Out of Control

“And now…I commit you to God – that is, I deposit you in His charge, entrusting you to His protection and care…” ~ Acts 30:32

She sat alone on a bus out of Beaumont
The courage of just eighteen years
A penny and quarter were taped to a letter
And momma's goodbye in her ears
When you get lonely, call me Anytime at all

I'll be there with you, always
Anywhere at all
There's nothing I've got that I wouldn't give you
And money is never enough
Here's a penny for your thoughts
A quarter for the call
And all of your momma's love

26 Cents ~ recorded by The Wilkinson

Is there any job more difficult than being a parent? I’d like to know. Because either parenting is one of the greatest challenges you’ll ever face, or I’m just really bad at it.

I’m calling this column “Out of Control” in reference to the struggle I’m having with letting go of my youngest son, Kirk Van. Many tears were shed at my house this week, as Kirk found the courage to express his feelings on the subject. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to say and I know it wasn’t easy for me to hear. One of the things Kirk revealed during our conversation was that he felt like I was the driver in his car. Ouch.

You’d think by the time I got to son # 4 this would be old hat for me, but maybe that’s exactly why I’m having a more difficult time – because he’s my baby. But I have to realize that it’s not healthy for me to maintain a death grip on him in an attempt to control every aspect of his life. But somehow I have this notion that I’m not being a good mother if I don’t. I know in my head that it’s natural for kids (especially boys) to grow up and away from their mothers, but it feels very un-natural to my heart!

I was browsing through some of my old journals recently and I think I discovered the root of the problem. When my kids were little, it was my job to watch every move they made and to orchestrate every moment of their day from brushing their teeth and cleaning their rooms to telling them when it was time to do their homework or go to bed. It was a good thing back then, but those days are over now, and the transition can prove to be a difficult one. Case in point: I recall one of the boys tearfully explaining that he felt like he was old enough to pick out his own clothes. “It would be different if I was a baby like Kirk,” he said. “But I’m not a baby!”

So I’ve had to learn the hard way that if I continue to “mother hen” my child beyond the appropriate time, it will only create resentment and stunt his personal growth. As much as I like to be in control, the price is just too high. As a matter of fact, an alternate title for this week’s column was “Confessions of a Control Freak.” Just read the following memo I wrote to Josh when he was young and you’ll see what I mean.

Dear Josh,

This morning I found many items out of place in your room after you left for school. So many, in fact, that I was afraid I would forget them all if I didn't write them down. Here is the list of things that were out of order:

1. All drawers in your bureau were left open.
2. All drawers in your desk were left open.
3. Your wet towel was left on the floor.
4. Your pajama bottoms were left on your chair.
5. Your light was left on.
6. Your radio was left on.

I am happy to report that your bed was made. However, in the future, please see that you complete more than one out of seven morning duties before you leave for school. Okay? Okay!

I love you,
Mom

**********************

Now here’s an excerpt from a family newsletter I sent out in 1992 talking about a different approach:

“Recently I’ve incorporated a new system to encourage responsibility and discourage irresponsibility. I have a chart on the frig for responsibility credits. Jared, Josh and Keen are the only participating members right now. When they do something like dishes or vacuuming without being asked, then they earn some points. When they do something like put raw eggs in the bottom of their brother's new roller skates (true story), then they lose some points. I can't get over how effective it is! They count their points often and are literally fighting over who gets to put the laundry away. They gladly welcome any new chore since it’s an opportunity to earn more points. "Who wants to mow the lawn?" "I do! I do! Hey, I said it first!" The other day Keener said, "Now every day is like a clean up day." I can't keep them busy enough. Eventually, we'll tally up the scores and it will translate into “x” amount of dollars.”

**********************

Being a mother is all I every wanted to be. In fact, when my brother Bill was born just 16 months after me, my mom said I acted like I was his mother! She said I never gave him a moment’s peace – I just followed him around everywhere he went. Even then I thought it was my job to be the mother hen!

As my children got older, I’d say the hardest part about letting go was allowing them to make their own choices, even if I didn’t agree with them. I had to keep reminding myself that God didn’t put a barbed wire fence around the tree in the Garden of Eden. He just told Adam and Eve what they could and couldn’t eat and left the choice up to them. So if God relinquished His right to control His children and gave them a free will, then I guess I should follow His example by doing the same with mine.

Roots and Wings
By Eileen Umbehr

Some people say,
there are only two things,
that you can give your children,
one is roots; the other, wings.

They'll have their share of ups and downs,
at times the skies will be bleak,
but we must allow them to spread their wings,
even if they bump their beaks!

It's hard to know when to let them go,
some are ready sooner than others,
but no matter when that time comes,
it's always hard on their mothers!

But deep down in our heart of hearts,
we have always known,
we can't keep them with us forever,
one day they will be on their own.

And we really wouldn't want it,
any other way,
we have to allow them to fly and be free,
even though we wish they could stay.

So we'll raise our children
with faith, hope and love,
and a prayer that God will watch over them
From Heaven up above.

Then when the time arrives,
for them to leave the nest,
we'll wave good-bye with a tear in our eye,
knowing that we've been blessed.

I’d like to close with an analogy about letting go that my uncle, Tom Lynch shared with me many years ago. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

The analogy of the kite to child rearing is apropos. You receive a lovely kite. A kite’s destiny is fulfilled only when it flies. You must try to get it to fly.
You fashion a tail, to guide it, from your own experiences and the advice of more experienced kite flyers. The tail must be well done, not too inconsequential, not too burdensome – enough to keep it pointing in the right direction and to aid its flight. You may have to modify the tail a few times to get it right.
To control the pretty kite, you attach a string. You, as parents, hold onto the string and the kite, by turns. Alternately, you run with it to get it airborne and to keep it aloof. It begins to fly, albeit jerkily at first. You let out more string or take some in – thoughtfully, carefully. You judge the winds and urge your winsome kite to rise higher. It crashes a few times, hopefully not doing too much harm.

Eventually, your shining kite begins to go up, up and away, forever pulling as you let out more string. It is buffeted by the winds of fate; it twists and turns high in the sky. You are anxious. Do you let out more string or reel some in? You have many discussions as to what is best. The string is so tenuous the farther away the kite sails.

The kite tugs harder, increasingly. It wants to be on its own. Too soon (only a few years, really) it breaks the string and soars off alone. Your beautiful kite is free! Would you want otherwise? But it is heart wrenching.

As the years go by, you will often question yourselves about the kites you were entrusted with. Did we fly our kites well? Were our guiding principles worthy? Did we exercise enough control or too much?

It is the subject of much retrospection, between the kite flyers, as they grow old together.

I pray You'll be my eyesAnd watch her where she goesAnd help her to be wiseHelp me to let goEvery mother's prayerEvery child knowsLead her to a placeGuide her with Your graceTo a place where she'll be safe

A Mother’s Prayer ~ recorded by Celine Dion



Keen & the boys with homemade kite

Invisible Scars

“And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives]…
Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.”
~ Malachi 2:13, 15b

Invisible Scars
By Eileen Umbehr

Invisible scars
No one sees
Don’t appear
Outwardly

Invisible scars
Internal pain
Lasting wounds
Love in vain

Invisible scars
Blows to the soul
Knives in the heart
No longer whole

Invisible scars
Though not seen
Invisible scars
Last eternally

Last Tuesday, the Oprah show dealt with the silent shame of emotional abuse. The show was based on an article that appears in a recent edition of O Magazine titled “She’s come undone” which featured Susan Weitzman, author of, Not to People Like Us”; Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages.

Ms. Weitzman stated that one out of three women live in a marriage where they are verbally abused and emotionally tortured. After years of being called unspeakable names and constantly being ridiculed, the victim eventually becomes fragmented. Many women think that if they don’t talk about the problem, then it will just go away.
Ms. Weitzman referred to these women as being “hooked on hope.”

When the woman does try to assert herself by telling her abuser how his verbal attacks make her feel, she is often called a “cry baby” and told that she should “toughen up” or “get a grip.” She may also be told she is too sensitive or even selfish. “It’s all about you, isn’t it?” is a common phrase used by abusive men.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it…?

I, the Lord, search the mind, I try the heart, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.”
~ Jeremiah 17:9, 10

As most of you know, my sister Mary endured 25 years in an abusive marriage. Many years ago she opened up to me and described the vile names her ex-husband called her on a regular basis. When she told him that one particular name was especially painful, that was the name he called her even more often. When she made a mistake he would tell her she was an idiot. If something spilled in the refrigerator, he called her a slob. One time she gave him a piece of cheesecake with raspberry topping on it and he complained because he had asked for a “dollop” of topping and apparently Mary hadn’t put the “proper” amount on. “Don’t you know what a dollup is?” he asked, incredulously. Then he got up from his chair and fixed himself another piece of cheesecake. “Now that’s a dollup!” he explained. (Now, if that had been my husband, I think he would’ve been wearing that dollup.)

