“. . .Therefore let your words be few.”
~ Ecclesiastes 5:2b (NKJV)
To everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven
There is a Season ~ Words adapted from the Book of Ecclesiastes by Pete Seeger
Brev·i·ty: noun – the attribute of being brief; conciseness of expression; the economical use of words in speech or writing
It’s been said that brevity is an art – one that I have not yet mastered. But starting today, I’m going to try. Yes, I’m turning over a new leaf, because as much as I enjoy pouring my heart out each week, I’ve decided that my columns are simply too long.
Now I can already hear the “Amens!” coming from the audience, as I’m sure many of you agree. (Remember – I’m cutting my teeth on you, so I’m learning as I go.) It’s just that I have so much I want to share and I hate to leave anything out, but I really need to learn how to use my words more “economically,” as the definition above suggests.
Another reason why I need to shorten my column is because of the time it takes to put it together each week. After pulling songs, poems, Bible verses and quotes from all four corners of the earth, and adding my own thoughts, I have to put them together in some kind of order that makes some kind of sense. After that, I edit my article at least three times, marking it up with changes each time. Then when I think I have it just the way I want it, I read the almost-finished product out loud to Keen so I can hear how it sounds. That process usually reveals several other changes that need to be made. When it’s all said and done, it seems like I spend the better part of my week producing my column/mini-book – which unfortunately doesn’t leave much time for other endeavors, including my “other book.” Since I tend to be an “all-or-none” type of person, it is often difficult for me to find the middle ground in situations like this. As a result, I even considered taking a break from writing my column. But then it made me sad to think about not being able to share my heart and life with all of you.
“If I say, I will not make mention of the Lord, or speak any more in His name, there is in my mind and heart as if it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with enduring and holding it in; I cannot contain it longer.”
~ Jeremiah 20:9
Speaking of my book, I just got it back from my manuscript editor, Barbara Lerma and now I have a whole new set of challenges to face. Even though Barbara has been very kind in saying that she hardly had to make any corrections, I can see all the pencil marks on the pages and am left to wonder how I even got the title right! In fact, that may be changing, too!
As an author’s editor, Barbara has been a Godsend at this stage of the project. She has a master’s degree in English from Emporia State University, so she knows all the rules concerning the proper mechanics of writing. While I may be a decent speller and my grammar is fair, the intricacies of punctuation seem to have escaped me. That’s where Barbara comes in.
Barbara has also made some suggestions about format and content. I guess you could say that it looks like a huge mountain to climb because I thought I was nearing completion. Now I realize that the finish line is still a very long way off. In some ways this book project feels like a never-ending marathon with a bottomless pit of steps and stages. But I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” ~ Galatians 6:9
Barbara has also become a great source of encouragement to me. She believes in the value of my project and sees it as an All-American story that’s a movie in the making. In a recent e-mail she wrote:
“[It] really made me want to stand up and cheer for your triumph after the Supreme Court decision. It is so remarkable. Your story has all the ingredients of a great story: description, dialogue, tension, rising action, turning point, falling action and a triumph--and it's all true, although it is almost unbelievable.”
Well, I think I’ve reached my word limit for this week, so I better close for now. Please pray for me that God will give me the ability to focus on keeping my columns short and sweet, and the strength and wisdom to see my book through to the end.
Until next time…
A New Version of Footprints
Author Unknown
Imagine you and Jesus are walking down the road together.
For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along
steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.
But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags,
starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.
For much of the way, it seems to go like this,
but gradually your footprints come more in line
with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently.
You and Jesus are walking side by side as true friends!
This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens:
Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus'
are now walking directly in His steps.
Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones,
you and Jesus are becoming one.
This goes on for many miles,
but gradually you notice another change.
The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow
larger. Eventually they disappear altogether.
There is only one set of footprints - they have become one.
This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second
set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse!
Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand.
A variable mess of footprints. You are amazed and shocked.
Your dream ends. Now you pray:
"Lord, I understand the first scene with zigzags because
everything was new and I was just learning.
But You walked on through the storm and helped me
learn how to walk with You."
"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours,
I was actually learning to walk in Your steps,
following You very closely."
"Very good. You have understood everything so far."
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours,
I supposed that I was becoming more like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something?
The footprints separated, and this time it was
worse than at first."
There was a pause as the Lord answered with a smile in His
voice: "Don’t you know? It was then that we danced!”
