Rejecting Rejection

“Then let us no more criticize and blame and pass judgment on one another ...”

~ Romans 14:13

But it's all right now,
I learned my lesson well.
You see, you can't please everyone,
So you’ve got to please yourself

Garden Party ~ recorded by Rick Nelson

I seem to be stuck on a particular theme lately. For the past two weeks I’ve been writing about using your God-given talents to the fullest and following your heart until you find your niche. This week, I’d like to talk about the negative fallout that sometimes occurs when you succeed at “all of the above.” I’m referring to criticism and rejection.

“I hope when I'm a comedian – IF I'm a comedian – that they don't throw tomatoes at me."
Josh Umbehr ~ age 5

All of us have experienced some form of rejection in our lifetime – and it hurts. I remember when I was in the fifth grade we had a substitute teacher that was a real pushover. Admittedly, the class collectively took advantage of the situation, which included an all-out spitball fight. I don’t recall being the instigator, per se, but I suppose there’s a good chance that I was. At any rate, when our regular teacher returned and heard the bad report, she took me out in the hall, stuck her finger in my face and angrily said, “You think you’re the cat’s meow!” Her words really put a knife in my heart and made me feel like I was about one inch tall.

Two years later, I recall another incident involving my seventh grade teacher. School had already been dismissed for the day but I wanted to ask the teacher a question. So when I opened the door to our classroom I unknowingly interrupted a meeting he was having with another individual. For some reason, this really ticked him off. As a punishment, he gave me a paper filled with terrible things he had written about me. He then instructed me to write out the entire page fifty times! I’m not exaggerating when I say that his handwritten diatribe filled about three fourths of an 8 x 10 piece of paper. I still remember sitting at my desk in my bedroom and crying while I re-wrote that awful paper describing me in the most hateful way you can imagine. I know you’re probably wondering what he said but I really can’t remember that much, but I do recall one part of it. He wrote: “Cute, funny, Eileen thinks she is so cute and funny…..” This phrase was repeated over and over. I guess he wanted to humiliate me for interrupting him and he certainly succeeded

Then there was my 8th grade year, which was probably the hardest year of my life. I can’t tell you why, but the whole class basically decided to boycott Eileen Van Kirk.
Everyone in the class completely ignored me; no one would talk to me during lunch or play with me at recess. I was completely alone and every day I would go home and cry.

One particularly painful incident occurred one day when Sr. Colleen was out of the room for an extended period of time. I was sitting in the last chair in the back corner of the classroom when someone started passing something around from desk to desk. As each person looked at the paper, they laughed and passed it on to the next person. After making its way around the entire room, it finally made it to my desk. When I looked at the paper I saw that someone had drawn a diagram of me, complete with lines describing every part of my body in unflattering terms: straggly hair, knobby knees, hairy legs, funny rain hat. I was so humiliated and hurt that I just ran out of the room. When Sr. Colleen came out in the hall to talk to me I told her I was never coming back. She tried her best to comfort me and, of course, I did have to go back.

I think the hardest part was that not one single person in my class stood by my side. I could see sympathy in the eyes of a few of my classmates, but I guess they were too intimidated by the ringleaders and they didn’t want to become the object of such hatefulness.

The following year I attended the public school and my life made a complete turnaround. The greatest group of friends you would ever want to meet welcomed me into their circle: Margie Friedlander, Nan Turner, Jill Feldman, Sally McGuire and a host of other fun-loving girls. We were involved in sports and cheerleading and went skiing on the weekends. That’s why I was so devastated when I found out we were moving to Singapore – I didn’t want to leave my great new friends. But that’s another story.

In some ways I feel that experience helped prepare me for future rejection I would face. Ever since Keen started writing “My Perspective” back in 1989 the lines were clearly drawn. Many people hated him for his intrusion into the public affairs of Wabaunsee County and those who supported him were too afraid to show that support publicly, much like my sympathetic but fearful friends in the eighth grade. Keen and I never blamed people for wanting to protect themselves from similar retaliation, but it still hurt that no one – or very few people – stood by us.

Back in 1995, one of those faithful supporters, Linda Jernigan, sent us the following quote from The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli:

"It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out or more doubtful of success, nor dangerous to handle, than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer has enemies...and only lukewarm defenders."

That brings us to the present day. I don’t know how many of you happened to read the article that Matt Moline wrote about my book project which appeared in the December 6, 2004 edition of The Topeka Capital-Journal under the title, “Tale of Trashman Detailed by Wife in Manuscript.” Of course I was very excited about finally completing the rough draft and getting it into the hands of my editor. I received quite a bit of feedback after the article was published, but I was not prepared for the letter I received from one woman who wrote to say that God told her I was a “bitter young woman” who has not been able to forgive.
Well, that sort of threw me for a loop at first, especially since we used to go to church with the woman who wrote the letter. I wondered why she assumed I was bitter and unforgiving just because I was writing a book about our experiences. This is a record of our personal history – one that I feel compelled to write. Furthermore, Keen and I don’t have any hatred or unforgiveness in our hearts towards anyone. Did we hate what they did to us? You bet. Did we hate the stress and financial strain the extended battle placed on our family? Absolutely. But we never hated them. There’s a big difference.
The author of the letter went on to explain that when she was a young girl her “wise old aunt” told her that the way to get rid of the warts on her hands was to bury her mother’s dish rag in a hole in the woods – and she claimed it worked. Then she wrote:

“I’d like to suggest you go to a timber area and dig a big hole and bury that 620 page manuscript in that deep hole and turn to Jesus and ask His forgiveness for yourself and for all the people who hurt you. Then you can begin living as a free person.”

The whole letter was very disconcerting and bizarre, although I really don’t think she wrote it in a mean-spirited way. Nonetheless, I decided not to respond because it sounded like she had already made up her mind about my motives.

“A writer lives with rejection…A writer needs the sensitivity of a butterfly in touching the outside world – and the skin of a rhino to withstand its disregard.”

~ Sophy Burnham, For Writers Only

This experience reminded me once again about the importance of “rejecting rejection.” I realize that I have to become thick-skinned and accept the fact that there will be many criticisms about my book. It’s like anything else in life – everyone has different tastes in food, clothing styles, movies, music, humor, and yes, books and newspaper columns.

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” ~ Bill Cosby

I did receive some positive feedback on the article, however. One woman from Topeka sent a letter to Governor Sebelius suggesting that she issue an official proclamation recognizing Keen for his accomplishments. She said he was an inspiration and a role model.
So the comments go both ways – positive and negative. But the best way to handle it is not to let the praise go to your head or the criticism go to your heart. Because in actuality, it really doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks – good or bad.

“If my life is fruitless, it doesn’t matter who praises me: if my life is fruitful, it doesn’t matter who criticizes me.”
~John Bunyon


In the April 23-25, 2004 edition of USA Weekend Magazine, Maria Shriver was interviewed about her new role as the first lady of California. Maria talked about how she sought advice from several of her predecessors, including Nancy Reagan.
“Nancy gave me a great piece of advice,” Maria stated. “She said, ‘No matter what, you’ll be criticized. So do whatever you want to do.’”

Anyway
Author Unknown

People are often unreasonable, illogical and
self-centered… forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish,
ulterior motives… be kind anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat or
malign you…be honest anyway.

What you spend years building, someone may
try to destroy overnight… build anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends
and some true enemies . . . succeed anyway

If you find serenity and happiness, some people
may be jealous…be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget
tomorrow…. do good anyway.

Give the world your best, and it may never be
enough… give the world your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you
and God…it was never between you and them, anyway.


“I receive not glory from men – I crave no human honor, I look for no mortal fame.”
~John 5:41 (Amp)

Finding Your Niche

“We are one body but all members do not have the same function. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us.”
~ Romans 12:4-6

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that’s hopeful
A head that’s full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like I’m …

Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

~Place in This World ~ by Michael W. Smith and Wayne Kirkpatrick

I’d like to dedicate this column to a dear friend of mine from my high school days, Scott Carson. I met Scott in 1974 when I was a sophomore at Singapore American School. Scott was a fellow member of the “Friday night Bible Study group” that Keen and I attended. In fact, he was the person who first invited me to join the group. Up until that point, my sister and I were very unhappy at SAS because we just hadn’t been able to make any friends. Our mom wisely assured us that if things didn’t improve, we could transfer to the International School. It brought us great comfort to know that we had other options, but I’m sure Mom knew that it was only a matter of time before we found a group of friends. As usual, Mom was right.

In this recent email, Scott reminisced about the “good old days.”