Another thing he used to do was sit in his easy chair and hold three or fingers in the air, indicating the number of freeze pops he wanted his daughter to bring him. One day she was busy and told him she would get them for him in a minute. He got so angry that he started counting down out loud, dropping one finger at a time until only the middle finger was left in the air.

On New Year’s Eve, 1999, Mary bought some nice steaks and crab legs for a special dinner to celebrate the millennium. Her husband was cooking the crab legs in the kitchen while she went outside to light the grill. Well, the grill didn’t light for one reason or another and Mary didn’t realize it until they sat down to eat and discovered the steaks weren’t done. Her ex-husband berated her for 45 minutes over that one innocent mistake. At first I thought she said he mocked her for “4 to 5 minutes” – which would have been bad enough – but she corrected me and said it was forty-five minutes. “How could you be so stupid? Our meal is ruined now – we might as well throw the crab legs down the drain!” he said. “You are so stupid! Even the kids could have gotten that right!” Mary was in tears. She said it felt like he was poking her repeatedly with ice picks. So don’t tell me that verbal abuse isn’t as bad as physical abuse.

One of the guests on Oprah’s show (whose husband called her “pathetic” and many other names that had to be bleeped out), said that sometimes she wished her husband would hit her so she’d have a reason to leave. She swore that she would never stay under those circumstances. Many men realize there would be serious consequences if they ever hit their wives, so they use words as their weapons of choice to inflict pain. Yet all too often these situations escalate from verbal abuse to physical violence. Either way, it’s all about control.

After this same man viewed a videotape showing the appalling way he treated his wife, he seemed completely shocked by his own behavior, as if he were watching a video of some total stranger. When Oprah asked him if he loved his wife he answered emphatically, “Yes, I do….very much.”

Well, I don’t care what anybody says – that’s not love.

Have you ever heard the expression, “Silver-tongued devil?” It’s used to describe men like this who could charm the skin off a snake when they’re out in public, but heaven help their wife and kids when they pull in the drive. Then, when the wife finally decides she’s not going to put up with it anymore and files for divorce, everyone is scratching their heads and wondering what’s wrong with her. The only side they’ve ever seen is the side he shows his adoring public. “He wouldn’t hurt a flea,” they say. Well maybe not, but behind closed doors he’ll devastate the one person he vowed to love, cherish and protect until death do them part.

Although these abusive men may fool a lot of people, they’re not fooling God. The Bible says that you can tell a tree by its fruit and “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

“The good man from his inner good treasure flings forth good things, and the evil man out of his inner evil storehouse flings forth evil things. But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle…word they speak.” ~ Matthew 12:33-36

In other words: evil fruit – evil root.
Journalist and author Michele Weldon wrote a book titled I Closed My Eyes describing her experience as a battered woman. Unfortunately, many women choose to wear blinders and hang on to a fantasy, rather than dealing with the prospect of being divorced and alone, struggling to make ends meet and having their children come from a broken home.

Although I’ve never walked in their shoes, I have great compassion for women who are suffering from any type of abuse. I yearn to tell them that they deserve better – that they have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. It doesn’t make you a failure to walk away from an abusive situation. And please don’t think you’re doing your children any favors by staying in an abusive marriage. If the only behavior they witness in the home is verbal and physical abuse, then they will regrettably learn two very destructive lessons: 1) that it’s okay to treat other people like that and, 2) that it’s okay for other people to treat them like that.

In my opinion, it’s better for your children to be raised in a loving, peaceful home with a single parent, than to live in constant turmoil and fear – wondering when the next volcano is going to erupt. As Dr. Phil says: Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one.

This is a poem I wrote based on actual comments my sister’s 11-year-old son made about his relationship with his dad.

He calls me son
By Eileen Umbehr

When I get hurt and cry, my dad laughs at me and calls me a woosy (to my face).
My mom says she is so sorry.
I tell her, “Its okay, Mom. You didn’t do it.”
Sometimes I get worried because they say that girls turn out to be like the moms and boys turn out to be like the dads.

Mom tells me I need to remember how it feels so I won’t do the same things to my children.
I don’t ever want to do the same things to my children.
One time my dad told me I could have anything I wanted for my birthday. I said I just wanted him to play one-on-one basketball with me.

That was five years ago.
My friends’ dads play catch with them. For as long as I can remember, I’ve asked my dad to play catch with me. But he always says, “I’m too busy, son. Maybe tomorrow, son.”

Then when tomorrow comes I ask,
“Don’t you wanna play catch with me, Dad?”
And he says, “Not today, son. I’m too tired, son.”
He calls me son…..but he’s not really a dad.

*******************************

Finally, I’d like to close with this poem I wrote three years ago about my sister’s abusive marriage. I know I’ve shared it before, but I think it bears repeating.

For My Sister’s Sake
By Eileen Umbehr

My sister’s in a marriage –
if you can call it that,
Her husband is so mean to her,
he tells her she’s ugly and fat.

He never shows her any signs
of kindness, love or affection,
Nothing she does ever meets
his standard of perfection.

He yells at my sister day and night
because the house isn’t clean,
Believe it or not, he even complains
about water spots on the washing machine!

When my sister makes an honest mistake
he mocks her and calls her stupid,
I don’t know where this guy came from
but it certainly wasn’t from Cupid!

Even their kids have noticed the fact
that their dad’s not a very nice fella,
They don’t like how he bosses their mother around
as if she were Cinderella.

When times were tough, as they often were
and his insults pierced her heart,
She took a deep breath and told herself
that this was the “for worse” part.

She wanted to keep her family intact
so she fought with all that she had,
She tried to focus on the good
and overlook the bad.

But recently she discovered
that her suspicions about him were true,
It seems there were three people in the marriage
instead of the traditional two.

Now, whether her life as a single mom
will be an improvement, there’s no guarantee,
But for my sister’s sake, I hope she takes that chance
at least then she will finally be free

“You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away. And your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. And you will have confidence, because there is hope.”
~ Job 11:16-18 (RSVB)

Enough is Enough

Thus says… the Lord and your God, who pleads the cause of His people: "See, I have taken out of your hand the cup of trembling…You shall no longer drink it.
But I will put it into the hand of those who afflict you, Who have said to you, 'Lie down, that we may walk over you.' And you have laid your body like the ground, And as the street, for those who walk over."
~ Psalms 51:22,23 (NKJV)

Some day, when she's old enough,
She's gonna start askin' questions about him.
Some kid at school brings his Dad for show and tell,
And gets her little mind a-wonderin'
"Where's my Daddy? Do I have one?
Does he not love me like you do?"
Oh, maybe I'll find someone to love the both of us,
And I'll tell her when she's old enough to know the truth.
Will it break her heart?
Will she understand
that I had to leave?
That's what was best for me and Emily.
The house was never clean enough;
his dinner never warm enough.
Nothing I did was ever good enough
to make him happy.
So I guess he gave me
what he thought I deserved,
But it would kill me
if he ever raised his hand to her.
It's a brand new day,
It's a second chance.
Yesterday is just a memory,
For me and Emily.
Me and Emily ~ recorded by Rachel Proctor

Last week, the Wabaunsee County Commissioners, Ervan Stuewe, Maurice Gleason and Fred Howard, signed the following official Proclamation declaring October, 2004 Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

WHEREAS, the problems and effects of domestic violence span all economic, racial, and social segments of our society; and
WHEREAS, the impact of domestic violence is extensive and acutely affects women and their children and society as a whole; and
WHEREAS, the crime of domestic violence violates an individual’s privacy, dignity, security, and humanity through the use of physical, emotional, sexual, psychological and economic control and/or abuse; and
WHEREAS, men and women must recognize the full scope of this social problem and work together to create a community that refuses to tolerate domestic violence; and
WHEREAS, it has been battered women themselves working in the forefront to bring peace and equality into the home; and
WHEREAS, nearly 50 incidents of domestic violence in Wabaunsee County are reported to law enforcement each year; and
WHEREAS, the YWCA Battered Women Task Force/Sexual Assault Counseling Programs provides immediate crisis intervention, short-term shelter, support groups, individual therapeutic counseling for victims and abusers, community advocacy, community referrals, and outreach and preventive education.

NOW, THEREFORE, WE, THE COMMISSIONERS OF WABAUNSEE COUNTY, do hereby proclaim October, 2004 as

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

and urge all residents to support the work of collaborative agencies in serving the needs of families impacted by domestic violence and work toward the elimination of domestic violence in our community.