“And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish.”
~ Hebrews 12:2a (NLT)
Eileen and Barbara Lerma
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Broken Hearts Mending
“Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee.”
~ Proverbs 23:7b (KJV)
I can think of younger days
When living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do
I could never see tomorrow
But I was never told about the sorrow
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart ~ recorded by the Bee Gees
This week I’d like to share the following poems about broken hearts – some which have mended and some mending still.
I’ll start with a short note from a poet friend of mine named Gale Rogers, followed by a poem he wrote – both of which he permitted me to share.
“After being rejected I wrote this poem. I loved your reflections that I just received [“Love’s Second Chance”], but all is not a happy ending. Don't mean to sound so sinister, but it has cut a deep scar. The good of it is it has helped me to rely more on God.”
A River of No Return
By Gale Rogers
There's a river of emotions pouring
out from deep within.
One I can neither control
nor cause to bend.
A river flooding the senses
to an ever growing depth.
With both feelings, of a raging torrent
and calmness of Summer's breath.
A river that ebbs and flows
with each beat of the heart.
Never faintly, always strong,
the current raced from the start.
A river growing wide and deep,
as it reached for more
Chasing a mysteriously forbidden
ever-elusive shore.
A river of emotions racing
toward an ending waterfall,
Knowing there may be no return,
the longing continues, and still the siren calls.
*********
“With pity let my breast o’erflow
When I behold another’s woe;
And bear a sympathizing part,
Whene’er I meet a wounded heart.”
A Treasure of Lincoln Quotations ~
Compiled and Edited by Fred Kerner
This next poem was written after my girlfriend’s marriage ended and she questioned whether she would ever love again.
I Remember
By Eileen Umbehr
I remember the night we stopped by her house
to see if it was true
Had he really broken her heart?
Yes.
He had.
It wasn’t the first time.
But she decided it would be the last.
She cried.
I remember how she cried.
“I’ll never find anyone who will treat me right.”
“Yes, you will,” we said.
“You’re a wonderful person. Someone will see that.”
And someone did.
I remember.
I remember how the light returned to her eyes
and the smile returned to her face.
He was perfect for her.
He called her “Jule.”
Because she was his jewel.
And he was hers.
I remember.
*******
“The heart of a child is the most precious of God's creation.
Never break it. At all costs, never break it.”
~ Joseph L. Whitten
This is a poem I wrote for one of our sons after he went through a painful breakup with his high school sweetheart.
Your broken heart
By Eileen Umbehr
I knew that your heart had been broken
And the betrayal was difficult to bear
I knew that you needed time to heal
And I tried to let you know that I cared
But words seemed so empty and meaningless
When your life had been turned inside out
You lost your best friend – the love of your life
Leaving only confusion and doubt
But I never knew the extent of your pain
Until you told me you still cried at night
After nearly six months, this came as a shock
Grief’s end was nowhere in sight
But then one day God whispered,
“Give your broken heart to Me.”
Then He healed it and gave it back again
And set your spirit free!
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.”
~ I John 4:16
STEADFAST HEART
By Fran Crownover
I've dreamed many dreams that never came true,
I've seen them vanish at dawn,
But I've realized enough of my dreams, Thank God,
To make me want to dream on.
I've prayed many prayers when no answer came,
Though I waited patient and long,
But answers have come to enough of my prayers,
To make me keep praying on.
I've trusted many a friend that failed,
And left me to weep alone,
But I've found enough of my friends true blue,
To make me keep trusting on.
I've sown many seeds that fell by the way,
For the birds to feed upon,
But I've held enough golden sheaves in my hands,
To make me keep sowing on.
I've drained the cup of disappointment and pain,
And gone many ways without song,
But I've sipped enough nectar from the roses of life,
To make me want to live on.
…and for the broken hearts yet mending, I add…
I’ve been pierced in the heart by betrayal’s arrow
And felt the sting of love gone wrong
But I’ve experienced enough of the goodness of God,
To make me want to love on.
“What, what would have become of me had I not believed to see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!”
~ Psalm 27:13 (Amp)
~ Proverbs 23:7b (KJV)
I can think of younger days
When living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do
I could never see tomorrow
But I was never told about the sorrow
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart ~ recorded by the Bee Gees
This week I’d like to share the following poems about broken hearts – some which have mended and some mending still.
I’ll start with a short note from a poet friend of mine named Gale Rogers, followed by a poem he wrote – both of which he permitted me to share.