“Do you remember the day we met? I was wearing a "One Way" pin on my OVERALLS (ah, the '70s!) and as we passed in the stairwell you said, "Praise the Lord, brother!" Although we go for years at a time without contact, I count you amongst those treasured friends I was blessed with in Singapore. I don't believe I've had friendships with that same level of intensity and intimacy since then. We were truly blessed during those golden years, weren't we? And look at us now, 30+ years later and STILL benefiting from those marvelous blessings.”

It was a very special time in our lives and I also consider the friendships I made there some of my most cherished.

Now the idea of attending a weekly Bible study might not sound too exciting to most teenagers, but let me tell you, we laughed and had more fun in that group than you can imagine. After Bible study we would take a bus to the “pasam malam” (that’s Malay for night market) and sample the local foods. My personal favorite was fried bananas. On Saturdays we would often take boat rides to nearby islands such as Sentosa and Sisters Island and sometimes we went on weekend Bible retreats to Malaysia (Chendor and Port Dickson).

Scott was always the funny man in the group and we were convinced that he would become a famous comedian someday. He could light up a room with his smile and have us all in stitches with his antics and great sense of humor. Of course, he had his serious side, too. Everyone who knew Scott felt blessed by his energy and the love of God he exuded.

As Scott mentioned in his email, we haven’t stayed in close touch over the years, but we have managed to continue to exchange Christmas cards. (He’s one of those people who mails his cards out by December 1st.) A couple of years ago Scott moved to St. Louis, so I’m hoping that our paths will cross again one of these days.

This poem by F.C. (Fred) Appelhanz could have been written for Scott, as it seems to describe him perfectly. Fred, who is a new poet friend of mine from Holton, Kansas, has kindly permitted me to share his gift of poetry.

Special
By F.C. Appelhanz

Let your laughter speak,
of the goodness in your heart.
Moving the world,
touching our core,
just with a smile.
See the impact you cause,
with the lightness of your presence
Reaching us all,
soothing our cares,
just being yourself.
All that you have to give,
is the only purpose you know.
Caring your meaning,
calling us home,
just with a wink.
For all the love you bring,
in the unconditional life you live.
Sharing your soul, giving from deep inside,
Just a pure joy.

Lately Scott and I have been getting caught up via email and he told me about the various side roads he traveled on the journey to finding his current profession, which he dearly loves. Scott has held many different jobs ranging from insurance salesman, to Naval Officer, to bartender, to casket delivery man.

In the book titled, “If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat,” author John Ortberg writes:

“A calling is something you discover, not something you choose. The word vocation comes from the Latin word for voice. Discovering it involves very careful listening. What brings you joy? For what do you have desire and passion – for these, too, are gifts from God. This is why giftedness is about more than just talents – it includes passion. As Arthur Miller says, ‘It’s the lifeblood of a person, the song that her heart longs to sing, the race that his legs were born to run.’”

Ortberg then shared the following quote from Michael Novak:

“We didn’t give ourselves the personalities, talents, or longings we were born with. When we fulfill these – these gifts from beyond ourselves – it is like fulfilling something we were meant to do . . .the Creator of all things knows the name of each of us – knows thoroughly, better than we do ourselves, what is in us, for he put it there and intends for us to do something with it – something that meshes with his intentions for many other people. Even if we do not always think of it that way, each of us was given a calling – by fate, by chance, by destiny, by God. Those who are lucky have found it.”

Last week, after reading my column about God-given gifts, Scott sent me a very moving letter which beautifully illustrates the long and winding road we often take on the journey to “finding our niche.” With Scott’s permission, I’d like to share it with you

Hi,

Thanks for including me on your "Reflections" distribution list. Many times in my life I've looked with envy on people who can say, "...I knew I wanted to be a _______ since I was 8 years old..." since I am one of those people who made it to adulthood with no clue of what my vocation would be. I knew there were many things I liked to do, but they were not activities I wanted to turn to for profit since that would rob them of the joy and fun they provided me. Such callings as teacher, minister, writer and counselor tugged at my heart, but each time I ventured toward formalizing them into "my career," they vanished before my eyes and trickled between my fingers like so much sand. One day I answered a classified advertisement for a position at a health department and got the job. Many years later I realized that the callings from long ago had merged to create a vocation that is more precious than anything I could have deliberately chosen for myself. I help people learn about disease, I create training manuals for health care professionals, I've spent time on the street meeting people who live in abandoned crates on vacant lots, and I dialog with people about how to alter their behavior in order to stay well. It was then that God chuckled in my ear and said, "See, you ARE a teacher, a minister, a writer, a counselor...I just made sure you got to do those things in an extraordinary way so you won't get bored."

For many years I worked with people infected with, affected by, or who risked infection with HIV. A seminary classmate once criticized me for spending time with "those people," and I was stunned. What is the proper response to a statement like that? My reaction was to sit there with my mouth hanging open, and since, for once, I wasn't blabbering on and on, God took the opportunity to use my idle vocal apparatus and said to my friend, "I'll help them stay well long enough for you to get them into church and save their souls..."

I work in public health. It is my ministry, my classroom, my counseling office, and my great masterpiece. I love my coworkers and my clients, and I love lying down at night and thinking, "...I helped someone today..." I could not see this path at 8 years old, but now I am glad because God showed me some marvelous scenery along the way, and used each experience to shape me into what He needs me to be.

Love to you, old friend,

Scott

“Then the King will say to those on the right, `Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.'”

~Matthew 25:34-36 (NLT)

Scott Carson

God-Given Gifts

“But each has his own special gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”
~ I Corinthians 7:7 (RSV)

It’s hard to believe, but I’ve been writing this column for a year and a half now. It seems like only yesterday that I ventured outside my comfort zone by asking Joann Kahnt if she would be willing to allow me to write a column in The Prairie Post. I just can’t thank Joann enough for saying yes, because I have enjoyed (and continue to enjoy) the experience so much. Even though it takes a certain amount of time to put the column together, I consider it a privilege to be given this opportunity to express myself.

I’d also like to thank you, the readers, for your interest in my thoughts, feelings, poems and stories. In moments of self-doubt, I sometimes wonder what makes me think that anyone would be interested in my life or the lessons I’ve learned along the way. But then I think about Laura Ingalls Wilder and how she wrote about her family’s life on the prairie. She had an irrepressible urge to share the everyday happenings of her life, and so do I. And even though I don’t know many of you (except for those who receive my column via email), I feel a connection to you because you’ve allowed me to come into your homes week after week and share the ups and downs of my life. For that, I am deeply grateful.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank those of you who have provided me with so much support and encouragement along this journey. Special thanks to my dad, stepmom, husband, kids and siblings. Also my friends from across the country: Kathi in Mississippi, Vicki in Georgia, Jack & Evelyn in Florida, Kenneth in Oklahoma, Marne, Rumelia and Barbara in Kansas, my godfather Bill in Virginia, Jean in Nevada, Angie in Missouri, Larry in Singapore, Mae and Peggy in Texas and finally, from Council Grove, Kansas, Rebecca, Shirley and Connie (the proprietor of The Cottage House - our favorite bed and breakfast). Your notes, comments and emails have meant more to me than you’ll ever know.

When I first started writing my column, my friend Linda Jernigan sent me the following note of encouragement.

“You’re not an inspiring writer, you’re a writer that is inspired by people and real life subjects that people want to read about, even more so during hard times in the world and our everyday lives. Say ten times everyday, OK! I AM A WRITER!”

When Keen and I celebrated our 25th anniversary, we had to fill out our personal information for the announcement in the paper. I stated that Keen was a student at Washburn Law School, but I went back and forth about how to describe myself. I finally decided to list my occupation as “homemaker”, even though in my heart I wanted to include, “aspiring writer.” That would’ve been a true statement, but since I don’t have any formal training and I’ve never attended a day of college, I just didn’t think I qualified. But little by little I’m getting more comfortable with the idea that I am not only a homemaker, wife, and mother, but I am also a writer. By continuing to share my reflections each week, I’m trying to utilize whatever God-given talents I may have.

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.'”
~Erma Bombeck

The truth of the matter is, we all have some natural abilities that God expects us to use. As my sister Peggy’s favorite teacher used to say: “A talent not used is a talent in decay.”

It reminds me of the story in the Bible about the master who gave his servants some talents. One received ten talents, one five and the other received one. The servant with the one talent feared what would happen if he lost or squandered his talent, so he “played it safe” and buried it.