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Here are some staggering statistics:

Ø In the United States, a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend every 15 seconds.
Ø 2-4 million women a year are assaulted by their partners.
Ø 80% of battering incidents start in the home
Ø At least 25 % of domestic violence victims are pregnant when beaten.
Ø Child abuse is 15 times more likely to occur in families where domestic violence is present.
Ø Every day, four women are beaten to death.

If you or someone you know needs help, please call the 24-hour Kansas Crisis Hotline
at 1-888- END ABUSE or the Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence at (785) 232-9784.

In recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and in honor of all the women who have suffered physical, emotional or mental abuse at the hands of another, I would like to share the following poems and verses.

Enough is Enough
By Eileen Umbehr

When do you say, "Enough is enough?"
When do you point to the door?
When do you say, "Never again,
I'm not taking your abuse any more?"

Now it seems you've quit listening to the truth
and started believing his lies;
You turned from the light and shut the door,
because the light was hurting your eyes.

He used to say you were nothing,
now he says he's nothing without you;
He brings you flowers and candy,
and promises to be true.

He's playing with your emotions,
telling you he can't live without you;
Where has he been for the past twenty years?
Did this change just come out of the blue?

I grieve for you because I know,
he's still not being truthful;
He's just telling you what you want to hear,
and that's what makes it even more hurtful.

You say that you're not backing down,
you're just stepping back;
You want to give him one more chance,
to show you the love he has lacked.

Well, I have to respect your decision,
after all, this is your life, not mine;
I just don't want to see you get hurt again,
and I don't believe he'll toe the line.

But for your sake, I hope that I'm wrong,
and that you’ll both live happily ever after;
And I pray that your home will be filled once again,
with love, and peace and laughter.
Written for my sister, Mary
July 21, 2001

“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian is eager to leave, it is permitted. In such cases the Christian husband or wife should not insist that the other stay, for God wants His children to live in peace and harmony. For, after all, there is no assurance to you wives that your husbands will be converted if they stay; and the same may be said to your husbands concerning your wives.”
~ I Corinthians 7:15 (Living Bible)

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On his own
By Eileen Umbehr

He tells her he never wanted this
And I guess in a way that is true
But it’s not what you think, let me explain
Maybe then you’ll see why he’s so blue.

He never wanted to cook his own meals
never wanted to mess with the bills
And he certainly never wanted to do his own wash
Or buy groceries to put on the shelves

He never wanted to sit all alone
in a one room apartment so plain
But when he had his wife and children around
All he ever did was complain

“Clean this! Clean that! Look at this place!
What have you been doing all day?
Just look at the dust on those baseboards – my God!
I just can’t keep living this way!”

Well, guess what? He doesn’t have to, now he lives on his own
with no noise, no confusion, no “filth”
So now if there’s something that hasn’t been done
He has no one to blame but himself

I guess he had to learn the hard way
You can’t have your cake and eat it, too
If you really want someone to be a part of your life
Then you better be faithful and true

Yes, you better show them you love them
By being helpful, respectful and kind,
Or one day they may be gone from your life
And you may be left behind

March 11, 2003

“See, this is the man who made not God his strength – his stronghold and high tower; but trusted and confidently relied on the abundance of his riches, seeking refuge and security for himself through his wickedness.”
~ Psalm 52:7

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Crossroads
By Kayleen Drebes

She cries in the night
and no one hears
her tears fall silent
just like her fears

She wants to leave
but she’s afraid to go
and her little ones
don’t even know

She hopes for the day
that things will change
she’ll try a little harder
perhaps – she’ll pray –

But it’s hard
to just – begin again –
when hurts lie deep
and love just ends

She feels like a broken
china doll
with no way to protect
the little ones from the fall

Her smile is weary
confusion surrounds her
she’s losing the will
to live – altogether

Her tells her – he loves her
and can’t live without her
She’s the one to blame
for the pain that he’s in

She’s ridden with guilt
for she’s the protector –
of all those hearts
in her care

And he is the conqueror
the master of the game
the one who decides
what is fair

The battle goes on
and she tried to persuade –
and ease the tension
reassure her own faith

But hope of the hopeless
grows weak and tired
the battle gets brutal
the scars no longer hide

Sooner or later
she must find her way
to the crossroad of truth
before it’s too late.

“And I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, and in steadfast love, and in mercies. I will even betroth you to Me in stability and in faithfulness, and you shall know – recognize, be acquainted with, appreciate, give heed to and cherish – the Lord.

And I will sow her for Myself anew in the land, and I will have pity, mercy and love for her who had not obtained pity, mercy and love, and I will say to those who were not My people, You are My people, and they shall say, You are my God!”
~ Hosea 2:19, 20, 23(Amplified)

Elderly Inspiration

“The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.”
~ Proverbs 20:20 (NLT)

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy
And Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say, and then forget?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

Grandpa, Tell me ‘bout the Good Old Days ~ recorded by The Judds

This past week Keen has been business/dog sitting for some friends of ours who live above their computer store in downtown Topeka. I joined him for a couple days over the weekend and was able to visit a few of my elderly friends on Monday.

My day started out at the cafeteria of St. Francis Hospital where I met my friend Marne for breakfast. Marne eats there almost every day and enjoys visiting with his two friends, Steve and Amy, who are lab technicians. Unfortunately, Marne had taken a spill the night before and had a small cut on his forehead and a bruise on his face. Later, a trip to the dentist revealed the need for some unexpected dental work. “Seems like I have enough trouble for two or three people,” he wrote in an email. “Well, I will get by.”

After breakfast, I decided to drive to the Luther Apartments to see if I could catch my other friend, Joy. The timing was perfect as Joy was just heading out on her morning walk, wearing her red baseball cap and flannel shirt. Joy puts me to shame because she walks nearly every single morning year around – with a walker, no less. Twenty years ago she had a heart valve replaced and the doctor told her that if she wanted to live a long life then she would need to walk every day. So that’s what she does.

Poor Joy has had more than her fair share of misfortune lately. “I wish you could have walked in my shoes for the past six weeks,” she said. First of all, Joy lost her beloved twin sister, Joyce. Then there was a mix-up with the hospital and they started sending her all the bills. To make matters worse, she received a letter from the social security office (addressed “to the deceased”) informing her that they would be discontinuing her benefits. So Joy was feeling pretty overwhelmed and tearful that day, but bless her heart, she was trying her best to pull herself up by the bootstraps. “I gave myself a good talking to this morning,” she said.

In the afternoon, I met my brother Bill, his wife Connie and their daughter, Callie in Lawrence to watch their son Joey play quarterback for his Olathe football team. It was a beautiful afternoon and a great game. (They won by about 40 points.)

Afterwards we all went out to eat at Taco Johns on Haskell Avenue, which just happened to be about 3 blocks away from the home of my dear poet friend, Marian. Even though it was about 7:00 at night, I just couldn’t imagine not stopping by to say hello.

Marian and I had a wonderful visit, as always – being the kindred spirits that we are. She is such a special person and a talented poet who has written hundreds of poems over the years. Marian and her husband Arthur raised six children – 3 boys and 3 girls – and owned businesses in Manhattan and Wamego. In fact, Art was the mayor of Wamego at one time. But he is gone now, and Marian still grieves over the loss of the love of her life.

“Would that I’d a second chance,
To declare my love, to dance that dance
A chance to tell him what I ought
In loving words, so dearly bought!”
Excerpt from Song of Regret by Marian Umscheid

During our visit, Marian shared some of her ills, including being informed that she needed a root canal. But she chose to listen to her gut instincts which told her that the procedure really wasn’t necessary. Then she took some antibiotics that she had on hand, and the infection – or whatever it was – cleared right up. Marian says that she’s become bolder in her older age and is less afraid to say what she really thinks. Like the time the podiatrist kept her waiting in the examination room with no socks on her feet for about twenty minutes. Finally, she climbed off the table, grabbed her canes and walked down the hall in search of the doctor. Upon finding him, she exclaimed, “Excuse me, but I’ve been waiting for a long time and my feet are getting cold. Now I know I’m not a doctor like you are, but I think my time is just as important as yours.” The doctor apologized profusely and treated her right away.

While I was visiting Marian, she asked if she could give me some advice. “Meditate,” she said. “Don’t take anything for granted. Slow down and take the time to meditate on the blessings in your life. Think about your legs and how fortunate you are to be able to walk. If I could, I would put it on a plaque for you – Don’t take anything for granted.”

My visits with my three elderly friends caused me to reflect. Each one of them – all in their eighties – still have daily struggles to contend with. They have to get up every morning and make a conscious effort to be happy and make the most out of the life they have been given. It’s not easy for any of us, at any age, but I am inspired by my dear friends who have so many more challenges than I do, and yet they carry on.