“After being rejected I wrote this poem. I loved your reflections that I just received [“Love’s Second Chance”], but all is not a happy ending. Don't mean to sound so sinister, but it has cut a deep scar. The good of it is it has helped me to rely more on God.”
A River of No Return
By Gale Rogers
There's a river of emotions pouring
out from deep within.
One I can neither control
nor cause to bend.
A river flooding the senses
to an ever growing depth.
With both feelings, of a raging torrent
and calmness of Summer's breath.
A river that ebbs and flows
with each beat of the heart.
Never faintly, always strong,
the current raced from the start.
A river growing wide and deep,
as it reached for more
Chasing a mysteriously forbidden
ever-elusive shore.
A river of emotions racing
toward an ending waterfall,
Knowing there may be no return,
the longing continues, and still the siren calls.
*********
“With pity let my breast o’erflow
When I behold another’s woe;
And bear a sympathizing part,
Whene’er I meet a wounded heart.”
A Treasure of Lincoln Quotations ~
Compiled and Edited by Fred Kerner
This next poem was written after my girlfriend’s marriage ended and she questioned whether she would ever love again.
I Remember
By Eileen Umbehr
I remember the night we stopped by her house
to see if it was true
Had he really broken her heart?
Yes.
He had.
It wasn’t the first time.
But she decided it would be the last.
She cried.
I remember how she cried.
“I’ll never find anyone who will treat me right.”
“Yes, you will,” we said.
“You’re a wonderful person. Someone will see that.”
And someone did.
I remember.
I remember how the light returned to her eyes
and the smile returned to her face.
He was perfect for her.
He called her “Jule.”
Because she was his jewel.
And he was hers.
I remember.
*******
“The heart of a child is the most precious of God's creation.
Never break it. At all costs, never break it.”
~ Joseph L. Whitten
This is a poem I wrote for one of our sons after he went through a painful breakup with his high school sweetheart.
Your broken heart
By Eileen Umbehr
I knew that your heart had been broken
And the betrayal was difficult to bear
I knew that you needed time to heal
And I tried to let you know that I cared
But words seemed so empty and meaningless
When your life had been turned inside out
You lost your best friend – the love of your life
Leaving only confusion and doubt
But I never knew the extent of your pain
Until you told me you still cried at night
After nearly six months, this came as a shock
Grief’s end was nowhere in sight
But then one day God whispered,
“Give your broken heart to Me.”
Then He healed it and gave it back again
And set your spirit free!
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love.”
~ I John 4:16
STEADFAST HEART
By Fran Crownover
I've dreamed many dreams that never came true,
I've seen them vanish at dawn,
But I've realized enough of my dreams, Thank God,
To make me want to dream on.
I've prayed many prayers when no answer came,
Though I waited patient and long,
But answers have come to enough of my prayers,
To make me keep praying on.
I've trusted many a friend that failed,
And left me to weep alone,
But I've found enough of my friends true blue,
To make me keep trusting on.
I've sown many seeds that fell by the way,
For the birds to feed upon,
But I've held enough golden sheaves in my hands,
To make me keep sowing on.
I've drained the cup of disappointment and pain,
And gone many ways without song,
But I've sipped enough nectar from the roses of life,
To make me want to live on.
…and for the broken hearts yet mending, I add…
I’ve been pierced in the heart by betrayal’s arrow
And felt the sting of love gone wrong
But I’ve experienced enough of the goodness of God,
To make me want to love on.
“What, what would have become of me had I not believed to see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!”
~ Psalm 27:13 (Amp)
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Love's Second Chance
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”
~ I John 4:18a
Looks like my heart has become
The safest place for us to run
I’ll be here for you when the day is done
Looks like my heart has found someone
Feels like sunshine, feels like rain
Lord it feels like love finally called my name
I wanna jump and shout, I wanna sing and dance
Lord it feels like love wants a second chance
Feels Like Love ~ recorded by Vince Gill
Recently I was talking to a friend of ours who has been married to his high school sweetheart for nearly 40 years. He was lamenting the fact that his two children have not been so lucky in love, although they are both happily married now. “Well,” I said, “sometimes you don’t find the right person on the first or even second try.”
When my sister Peggy’s five year marriage ended over thirty years ago, I remember writing a letter encouraging her not to give up on love. In that letter I shared the following words to a song whose author I no longer recall.