But that did not please his master. In fact, I get the feeling that his master would have preferred to see the servant try and fail, than to never try at all. He said, “At least you could have invested it and earned interest!” Then he took the talent away and gave it to the man with ten talents. (Matthew 25:28) So If God has given you talents, He wants you to do something with them! He wants you to use them!

“For out of His fullness (abundance) we all received . . . one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped upon gift] . . .”

~ John 1:16

In his best selling book, The Purpose Driven Life, Author Rick Warren writes:

"God shaped you for a purpose and He expects you to make the most of what you've been given. Focus on the talents He's given you. When you attempt to serve God in ways you weren't meant to, it feels like a square peg in a round hole. It leaves you feeling frustrated and produces limited results. It's a waste of your time, energy and talent....Discover your shape, learn to accept it and then develop it to its full potential. Take a long look at what you're good at and what you're not good at. Ask yourself, ‘When do I feel most alive? What do I most enjoy doing? What am I doing when I lose track of time? Am I an extrovert or an introvert? Do I like working alone or in a group? What am I passionate about?’"

That’s such good advice. It’s been said that if you do something you love, then you’ll never work a day in your life. That’s not to say that following your dreams won’t involve hard work, because it will. But when you’re working toward a goal that will allow you to fulfill your deepest passion, then it’s worth whatever it takes to get there.

"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work."
~ Emile Zola (1840-1902)

The three things I am most passionate about are God, my family and writing; I need little else to make me happy. And even though my particular style of writing may not appeal to everyone, that’s all right, because I can’t write to please this person or that person – I have to write in the style that’s most natural to me. I have to take what’s in my heart and share it, like a painter who expresses himself on canvas. God doesn’t want me to try to be like anybody else, He just wants me to be the best “me” that I can be. Anything less would seem empty and phony.

I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said that if you give a man six lines he’ll have you fit for hanging by the end of the day. That’s the calculated risk every writer takes. With every stroke of the pen, we create fresh opportunities for our critics. But as I stated in an earlier column, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Because I have no other choice
What people think, I cannot care
For it’s the nature of the poet
To want and need to share.

~ The Nature of the Poet, by Eileen Umbehr

The movie Chariots of Fire depicted the true story of Eric Liddle and Harold Abrahams who overcame many obstacles to run for the gold in the 1924 Olympics. In one portion of the movie, Eric’s sister chastised him for running in the Olympics when there were lost souls to be saved and his missionary needed him in China. When she asked him how he could justify it he replied, "I must run, because when I run, I feel His pleasure."

That’s how I feel about writing. I must write – I’m compelled to write – because that’s when I feel like I’m doing what God put me on this earth to do. When I’m not working on my book or my column, then I’m writing a poem or a letter to a friend. If left to my own devices, I will always choose to write.

When Toby Keith was interviewed about the song titled “The Angry American”, he said, “When you write something, you never know how many legs it’s gonna grow or how many branches or people you’re going to affect.”

“But words are things and a small drop of ink,
Falling like dew upon a thought,
Produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think."

~ Lord Byron, English poet, 1819

This past week my column grew a few more “branches” when our son Josh completed a web page or “blog” (short for web log) which contains all my past Reflections columns, complete with pictures. I told Josh that I was very comfortable just writing for the readers of The Prairie Post, but since technology has made it possible for me to expand my audience, I guess it’s time for me to leave my comfort zone once again.

If you’d like to check out my page on the internet, you can go to http://reflections-eileen.blogspot.com/.

The following poem was written by Irene Toburen of Waterville, Kansas, who graciously granted me permission to share it.


A Gift
By Irene Toburen

What have you brought to the table today?
The table of hope, not despair,
We each have been given a special gift,
That with others we may share.

It may be a gift of happiness,
Or one with a cheery smile,
You may just gladden a heart today.
Making someone's life seem worthwhile.

Maybe a pat on a small child's head,
Or a story to a little child told,
Take a walk in another's shoes,
Someone who is alone or old.

Then maybe you will understand,
The problems some others face,
And you'll know how a word of hope and a smile,
Could help you to show God's grace.

The sunshine of hope will beam brighter,
When we someone's spirits lift,
And we share in another's happiness,
When we share our God-given gift.

“Be sure to carry out the work the Lord gave you.”
~ Colossians 4:17 (NLT)

Forgiveness is the Key

"Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." ~ Isaiah 1:18

Both my father and my godfather have suggested that some of my columns are “a little heavy on the Bible verses.” If you agree, then this week’s column may not be your cup of tea.

To me, the subject of forgiveness is one of the most important issues addressed in the Bible – both God’s forgiveness of us and our forgiveness of others. So much hinges on our understanding of that one little word.

The first area of forgiveness I’d like to talk about is God’s forgiveness of us.

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” ~ 1 John 1:8,9

As a young girl growing up in the Catholic Church, I learned about the importance of God’s forgiveness from an early age. I remember going to confession and having to think up things to confess to the priest. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, my last confession was…..” Some of my old “standby sins” were lying or being disrespectful to my mother and talking in church. (Who me?) However, one time I did commit a more serious offense when I stole some candy from the corner store. I felt so terrible after I got home, I just cried and cried. In an attempt to right the wrong and clear my conscience, I decided to empty my piggy bank and return to the store the next day. I didn’t come completely clean, however, because I waited until no one was around and then I plopped my money on the store counter and ran like the wind.

“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
~ Hebrews 4:15-16

So even though I don’t go to the confessional anymore, I still confess my sins on a regular basis and am deeply grateful for God’s forgiveness.

The other area of forgiveness involves our forgiveness of others – and the Bible has a whole lot of things to say on this subject.

“Then Peter came up and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”
~ Matthew 18: 21,22

I remember one time several years ago when I was really struggling with unforgiveness in my heart towards another person. I felt very justified in my position and had a real attitude of indignation about the whole matter. After all, I was right and what they did was wrong – there wasn’t any way around that!

Then one day my husband Keen came to me with his Bible in hand and asked me to read the following verses:

“For if you forgive people their trespasses – that is, their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment – your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses – their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment – neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”
~ Matthew 6: 14,15 (Amplified)

Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling quite so self-righteous. What choice did I have after reading those verses? If I didn’t find it in my heart to forgive and “give up resentment”, then God would not find it in His heart to forgive me for all of my “reckless and willful sins.” I would be like the wicked servant in Matthew 18:23-35 who was forgiven such a great debt (about $10,000,000) but was unwilling to forgive the man who owed him a very small amount (about $20.00). Once his master heard about it, he called him and said, “You contemptible and wicked servant! I forgave and cancelled all that great debt of yours because you begged me; and shouldn’t you not have had pity and mercy on your fellow servant?” He then turned him over to the jailers until he paid all that he owed. The story ends with the following verse: “So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you, if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses.”

So by the grace of God, I made a decision to forgive that individual completely – from my heart. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t change what they’d done one iota – but it changed me completely. (As author Stormie Omartian says: “Forgiving someone doesn’t make them right nor justify what they did – it just makes you free.”) I can’t even begin to explain the transformation that came over me after I made the decision to obey God and forgive. The bitterness and resentment immediately melted away and I was able to truly love them with my whole heart.

“It is a man’s glory to overlook a transgression or an offense.”
~ Proverbs 19:11

A Lesson in Forgiveness
Author Unknown

One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.

His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.

Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the One he knew would always be there. With tears streaming down his face, he prayed:

“Lord, You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair, Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done to me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as Your way is, this one thing I cannot do; my anger is too deep. Now I fear that I may not hear You, but I pray that You would teach me to do this one thing – please teach me to forgive.”

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes and out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.

He raised his head and saw two feet held to the tree with a large spike through them. He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, and deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

"Have you ever told a lie?" He asked.
The man answered, "Yes, Lord."

"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?"
The man again answered, "Yes, Lord."

"Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus asked?

And once again, the man answered, "Yes, Lord."

"Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?"
The man cried, “Yes, Lord."

As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever ….?", the man's crying became
uncontrollable, and he could only answer, "Yes, yes, Lord."

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder. It was the blood of Jesus. When he looked into His eyes, he saw a look of love he had never seen or known before.

Then Jesus softly whispered, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another . . . even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” ~ Colossians 3:13 (KJV)


Forgiveness
By Brenda Terrell

When a hurtful word is spoken, or an unkind deed is done
I always must remember, I am not the only one
Who has ever been mistreated, stepped upon or pushed aside
By thoughtless, harmful actions, or selfish hateful pride.