In closing, I’d like to share the following poem Marian wrote about retirement.


Re-tired?
By Marian Umscheid

I’m retired, but you wouldn’t know it
All the things I have to do
The upkeep is monstrous
I’ll name a few:

There’s my body, and more things
Are going bad all the time,
The dentist, the doctor, the pharmacist
From my upkeep are doin’ fine.

Then there’s the house, it keeps
Showing the wear and tear
First the roof, then the furnace,
Every month something needs care

There are bulbs to change
And bulbs to plant
Things to oil and grass to mow
While watching for insects and bugs
I think they’re about to lay me low!

Don’t forget the car, the most demanding
Every few days it needs gas
Or fluid of one kind or another
Tires or brakes or polish the glass.

So don’t tell me that I can
Sit back and shirk,
I’ve more to do than a cranberry merchant,
Wonder when I had time to work?


I’ll put on my rose-colored glasses
I’ll put away discouragement and fear
I’ll look to the heavens for guidance
And live on for many more years.
~ Marian Umscheid



Marian & me

Making Enemies

“But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.”
~ Matthew 5:44-47(NLT)

Due to our tendency to get involved in controversial issues, my husband and I have made our share of enemies over the years. Consequently, we’ve had ample opportunity to “love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.”

What I’m about to say may sound contradictory, but it’s the truth. Of all the issues Keen and I have raised and elected officials whom we have challenged, not once was it ever personal. Furthermore, we’ve never hated anyone in our entire lives.

Back in the late 80’s and early 90’s when Keen wrote his weekly column called My Perspective which was highly critical of the county commissioners, a local paper carried a headline about one of the commissioners calling a public truce to the “personality conflict” with Keen. Keen responded by stating that he did not have a problem with the commissioner’s personality, but rather his policies.

One time that same commissioner cut Keen off in the middle of his trash route and verbally threatened him. “You’re supposed to be some kind of Christian,” he yelled, just inches from Keen’s face. “Well, let me tell you something, boy! You’ve got a long road to hell… a long road to hell!”

Nevertheless, Keen always said that if he saw that same man broken down on the side of the road, he would stop and help him.

I think it’s important to understand that we all have enemies of one sort or another (some of us more than others), and that’s never going to change. But God doesn’t want us to fret about the unjust things people do to us. In Hebrews 10:30 it says, “For we know Him Who said, Vengeance is Mine. Retribution and the meting out of full justice rest with Me; I will repay, I will exact the compensation, says the Lord.” The only thing we can control is how we respond to those people.

The Bible tells us that we should live at peace with all men, “if possible, as far as it depends on you.” (Romans 12:18) But sometimes it’s not possible.

After our lawsuit was concluded, we made various attempts to ease the hard feelings caused by the whole ordeal. However, when Keen approached two of the commissioners and tried to shake hands and suggest that they put it all behind them, the first one just turned his back on Keen and the other one (whom I referred to above) told Keen to go away because he didn’t even want him standing next to him.

Our most dramatic attempt to ease the wounds caused by our lawsuit was when we offered to donate a parcel of land located just north of the Alma Hotel. The year was 1999 and the mayor of Alma had asked the citizens to come up with ideas for a community project that we could all work together on in celebration of the Millennium. Since our local library was looking for a place to expand, Keen and I sent a letter to the City offering our property as a future site for the library. We explained that we wanted to do this in honor of Keen’s paternal grandmother, Ann Umbehr, who was a long-time librarian at the Alma library. We went on to say that it was also a way for us to give back to the community where we had lived, raised our children and operated our businesses. Unfortunately, our offer was rejected, purportedly because five powerbrokers at the Alma bank didn’t endorse it. Ironically, the First National Bank in Wamego approached us just a short time later inquiring about the possibility of purchasing the land for a new branch bank.

But that’s what I mean when I say that sometimes it’s not possible to “live at peace with all men.” When we realized that we couldn’t even give away a $8000 piece of property, Keen remarked that he could come up with the cure for cancer and some people still would not accept him.

Now to those who would say that we are not striving for or promoting peace when we stir up controversy or file lawsuits, I would refer them to these verses in Matthew 10:34-38

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword…a man's enemies will be the members of his own household… and anyone who does not take his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me.”

I think most people would agree that Jesus was extremely controversial. Although He went about healing the sick and causing the blind to see, He was not a pushover. For example, when He discovered the moneychangers in the temple, He overturned the tables, ran them out and rebuked them for turning His Father’s house into a den of thieves. Jesus also fiercely rebuked the religious leaders of the day, calling them hypocrites and sons of snakes. He told them that they made people twice as fit for hell as they were themselves!

One day when Jesus was teaching in the synagogue on the Sabbath, He saw a woman who had been afflicted for eighteen years. He said, “Woman, thou art loosed from your infirmity!” Immediately she was healed and glorified God. Then the ruler of the synagogue became indignant and turned to the crowd saying, “There are six days on which men ought to work; therefore come and be healed on them, and not on the Sabbath day." Jesus answered him and said:

"Hypocrite! Does not each one of you on the Sabbath loose his ox or donkey from the stall, and lead it away to water it? So ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound--think of it--for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath?" And when He said these things, all His adversaries were put to shame…” ~ Luke 13:15-17 (NKJV)

Yes, Jesus had adversaries because He spoke the truth and made people uncomfortable about the way they were living their lives. In fact, Jesus had enemies from the moment of His birth in Bethlehem. After King Herod heard that a new King had been born, he became threatened and handed down an order that all children under the age of two should be killed.

Of course we all know that Jesus’ enemies eventually crucified Him. But that’s not the end of the story. The end of the story is that Jesus rose again victorious three days later. The Bible says that demons tremble at the sound of the Name of Jesus, because they know that He defeated them at Calvary.

We have made at least one new enemy in Wabaunsee County’s most recent controversy involving Undersheriff Jack Metz’s decision to “un-arrest” an individual involved in a domestic disturbance. In fact, when Keen went to the sheriff’s office to retrieve some documents that he had requested, Mr. Metz angrily told him that he was going to hire a lawyer and sue him for slander. Keen informed the undersheriff that the truth is an absolute defense against such charges and suggested that his lawyer might want to read up on the case of New York Times v. Sullivan 376 U.S. 254 wherein the Supreme Court ruled, "…we consider this case against the background of a profound national commitment to the principle that debate on public issues should be uninhibited, robust and wide open, and that it may well include vehement, caustic, and sometimes unpleasantly sharp attacks on government and public officials.” We also rely on verses like Proverbs 2:15 which says that God will give us wisdom and deliver us from those who are “…crooked in their ways, wayward and devious in their paths.”

My husband takes the First Amendment literally; he always has and he always will. Some people felt he was “biting the hand that fed him” by writing his column, but he held fast to the belief that as long as he was doing the job he was hired to do (and by the grace of God he never missed a day in nearly 18 years), he was free to participate in debate on matters of public concern, including criticizing the very men who awarded him the trash collection contract. Of course, that belief was put to the ultimate test when the Supreme Court decided to hear our case and ultimately established First Amendment rights for private contractors once and for all.

Being involved in controversy and making enemies is never pleasant, but it’s unavoidable.

As Thomas Jefferson once said, "The force of public opinion cannot be resisted, when permitted freely to be expressed. The agitation it produces must be submitted to. It is necessary to keep the waters pure."

Without Words

“Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble and tottering knees. Say to those who are of a fearful and hasty heart, Be strong, fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God; He will come and save you.” ~ Isaiah 35:3,4

9/11
By Eileen Umbehr

Another anniversary
has come and gone
We cried our tears
Then life moved on

Did we have a choice
Did they give us one?
Before they attacked
with planes for weapons?

The heartache was unbearable
The grief beyond compare
On that September day
When tragedy filled the air

Without words.

***************

Where were you (when the world stopped turning)
Written and recorded by Alan Jackson

Where were you when the world stop turning
on that September day
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white and blue
And the heroes who died
Just doin' what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I could tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stop turning on that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty 'cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her
Did you dust off that Bible at home
Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened
Did you close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunset for the first time in ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Stand in line and give your own blood
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love
Well, I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I could tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love

***************

“Do not forget the voice of Your enemies; The tumult of those who rise up against You increases continually.” ~ Psalm 74:3

Have you forgotten?
Recorded by Darryl Worley

I hear people saying we don't need this war
But I say there's some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground?
We didn't get to keep 'em by backin’ down

They say that we don't realize
the mess we're gettin’ in
Before you start your preachin’
let me ask you this my friend

Have you forgotten?
How it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
and her people blown away

Have you forgotten?
When those towers fell,
we had neighbors still inside
Going through a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry about Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

I've been there with the soldiers
Who've gone away to war
And you can bet that they remember,
just what they're fighting for
Have you forgotten?