Take another little look at love again
Forget the one who came and took your love away
Everybody knows you’ve got the time to grow
Another little bit of love in your heart.
Well, Peggy did “take another little look at love again,” thank God, and she has been happily married to her husband Jim for over twenty years now. As an added bonus, Jim brought a beautiful daughter named Melissa into the family.
This is a poem I wrote for Melissa several years ago.
Our Melissa
You came into our lives as a toddler,
and you've been with us ever since;
Our family is blessed to know you,
of that I am convinced.
We've watched you grow up through the years,
into the lovely young woman you are;
We are all so proud of what you've accomplished,
to us, you're a bright, shining star!
You have added such joy to our family,
and enriched it more than words can say;
We just wouldn't be complete without you,
and our love for you grows day by day.
On this, your 19th birthday,
we pray that you will be blessed,
And we want you to know that we love you,
And wish you all of life's best!
Since then, Melissa has graduated from college, started a promising career, purchased her own home, and become engaged to the love of her life, Mark. Our family was so excited about the upcoming happy event that we decided to attend the wedding in lieu of the annual Van Kirk reunion. In fact, our brother Bob’s two kids, Caitlyn and Connor, will be in the wedding.
*******
Last year I read an uplifting book by SQire Rushnell (that’s not a typo – he capitalizes the second letter in his first name) titled, When God Winks on Love: Let the Power of Coincidence Lead You to Love. SQire is a former ABC television executive who found love after two failed attempts. He says that some couples are like pieces of a puzzle that just don’t fit; when you try to force them together, both pieces just end up getting damaged and hurt.
SQuire is currently married to Broadway actress and comedic impressionist, Louise DuArt, whom he had met thirty years earlier when he cast her as a comedienne for a Saturday morning television show (her first big break on TV).
“Godwinks, like a wink from Dad or Grandma that said, ‘Hey kid, I'm thinking of you right now,’ are little signposts from above reminding you that you are always on a sort-of Global Positioning System. You're never alone.” (www.whengodwinks.com)
The book is full of inspiring short stories about couples who found love after some amazing coincidences led them to each other.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road,
that led me straight to you
~ Bless the Broken Road ~ recorded by Rascal Flatts
A few weeks ago, a book by Donna Hanover titled, “My Boyfriend’s Back: True Stories of Rediscovering Love with a Long-Lost Sweetheart,” was featured on the Oprah Show. After her divorce from former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani, Donna rekindled a relationship with her high school boyfriend, Ed Oster, and the two eventually married. After realizing that her experience wasn’t unique, she decided to interview other couples with similar stories.
“Hanover writes in a chatty, accessible style, adopting the tone of the experienced best friend . . . Exploring the myriad ways rekindled love is different from new love and why so many couples are reuniting now, Hanover also details the role of the Internet in this trend, and offers some recommendations-and some warnings-for aspiring "reunitees." (Editorial Reviews from Publishers Weekly, Amazon.com.)
I will face the world around me
Knowing that I'm strong enough to let you go
And I will fall in love again
Because I can
One Way Ticket (Because I Can) ~ recorded by Leann Rimes
Finally, I’d like to share a heartwarming story about “love’s second chance” from my friend, Kenneth Eck. Kenneth is a semi-retired pharmacist from Healdton, Oklahoma who writes a weekly newspaper column for The Healdton Herald called “Oilpatch Mania.”
The following account of how Kenneth met his first wife won a prize for best story.
How I met my Sweetheart
By Kenneth Eck
I attended high school with my future wife, but we were not well acquainted. Her impression of me was that I was a senior, snobbish and fickle, running with a fast crowd. I knew her parents, knew her name, but thought of her as one of the giggly sophomore girls, a church going girl and I am not sure I could put a face with the name. In later years she was employed as a beautician in a shop across the street from the drug store where I worked. She came in, frequently, to patronize the soda fountain. There was, admittedly, some flirting going on between us. I always felt kinda foolish in her presence. She apparently had made a reassessment and was, more than likely, seeking a stronger relationship. One evening, remember drug stores stayed open late in those days, she came in wearing a dazzling, new, red dress. This really took my eye, and with all eyes on her she took a seat in one of the booths. Wow! She was amazed to discover a wad of chewing gum, left on the seat, was attached to her new skirt. I, envisioning myself as a Lancelot, coming to the aid of a damsel, in distress, with a pint bottle of acetone. After all I had removed gum from seats, counters and floors with acetone. It worked wonders. Unfortunately, I was not aware that the dress and underlying slip were made of some of the new synthetic fibers that were beginning to be popular. A splash of acetone on a big ball of cotton, applied to the gum, and lo and behold it removed the gum and dissolved the dress material and the slip beneath it right before our eyes, just like magic. I know my face was a stop-light-red, and stammering and stuttering I tried to explain that I would pay for the dress, do anything to assuage her feelings. She was very gracious, much more than I would have been if the circumstances were reversed, and left the store refusing any help. She returned a short time later with a fresh change of clothing. I was still stammering my apologies. The incident dissolved the fabric, but served to cement the relationship. A year later we were married. We were married for 48 years when I lost her due to a tainted blood transfusion that caused the fatal non-A non-B Hepatitis.