The world is full of people, who purposely abuse
Who lie and cheat and slander, and manipulate and use
Anyone and everyone, who might get in their way
Of success or fame or power; no price too big to pay.

God's word is clear and simple, about what I must do
When I have been offended, by friend or foe's misuse:
"Forgive...and be forgiven" – I dare not keep a score
Seventy times seven, times seven hundred more.

When I am unforgiving, the battle I'll not win;
For I need my Father's mercy, to blot out all my sin.
Forgiving is not easy, yet I know it can be done:
I look to Christ my Savior, the holy, sinless One.

When Jesus died upon the cross, His words rang clear and true,
"Father, please forgive them, for they know not what they do."
As the Precious Lamb of God, Christ wants me to see:
Forgiving is the power that sets my spirit free!
Yes, forgiveness is God's wondrous gift, that sets my spirit free!

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
~ Ephesians 4:31, 32 (NLT)

Numbering our Days

“So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
~ Psalm 90:12 (NKJV)

“If you knew you only had one more day to live, who would you call, what would you say and what are you waiting for?” ~ Anonymous

He said, I was in my early forties, with a lot of life before me,
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, looking at the x-rays.
Talkin’ ‘bout the options and talkin’ about sweet time.
I asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end,
How’s it hit ya’, when you get that kind of news?
Man what did ya do?

And he said: I went skydiving, I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull name Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper, And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denyin’
And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin’.

He said, I was finally the husband, that most the time I wasn’t.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
All of a sudden goin’ fishin, wasn't such an imposition,
and I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well, I finally read the Good Book, and took a good long hard look
at what I would do if I could do it all again.
And then….

I went skydiving, I went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds on a bull name Fu Man Chu
And I loved deeper, And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin’

And he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin’.

Live like you were dying ~ recorded by Tim McGraw

“As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to such as keep His covenant, and to those who remember His commandments to do them.”
~ Psalm 103:15-18 (NKJV)

The dawn of a new year always brings much introspection. We often look back with a mixture of satisfaction and regret and we look to the future with promise. We vow to eat better, exercise more and live life to the fullest. We hope… we pray…we dream.

The Dream
By Eileen Umbehr

The love, the joy, the laughter
Time has robbed us of these things
The endless pursuit of profit has filled every open space
What is left for all that is important?
Why must life be so backwards?
In my dreams, all is set aright.
Work becomes a bit player - just enough to survive.
Time to love - God, our children, each other.
Time to laugh…… Time to live…. Time to dream…..

I wrote that poem nearly ten years ago. Shortly after it was published in the poetry section of the Topeka Capital-Journal, I received the following note from my friend and long-time Alma columnist, Ada Sage Laverty. (From the Old Stone House)

My dear Eileen,
I have just read your sad little verse in the Topeka paper. You indeed have reasons to be sad, but the important things in life remain for you: a devoted husband and children, your green acres and your active youth - these are not just dreams. I, at 88, have lost all of these things, and I, too, am melancholy, so I do understand, but assure you that time and your dearest treasures, which remain, will bring brighter days for you.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Ada Sage Laverty


Mrs. Laverty was right. I still have those things – and people – that matter most. And since none of us knows how long we have on this earth, it’s important that we cherish the time we have with those we love and be grateful for their presence in our lives.

*************************

Over the Christmas holidays, Keen, Kirk and I decided to drive 700 miles to Conroe, Texas to surprise Keen’s parents, Jim & Jean Umbehr. Keen’s sister Kihm was there from North Carolina and his brother Kevin and family live nearby, so we had an unscheduled Umbehr family reunion. We haven’t all been together since Josh & Lisa’s wedding a year and a half ago and it’s been even longer since we were all together at Christmas, so it was a very special time. Keen’s mom kept saying that having all three of her kids home for Christmas was the best gift she could have ever received.

On the day after Christmas, we decided to commemorate the Umbehr family gathering by having a professional picture taken at J.C. Penny’s studio. The traffic was crazy and the crowds at the mall were insane, but we were determined! It’s nothing short of a miracle that we were all color coordinated and actually looked like we were happy to be there!

Keen & His Parents, Jim & Jean, Brother Kevin, & sister Kihm

During our visit, I came across an old book titled Heart Throbs – The Old Scrap Book, which was published in 1905. It belonged to Keen’s maternal grandmother, Mae Bartlett, and is a collection of stories and poems compiled by Joe Mitchell Chapple of the National Magazine, Boston, Massachusetts. Mr. Chapple ran an ad in The National Magazine asking the readers to send him “ . . .heart throbs – those things that make us all kin; those things that endure – the classics of our own lives.” He wrote: “Send me a clipping, a story, an anecdote, or a selection that has touched your heart . . .Wholesome good cheer, humor, comfort, hope – those things that make dark days endurable and sunny days enduring . . . Heart throbs – yes, heart throbs of happiness, heart throbs of courage, heart throbs that make us feel better . . .”

The following poem from Heart Throbs seemed to fit with this week’s theme.

How did you die?
By Edmund Vance Cooke

Did you tackle the trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?

O, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it,
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only, how did you take it?

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what’s that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It’s nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there – that’s disgrace.

The harder you’re thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn’t the fact that you’re licked that counts;
It’s how did you fight – and why?

And though you be done to the death, what then?
If you battled the best you could,
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why, the Critic will call it good.

Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce.
And whether he’s slow or spry,
It isn’t the fact that you’re dead that counts,
But only, how did you die?


“The abundance of our lives is not determined by how long we live, but by how well we live.” ~ Anonymous


LIVING BETWEEN STEPS
Author Unknown

A university professor tells of being invited to speak at a military base one December and meeting an unforgettable soldier named Ralph.

Ralph had been sent to meet him at the airport. After they had introduced themselves, they headed toward the baggage claim. As they walked down the concourse, Ralph kept disappearing. Once to help an older woman whose suitcase had fallen open; once to lift two toddlers up to where they could see Santa Claus; again to give directions to someone who was lost. Each time he came back with a smile on his face.

"Where did you learn to be like that?" the professor asked. "Oh," Ralph said, "during the war, I guess."

He then told the professor about his tour of duty in Vietnam, how it was his
job to clear mine fields and how he watched his friends die right before his eyes,
one after another. "I learned to live between steps," he said. "I never knew whether the next one would be my last, so I learned to get everything I could out of the moment between when I picked up my foot and when I put it down again. Every step I took was a whole new world, and I guess I've been that way ever since."

*******************************

I’d like to close with the following excerpt from an article written by a fellow writer and new friend of mine, Tom Parker from Blue Rapids, Kansas. Tom is a gifted writer whose weekly column, “The Way Home” is published in the Washington County News. Thanks to Tom for giving me permission to share it with you.

“. . . I’ve reached that age where I understand life is finite, that it can be taken away in the next breath, and the realization is less disturbing than it is enriching. That we cannot see far down our trail is our good fortune, for the journey itself is the important thing. We can examine our lives and look back over our past and try to peer into the future but it’s the step by step by step that gets us nearer to our destination, the placing one foot before the other and the locomotion thereof.

We stand in the gateway, cast one last look behind, shoulder our packs and pass through. The old behind us, the new ahead, and us unapprised of what tidings it brings. The trail goes on.”
~ Tom Parker


“Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” ~ James 4:14

Looking Back

“And the Lord said to Abram . . ."Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are--northward, southward, eastward, and westward. . .”
~ Genesis 13:14

It’s that time of year once again
Time to reflect on family and friends
Time to remember, in prayer and thought
Time to thank God for the blessings He’s wrought.

2004 has been eventful indeed
Although it’s flown by with amazing speed
Keen will soon complete his time at Washburn Law,
The thought of nearing his goal, gives him a feeling of awe.

Graduation is set for May 2005
We’ll be counting the days until it arrives
Then it’s time to prepare for the bar exam in July
He plans to study non-stop, so nothing goes awry.

Eileen has completed a goal of her own
Her book on the Supreme Court is finally done
Now it’s in the hands of an editor so dear
In hopes of finding a publisher by this time next year.

Jared’s still in the military for two more years,
Then he’ll decide whether to make the Navy a career.
Erin’s almost done with her nursing schooling,
Trying to study with two kids has been quite grueling.

Speaking of the boys, ages five and two,
Asher’s in pre-school and Gabe likes Blue’s Clues.
In December the airlines ran a special deal,
So Gramma flew to Ohio, so kisses she could steal!

Josh & Lisa are the newlyweds, still very much in love
Their busy, busy schedules require help from up Above.
Josh is doing well in his second year of med school,
And Lisa is in nursing, while still working like a mule.