All the people killed
Yeah, some went down like heroes
in that Pennsylvania field

Have you forgotten?
About our Pentagon
All the loved ones that we lost
and those left to carry on
Don't you tell me not to worry about Bin Laden

Have you forgotten?

“Therefore it shall be, when the Lord your God has given you rest from your enemies all around, in the land which the Lord your God is giving you to possess as an inheritance … you shall not forget.”
~ Deuteronomy 25:19 (NKVJ)

A Method to the Madness

“We are hedged in … on every side – troubled and oppressed in every way; but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair;

We are… pursued, but not deserted…; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed…

Therefore we do not become discouraged – utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear. Though our outer man is …wasting away, yet our inner self is being… renewed day after day…”
~ II Corinthians 4:8, 9, 16 (Amplified)

Last week I wrote about the storms of life we all encounter from time to time. Although I can’t pretend to understand the reasons for all the heartache in the world, this week I’d like to reflect on the value (yes, I said value) and purpose (yes, I said purpose) these storms often serve in our lives.

“Beloved, do not be amazed and bewildered at the fiery ordeal which is taking place to test your quality, as though something strange – unusual and alien to you and your position – were befalling you.

But in so far as you are sharing Christ’s sufferings, rejoice, so that when His glory (full of radiance and splendor) is revealed you may also rejoice with triumph – exultantly.”
~ I Peter 4:12, 13

The Bible is full of examples of people who went through difficult trials and came out on the other side stronger and more equipped to face the next challenge life presented. Take the example of Joseph who was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers and was later thrown into prison for fourteen years after being wrongfully accused of seducing his master’s wife. If I were Joseph, I think I’d be asking, “What was the point of that, God?”

"Blessed...is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." ~ James 1:12

There were lessons to be learned in prison, and they were all a part of preparing Joseph for the plan God had designed for his future. But did Joseph just waste away during his time in prison? No, he “bloomed where he was planted” and continued to utilize the gifts God had given him. When Pharaoh had a dream about seven fat cows and seven gaunt cows, God gave Joseph the interpretation of that dream. Joseph revealed that there would be seven good years of plenty followed by seven years of famine, and he warned Pharaoh to build up ample reserves of food.

Pharaoh eventually recognized Joseph’s gift of wisdom, and appointed him to be second in command over all of Egypt. During the seven plenteous years, Joseph traveled to all the cities storing up food and grain.

In Genesis 41:51, it says that Joseph was blessed with two sons. He named his firstborn son, Manasseh. “For,” he said, “God has made me forget all my hardship…” He named his second son Ephraim, “For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”

When the famine arrived, Joseph’s brothers traveled to Egypt in search of grain. They were terrified to learn that the brother they’d sold into slavery was now a great leader and Pharaoh’s right hand man. But Joseph chose to be merciful to his brothers, rather than vengeful.

Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” ~ Genesis 50:19, 20 (NKJV)

Joseph was able to recognize the good that came out of that very bad situation. This tells me that even though we may not understand it at the time, there is a method to the madness and God is with us – even in times of trouble.

“Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort, or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed (with no defects), lacking in nothing.” ~ James 1:2-4 (Amplified)

The story of David and Goliath offers another great example of this principle. When Goliath mocked God’s people, David was the only one who stepped up to the plate. But Saul tried to discourage David by reminding him that he was “only a youth.”
David replied: "Your servant used to keep his father's sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after it and struck it, and delivered the lamb from its mouth; and when it arose against me, I caught it by its beard, and struck and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this …Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God." Moreover David said, "The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." ~ I Samuel 17:34-37

You see, David’s former conflicts were not in vain because they prepared him for the next battle and gave him the courage and faith he needed to face Goliath. Likewise, the difficulties we face on a regular basis are not in vain either, because they help us to develop our faith muscles so we’ll be strong enough to face the next giant that rears its ugly head in our life.

In the New Testament, Paul talks about a “thorn in the flesh” that was given to buffet him so that he would not be “…exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations…” R.T. Kendall, former minister of Westminster Chapel and author of over 40 books, wrote an excellent book on this subject titled, The Thorn in the Flesh. He describes it as “God’s way of getting our attention.”

But Paul prayed three times that this thorn might be taken away from him and every time the Lord replied, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Paul said, “Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Corinthians 12:7-10)

“Fear not, (there is nothing to fear) for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you (to difficulties); yes, I will help you; yes I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand.”
~ Isaiah 41:10 (Amp)

The Teacup
Author Unknown

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the
beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and
especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding
anniversary.

One day while they were shopping they saw a beautiful teacup.
They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so
unique."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke.
"You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a
teacup. There was a time when I was just red clay. Then my
master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and
I yelled out, “Let me alone!” But he only smiled and said,
‘Not yet.’

"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and
suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it!
I'm getting dizzy!” I screamed. But the master only nodded and
said, 'Not yet.'

Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered
why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door.
I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as
he shook his head, 'Not yet.'

Finally the door opened and he put me on the shelf where I began to
cool. 'There, that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted
me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag.
'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, ‘Not yet.'

Then suddenly he put me back into the oven. But this
oven was twice as hot as the first one and I knew I would
suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried.
All the time I could see him through the opening nodding
his head saying, 'Not yet.'

Then I knew there was no hope. I would never make it. I was
ready to give up. Just then the oven door opened and he took me
out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror
and said, 'Look at yourself.’

And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me.
It's beautiful. I'm beautiful.'

'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be
rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you would have dried up.

I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had
stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it hurt and was hot and
painful in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.

I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all
over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened and you
would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put
you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long
because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a
finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began.

“But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, "Why have you made me like this?" Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?” ~ Romans 9:20, 21

Blessings ~

Eileen

From www.teawithgrace.com

The Storms of Life

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
~ Psalm 46:1-3

Last Wednesday, Keen and I both woke up around 4:15 a.m. and decided to go on our “long walk” which is about 3 miles down our country road. There had been storms in the area off and on all week, but that morning it wasn't raining – there was just some lightning off in the distance. When we were about ¼ mile from our house, it started pouring down rain and we were immediately soaked to the skin. The lightning was flashing and the thunder was booming all around us.

“The voice of thy thunder [was] in the heaven: the lightnings lightened the world….” ~ Psalm 77:18

As we picked up our pace and started jogging toward home, we were both startled by a LOUD clap of thunder right above our heads. It was such a helpless feeling and there wasn’t a thing we could do about it because no one was around to give us a ride. I just felt so vulnerable walking down the middle of the road in the midst of a raging storm, so I started saying that Bible verse: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me."

We had no choice except to hang on and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I told Keen that it was a picture of our life ~ going through the storms of life, hand in hand together, one step at a time.

“You called in trouble and I delivered you; I answered you in the secret place of thunder.” ~ Psalm 81:7 (NKJV)

I try to draw lessons from every day experiences, so this past week I’ve just been thinking about the storms of life each of us has to face. As I look around, I see that we all go through storms; some are small and some are large.

In Vicky Jones’ column, “View from the Backseat” which appeared in last week’s edition of The Prairie Post, she wrote about the wild goose chase she went on trying to find the magic key that unlocked the lug nuts on her “limo”. In a strange way, I think it helps when we hear that other people go through the same hassles and frustrations as the rest of us. (Yes, even Baptist ministers’ wives have bad days!)

With that in mind, I thought I’d make you all feel better by sharing a few of my own recent aggravations.

About a month ago, I bought a new computer that was supposed to make my life easier, but instead it’s had me pulling my hair out and questioning my sanity. I didn’t realize that when I “upgraded” to the new Windows XP operating system, several of my old programs would no longer function properly. One of those programs was my anti-virus software, which of course is imperative if you don’t want some computer hacker to steal your private information or send you a virus that wipes out your entire system. So I spent hours on the computer trying to resolve my problem by typing back and forth with a “live technician.” I did everything they suggested, but to no avail, so I decided to break down and pay $39.00 to talk on the phone to a real person. After going round and round, they concluded that I needed to delete all the files from my old program because they were interfering with the new version of their product. This involved a tedious and lengthy process of going into the registry of my computer and manually deleting every file one by one. It seemed like there were hundreds of them. But at that point I was willing to do anything to get out of the maze I found myself in.

After the new virus protection software was finally installed and operating like it was supposed to, I discovered that the firewall feature was not only keeping the hackers and other bad guys out, it was preventing me from doing things I wanted to do – like update my Windows XP. Needless to say, I was frustrated beyond belief by the time it was all over.

