. Keen told the boys it was “Daddy’s Saturday Adventure.”

I have also witnessed the times when Keen was so weary and overwhelmed that he didn’t think he could make it one more day. This entry in my journal from 1994 depicts one of those times:

May 30, 1994 (12:30 a.m.)

I forgot to write about what happened last Monday, May 23rd. Keen just broke down. The water pump in the trash truck went out last Friday. The part had to be flown in and the repair could not be made until Monday. This meant that Keen could not run his Sunday night route, which put a lot of stress on him. He had to hope the part would come in on time and that the mechanics could fix it right away. Then he had to head out on his route and get everyone picked up. We had several calls about trash overflowing. It’s amazing – people must set their clocks by him because if he’s even a little late then they are on the phone wondering where he is.

On Monday morning Keen was at the kitchen table with his coffee and I left to take Kirk to Janie’s house [his babysitter], so that I could drive him to Topeka to pick up his truck. When I got back, I looked at him and he was just frozen and numb – like a zombie. Then his lips pursed in such a sad, sad way – almost like a small child’s pout. Then he began to cry and cry; the tears streamed down his face. I just reached out to hold him and cried with him. It was so sad.

I wrote down what he said. “I just don’t want another fight, another battle, another long day and that’s all I’ve got in front of me. I just can’t pick it up anymore. It’s just too heavy.” Then he cried some more. I held him and comforted him and cried with him. It broke my heart to see this God-fearing, hard working, loving father and husband so broken – so overwhelmed by his responsibilities. But I believe God will promote him one day. In fact just the night before he told [his good friend] Quentin, “I’ve never graduated from anything in my life, Quentin, and that’s always made me sad.” He believes God that he will graduate from something one day.

********************

Lastly, I have watched Keen struggle to make his dream a reality. For the past six years, he has worked diligently on his studies, endeavoring to do everything within his power to achieve his goals. College was not a nine-to-five proposition. Not unlike the trash business, school took nearly everything he had from sunup to sundown – and then some. Keen used to pray that one day God would allow him to make a living using his mind, instead of his back. Today, when Keen receives his law degree, that prayer will be answered.

In December 2001, after taking classes year around in an effort to complete a four-year degree in political science in three years, Keen was dealt a disappointing setback. One week after graduating from Kansas State, Keen learned that he had not been accepted into Washburn University School of Law. He was understandably devastated by the unexpected turn of events; but once again, he picked himself up by his bootstraps and set out to prepare himself to retake the LSAT test. He improved his score, reapplied, and was overjoyed to learn that he had been admitted to Washburn for the fall semester.

During the summer of his senior year at Kansas State, Keen was filling out applications for law school when he decided to sit down and attempt to capture his feelings about exactly why he wanted to become a lawyer. I’d like to close by sharing the result of that exercise:

Why I Want to Become a Lawyer
By Keen A. Umbehr

July 13, 2001

I want to fight injustice. Not from afar, but up close. I want to get in the ring, where the fight is actually taking place. I can't rest until I'm involved in a controversy; a controversy that affects peoples’ lives.

I have to be where the heat is. I have to be where battles, lives and reputations are won and lost. I must be a part of the process where history is made. I must be a part of the history that shapes the future.

I am my brother's keeper. I am sure that I am morally obligated and chosen to fight for those who have no limbs, to run for those who have no feet, to die for those who haven't lived yet.

But only in the chambers of justice can injustice be fought and then, only by the chosen few. Who among us will stand and fight? Who will sacrifice his life for the accused? Who wants to even the score?

Me.

Why will I go? For money? No. Money never made a dying man less afraid seeing his end. Then for fame? Never. All the fame in the world will one day fade so that few will even remember your name or what you did.

No, I must become a lawyer for honor; to complete a life's unquenchable thirst. To test my courage when faced with certain defeat; to absorb it, transform it and cast it back with such fury and force that it shocks the conscience of arrogant barristers.

I must do the very thing that shortens my life. For what is a life good for if not to be sacrificed for a cause?

The stress, the strain, the tremendous expense of the soul is what I acknowledge. I must be a lawyer so I can die satisfied, a man who used his life for noble causes.

A poet must express himself in poems, an artist on canvas, a soldier on the battlefield, and I, in a court of law. The hardships I will endure; the chaos and strain I will bear the burden of, but just let me in. Let me fight for you. Choose me to go in your place.


Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?” Then I said, "Here am I! Send me."
~ Isaiah 6:8 (NKJV)



Before


After

Good Grief

“Love . . . bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” ~ I Corinthians 13:7,8a (NKJV)

I hardly know where to begin. Tears fill my eyes as I sit down to share some remembrances from the very special weekend my sisters and I spent on Whidbey Island while attending the Celebration of Life ceremony for our sister, Patricia.

From the moment we landed in Seattle, we were treated like royalty by Nikki and Patricia’s friends and family. Nikki’s brother John, and two friends, Nola and Laura, picked us up at the airport. This alone was no small task, as it took three hours in rush-hour traffic (and a ride on the ferry) to make it back to the island.

Nikki made arrangements for us to stay in a wonderful little bungalow right on the beach with a breathtaking view of the mountains. A bald eagle perched on the end of the dock greeted Peggy & Connie, who arrived first. Nikki & Laura also placed a beautiful bouquet of flowers in our room, along with some snacks and beverages.

That evening, about 40-50 people gathered at a palatial lodge where another friend, Terry, had prepared an authentic Italian meal with all the trimmings. Terry generously donated the use of the lodge, which she had bid on earlier at a fund-raising auction. (She had intended to use it for her 50th birthday celebration.)

As I walked through the door of the lodge, I was overwhelmed by the love I felt in the room. Two of the very first people to greet us were Shawn and her two-year-old daughter, Lucy, who shared a home with Nikki & Patricia. I felt an immediate bond with both of them since I recalled hearing many “Lucy stories” from Patricia. Now it was Shawn’s turn to share “Patricia stories” with us. Shawn said that when Patricia came home Lucy would scream “PISHA!” and run full force into her arms for a big hug. When Shawn tried to explain that Pisha started a new life, Lucy decided they should sing Happy Birthday to Pisha.

Next I was introduced to Bev & Carolyn, who were the two friends that were swimming with Patricia and carried her to the beach after something went terribly wrong. We hugged and cried and talked as though we had known each other our entire lives. I met so many beautiful people that night and throughout the weekend, and I will cherish each and every one of them forever in my heart.

The Celebration of Life service was held the next day at Freeland Hall. As our sister Peggy wrote to our siblings who were unable to attend: “It is difficult to convey to you in words the intensity of the experience and the love and the respect shown for Patricia. It was all quite remarkable.”

The weather that day was absolutely perfect. Nikki even saw a bald eagle circling right above the hall when she arrived to set everything up. There were decorations and bouquets of flowers everywhere, and the walls and tables were filled with pictures of Patricia, along with pictures taken by Patricia. There were also balloons and an incredible array of desserts in honor of Patricia, who loved both.

Whenever I expressed my gratitude to one of the many people working on the preparations, their standard reply was: “Nikki organized everything – we’re just doing what she tells us to do.” I still don’t know how Nikki planned such an elaborate tribute to Patricia in the midst of her own grief, but I’m sure glad she did.

Approximately 200 people attended the memorial service, which began with two of Patricia’s friends, Diana & Sylvia, singing a beautiful song titled, “White Light,” which Diana wrote for Patricia when she was battling breast cancer. The first verse of the song is: “Angels are smiling (3x) - Blessing this room, filling this room, with white light.”

What followed was a series of tributes and accolades from several of Patricia’s friends, family and colleagues. In between the times of sharing we watched two slide shows. One was a collection of Patricia’s nature photographs shown to a magical song titled “Breaths,” by Sweet Honey in the Rock. The other was a DVD Diana created for Patricia, which included some gripping video footage of Patricia playing on the beach and swimming in the ocean just fifteen minutes before she was stricken. At the very end there was a short clip of Patricia laughing while she playfully dodged the camera like a child. It was both heart warming and heart wrenching.

A friend of Patricia's named Linda Ferreira, stood up and read the following poem, (author unknown).

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there; I did not die.

Next, Linda read her own personal rendition of the above poem, which she wrote for Patricia. With her permission, I’d like to share the following excerpt with you:

I’m here with you in Lucy’s park – just look, you’ll see me swing
Gently in the morning breeze, the gift that sunrise brings
Look for me at sunset, I’ll remind you to have hope
These painful days will pass; you’ll see, together you will cope.

I’m sitting in the sunshine; I’m meditating in the rain
Close your eyes and pray my friends, it will help you ease your pain
At night time look toward heaven – see star light shine your way
I’m sitting with my mother – believe me, we’re okay.

Keep me in your hearts, my loves, we’ll hug again some day
Find some peace in knowing, that because of you, and your love for me
I will not fade away, I will not fade away.

At the end of the service, Diana and Sylvia led the group in a song titled, “Circle of Friends.” Everyone in the room reached across the isles and joined hands together as we sang and swayed slowly to the music:

Would you join my circle, my circle of friends?
It’s a long and winding chain that seems to have no end
Come with me and take my hand, we’ll reach around the world
Would you join my circle, my circle of friends?

The following day my sisters and I had breakfast with Nikki, Roxy and Jan (two friends who also attended the funeral service in Minnesota). We cried and laughed as we exchanged more Patricia stories. Then Roxy shared something that I will never forget. She said that Patricia left a message on their answering machine the Saturday before she left for Mexico saying that she really wanted to see Roxy and Laura before her trip. After Roxy learned of Patricia’s passing, she deeply regretted not being able to connect with her as they had hoped. Then she looked at each of us and said that she could see Patricia in our faces and hear her in our laughs, and because of that, she felt like she did get to see Patricia one more time after all.

I know this is a little long, but I just can’t close without sharing the most memorable event of all. The evening before we left, the four Van Kirk sisters gathered privately with Nikki, Bev and Carolyn, so they could share additional information about Patricia’s last day on earth and answer any questions we might have. Afterwards, we all held hands in a circle on the beach and, with tears streaming down our faces, we sang the chorus from “On Eagle’s Wings” by Michael Joncas:

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His hand.

Just then, as if on a heavenly cue, a giant bald eagle flew across the water right in front of us and swooped down to retrieve some food that the resort owner had placed on the shoreline. We all watched in utter amazement as we inhaled the wonder of it all.

Looking back on our weekend spent remembering Patricia with the members of her extended family, the following quote seems especially apropos: “Many people will walk in and out of your life; but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” Yes, we lost our sister, and because of that, we will never be the same. But now I can honestly say that we have gained many, many true friends who indeed left their “footprints on our hearts.”

My sister Mary summed it up best with something she said when Laura dropped us off at the airport. “Please tell everyone for us," she said, "We came here out of love for Patricia, but we’re leaving with love for you.”

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” ~ I Corinthians 13:13 (NKJV)


Circle of Friends: Eileen, Nikki, Mary, Roxy, Connie, Jan & Peggy