Keen II, our adventurer, started a new job this year
He works on computers for the State and gets along well with his peers.
A Yamaha motorcycle was a dream come true
He’s been wanting one of those since he was in grade two!

I'm just too cool

Kirk Van, my little namesake and the youngest of our four
Is growing up so much, he’s not a baby any more
He likes hanging out with his brothers and going to the mall
But the two loves of his life are his girlfriend and basketball.

As I finish up this poem, let me leave you with this prayer
That God will watch over you and keep you in His care.


With all our love,

Keen, Eileen & Family

The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. ~ Numbers 6:24-26

Umbehr Christmas 2004

Teach the Children

"You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give Him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give Him the throne of his father David, and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever; His kingdom will never end.”
~ Luke 1:31-33


This Christmas story came from the following web page:
http://www.promiseofgod.com/teach/

Teach the Children
Author Unknown

This is how it happened...I just finished the household chores for the night and was preparing to go to bed, when I heard a noise in the front of the house. I opened the door to the front room and to my surprise, Santa himself stepped out from behind the Christmas tree. He placed his finger over his mouth so I would not cry out.

"What are you doing?" I started to ask. The words choked up in my throat, and I saw he had tears in his eyes. His usual jolly manner was gone. Gone was the eager, boisterous soul we all know.

He then answered me with a simple statement: "TEACH THE CHILDREN!"

I was puzzled; what did he mean? He anticipated my question, and with one quick movement brought forth a miniature toy bag from behind the tree. As I stood bewildered, Santa said, "Teach the children! Teach them the old meaning of Christmas. The meaning that now-a-days Christmas has forgotten."

Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a FIR TREE and placed it before the mantle.

"Teach the children that the pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round, depicting the everlasting hope of mankind, all the needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of man's thoughts turning toward heaven."

He again reached into his bag and pulled out a brilliant STAR.

"Teach the children that the star was the heavenly sign of promises long ago. God promised a Savior for the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of His promise."

He then reached into his bag and pulled out a CANDLE.

"Teach the children that the candle symbolizes that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this great light we are reminded of He who displaces the darkness."

Once again he reached into his bag and removed a WREATH and placed it on the tree.

"Teach the children that the wreath symbolizes the real nature of love. Real love never ceases. Love is one continuous round of affection."

He then pulled from his bag an ORNAMENT of himself.

"Teach the children that I, Santa Clause symbolize the generosity and good will we feel during the month of December."

He then brought out a HOLLY LEAF.

"Teach the children that the holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown of thorns worn by our Savior. The red holly represents the blood shed by Him."

Next he pulled from his bag a GIFT and said,

"Teach the children that God so loved the world that He gave His begotten SON... Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift. Teach the children that the wise men bowed before the Holy Babe and presented Him with gold, frankincense and myrrh. We should always give gifts in the same spirit of the wise men."

Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a CANDY CANE and hung it on the tree.

"Teach the children that the candy cane represents the shepherds' crook. The crook on the staff helps to bring back strayed sheep to the flock. The candy cane is the symbol that we are our brother's keeper."

He reached in again and pulled out an ANGEL.

"Teach the children that it was the angels that heralded in the glorious news of the Savior's birth. The angels sang 'Glory to God in the highest, on earth peace and good will toward men."

Suddenly I heard a soft twinkling sound, and from his bag he pulled out a BELL.

"Teach the children that as the lost sheep are found by the sound of the bell, it should bring mankind to the fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and return."

Santa looked at me and I saw that the twinkle was back in his eyes. He said, "Remember, teach the children the true meaning of Christmas and do not put me in the center, for I am but a humble servant of the One that is, and I bow down to worship Him, our LORD, our GOD."

“And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”
~ Luke 2:9-11 (KJV)

I'd like to wish each and every one of you a very, Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

~ Eileen

Joy to the World

"Do all things without grumbling and faultfinding and complaining . . . that you may show yourselves to be blameless . . .children of God . . . “
~ Philippians 2:14-15a (Amp)

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch . . .

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch . . .
Excerpts from “Mr. Grinch” by Dr. Suess

The Bible teaches us that the joy of the Lord is our strength, so when we get grouchy and start complaining about the circumstances of our life, it can send us spiraling downward into a sea of self-pity, which in turn robs us of the strength we need to face our struggles.

When Keen was hauling trash, he proved this principle to be true time and time again. If he started griping and complaining about large piles of trash in the morning, then he would drop like a lead balloon and be just miserable the rest of the day. But on those days where he made a determined effort to hold his tongue and do the work without complaining, he seemed to rise above the frustration of it all. There were still large piles and trash that dogs tore into, but it just didn't seem to get him down like it usually did.

“All the days of the desponding afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and foreboding], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]. ~ Proverbs 15:15

That reminds me of an experiment Keen and I tried one time when we made a conscious decision not to complain about a single thing for one entire week. We somehow managed to bite our tongues and resist every temptation to grumble or complain that whole week. The results were simply amazing. As I recall, we had several unexpected stressful situations arise that week, but instead of sinking under the weight of the pressure, we were able to soar like eagles above the storms. It really was remarkable. Unfortunately, repeating the success of that experiment was easier said than done. But I know from experience that it works!

“For let him who wants to enjoy life and see good days (good whether apparent or not), keep his tongue free from evil, and his lips from guile . . . Let him turn away from wickedness and shun it; and let him do right.”
~ I Peter 3:10

I hate to admit it, but I’m really preaching to myself this week, as last week I acted like a real grinch (as opposed to some other, less-flattering description of my behavior). It seems like once I start complaining, I get on a roll of negativity and nothing seems right.

”These are inveterate murmurers (grumblers), that complain of their lot in life . . .”
~ Jude 16

My poor husband. God sure knew what He was doing when He matched us up, because I'd probably be divorced three times over if I hadn't married such a patient man. I'm serious! But with all my imperfections, he still loves me. That's why I write poems about him all the time, because I’m so grateful for his love and for the way he always knows how to help pull me out of my funk.

The other day my niece Mimi sent me the following email which offered one possible explanation for my “grinchiness.”

It's called: 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my Driving? Call 1- 800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

But the truth of the matter is: male or female, young or old, we all have "issues" and we all have ample opportunities to complain every day.

I’ve noticed that many of our standard complaints seem to center around two major areas of life: kids and cars. Kids spill their milk, wet their pants, hit their brother, get in trouble at school and unroll the toilet paper, as in this picture of my guilty grandson, Gabriel, with his exasperated mother, Erin.

As for the motor vehicles we can’t live with and we can’t live without: they either won’t start, or get a flat tire, or we lock our keys in them. Sometimes the steering goes out all together causing a minor accident and both air bags to deploy, as in the case of our son Keen’s car this past weekend. (Thankfully, Keen and our other son, Kirk, were both uninjured.) Then there are those “miscellaneous complaints” such as long lines in the grocery store, traffic jams, grouchy store clerks, or being overcharged for something you purchased and not discovering it until after you get back home. You know – things like that.

But the only way we can overcome the tidal wave of frustrations that wash over us on a daily basis is to button our mouths! As Proverbs 10:19 says: “In a multitude of words transgression is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent.”

One of my favorite books (and one I’d highly recommend for any grinches or worry warts on your Christmas list), is “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff …and It’s All Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. It contains so many practical insights that help remind us of how some of life’s most trivial issues can cause so much needless aggravation. A few of the chapter titles are: Make Peace with Imperfection; Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking; Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your “In Basket” Won’t Be Empty; Ask Yourself the Question, “Will This Matter a Year from Now?”; and Set Aside Quiet Time Every Day. Those are just a few examples from the 100 wisdom-packed chapters included in the book.

So instead of grumbling and complaining during this hectic holiday season, let’s try to be thankful for the many blessings we do have and use our words to bring joy to ourselves and all those around us.

“Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
~ Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

Joy to the World!

For Keeps

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”
~ Philippians 4:11-13

The inspiration for this week’s column came from the following story which was sent to me by my step-mother, Barbara Brady. It’s called “Keepers,”

Keepers
Author Unknown

I grew up in the Fifties with a practical parent -- my mother, God love her, who ironed Christmas wrapping paper and washed aluminum foil so she could reuse it. My mother even ironed Christmas ribbons - they were made of rayon back then. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it. It was the time for fixing things – the screen door, a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, the hem in a dress. Things we keep. It was a way of life and sometimes it made me crazy…all that re-fixing, re-eating, renewing. I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But one day Mother died and as I sat in my kitchen that Sunday afternoon reading her old handmade cookbook in a binder, I was struck with the pain of feeling all alone, learning that sometimes there isn't any “more.” Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So...while we have it, it's best we love it....and care for it.....and fix it when it's broken. And heal it when it's sick.