Then last week we decided to bite the bullet and sign up for DSL (high speed internet). I spent several hours on the phone finding out what it would cost and getting everything set up so I would be able to network with Keen and Kirk’s computers. We talked about modems, USB adapters and routers – each one coming with a separate price tag. My head was spinning by the time I got off the phone, but the representative assured me that it was very simple to install. In fact, he went so far as to say that his four-year-old daughter could hook it up. Well…. he lied. But God smiled on us when Kirk’s friend and his father offered to help us with the installation. If it weren’t for them, there was no way we could have figured it out by ourselves – even with the simple, step-by-step instructions!

Once the DSL was up and running (it’s wonderful, by the way), I was anxious to call my telephone company to cancel our second phone line since we wouldn’t need it anymore to dial-up to the internet. It sounds like a simple request, but apparently it’s quite complicated because I was transferred or asked to call back four separate times! I spent over an hour on the phone just trying to get them to disconnect our second line. The first person said his computer wasn’t functioning properly and asked me if I would “be so kind” as to call back. Of course, that meant I had to start all over and wait on hold for another operator. When the next representative answered the phone, I barely had a chance to utter the word “disconnect” before she abruptly replied, “I’ll transfer you.”

Transfer me? I had pressed the right prompt – the one that said, “If you’d like to make changes to your services/cancel features or services,” so why was I being transferred? Next, I listened to elevator music for 10-15 minutes along with periodic messages professing their “responsiveness and dedication” to their customers while at the same time apologizing for the wait and informing me that their representatives are still busy with other customers.

At long last, a gentleman answered the phone and asked for my name and number. However, my heart sank when he instantly sounded puzzled by my simple cancellation request. “Did someone transfer you to me?” he asked. “Yeeeees,” I replied through clenched teeth. He courteously explained that he was the DSL representative and didn’t have the authority or capability to process my order. He then informed me that I would need to call the main number back since cancellation requests were handled by the sales department. So it was back to square one for me. Unfortunately, when I followed his instructions and called the main number, I found out that the sales department was not one of the options offered on the telephone prompt. Talk about getting the run around!

At this point, Keen came up with the idea that that I might get better service if I called back and hit the prompt for new orders. It sounded like a good suggestion at first, but then I realized that I would wait on hold again only to be told that I had contacted the wrong department.

The fourth and final operator was a kindly woman from the Las Vegas office who seemed genuinely apologetic for the difficulty and inconvenience I had encountered. I was skeptical, but optimistic. Then I heard those dreaded words, “Hmmm…there seems to be a problem. I don’t understand. My computer isn’t pulling up your account.” I cringed. “Are you sure we are your telephone provider?” she politely asked. I explained that we had been customers for over 25 years and I was pretty sure I knew the name of our telephone company. Then I continued to hold as she tried unsuccessfully to pull up our account. She even tried our main telephone number and couldn’t pull that one up, either. By this time I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone!

After about ten minutes of this, she informed me that her computer had just “frozen up” and she was going to place me on hold while she called her supervisor to find out how to handle the situation. Swell. After another lengthy delay, she came back on the line and said that her immediate supervisor wasn’t able to pull up our account, either. (There was some good news, however. She just saved some money on her insurance with Geiko.) She said her supervisor’s supervisor had taken down my information and would try to process the order by the following Monday (this was Friday), so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

But all of this is so minor compared to the larger storms of life others face every day. Like the literal storms that devastated Florida when the hurricane blew through and all those people lost their homes. Or the woman who lost her son in a tragic accident and said, “I wasn’t done being his mother.” Or Robert Rogers who lost his wife, Melissa and their four young children in the floods that swept through our area a year ago. “Anyone who goes through trial and suffering grieves,” he said. “I still cry all the time.” Or the family of Ericka Agee, the sixteen year old girl who was killed in a car accident last weekend while attempting to make a left turn onto Hwy. 4. Or the countless other unspeakable tragedies that occur everyday

We’ve all heard the phrase: “I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.” I’d like to share a poem with a similar theme that I wrote about ten years ago.

UNTIL
By Eileen Umbehr

I complained the music was too loud
Until I met someone who could not hear

I complained the lights were too bright
Until I met someone who could not see

I complained the price was too high
Until I met someone who could not pay

I complained the work was too hard
Until I met someone who could not move

I complained I was so tired
Until I met someone who could not awake

I’d like to close with this poem my daughter-in-law, Lisa shared with me from the Sunday bulletin at her church.

Your Cross

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain
There will always be sunshine after the rain
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall.
But God is always ready to answer your call.
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
A word from His lips can calm every fear.
Your sorrows may linger throughout the night.
But suddenly vanish at dawn's early light.
The Savior is waiting somewhere up above.
To give you His grace and send you His love.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain.
God always sends rainbows after the rain.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer,
I have overcome the world."
~ John 16:33

Blessings ~ Eileen

A Life Well-Lived

“Honor thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
~ Deuteronomy 5:16

I’m seein’ my father in me
I guess that’s how it’s meant to be
And I find I’m more and more like him each day
I notice I walk the way he walks
I notice I talk the way he talks
I’m startin’ to see,
My father in me
And I’m happy to see
My father in me

Lyrics to “Seein’ My Father in Me” ~ performed by Paul Overstreet



Our Dad
Written in 1973 for my dad’s 59th birthday

Our dad is something special,
He’s not like all the rest
He’s funny, charming, good-looking, too
He’s got to be the best.

Our dad takes good care of us,
With him we have fun,
And if we were to rate him,
He would be # 1

Our dad is really great
He’s our most favorite pop
You could look all over the world
And find our dad comes out on top!

Our dad means a lot to us
We love him so, you see
And that is why he holds the name,
Pleasant Padre or P.P.


Our dad is special in so many ways
I couldn’t begin to count them
You can talk with Dad and joke with Dad
He really is somethin’

So you see, there are dad’s in Singapore,
And dad’s in Timbuktu,
But there isn’t a dad anywhere,
Half as great as you!

This is an excerpt taken from the diary I kept when I was a teenager:

April 1, 1974

Dad is so funny. Every morning he leaves off to
work singing some made up song. Like this morning he
sang, “I don't think I'll ever see...a guy as cute as me!”
Then he joined in laughing and said: "You know, that bugs
your mother...she doesn't like me telling her how lucky
she is." Then he went on to sing: "Lucky, lucky thee, you
have gone and married me!"


As I mentioned in my last column, the highlight of the annual Van Kirk reunion was the celebration of our father’s 80th birthday. What an amazing milestone! After putting our heads together, we tried to “honor our father” in a way that did justice to a well-loved man and his well-lived life.
Our brother Bill came up with the idea to have everyone send him a list of “Dad-isms” – quotes that they remember our father saying when we were growing up – and have them printed on the back of a T-shirt. Bill ended up with more Dad-isms than he could fit on the shirts, so he had to narrow them down to about forty.
Here’s a list of my personal favorites:
How are you, Dad? Better now.
That’s a good idea, Dad. It’s the only kind I have.
Are you ready? I stay ready.
I’ll review it with a forward moving posture.
You’re a gentleman and a scholar – and there’s damn few of us left.
Some of the world’s greatest people are left-handed.
You'll never know unless you ask.
Now don't go getting your Irish up!
Are you trying to give me a heart attack? You drive like a drunken sailor!
“Que, sera sera" – followed by a rendition of the song.
What was your contribution to society today?
If you have a tongue in your head, you’ll never be lost
You learn more from your mistakes than your successes.
Moderation in everything
Less said – easier mended
If the Good Lord’s willing and the creeks don't rise
I'm going to pull the car over and spank every one of you to make sure I get the right one.
I'll give you something to cry about!
You can’t kid a kidder
I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I wouldn’t do it for all the tea in China!
Where’s my ukulele?
The world is your oyster!

When Bill was reading them at the reunion, someone hollered out from the crowd: “And you thought we never listened to you, Dad!”
On the night of his birthday party, Dad was pleasantly surprised to see a whole group of our dear family friends from Hudson. It really made the celebration special to be able to share it with all of them.
The festivities were emceed by Bob, who presented Dad with a scrapbook filled with cards, letters and poems sent in from friends who were unable to attend the birthday party. The scrapbook was put together so creatively by our nieces, Emily and Jenny (Joe & Cindy’s daughters).
After that, the grandkids all participated in performing an entertaining production by The Van Kirk Cousins – co-produced by Joanne’s two talented children, J.P. and Amy. (They write and direct a cousins’ skit every year.)
Next, Peggy read a heartwarming poem she wrote for Dad titled “Memories of a Daughter.” How she was able to keep her composure while reading it, I’ll never know.