*******
Kenneth had three sons with his first wife, all of whom are very successful. In April of 1989, he was blessed to marry his second wife, Lorraine, a widow with two grown daughters. When I asked Kenneth how he and Lorraine met, this was his reply:
“I had known Lorraine a long time. She and her husband moved here and she taught in a school four miles from here. They moved here when I was in the Navy in W.W. II, so I did not know them until later. He was a butcher in a local grocery store. One of the best butchers in the area. When television came along, he took a course in that and went into business for himself. He was very successful and a good investor, also. She taught in three area schools, including ours. When he went into the T.V. business she began teaching piano and vocal at home. I bought my first T.V. from him, and of course just knew her as a drug store customer, mainly. She belonged to a bunco club that met once a month. I was invited to a Christmas bunco party at a friend's house, and realized that she would make a good companion to go places, and was encouraged by my sister, who had moved in with me after my wife died. So we went out to eat now and then, over a period of time.....and it all came about from there.”
So you see, young or old, it’s never too late to take another little look at love again.
"A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth--that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. . . . The salvation of man is through love and in love."
~ Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
You are
You are the sun in my morning
You are the green that colors my leaves
You are the rain that makes me grow
You are the warmth in the sun that allows me to glow
You are the force unseen...
the angel unknown but to me.
~ Written by my sweetheart, Keen, on March 14, 2004
(one week before I returned from Nevada)
“Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God.”
~ I John 4:7 (RSV)
Peggy, Melissa, and Jim on Wedding Day 1984
Melissa - "All Grown Up"
~ I John 4:18a
Looks like my heart has become
The safest place for us to run
I’ll be here for you when the day is done
Looks like my heart has found someone
Feels like sunshine, feels like rain
Lord it feels like love finally called my name
I wanna jump and shout, I wanna sing and dance
Lord it feels like love wants a second chance
Feels Like Love ~ recorded by Vince Gill
Recently I was talking to a friend of ours who has been married to his high school sweetheart for nearly 40 years. He was lamenting the fact that his two children have not been so lucky in love, although they are both happily married now. “Well,” I said, “sometimes you don’t find the right person on the first or even second try.”
When my sister Peggy’s five year marriage ended over thirty years ago, I remember writing a letter encouraging her not to give up on love. In that letter I shared the following words to a song whose author I no longer recall.
Take another little look at love again
Forget the one who came and took your love away
Everybody knows you’ve got the time to grow
Another little bit of love in your heart.
Well, Peggy did “take another little look at love again,” thank God, and she has been happily married to her husband Jim for over twenty years now. As an added bonus, Jim brought a beautiful daughter named Melissa into the family.
This is a poem I wrote for Melissa several years ago.
Our Melissa
You came into our lives as a toddler,
and you've been with us ever since;
Our family is blessed to know you,
of that I am convinced.
We've watched you grow up through the years,
into the lovely young woman you are;
We are all so proud of what you've accomplished,
to us, you're a bright, shining star!
You have added such joy to our family,
and enriched it more than words can say;
We just wouldn't be complete without you,
and our love for you grows day by day.
On this, your 19th birthday,
we pray that you will be blessed,
And we want you to know that we love you,
And wish you all of life's best!
Since then, Melissa has graduated from college, started a promising career, purchased her own home, and become engaged to the love of her life, Mark. Our family was so excited about the upcoming happy event that we decided to attend the wedding in lieu of the annual Van Kirk reunion. In fact, our brother Bob’s two kids, Caitlyn and Connor, will be in the wedding.
*******
Last year I read an uplifting book by SQire Rushnell (that’s not a typo – he capitalizes the second letter in his first name) titled, When God Winks on Love: Let the Power of Coincidence Lead You to Love. SQire is a former ABC television executive who found love after two failed attempts. He says that some couples are like pieces of a puzzle that just don’t fit; when you try to force them together, both pieces just end up getting damaged and hurt.
SQuire is currently married to Broadway actress and comedic impressionist, Louise DuArt, whom he had met thirty years earlier when he cast her as a comedienne for a Saturday morning television show (her first big break on TV).
“Godwinks, like a wink from Dad or Grandma that said, ‘Hey kid, I'm thinking of you right now,’ are little signposts from above reminding you that you are always on a sort-of Global Positioning System. You're never alone.” (www.whengodwinks.com)
The book is full of inspiring short stories about couples who found love after some amazing coincidences led them to each other.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road,
that led me straight to you
~ Bless the Broken Road ~ recorded by Rascal Flatts
A few weeks ago, a book by Donna Hanover titled, “My Boyfriend’s Back: True Stories of Rediscovering Love with a Long-Lost Sweetheart,” was featured on the Oprah Show. After her divorce from former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani, Donna rekindled a relationship with her high school boyfriend, Ed Oster, and the two eventually married. After realizing that her experience wasn’t unique, she decided to interview other couples with similar stories.
“Hanover writes in a chatty, accessible style, adopting the tone of the experienced best friend . . . Exploring the myriad ways rekindled love is different from new love and why so many couples are reuniting now, Hanover also details the role of the Internet in this trend, and offers some recommendations-and some warnings-for aspiring "reunitees." (Editorial Reviews from Publishers Weekly, Amazon.com.)
I will face the world around me
Knowing that I'm strong enough to let you go
And I will fall in love again
Because I can
One Way Ticket (Because I Can) ~ recorded by Leann Rimes
Finally, I’d like to share a heartwarming story about “love’s second chance” from my friend, Kenneth Eck. Kenneth is a semi-retired pharmacist from Healdton, Oklahoma who writes a weekly newspaper column for The Healdton Herald called “Oilpatch Mania.”
The following account of how Kenneth met his first wife won a prize for best story.
How I met my Sweetheart
By Kenneth Eck
I attended high school with my future wife, but we were not well acquainted. Her impression of me was that I was a senior, snobbish and fickle, running with a fast crowd. I knew her parents, knew her name, but thought of her as one of the giggly sophomore girls, a church going girl and I am not sure I could put a face with the name. In later years she was employed as a beautician in a shop across the street from the drug store where I worked. She came in, frequently, to patronize the soda fountain. There was, admittedly, some flirting going on between us. I always felt kinda foolish in her presence. She apparently had made a reassessment and was, more than likely, seeking a stronger relationship. One evening, remember drug stores stayed open late in those days, she came in wearing a dazzling, new, red dress. This really took my eye, and with all eyes on her she took a seat in one of the booths. Wow! She was amazed to discover a wad of chewing gum, left on the seat, was attached to her new skirt. I, envisioning myself as a Lancelot, coming to the aid of a damsel, in distress, with a pint bottle of acetone. After all I had removed gum from seats, counters and floors with acetone. It worked wonders. Unfortunately, I was not aware that the dress and underlying slip were made of some of the new synthetic fibers that were beginning to be popular. A splash of acetone on a big ball of cotton, applied to the gum, and lo and behold it removed the gum and dissolved the dress material and the slip beneath it right before our eyes, just like magic. I know my face was a stop-light-red, and stammering and stuttering I tried to explain that I would pay for the dress, do anything to assuage her feelings. She was very gracious, much more than I would have been if the circumstances were reversed, and left the store refusing any help. She returned a short time later with a fresh change of clothing. I was still stammering my apologies. The incident dissolved the fabric, but served to cement the relationship. A year later we were married. We were married for 48 years when I lost her due to a tainted blood transfusion that caused the fatal non-A non-B Hepatitis.
*******
Kenneth had three sons with his first wife, all of whom are very successful. In April of 1989, he was blessed to marry his second wife, Lorraine, a widow with two grown daughters. When I asked Kenneth how he and Lorraine met, this was his reply:
“I had known Lorraine a long time. She and her husband moved here and she taught in a school four miles from here. They moved here when I was in the Navy in W.W. II, so I did not know them until later. He was a butcher in a local grocery store. One of the best butchers in the area. When television came along, he took a course in that and went into business for himself. He was very successful and a good investor, also. She taught in three area schools, including ours. When he went into the T.V. business she began teaching piano and vocal at home. I bought my first T.V. from him, and of course just knew her as a drug store customer, mainly. She belonged to a bunco club that met once a month. I was invited to a Christmas bunco party at a friend's house, and realized that she would make a good companion to go places, and was encouraged by my sister, who had moved in with me after my wife died. So we went out to eat now and then, over a period of time.....and it all came about from there.”
So you see, young or old, it’s never too late to take another little look at love again.
"A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth--that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. . . . The salvation of man is through love and in love."
~ Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
You are
You are the sun in my morning
You are the green that colors my leaves
You are the rain that makes me grow
You are the warmth in the sun that allows me to glow
You are the force unseen...
the angel unknown but to me.
~ Written by my sweetheart, Keen, on March 14, 2004
(one week before I returned from Nevada)
“Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God.”
~ I John 4:7 (RSV)
Peggy, Melissa, and Jim on Wedding Day 1984
Melissa - "All Grown Up"
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Rejecting Rejection
“Then let us no more criticize and blame and pass judgment on one another ...”
~ Romans 14:13
But it's all right now,
I learned my lesson well.
You see, you can't please everyone,
So you’ve got to please yourself
Garden Party ~ recorded by Rick Nelson
I seem to be stuck on a particular theme lately. For the past two weeks I’ve been writing about using your God-given talents to the fullest and following your heart until you find your niche. This week, I’d like to talk about the negative fallout that sometimes occurs when you succeed at “all of the above.” I’m referring to criticism and rejection.
“I hope when I'm a comedian – IF I'm a comedian – that they don't throw tomatoes at me."
Josh Umbehr ~ age 5
All of us have experienced some form of rejection in our lifetime – and it hurts. I remember when I was in the fifth grade we had a substitute teacher that was a real pushover. Admittedly, the class collectively took advantage of the situation, which included an all-out spitball fight. I don’t recall being the instigator, per se, but I suppose there’s a good chance that I was. At any rate, when our regular teacher returned and heard the bad report, she took me out in the hall, stuck her finger in my face and angrily said, “You think you’re the cat’s meow!” Her words really put a knife in my heart and made me feel like I was about one inch tall.
Two years later, I recall another incident involving my seventh grade teacher. School had already been dismissed for the day but I wanted to ask the teacher a question. So when I opened the door to our classroom I unknowingly interrupted a meeting he was having with another individual. For some reason, this really ticked him off. As a punishment, he gave me a paper filled with terrible things he had written about me. He then instructed me to write out the entire page fifty times! I’m not exaggerating when I say that his handwritten diatribe filled about three fourths of an 8 x 10 piece of paper. I still remember sitting at my desk in my bedroom and crying while I re-wrote that awful paper describing me in the most hateful way you can imagine. I know you’re probably wondering what he said but I really can’t remember that much, but I do recall one part of it. He wrote: “Cute, funny, Eileen thinks she is so cute and funny…..” This phrase was repeated over and over. I guess he wanted to humiliate me for interrupting him and he certainly succeeded
Then there was my 8th grade year, which was probably the hardest year of my life. I can’t tell you why, but the whole class basically decided to boycott Eileen Van Kirk.
Everyone in the class completely ignored me; no one would talk to me during lunch or play with me at recess. I was completely alone and every day I would go home and cry.
One particularly painful incident occurred one day when Sr. Colleen was out of the room for an extended period of time. I was sitting in the last chair in the back corner of the classroom when someone started passing something around from desk to desk. As each person looked at the paper, they laughed and passed it on to the next person. After making its way around the entire room, it finally made it to my desk. When I looked at the paper I saw that someone had drawn a diagram of me, complete with lines describing every part of my body in unflattering terms: straggly hair, knobby knees, hairy legs, funny rain hat. I was so humiliated and hurt that I just ran out of the room. When Sr. Colleen came out in the hall to talk to me I told her I was never coming back. She tried her best to comfort me and, of course, I did have to go back.
I think the hardest part was that not one single person in my class stood by my side. I could see sympathy in the eyes of a few of my classmates, but I guess they were too intimidated by the ringleaders and they didn’t want to become the object of such hatefulness.