This is true for old cars.... and children with bad report cards..... and dogs with bad hips..... and best friends who moved away or classmates we grew up with… and aging parents...and grandparents.
We keep them because they are worth it…because we are worth it.

****************************

When I was growing up in a family of nine children, we always had everything we needed. We had plenty of food and clothing, a nice place to live, ample sources of recreation and most of all, lots of love.

But I’ll be honest with you, one of the main reasons we had everything we needed was because our mother was so frugal. With that many kids to care for, she had to cut corners and save money wherever she could.

For example, Mom used to save those green stamps from the grocery store and painstakingly paste them into little booklets. I don’t recall what she received when the booklets were full, but it was something of value. Another way she saved money was by buying powdered milk. I can’t speak for all of my siblings, but I know I hated that stuff. There was always a layer of unmixed milk floating on the top. I remember one time I invited a friend over from school and I asked Mom if she would please buy a quart of “real milk” because I was so embarrassed. (Now I’m embarrassed to admit that I was embarrassed!)

Another way Mom saved money was in the area of sweets. Other than ice cream for dessert, she didn’t buy much junk food. When we took our sack lunches to school we usually had a sandwich, chips and a piece of fruit. It seemed sooo boring compared to the other kids’ lunches. I used to drool over the Hostess Twinkie snacks my friends had in their lunches every day. (Maybe that’s why I have such a sweet tooth!)

Lastly, Mom got all kinds of mileage out of the hand-me-downs in our family. With six girls and three boys, there always seemed to be plenty of clothes to hand down! Since we wore uniforms through the eighth grade at the Catholic school, I didn’t get to wear “regular clothes” until I attended ninth grade at Hudson Junior High. Being the youngest of the six girls, I had so many hand-me-downs that I didn’t repeat the same outfit for the first six weeks of school! Let me tell you, I was in seventh heaven!

It’s a good thing I enjoyed it while I had the chance, because the following year we moved to Singapore where it was back to school uniforms once again. In fact, I remember getting into trouble for being out of uniform because I wore bright yellow socks with matching yellow hair ribbons. I would do anything to spruce up my school uniform.

But the art of learning to be content whatever state you’re in is a valuable one. Keen and I have been dirt poor and we have had plenty, but always... always… we have had everything we need.

"I have led you forty years in the wilderness; your clothes have not worn out upon you, and your sandals have not worn off your feet.... that you might recognize and know [your dependence on Him who is saying], I am the Lord your God."
~ Deuteronomy 29:5, 6b

It’s in the lean times when you learn to focus on what is really important in life – God, good health and the love of your family. When it’s all said and done, nothing else really matters.

Around the Corner
By Henson Towne

Around the corner, I have a friend
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friend's face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell,
And he rang mine.

Ah, but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
“Tomorrow,” I say, “I will call on Jim.”

“Just to show that I'm thinking of him.”
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner! Yet, miles away.
“Here's a telegram, sir.”
“Jim died today.”

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

“May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you...May you be content knowing you are a child of God.... Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.”
~ St. Theresa, known as the Saint of Little Ways, who believed in doing little things in life well and with great love.

Battle of the Bulge

"Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you…
And Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.”
~ John 6:27,35 (NKJV)

Have you ever wondered why it takes six months to take off the weight you gained from only overeating one week during the holidays?

That happened to me several years ago when we drove to Minnesota to spend Christmas with my brother Joe and his family. Joe’s wife, Cindy has a yearly tradition of getting together with several of her friends and baking every type of Christmas delicacy you can imagine. Then they divide them up and everyone goes home with a smorgasbord of wonderful treats for their family.

Well, I have a terrible sweet tooth, which I constantly battle, but that year I just couldn’t resist. So, after deciding in advance that my overindulgence would be well worth whatever consequences I might have to suffer, I sampled one or more of nearly every scrumptious variety. Six months later, when I was still trying to lose the extra pounds I’d gained during my gluttonous binge, it didn’t seem like such a good idea.

Once I hit forty, I noticed that I began putting on some extra weight, even though I didn’t think I was eating any more than I normally did. My doctor explained that our metabolism slows down as we age, so if we don’t do something in the way of exercise to counteract that sad fact, then we’ll find ourselves losing the battle of the bulge.

The good news is that studies show exercise doesn’t have to be strenuous in order to be effective. One time my doctor asked me if I exercised. Since I didn’t work out at a fitness center, I sheepishly answered no. “But my husband and I walk several times a week,” I quickly added. Her response was a pleasant surprise. “What do you mean? Walking is one of the best forms of exercise around.” I guess I should have known that, because I lost twenty pounds when Keen and I walked once or twice a day during the seven months we spent waiting for the Supreme Court to hand down a decision.

Our son Josh is a second year medical student at KU and he has always been a great source of information and encouragement when it comes to health and nutrition. He says it’s a numbers game – like depositing or withdrawing money from the bank. By exercising, we can attempt to “withdraw” more calories than we “deposit.” He reminds me of the importance of keeping active so I’ll stay healthy long enough to enjoy my grandchildren.

One article Josh emailed me stated that we can lose 10 pounds in a year just be eating one tablespoon less fat per day (although some fats like olive oil and those in fish are actually good for you). “It’s not about making sweeping overhauls that are doomed to fail,” said Katherine Tallmadge of the American Dietetic Association in an interview with the Associated Press. The article went on to state that it’s time to “stop stuffin’ it and start huffin’ it.”

Here’s another email Josh sent me awhile back:

Hey Mom,
I needed a quick study break so I thought I’d find out a little moreon that book for you. It’s only $7 on Amazon.com. If you type in
"Intuitive eating" you should get a book called "Intuitive Eating:
A Recovery book for the Chronic Dieter: Rediscover the pleasures
of eating and rebuild your body image." Also at that website you
can click the link “search inside the book” and it'll let you read
the first 10 pages or so. Within the first page I was reminded
how much I love this book.

Here's what I mean:

" . . . Dieting had made her more preoccupied with food. Dieting hadmade food the enemy. Dieting had made her feel guilt when she wasn'teating diet-type foods (even when she wasn't officially dieting).Dieting had slowed down her metabolism . . ."" .

. .Each diet teaches the body to adapt better for the nextself-imposed famine (another diet). Metabolism slows as the bodyefficiently utilizes each calorie as if it's the last. The more drastic the diet, the more it pushes the body into the calorie-pinchingsurvival mode. Fueling metabolism is like stoking a fire. Remove thewood and the fire diminishes. Similarly, to fuel our metabolism, wemust eat a sufficient amount of calories, or our bodies willcompensate and slow down . . ."

Alright, the cat's outta the bag, now you know where I get most of myanalogies. But Boy howdy does that say it all or what. And the wholebook is like that!I would be happy to sit down with you anytime. Back to the books,
test tomorrow, pray for me.Josh

*****************************

In an email column titled “Faith to Faith” from Kenneth Copeland Ministries (www.kcm.org), Kenneth shared his past struggles with weight and how he’s lost literally hundreds of pounds over the years, only to gain them right back again. He said he used to pray that God would help him lose weight, until he finally realized that he didn’t have a weight problem, he had a food problem.

“I wanted to lose weight,” he said, “but I didn’t want to permanently change my eating habits. I was like an alcoholic who wants to be able to drink constantly and not be affected by it. I wanted to eat nine times a day and still weigh 166 pounds!”
With the exception of those rare individuals who seem to be able to eat everything in sight and never gain a pound, most of us struggle to varying degrees in this battle for good health and physical well being. After all, it’s not about looking like a runway model, it’s about achieving a weight that we feel good about and that’s healthy for us.

I’d like to close this column on a more humorous note with the following poem by Dwight Burgess, who graciously gave me permission to share it with you.

WAIT TO LOSE WEIGHT
By Dwight Burgess
Wamego, Kansas

Two gals chanced to meet one day on the street
There in front of the Café Sublime
“Oh Sylvia dear, imagine meeting you here,
Dear, it’s been such a very long time.”

“You’re looking great, you’ve lost so much weight,
why I hardly knew who you were.
It seems it’s more than a year since I saw you, Dear,
we need to catch up on old times, for sure.”

“Why, Dear, bless my soul, let me buy you a roll,
tell me how things are at your house.
Our lives change so much, we seem to lose touch,
are you still married to that louse?”