MEMORIES OF A DAUGHTER
By Peggy Van Kirk

I know a father who…
•Let us dance on his feet around the living room
•Taught us to behave in church and restaurants and to always say, "Please and Thank You”
•Put on funny hats, strummed a ukulele, sang and made us laugh
•Drove our toboggan on icy winter days and yelled "Bombs Away!" from the top of the hill
•Skated gracefully across a frozen lake to join his children in their new found past time

I know a father who…
•Agreed we could enter a contest to win a puppy and watched with pride when we appeared on TV to claim our prize
•Took us on car rides down dark, windy roads so we could have fun being scared
•Bought wagons, swings, a Whirl-Around and bikes to enjoy and then had to move our toys to get into his garage each evening
•Gave us the first air conditioned house in the neighborhood and a new station wagon for cross country trips to Pennsylvania
•Carried his young, sleeping children from the car to their beds
I know a father who…..
•Saw that music filled our house and his songs filled the air
•Spent an arduous week on the road and the week-end at play with his children
•Finished the basement in our new house all by himself so his children would have more room to play
•Taught his children to speak French at the dinner table, and…
•Always asked about their day

I know a father who….
•Ensured that each of his 9 children were given all the opportunities in life that he could provide and who…..
•Replied when they came asking – “Did I ever say no to you?”
•Gave his teenagers the freedom to make their own decisions and taught them to accept responsibility for their actions.
•Made sure we treated our “elders" with respect
•Believed in the importance of telephone manners

I know a father who….
•Valued, his work, play, family, and religion
•Took regular vacations to renew his spirit and relationship
•Remained intensely loyal to his employer, co-workers, and customers
•Made time for daily physical activity to protect his health
•Modeled the importance of honesty and integrity in his actions

I know a father who…
•Cried when he should and laughed when he could
•Offered advice and suggestions when we started something new and congratulations when we accomplished our goals
•As we grew, he remembered us by singing the happy birthday song each year on our voice mail and ….
•Years ago started the tradition of reunions so we could join together each year to strengthen the bonds of family and who today….
•Finds candy in the ears of his grandchildren and sings to them about the Elephant's Fair

I know a father who….
•Cuddles sleeping grandbabies in the church pew
•Climbs on swings and takes a spin
•Has a zest, vitality and joy de vivre that has earned our admiration
• Is loved and honored by those here today

Happy 80th Birthday, Dad, Joe and Grandpa!

Ish Ka Bibble!

Finally, we all watched a video tribute to Dad’s life that I put together with the help of my sister, Patricia, who contributed countless pictures to the project and shared in half the expense, and my brothers and sisters who took the time to go through their photo albums and send me pictures of their family members with Dad. Gordon Schmid, owner of Story2Tell in Council Grove, worked a miracle by putting all the pictures and music together on a single DVD.
By the time the evening came to a close, it was all my dad could do to utter a few short sentences. As he choked back his tears, he turned to our friends from Hudson and said, “It’s like this all the time….really….all the time.” Then he went on to say that the credit belongs to our mother. “And those of you who knew Peggy understand what I mean.”
In short, when it was all said and done; he laughed, he cried; he sang, he danced – and it just doesn’t get any better than that.
I’d like to close by sharing a few lines from a letter Dad recently sent to all of his children.
“[I am] struggling to find words to express my feelings of gratitude and appreciation for one of the more memorable weeks of my entire life; the Family Reunion and the tribute you paid to me on my 80th Birthday!
“Let me say, I felt your affection and I felt your love! Who could ask for more at any age and at my age please know that if I’m lucky enough to make it through those Pearly Gates, I shall then, as now, be Eternally Grateful!”

“…the glory of children is their father….”
~ Proverbs 17:6 (NKJV)

God bless ~

Eileen
The Van Kirk Family
Peggy, Patricia, Connie, Joanne,
Joseph, Mary, Eileen, Bill, Bob
and Dad

Remember When

"But call to remembrance the former days…"
~ Hebrews 10:32

Remember when ~
Thirty seemed so old
Now looking back,
It's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
here we've been
Said we'd do it all again ~
Remember when

Lyrics to "Remember When" ~ performed by Alan Jackson

This year's annual Van Kirk reunion took place near Brainerd, Minnesota at a wonderful family-owned resort called Ruttger's Bay Lake Lodge (www.ruttgers.com). All nine of us were there, traveling from as far away as Nevada, Seattle and Virginia. It was an extra special reunion on several fronts, but primarily because we were celebrating our father's 80th birthday which falls on August 24th. (More about that in next week's column.)

In the middle of the week, Keen and I decided to take a road trip to our hometown of Hudson, Wisconsin. My father's job with 3M required us to move quite often, so very few of us were even born in the same state. I was born in Cincinnati, Ohio, for instance, and we later moved to Edina, Minnesota. The next stop was Hudson, where we lived for the longest stretch of time - eight years before being transferred overseas to Singapore.

I have so many fond memories of the years spent growing up in the quaint little town nestled near the St. Croix River on the Minnesota border. My parents built a seven bedroom house at the bottom of a winding road called Proehl's Trail. It was named after the Proehl sisters - Ida, Sophie and Mag, and if my memory serves me correctly, only one of the sisters ever married. I became close friends with Mag and enjoyed many visits in her home. In fact, I still have the antique paper weight she gave me when I was a young girl.

Proehl's Trail, or Proehl's Point, as it is sometimes called, was a dead end road that circled around Lake Mallalieu. Our house was built right on the waterfront, which provided year around entertainment for the whole Van Kirk family - and all of our friends! In the summer we swam, fished, canoed and water skied. In the winter we skated, ice fished and went sledding on the hill in the woods behind our house.

From the moment Keen and I crossed the city limit sign into Hudson, my childhood memories started flooding back - beginning with the Dairy Queen on the edge of town. That was where my sister Peggy used to take me every year for my birthday. She told me I could get anything I wanted, but I always ordered a butterscotch sundae. It was such a treat! I'm sure Keen was a bit puzzled when I asked him to pull over and take a picture of me in front of the Dairy Queen. It was the first of many pictures I would ask him to take during my walk down Memory Lane.

Hudson has grown considerably since we lived there when the population was only about 5,000. I'm not sure what it is now, but as we drove down Main Street, I barely recognized it. The only storefront that jogged my memory was Sandeen Insurance, which has been owned and operated for over 50 years by the Sandeen family, our close friends and former neighbors. I also recalled the corner pharmacy, although I think the name has changed.

We managed to find our way to St. Patrick's Catholic School, where I attended school from 2nd grade through the 8th grade. What a blast from the past! There was Sr. Cornelius' music room - she was the only nun who wore a white habit. I remember how she called my mom to report that I was "crisscrossing" the suspenders on my plaid uniform in order to make my pleated skirt a little shorter. She used to get the ruler out and measure the distance between the bottom of my skirt and my knee.

Our next stop was the old home place on Proehl's Trail. The current owners, Herb and Karen Till, are long time family friends, and were nice enough to offer tours to any member of the Van Kirk family. So we decided to take them up on their generous offer. Tears filled my eyes as I walked from room to room through our former home. In my mind's eye I could just picture all of us running down that wooden staircase on Christmas morning into the living room filled with gifts.


The kitchen brought back memories of all those dinners spent talking and laughing around the table. My Dad used to constantly remind us to keep our elbows off the table. He'd say things like, "Your napkin fell on the floor" to get us to put our napkin on our laps. After dinner I remember how all nine of us would yell, "I scream! You scream! We all scream for ice cream!"

The corner of the kitchen, on the other hand, brought back some not-so-pleasant memories of time spent on my knees on those hard ceramic tiles as punishment for fooling around in church!

Even the intercom system brought back memories. It was piped into each of our bedrooms and every button was labeled accordingly. There was one master button that went to every room in the house so when it was time for dinner, Mom just pushed that button and made one mass announcement.

It was especially sentimental to see my old bedroom and look out the window at the same view of the lake I used to see when I would do my homework at my desk. But the most nostalgic moment of all came when Karen showed us a forgotten memory inside a built-in planter by the staircase leading to the basement. There, etched in the cement, were the names of all nine kids - Peggy, Patty, Connie, Joanne, Joe, Mary, Eileen, Bill and Bob, as well as Mom, Dad and Nanny - our maternal Grandmother.

Coincidentally, the house is currently up for sale. My brother, Bill and his wife, Connie and their four kids toured the house after the reunion and are actually considering buying it. Connie's entire family lives in Minnesota, so they would really like to live closer to them - and the rest of us would love nothing more than to be able to visit our old home in Hudson once and awhile. My idea was for us to buy it as a permanent location for the annual Van Kirk reunion! In any event, we are all storming Heaven in hopes that we can reclaim our family homestead one way or another.

H - is for the haven that you were for our family
U - is for the unbelievable warmth we felt from you
D - is for the delight you brought to our souls
S - is for the sunshine you brought to our lives
O - is for the one and only town for us
N - is for the never-ending memories we cherish in our hearts

On our way home, Keen and I stopped at a hospital in St. Paul to visit some dear family friends, George and Pidge Lindner. (They were married in Salina, Kansas, right before he went off to war.) Mr. and Mrs. Lindner were frequent dinner guests in our home and they were always our favorites because Mrs. Lindner used to bring us bags and bags of candy. Whenever we heard Mom and Dad were having a party, our first question would be, "Are the Lindners coming?" In a family of nine, sweets like that were a real rarity, so we would all be waiting on the edge of our seats for the Lindners to walk through the front door bearing treats for all. Mrs. Lindner always looked so beautiful. She was an impeccable dresser and her hair was perfectly coiffured. We thought she was an angel sent from Heaven. After we gave her a hug and thanked her over and over, we would scurry up the stairs to one of our rooms to divide up the spoils evenly.

Sadly, unbeknownst to us, this time we would be saying good bye to our dear friend. We knew Mr. Lindner was ill, but we didn't realize how ill until we arrived at the hospital. Mrs. Lindner led me back to his room in the intensive care unit. I grasped his hand as she kissed him on the forehead and said, "George, Joe Van Kirk's daughter is here to see you." Mr. Lindner struggled to open his eyes and look at me. Then he clenched my hand firmly and shook it up and down repeatedly, as if to say, "I see you, I know you and I thank you for coming." I said, "We all love you, Mr. Lindner."

Before we left, Keen asked if we could all hold hands in prayer. So Mrs. Lindner, her daughter-in-law and Keen and I all stood in the hallway of the hospital while Keen prayed that God would give Mrs. Lindner strength and Mr. Lindner peace in death until he was welcomed home into the arms of Jesus.

Mr. Lindner did pass away peacefully the very next night, just one week before their 60th wedding anniversary. We were all saddened by the news, especially my father, who wept over the loss of his lifelong friend. It was a week of joy and sadness; celebration and sorrow. It was a week to remember.

"Finally, all of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds."
~ I Peter 3:8 (NLT)

Blessings ~
Eileen

Be Still

"Be still, and know that I am God….."
Psalms 46:10

Sunset in Alma - Taken in our front yard by our daughter-in-law, Lisa

This past week I've been suffering from a severe case of "post-vacation blues" - so much so that I decided to write to Joann and tell her that I wouldn't be sending a Reflections column this week. But before I sent the note, I said a quick prayer asking God if He would give me something to share. After browsing through my computer files, I came across the following story that really touched my heart.
I pray that it will touch your heart, too.

Be Still with God
(Author Unknown)

All day long I had been very busy; picking up trash, cleaning bathrooms and scrubbing floors. My grown children were coming home for the weekend. I went grocery shopping and prepared for a barbecue supper, complete with ribs and chicken. I wanted everything to be perfect. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I was dog-tired. I simply couldn't work as long as I could when I was younger. "I've got to rest for a minute," I told my husband, Roy, as I collapsed into my favorite rocking chair. Music was playing, my dog and cat were chasing each other and the telephone rang.

A scripture from Psalm 46 popped into my mind. "Be still, and know that I am God." I realized that I hadn't spent much time in prayer that day. Was I too busy to even utter a simple word of thanks to God? Suddenly, the thought of my beautiful patio came to mind. I can be quiet out there, I thought. I longed for a few minutes alone with God. Roy and I had invested a great deal of time and work in the patio that spring. The flowers and hanging baskets were breathtaking. It was definitely a heavenly place of rest and tranquility. If I can't be still with God in that environment, I can't be still with Him anywhere, I thought. While Roy was talking on the telephone, I slipped out the backdoor and sat down on my favorite patio chair. I closed my eyes and began to pray, counting my many blessings. A bird flew by me, chirping and singing. It interrupted my thoughts. It landed on the bird feeder and began eating dinner as I watched. After a few minutes it flew away, singing another song. I closed my eyes again. A gust of wind blew, which caused my wind chimes to dance. They made a joyful sound, but again I lost my concentration on God. I squirmed and wiggled in my chair. I looked up toward the blue sky and saw the clouds moving slowly toward the horizon. The wind died down. My wind chimes finally became quiet.

Again, I bowed in prayer. "Honk, honk," I heard. I almost jumped out of my skin. A neighbor was driving down the street. He waved at me and smiled. I waved back, happy that he cared. I quickly tried once again to settle down, repeating the familiar verse in my mind. Be still and know that I am God. "I'm trying God. I really am," I whispered. "But You've got to help me here." The backdoor opened. My husband walked outside. "I love you," he said. "I was wondering where you were." I chuckled, as he came over and kissed me, then turned around and went back inside.

"Where's the quiet time?" I asked God. My heart fluttered. There was no pain, only a beat that interrupted me yet again. This is impossible, I thought. There's no time to be still and to know that God is with me. There's too much going on in the world and entirely too much activity all around me.

Then it suddenly dawned on me. God was speaking to me the entire time I was attempting to be still. I remembered the music playing as I'd begun my quiet time. He sent a gentle breeze and a sparrow to lighten my life with song. He sent a neighbor to let me know that I had a friend. He sent my sweetheart to offer sincere sentiments of love. He caused my heart to flutter to remind me of life.

While I was trying to count my blessings, God was busy multiplying them. I laughed to realize that the "interruptions" of my quiet time with God were special blessings He'd sent to show me He was with me the entire time.

"Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord; His going forth is sure as the dawn; He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth."
~ Hosea 6:3 (RSV)

Blessings and peace ~

Eileen

Something More

“The Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden….And out of the ground the Lord God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food…..”

~ Genesis 2:8,9 (NKJV)

Since I’ll just be getting back from vacation when this article comes out, I’m going to send this off in advance and keep it short.

In my last column I wrote about who I am…. and who I’m not. Well, to continue with that theme, I would like to add that I am also not a gardener, a seamstress, a canner or an animal lover. Don’t get me wrong, I like animals – I just don’t want to own them. And I have great admiration for people like my mother-in-law who is a master seamstress and quilter, as well as a great gardener and canner. In fact, every time they come to see us we look forward to the box of canned tomatoes they bring along. It’s just not me, which used to leave me with a feeling of inadequacy…. but I’m over that now.

You’ve already read about my fiasco with using the wrong kind of weed spray on our entire back yard. I try to be helpful, but it always seems to backfire on me. I think the moral of the story is to find your strengths and know your weaknesses. Don’t frustrate yourself by trying to be like Aunt Janine or your neighbor, Suzy or your mother, father, brother or sister. Just be you. Like Rebecca Miller said – she is grateful for the talents God gave her and she doesn’t begrudge the fact that He didn’t choose to give her others. Isn’t it sad that many of us spend our time wishing we could be more like someone else, while they may be wishing they could be more like us? Part of being content includes being satisfied with oneself.

It reminds me of the lyrics of that song Sara Evans sings titled, “I Keep Looking.”

Well, the straight haired girls
They all want curls
And the brunettes wanna be blonde
It's your typical thing
You got ying - you want yang
It just goes on and on
They say, hey, it's only human
To never be satisfied
Well I guess that I'm as human as the next one

Oh, I keep looking
I keep looking for
I keep looking for something more
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door
Yeah, I keep looking
Looking for something more

Every spring Keen and I have great enthusiasm and high hopes for a beautiful garden. Keen diligently tills the garden and prepares the ground so we can plant our usual collection of vegetables. We start out with the best of intentions, but inevitably our garden ends up with lots of weeds, rotten tomatoes and zucchini squash the size of footballs.

Oddly enough, the two cherry tomato plants we placed as an afterthought by our backdoor always seem to do well. So recently I suggested to Keen that next year we might want to face the fact that we’re not gardeners and just go with the two tomato plants by the back door. Well, he’s not quite ready to throw in the towel and concede defeat yet, despite our dismal track record.

My new writer friend, LeNore Stumpf, wrote a great poem on this subject in her book of poetry titled “Wise and Otherwise.” With her permission, I’d like to share it with all of you.

Winner Take All
By LeNore Stumpf

Spring has come at last, I guess,
my garden is a muddy mess
and I'm quite willing to confess
I honestly could not care less.

Why fight the likes of grass and weeds
that choke out baby carrot seeds
and do some other heinous deeds,
concerned with only their own needs?

I've hoed and weeded, day and night.
I've battled bugs with all my might.
This spring I think the time is right
for me to just give up the fight.

This year I will not yearn for rain
or put myself through further pain;
enthusiasm I'll not feign,
the whole idea is insane.

No more gardens I'll be messing,
no grass or weeds I'll be suppressing,
I won't find bugs or worms distressing --
I give it to them with my blessing.

~ Eileen