The following year I attended the public school and my life made a complete turnaround. The greatest group of friends you would ever want to meet welcomed me into their circle: Margie Friedlander, Nan Turner, Jill Feldman, Sally McGuire and a host of other fun-loving girls. We were involved in sports and cheerleading and went skiing on the weekends. That’s why I was so devastated when I found out we were moving to Singapore – I didn’t want to leave my great new friends. But that’s another story.
In some ways I feel that experience helped prepare me for future rejection I would face. Ever since Keen started writing “My Perspective” back in 1989 the lines were clearly drawn. Many people hated him for his intrusion into the public affairs of Wabaunsee County and those who supported him were too afraid to show that support publicly, much like my sympathetic but fearful friends in the eighth grade. Keen and I never blamed people for wanting to protect themselves from similar retaliation, but it still hurt that no one – or very few people – stood by us.
Back in 1995, one of those faithful supporters, Linda Jernigan, sent us the following quote from The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli:
"It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out or more doubtful of success, nor dangerous to handle, than to initiate a new order of things. For the reformer has enemies...and only lukewarm defenders."
That brings us to the present day. I don’t know how many of you happened to read the article that Matt Moline wrote about my book project which appeared in the December 6, 2004 edition of The Topeka Capital-Journal under the title, “Tale of Trashman Detailed by Wife in Manuscript.” Of course I was very excited about finally completing the rough draft and getting it into the hands of my editor. I received quite a bit of feedback after the article was published, but I was not prepared for the letter I received from one woman who wrote to say that God told her I was a “bitter young woman” who has not been able to forgive.
Well, that sort of threw me for a loop at first, especially since we used to go to church with the woman who wrote the letter. I wondered why she assumed I was bitter and unforgiving just because I was writing a book about our experiences. This is a record of our personal history – one that I feel compelled to write. Furthermore, Keen and I don’t have any hatred or unforgiveness in our hearts towards anyone. Did we hate what they did to us? You bet. Did we hate the stress and financial strain the extended battle placed on our family? Absolutely. But we never hated them. There’s a big difference.
The author of the letter went on to explain that when she was a young girl her “wise old aunt” told her that the way to get rid of the warts on her hands was to bury her mother’s dish rag in a hole in the woods – and she claimed it worked. Then she wrote:
“I’d like to suggest you go to a timber area and dig a big hole and bury that 620 page manuscript in that deep hole and turn to Jesus and ask His forgiveness for yourself and for all the people who hurt you. Then you can begin living as a free person.”
The whole letter was very disconcerting and bizarre, although I really don’t think she wrote it in a mean-spirited way. Nonetheless, I decided not to respond because it sounded like she had already made up her mind about my motives.
“A writer lives with rejection…A writer needs the sensitivity of a butterfly in touching the outside world – and the skin of a rhino to withstand its disregard.”
~ Sophy Burnham, For Writers Only
This experience reminded me once again about the importance of “rejecting rejection.” I realize that I have to become thick-skinned and accept the fact that there will be many criticisms about my book. It’s like anything else in life – everyone has different tastes in food, clothing styles, movies, music, humor, and yes, books and newspaper columns.
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” ~ Bill Cosby
I did receive some positive feedback on the article, however. One woman from Topeka sent a letter to Governor Sebelius suggesting that she issue an official proclamation recognizing Keen for his accomplishments. She said he was an inspiration and a role model.
So the comments go both ways – positive and negative. But the best way to handle it is not to let the praise go to your head or the criticism go to your heart. Because in actuality, it really doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks – good or bad.
“If my life is fruitless, it doesn’t matter who praises me: if my life is fruitful, it doesn’t matter who criticizes me.”
~John Bunyon
In the April 23-25, 2004 edition of USA Weekend Magazine, Maria Shriver was interviewed about her new role as the first lady of California. Maria talked about how she sought advice from several of her predecessors, including Nancy Reagan.
“Nancy gave me a great piece of advice,” Maria stated. “She said, ‘No matter what, you’ll be criticized. So do whatever you want to do.’”
Anyway
Author Unknown
People are often unreasonable, illogical and
self-centered… forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish,
ulterior motives… be kind anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat or
malign you…be honest anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may
try to destroy overnight… build anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends
and some true enemies . . . succeed anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, some people
may be jealous…be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget
tomorrow…. do good anyway.
Give the world your best, and it may never be
enough… give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you
and God…it was never between you and them, anyway.
“I receive not glory from men – I crave no human honor, I look for no mortal fame.”
~John 5:41 (Amp)
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