Then Sylvia said, slowly nodding her head,
“I’m afraid that the answer is yes.
I live with that hog like a whipped puppy dog,
I’m a glutton for punishment I guess.”

“Heaven knows it’s a job putting up with that slob
it’s been even tougher of late.
He smells such a fright I lose my appetite
that’s why I’ve lost so much weight.”

“And you better believe that I’m going to leave,
and heaven knows I’ve sure got grounds.
I won’t let the door hit my backside anymore,
but first I want to lose another 12 pounds.”

“For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”
~ Romans 14:17 (NKJV)

One More Day

“…do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
~ Ephesians 6:4

I watched him take the two-strike call:
He hadn't tried to swing at all.
I guess he'd had all he could take,
He walked away, for goodness sake.
His father's voice was loud and mean:
"You won't amount to anything."

That little boy quit tryin',
He just walked away.
There were teardrops on his face.

Tell me, how would you feel?
You'd probably give up too,
If nobody believed in you.

”If Nobody Believed in You” ~ recorded by Joe Nichols

***********
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
~ Proverbs 12:18

Love at Home (Author Unknown)

I ran into a stranger, as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me, please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me, too;
I wasn't watching out for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the children you love,
you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled and said, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I still love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."


“A gentle tongue [with its healing power] is a tree of life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit.” ~ Proverbs 15:4

************
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up…that it may benefit those who listen.” ~ Ephesians 4:29

HEARTPRINTS
Author Unknown

Whatever our hands touch---
We leave fingerprints!
On walls, on furniture,
On doorknobs, dishes, books,
As we touch we leave our identity.

Oh please, wherever I go today,
Help me leave heartprints!
Heartprints of compassion
Of understanding and love.
Heartprints of kindness
and genuine concern.

May my heart touch a lonely neighbor
Or a runaway daughter,
Or an anxious mother,
Or, perhaps, a dear friend!

I shall go out today
To leave heartprints,
And if someone should say
"I felt your touch,"
May that one sense be...YOUR LOVE
Touching them through me.

“Clearly, you are a letter from Christ…written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on stone, but on human hearts.”
~ II Corinthians 3:3

************

“At your age, I know I was caught up in raising my family – thinking of a million things. I wish now that I had spent just a wee bit more time taking time to stop to smell the roses. But I was more like a runner, grasping for air, in a frenzy to have perfect kids, a perfect house, etc… Oh to go back, even if for only a day!”
~ Letter from my friend, Marian Umscheid ~ April, 1995


TO MY CHILD
Author unknown

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face
and laugh when I feel like crying.


Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to
wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and
pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and
let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the
computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny
grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck,
and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going
to be when you grow up, or second-guess every decision I have made
where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and
I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us
both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.


Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a
story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not
get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit
on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and
miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my fingers through your hair as
you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the
greatest gift ever given.

And I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for
their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting
their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and the mothers and
fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer endlessly –

screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

Yes, my child, when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter,
a little longer. It is then that I will thank God for you and ask Him for nothing…
except one more day.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone ~ Eileen Beautiful web page

Pressing On

“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward…”
~ Colossians 3:23,24a (NKJV)

Well, I have to admit that I’ve been dreading writing this column updating everyone about the progress of my book. Let me just say that telling someone (or lots of someone’s) that you’re writing a book is like announcing to the world that you’re going on a diet. I can hear the tap, tap, tap of the feet, feet, feet. “Hmmm. She doesn’t look any thinner to me.” “I thought she went to Nevada to write her book. Now she’s back and still no book.”

“I am as a wonder and surprise to many, but You are my strong refuge.”
~ Psalm 70:7

I know, I probably sound like the girl who cried wolf, but in my defense, it’s a complex process and I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’m learning as I go. But honestly, I’m still plugging away at it.

Just days before I wrapped things up in Nevada and was preparing to go home, I had a near crisis when my brand new computer crashed and could not be repaired. Thank God, I had just backed up my book onto a CD and mailed it to myself back in Alma.

Computers are great, but I don’t trust them any further than I can throw them. Anyway, I only lost a few pages and at that point, I felt that the rough draft was about 90% complete. Now, I’m not so sure.

“Starting a book is like taking a slow trot through the woods. Then it becomes one of the most arduous journeys of your life." ~ Author Jan Karon

After returning to Alma, I spent several weeks getting settled and the next thing I knew, I was back on the housewife track, getting distracted by all kinds of domestic duties – which only confirmed the fact that I cannot write at home.

"Working towards a goal is like taking a journey. Every side trip you take which runs perpendicular to your destination only delays your arrival." ~ Keen

A few weeks ago I attended the Kansas Author’s Club convention in Topeka (it’s for anyone who enjoys writing – not just published authors), and listened to a talk by children’s author, Jane Kurtz. Jane shared about the time her house was completely flooded and her family had to move into a FEMA trailer while their home was being renovated. She pointed out the fact that she had continued to write while living in temporary housing with several small children at home. Immediately, my brain short-circuited, because I can’t seem to focus on writing even when my house has been completely vacated. No matter. All writers have their quirks and this is mine. I need to leave my house to write!

"Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright. Turn not aside to the right hand or to the left…"
~ Proverbs 4:26,27

So my solution during this phase of the project has been to pack my bags once again – but this time I’m only straying 30 miles from home to the house we own in Manhattan. None of our college-aged children are using it right now, so it has proven to be an ideal writing studio. It’s exciting to be making progress towards my goal once again – even though things are still moving slower than I’d like.

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been pouring through boxes and boxes of records and three-ring binders containing every scrap of correspondence from our lawsuit. There are more legal twists and turns in this story than I can keep up with. Just when I think I’ve recorded every detail known to man, I make another archaeological find and unearth an additional piece of the puzzle.

But this week was a tough one for me in the writing department. I keep reminding myself of the pearls of wisdom my sister Joanne gave me several months ago. “Keep breathing; keep moving; keep writing – you’re going to make it!”

Here’s an email I sent to a writer friend from California, Mike Stein, describing my predicament:

“…I'm struggling right now. I remember you told me to go to a movie or go for a walk when I get writer's block, but I feel like I have such a long, long way to go, so I want to stay on it until I get it done. I don't want to waste any time. What's making it hard is that it's emotional for me to continue to relive everything we went through. It was just one battle after another - we fended off attack after attack. I don't like stirring up all those painful memories. But I know I have to tell our story and I've come too far to turn back….”

(Here’s some examples of quotes that brought back those memories.)

"We are in the heat of the battle. We celebrate Christmas by clinking our tin cans together. They're full of water, but we make believe it's wine and go right back to the war. Everyone else celebrates with a turkey, a tree and presents. They are worlds apart from us and the way we live." ~ Keen, June, 1990 "This morning when I woke up I thought this would be the day I wasn't going to make it. As much as you want to get up, you can't. It's not like other times; it's just not there. You're walking on thin air." ~ Keen, July, 1995

Tonight Keen was talking about how he treasures our walks and the times we’ve danced on the patio. Then I said, “But you know what’s sad? There would have been so much more of that if there had only been less of this (the lawsuit).”

Keen replied, “But would it have been as sweet? If we’d never climbed the mountains, would we appreciate the plains?”
~ September, 1996, after the lawsuit was settled

Mike’s response to my e-mail: “…Keep at it. That's only course you can take if you want a finished book. Two suggestions: l. Steel yourself to be dispassionate. Get in a frame of mind where you are writing about somebody else. 2. Relive the ordeal by discussing it with Keen or anybody else involved. This also may help you dredge up facts you may have forgotten…Don't suppress anything. YOU'RE A WRITER! Recently, I read a New Yorker article about Thomas Carlyle, the Englishman, who wrote the massive volume, THE HISTORY OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION. After finishing the manuscript after years of labor, he gave it to a literary friend for comment. The friend’s housekeeper, mistaking it for a pile of trash, tossed it into the fireplace, where it was destroyed. This was l835 and no copies could have been made. Carlyle was heartbroken and lapsed into a fit of depression, declaring to himself that he could never rewrite the book. But he did, forcing himself to take pen in hand again. He believed in the book and that it must be published. I know you believe in your book. So take a leaf from Carlyle.”
My response:

“And to think I was going to "un-send" my letter to you. Just hit a low point. But I'm glad I didn't. Thanks for the sound advice. You can be sure I'll be reading it over and over. The comment about being dispassionate was interesting. I feel like that's what I've had to do to write this more historical version of our story. You know me – I like the tear-jerking stuff. I always wanted to write "the personal side of an extended legal battle" based on my journals. But I guess I told you it turned out to be too much to put into one book. So this is more of the documentary version based on court documents/transcripts, letters to and from attorneys and newspaper accounts. I really had to take myself out of it in order to maintain my objectivity. I really appreciated the story about Carlyle. If he could start completely over, then I can finish what I've started.” “For a dream comes with much business and painful effort…”
~ Ecclesiastes 5:3a (Amp)

In my office in Carson City, NV

Welcome Home

“Then he said unto him, Come home with me…”
~ I Kings 13:15 (KJV)

With great anticipation he waited at the door His only son was due from overseas For months now he'd been waitin' since he'd gone off to war And his eyes were filled with tears of great relief

Welcome home, son His loving arms held open and his heart so full of love Welcome home, son I've been praying and been hoping and I never did give up I knew that you'd return to me The place where you were meant to be Rest now, for you've been gone too long I heard him say as they embraced "I've waited so long for this day My son, my very own...Welcome home"
Welcome Home ~ recorded by Dolly Parton

There was an interesting article by Karen Ann Bland in this month’s edition of Kansas Country Living. Ms. Rand reported on the dedication ceremony of the Kansas Veterans’ Cemetery in WaKeeney, Kansas – one of four such cemeteries being built across the state to provide burial grounds for veterans and their families.

U.S. Rep. Jerry Moran spoke to more than 300 people who attended the ceremony and challenged them to ask themselves on Veterans Day, “Are our reasons for living as great as theirs were for dying?” Rep. Moran went on to talk about his trip to France earlier this year for the 60th anniversary of the Normandy invasion and D-Day. “I stood on the sands of the Normandy beaches; saw the waves lapping on the shore, the cliffs ahead. I tried to imagine what it must have been like for those young men, so many years ago, to disembark from their ships and charge out across the sand. For those who saw the dream, today we see the reality.”

I’d like to dedicate this column to all the veterans who sacrificed so much for the cause of freedom in America. I’d also like to pay tribute to the members of my own family who have served in the Armed Forces. My father, Joseph Van Kirk, who fought in World War II, my brother-in-law, Art Reese who fought in Viet Nam (both with the United States Army) and our son, Jared Joseph, who enlisted in the Navy after 9-11. Jared is in Special Forces and is currently serving in Southeast Asia.

This son
(For Jared)

We thought that we would wait
But God had other plans instead
Born eleven months to the day
From the day that we were wed

This son

Pure joy from the start
A bundle of love
Making us laugh
Giving us hugs

This son

Welcoming your brothers
One, two and three
Always the peacemaker
When they’d disagree

This son

Amazed by your wisdom
And your sense of fairness, too
We marveled at the gifts
God had bestowed on you

This son

Thinking of others
Your number one trait
The perfect ingredients
For father and mate

This son

September 11th
Shook the country to its core
You never hesitated a moment
To answer the call to war

This son

How can we describe
How proud we are of you
Of everything you stand for
And everything you do

This son

Now that you’re overseas
This is my constant prayer
“Lord, please keep this son of ours
Ever in Your care.”

Amen.

Welcome Home
Author Unknown

I sat in my seat of the Boeing 767 waiting for everyone to hurry and stow their carry-ons and grab a seat so we could start what I was sure would be a long, uneventful flight home. With the huge capacity and slow-moving people taking their time to stuff luggage far too big for the overhead and never paying much attention to holding up the growing line behind them, I simply shook my head. This flight was not starting out very well.

I was anxious to get home to see my loved ones so I was focused on "my" issues and just felt like standing up and yelling at these clowns to get their act together. I knew I couldn't say a word so I just thumbed through the "Sky Mall" magazine from the seat pocket in front of me.

With everyone finally seated, we just waited and waited with the cabin door open and no one in any hurry to get us going – even though we were well past the scheduled take off time. No wonder the airline industry is in trouble, I told myself. Just then, the attendant came on the intercom to inform us all that we were being delayed. The entire plane let out a collective groan. She continued speaking. "We are holding the aircraft for some very special people who are on their way to the plane. The delay shouldn't be more than 5 minutes.”

The word came after we had already waited six times as long to finally be on our way home. Who were these “special people?” Why all the hoopla over these folks? I was expecting some celebrity or sport figure to be the reason for the hold up.....Just get their butts in a seat and let’s hit the gas, I thought.

The attendant came back on the speaker to announce in a loud and excited voice that we were being joined by several U. S. Marines returning home from Iraq. Just as they walked on board, the entire plane erupted into applause. The men were taken by surprise by the 340 people cheering for them as they searched for their seats. Everyone within an arm's distance of them shook their hands or touched them as they passed down the aisle. One elderly woman kissed the hand of one of the Marines as he passed by. The applause, whistles and cheering didn't stop for a long time.

When we were finally airborne, I was not the only civilian checking his conscience about the way I had reacted to the delays in getting “me” home to my family, my easy chair, a cold beverage and the remote control. These men had sacrificed so much for all of us and I had been complaining silently about me and my issues. I took for granted the everyday freedoms I enjoy and the conveniences of the American way of life. I took for granted the price that had been paid by those heroes who were going home to their loved ones.

I attempted to get my selfish outlook back in order. Minutes before we landed I got the attendant’s attention and suggested that she ask everyone to remain in their seats until our heroes were allowed to gather their things and be the first off the plane. The cheers and applause continued until the last Marine stepped off the plane.

I felt proud of them. It was an honor and a privilege to be among the first to welcome them home and to say “Thank you for a job well done.”

I vowed that I will never forget that flight nor the lessons learned. I can't say it enough, THANK YOU to those Veterans and active servicemen and women who may read this.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

I hope to hear God sayin’
when it's my time to go Welcome home While the angel band is playin'
and God comes to claim my soul The angels will be singing
and joy bells will be ringing Rejoicing, I'll shout and sing along
When there are no more wars to fight And we're all children of the light When the Father and the Son say "Welcome home!"

Welcome Home ~ recorded by Dolly Parton



Official Veterans Day poster for 2004

Still the One

“But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.”
~ Colossians 3:14

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We might of took the long way
we knew we'd get there someday

They said, I bet, they'll never make it
but just look at us holding on
were still together, still going strong

You're still the one I run to
the one that I belong to
you're still the one I want for life
You're still the one that I love
the only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss goodnight

You’re still the one ~ Recorded by Shania Twain

Someone sent me the following list in an email.

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house.2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on. 4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Of course this is a joke that implies there is no such man living on Planet Earth. But I’m here to say that I married someone who has all those attributes and more. I’d like to dedicate this column to my one-in-a-million husband who will be turning 46 on November 8. Happy Birthday, Keen!

A Real Find
By Eileen Umbehr
For Keen on our 21st anniversary - June 10, 1999

I was shopping for a gift,
for my husband, dear;
something to commemorate,
our marriage of twenty-one years.

I thought that I would buy him,
a tie tack for the occasion,
and so I headed for the mall,
to fulfill my expectation.

I found so many different styles,
some were fancy, others plain,
and it wasn't very long before,
my patience started to wane.

But finally I narrowed my search,
down to two that looked real nice;
the only difference between them,
was, of course, the price!

In my mind I debated the issue,
back and forth I went,
trying to decide which one to buy,
for this blessed event.

Suddenly, it all became clear,
like a light bulb going off in my head;
so I pointed to the more precious one,
and this is what I said.

My husband is a real gem,
truly, I do not jest;
for he's one in a million,
who deserves the very best.

Thus, the choice is simple,
this fine tie tack is now sold;
for my husband's not a gold-plated guy,
he's 14-karat gold!

Now, here we are, five years later....still in love and still writing love notes. Here’s one I received just last week while I was working on my book at our house in Manhattan.

Eileen:

Its 10:40 p.m. and I have competed the writing project. Now, I am missing you so much. It just came over me all at once and made me so sad. I want you to know that I am what I am because of you. Never a day goes by that I think that I could survive without you. I love you.I can't wait to see you tomorrow.Love,Keen

Twice as much
By Eileen Umbehr

26 years of I love you’s
26 years of I love you, too’s

26 years of feeling blessed
26 years of passing time’s test

So many memories
Shared by us two
I could write a book
About this love so true

Just the other night,
after saying our prayers,
Something he said,
brought me to tears

First I said good night
and “I love you so much”
Then he softly replied,
“I love you twice as much as so much.”

26 years of I love you’s
26 years of I love you, too’s

26 years of feeling blessed
26 years of passing time’s test


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways....
I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning